AIBU to give my kids to my folks for 4 nights?

[Poorpigletsrevenge]

I need help decided what to do and I’m confused by the conflicting restrictions/guidance.

My Father has a lung condition and I made them isolate a week earlier than official guidance. If he gets Covid, he will die.

My Mother is missing her grandkids so much that she says this kind of life is not worth living.

At the moment DH and I are working entirely from home and I’m not sending the kids back to school too September.

If we totally isolate for the next 14 days can I then take the kids over To my parents for cuddles and let them stay for 4 nights?

I will have to return to the office eventually, so it’s kind of now or never, as we’d not be able to totally isolate again for 2 weeks In the future.

I’m nervous and confused about whether this is a risk/ok.

Vote:

YABU - Don’t let them have the Kids.
YANBU - Let the kids go.

Why are you only going out once a week at the moment?

Is your mum not able to use IT to keep more socially contacted with people? I think she’s being selfish tbh, happy to risk your Dads life so she feels better? For how long? What next? And Is your Dad trying to assuage his ‘guilt’ by agreeing with her? Your ‘he’s only got 2-3 years left’ is quite chilling tbh.

And finally don’t anyone listen to @. A test if you’re non-symptomatic is less likely to work even if you are infected. And kids are more likely to be in that status anyway

And finally don’t anyone listen to @Tailoff

Surely if we Isolate for the full 2 weeks with food deliveries and no outside time, then it is safe?

If it didn't work and you got Covid and passed it on to your Dad how would you feel?
I get that it is difficult for your mother but to be honest she needs to get a grip, it's difficult for everybody but she will be able to see her grandchildren in the future.

If something bad happened as a result of this stay, the kids are old enough to wonder if it's their fault. Is there a way you can drive them to somewhere less busy? Once a week is very little time to be outside.

cant your dm see her friends now, from a distance?

I imagine that if you could work out the risk factor of your dad contracting Covid from you after you'd isolated for 2 weeks and then visited them, it would be an infinitesimally small number.

So you and your parents need to decide if the joy of spending time with the grandchildren is worth that tiny tiny risk.

Different people will have different respones to that, none of them right or wrong.

Some will be: I'm not living a miserable life to avoid such unlikely outcome however terrible the outcome could be.

Some people will be: The outcome is so potentially awful I will not take any risk and will put up with misery to avoid even the tiny risk.

I think most of this decision should be your parents. How do they want to live, what risk are they prepared to take?

It's only them that are at risk here. It's a tiny risk within the scenario you've suggested, and they are presumably capable adults.

I agree with PP who said why does it have to be overnight?

This:

"Tailoff Sun 31-May-20 13:25:15
All get tested, isolate for 2 weeks then take the kids."

You cannot give it to them if you haven't got it.

I was going to say yes go for it as I thought you must live miles away, but then you say you only live 20 minutes away, so to stay for 4 days is a bit silly and not needed..

Shielded people are allowed out from tomorrow.

Why can't you go as you have been doing and have a picnic in the garden or in the local park with them a few times a week on the understanding that you will not cuddle, they can go in the garden/park with you..

Your Mum and Dad must be understanding of the situation and the position they are putting you in, it is not worth the risk.

We are not seeing GP because of this and my 7yr old would not be able to resist cuddles.

I don't think that it's too much to ask of your children. And quality of life is particularly important for your dad, who may not have much longer.
Loads of people are taking risks. Obese people and BME people are at high risk and are going back to work. I would agree a strategy and let your dad decide.

In your position I’d go and visit after my 2 weeks isolating.

My DH has a blood cancer and a respiratory disease. We have a 10yr old too.

At some point we have to start living a bit more normally without taking too many risks and allow our DS to meet up with his friends. If we sit waiting for a vaccine, that could be at least another year and that’s really not fair on DS.

Have you thought about how you would all deal with being reported?

I have a similar family set up, but whilst my mum is active and healthy, I know she would not cope with the constant demands of 2 (let alone 4) couped up kids plus a vulnerable husband for 4 days.

I did this with my DM and DGP. I didn't leave my house for weeks, used alcohol to sanitize all shopping deliveries, quarantined post/parcels for 3 days and didn't even go for a walk (which was TOUGH with a toddler). I waited until I knew I was clear and then visited for a few days.

I have to go back to work soon and my son to nursery. I have no idea when I will see my family again because I won't be putting them at risk now there is a chance I could get potentially get the virus from somewhere. It was definitely worth it IMO.

If you or anyone has been isolating for 2 weeks the chances of you having the virus is near nil.

Your parents have also been isolating so they don't have it.

Two families that don't have it can't possibly pass it on.

What you are proposing is combining two virus free families for a period of time. No risk assessment in the world would put any one at risk.

You will never get 'permission' on here but your risk assessment counts for more. You know how good or otherwise you have been. No one else.

In my circumstances I would do it. But none of us are ill, and we’ve been isolated almost completely since the beginning.

In yours I’m not sure I would. Your mum in all honesty needs to calm the fuck down. ‘Life isn’t worth living’ if she can’t have a cuddle? Well it’s not her life on the line, is it? Also, a full four days is a bit different to spending a few hours together.

@Poorpigletsrevenge - hi OP - YANBU

From your post and updates, it seems that you have done your risk assessment.
I would say if you self-isolated for 2 weeks and you still tested negative, the chance of your parents getting it from you or the kids is minimal.

On the other hand, the impact on their (and you / your kids`) well-being will be incredible!

The only thing I would recommend that while you are self-isolating, get your Dad (and Mum) to improve their immune systems:

• loads of fluids
• reduced alcohol / cigarette (just in case) intake
• loads of vitamins / added Vitamin-C / fruit & veg
• check their dental hygiene, step up if necessary
• regular exercise (if they havent already)
• sunshine - not sunbathing, but being out in the sun (best natural sterilizer on Earth!)

...and try to prepare how to answer some questions from Neighbours and other curtain twitchers.

OP, I would do the same! My parents seeing their grandkids? They would do anything for that!

OP I say go for it. My parents are shielding.

I don't think there'll ever be a vaccine. My parents don't want to live the rest of their lives without seeing their children & grandchildren in person.
What life is that?

Self isolate for 14 days (and it's not terribly hard on kids tbh- how many kids have been out that much recently?) then go and see them.

Remember that deliveries carry a small risk of bringing the virus in. Could you stock up so that you don't need anything coming into the house for 2 weeks (groceries and other essentials)?

Sorry but I dont think they should go and stay at your parents home just so your mum can cuddle your children,. I think it is too much to expect young children to completley self isolate for 14 days especially in this nice weather.
Also I read a couple of articles today that suggested as many as 50% of people who have had Covid havent known they have had it ie they have no symptons at all but they can pass it on. This is more common in children and younger people so without knowing it they could pass it on as they could have it even if you self isolate for 14 days, I think it is just too risky for your Dad, It is also of course against the gudelines.

You can meet your parents in an outside space though. I haven't seen my grandchildren at all since mid March. I am hoping to see them this week as we are now allowed to but it will be in a park, I wouldnt dream of having them come to stay and I am not in the vulnerable category,

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52840763

Could nearly half of those with Covid-19 have no idea they are infected?

www.theguardian.com/world/2020/may/30/could-nearly-half-of-those-with-covid-19-have-no-idea-they-are-infected?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Copy_to_clipboard

We’re not shielding but we have just had DM here for 2 weeks. Im a LP and had a number of work deadlines and medical appts that fell/ I managed to work into the same fortnight.

We’ve been strictly social distancing and so has DM (as in, no contact with anyone, and 3 trips to supermarket in 2 months. DS and I also had (unconfirmed but likely) covid 6 weeks ago- think we caught it in the pharmacy ).

Anyway DM came, stayed for 2 weeks, none of us went out anywhere in that time, then She returned home and were all now social distancing again.

It was that or send DS to a childminder - And I knew which had the lower risk, so I did that.

I don’t believe that govt policy is common sense or holds the best interests of the popn at heart- and we know doesn’t follow science- so fuck it. I’m able to exercise critical thinking and weigh up risk and probability, and that was the decision that made most sense.

Lockdown would have been far more successful if people had exercised common sense - from the man on the street right up to the “I’m still shaking hands in hospitals” PM.

Thanks for all the replies, I have spoke to my Dad to confirm he understands the risk and that if it goes wrong it’s on him and we are going to carry on isolating for 14 days.

I’ve told them I’m not saying Yes or No Right now, but will make a decision on the 14th day.

I’ve got a thermometer and I’m going to take all of out temps everyday and If they change even a little bit we’re not going.

If after the 14 days (so on the 15th day) we are still well and haven't messed up isolation in any way I’ll decide, but I’m now leaning toward agreeing.

Or maybe I’ll get scared and say no

But I do think this will be good for them and the kids. We won’t do it again even when everyone else is back to work/school as with no vaccine we can’t risk my Dad.

I think we’re probably going to do it.

Unless there is a massive spike in numbers over the next 2 weeks.

*spoken, not spoke.

I’m not sure it’s fair on your children to have to isolate for two weeks so your mum can have cuddles with them. With restrictions easing, I want my children to be able to see some of their friends now. Your parents have seen your children which is far more than many, many grandparents.