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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you resent the shielded?

241 replies

BlackBucketOfCheese · 31/05/2020 18:03

I have seen a lot of people saying on MN and across social media that they now resent giving up months of their lives “to protect the shielded” as they have put it.
And that those shielded should show gratitude.

OP posts:
Tatty101 · 31/05/2020 19:33

So if you're all staying in just to protect us shielded people, how come there have been nearly 40,000 deaths despite shielded people being inside since March?

If it was about protecting the vulnerable, all those NHS treatments wouldn't have been cancelled (chemo etc for those in the vulnerable group) and they wouldn't have bothered with the Nightingale hospitals - if it was only the 1.5m of us at risk then locking us at home would have stopped it all right?

Except we're 11 weeks in and that's not been the case ...

atilathehut · 31/05/2020 19:34

Really @blackbucketofcheese ? Out of over 10 million 0-14 year olds 2 have died. Less than than are killed in the road every year. So explain to me the reason why they haven't been allowed to have an education or see their friends for weeks? You are shielded for your protection and acting like people who would have had minimal impact from the virus who have lost jobs, social lives, education etc haven't given up anything because they've been allowed out for one hour a day is bloody ridiculous. That's the attitude that will get resentment

mrsbyers · 31/05/2020 19:35

What really bothers me is the underlying assumption that people who are shielding need financial support etc , we’re not all on deaths door - many are children , many are working full time and even harder than previously. There was no one with a gun at their head being forced to go out and sacrifice themselves either

DragonTrainedByLucy · 31/05/2020 19:37

@atilathehut More than two 0-14 year olds have died...

atilathehut · 31/05/2020 19:41

There was a chart posted yesterday that said it was two 0.0002 percent of the population - even if it's more it's very, very few in comparison to the population so extremely low risk

TypingError · 31/05/2020 19:46

*People who think that are SO hard of thinking that their opinion isn't at all important.

I'm sorry shielded people are having to read that shit*

Totally agree. The measures are in place to stop the spread. Stop it spiralling out of control. There shielders will shield themselves thank you. Your job is not to spread it.

formerbabe · 31/05/2020 19:47

@atilathehut More than two 0-14 year olds have died

I heard it was about 10...not sure exactly.

Absolutely tragic for the families of course.

Have a look at how many children are victims of knife crime though. Or car accidents.

We don't stop them attending school because of those things do we?

In fact, most drivers are up in arms at the mere thought they should drive more safely to protect children. Yet here we are expecting children to give up everything with no complaint to protect the vulnerable.

atilathehut · 31/05/2020 19:51

Maybe 10 then - but of course kids haven't had to give up anything because they are allowed out for an hour a day

FourTeaFallOut · 31/05/2020 19:52

*In fact, most drivers are up in arms at the mere thought they should drive more safely to protect children. Yet here we are expecting children to give up everything with no complaint to protect the vulnerable their teachers, their family members, their friend's family members, the vulnerable doctors, nurses, care workers, supermarket workers, delivery drivers...tonnes of people but not the shielded who were home with the window cracked open a little..

Tonz · 31/05/2020 19:53

I didn't follow the rules to protect the shielded I do so to protect myself, my children my family and my colleagues. The shielded are worse off than I am, they don't owe anybody anything.
We do things to protect children from car accidents. You have to pass a test before you can drive. We have speed limits, people get banned from driving. Car accidents aren't contagious neither is knife crime

atilathehut · 31/05/2020 19:55

Not complaining about the situation - it was the right thing to do. I'm complains about the attitude that because kids are allowed out for an hour a day when they are not at risk at all that people who are shielding have given up more. It's frankly not true.

formerbabe · 31/05/2020 19:57

We do things to protect children from car accidents. You have to pass a test before you can drive. We have speed limits, people get banned from driving

With plenty of complaint though.

Car accidents aren't contagious neither is knife crime

You can still do absolutely nothing wrong and be killed by both.

Look at the statistics.

I mean, come on...all we're focusing on is number of lives we could save right?

Rubbleonthedouble1 · 31/05/2020 19:57

It makes me so sad to read that OP.

I’m in the shielding category and to protect me, we as a family including small children haven’t left the house since the 16th March.

I have suffered but more importantly my children have suffered and missed out again because “mummy is poorly” :(

pigsDOfly · 31/05/2020 19:59

This actually doesn't make any sense.

How is everyone staying at home and being in lockdown protecting 'the shielded'?

The people shielding haven't been leaving their houses, that's how they are being protected. What everyone else is doing makes no difference to people shielding, they (people shielding) are in their homes protecting themselves.

The lockdown was implemented to stop the NHS being overwhelmed by too many cases of Covid19 because the government didn't know, when this started, how many people would need to be treated in hospital or how severely the virus would affect the general population, which is why the Nightingale hospitals were put in place.

As it turned out a lot of people didn't need to be hospitalised.

Clearly there are some hard of thinking people out there looking to blame someone for their misfortune at the hands of this disease and have decided to lay the blame at the door of people shielding.

I despair of society sometimes.

Fortunately, I don't know anyone who thinks like this.

'Stay home, Protect the NHS, Save lives'. No mention of 'the shielding'.

atilathehut · 31/05/2020 20:02

Rubble - genuinely I do not know of any kids that have left their houses until last week so I don't think your kids have missed out on anything and regardless pretty sure they'd rather have Mummy around than a play date. Don't feel bad x

NameChange84 · 31/05/2020 20:02

Why does children’s need to be educated or play with their friends trump;

The health and lives of teachers, doctors, nurses and/or their family members?

The children of those staff members’ need to grow up with their parents alive or healthy?

Over 60 teachers have died already during lockdown (they’ve still been teacher key worker children in person). Almost 200 NHS and Frontline staff have also lost their lives during this period.

It would have be worse if there wasn’t a lockdown. Why can’t people grasp that?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/05/2020 20:04

We do things to protect children from car accidents. You have to pass a test before you can drive. We have speed limits, people get banned from driving agreed, and we could do things now to limit the covid spread that perhaps isn’t as severe as a lock down.

Tatty101 · 31/05/2020 20:04

A tad flouncy perhaps but I'm going to hide this thread now.

We've all suffered horrendously in the last 3 months and in most cases we've suffered in different ways e.g. those who are trying to homeschool and work vs those who have been made redundant vs those that have caught the virus and been ill vs those that have been shielding vs those who have suffered with their mental health due to the lockdown and many other scenarios.

Maybe if instead of blaming each other or asking people to feel grateful or acting as if people daring to have cancer is directly to blame for your child's disruption during this time, we should all recognise that this is a hard time for everyone and we should all be doing what we can to defeat this virus (even where this isn't the same for everyone e.g. shielding people staying at home, healthy people volunteering where they can etc).

OP - it was an interesting question but to me, certain respondents have proved your point in spades. Good luck with the rest of your sheilding.

CayrolBaaaskin · 31/05/2020 20:04

Emm no, I haven’t seen that anywhere. Although yesterday an op claiming to be shielded started a thread about how the non-shielded should have some gratitude for the sacrifices she made for them by staying in. Which was weird.

Tonz · 31/05/2020 20:06

Car accidents and knife crime don't pass from person to person. Covid does you can't compare a virus to accidents or murder. You can't put a virus in prison to stop it infecting people

slartibarti · 31/05/2020 20:06

A few weeks ago there was a Woman's Hour episode on how younger people were coping with lockdown. One woman interviewed said she hoped older people appreciated the kindness of the younger generation in giving up so much to keep them safe.
The presenter just accepted this without comment Shock

Original poster
BlackBucketOfCheese · 31/05/2020 20:09

I think there is something interesting here that seems to come up often in the last few months.

Education Vs Life

OP posts:
atilathehut · 31/05/2020 20:12

Life is more important of course. But education shapes the rest of your life so it is a big sacrifice. So is losing your job. This is my point - no one has sacrificed more than anyone else - we have all had to change our lives because of this for different reasons - but acting like allowing a child out for an hour a day means they've had it better is really, really off the mark

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/05/2020 20:16

Well look at countries with no education system and let me know the quality of their life.
It’s about education, it’s about social interaction, it’s about mental well being.
It just seems that the media and government churned out this idea that the worst thing in the entire world to experience is covid, everything else is second.

Idroppedthescrewinthetuna · 31/05/2020 20:18

My DP, a SAHD to our 3 children, who normally does all the shopping, school runs, outside activities throughout the holidays has had such a difficult time giving up the shopping, (he has OCD so giving the shopping over was huge), keeping kids indoors not even able to go out for a short walk. To protect the NHS but also to protect his own life. We decided to shield as a family as him isolating away from us in our home would have been traumatic for the kids! I WFH whilst he has done home schooling and trying to keep kids sane. There is nothing to resent. It is not glamorous getting a shielding letter. There is nothing fun about being advised to just 'open a window' and there certainly isn't anything fun about knowing that this virus is more likely to kill you than others.
We appreciate the love from our families shopping, getting prescriptions and support we have had. People who we thought didnt care about us much have shown how much they care and we know we owe them our gratitude! Would we say we should be resented! Nooo! You got to go out for a walk!
We feel lucky though, we have each other to keep each other going! Yet we have found some days so hard! There are some people who have shielded on their own! I could never resent that! That must be bloody awful!

Now, we have the decision to make, is it actually safe to go on that walk or has the government just said that to stop people going on about DC?