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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

paddling pool etiquette or garden play in general

528 replies

cola2019 · 30/05/2020 17:02

AIBU to ask fellow mumsnetters about paddling pool or garden etiquette in general??

Kids are 12 and 10 and I bought an 8ft pool for them at husbands pure disgust. Bought it on Tuesday and they have been it everyday. They splash and throw each other off a tyre they may shout a bit and perhaps sometimes they do "fight" over it. Usually busy doing other stuff in the mornings and I am struggling to get them out for a walk because of corona so this gets them off their devices. However hubby says the neighbours do not want to hear children shouting and screaming all day. 1. It isn't all day and 2. It is playing - maybe arguing a couple of times like kids do.

When they were little he didn't like them in the garden so i used to spend all sunny afternoons at the park where they could play to their hearts content.

We live in a street with predominantly older neighbours because the twice we lived in a close and a crescent with lots of families we had to move because hubby didn't like children playing in the street. They were literally outside for 1.5 hours!!! I thought it could end like this as he is not working today but thought I would give it a chance. He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly. Both kids are now both back inside on their devices!!!! I tried to get them out I really did.

Do neighbours mind on a sunny day kids playing outside for 2 hours?? Our neighbours are ok a little strait laced and all in the over 50's bracket but we had to choose a house somewhere where my husband would feel comfortable as the 2 other house moves were disastrous due to lots of families living close by!!! I am sure other kids are out in their pools and I seen photos on facebook. Hubby says it is ok if you live on an estate where you have chosen to be surrounded by children but we made the choice to pay more and get ourselves out of the 'kids everywhere' bubble and the neighbours will be so angry that their peace has been shattered. He has told the kids they need to put a sorry letter through the 2 next door neighbours doors - I have stuck up for the kids and said they don't need to and he is fuming that I have undermined him. Please be honest but who is right here. I think I am but the more I think about it now I am thinking maybe it isn't fair on the neighbours and I should have forced them out on their bikes or a day trip to the beach for the day.

OP posts:
Aprilbaby2020 · 30/05/2020 19:39

He sounds very strange. His own children playing in the garden is a really odd thing to be so irate about. He made the choice to have children - they fight and he needs to get a grip! I’m glad you undermined him because he’s totally unreasonable and sounds like he needs to do some meditation and calm the fuck down!

Embracelife · 30/05/2020 19:39

#because of this maturity he cannot relate to children."
That s b xx sh xx t....
He is a controlling tw xt

Plenty older dads who love their kids

He should never have had kids with you then

Did you persuade him and promise to keep them under control for him?
What else does he dictate?

EatsShootsAndRuns · 30/05/2020 19:41

Lastly if your neighbours are that old, they’ve got hearing aids so it’s fine

Bit of an ageist assumption there?

hellotoday27 · 30/05/2020 19:43

You need to say no to your husband. Playing in the pool is always a noisy activity and during normal daytime hours, perfectly acceptable. Your DH is an arse and his behaviour is very damaging to your children.

My kids play in the pool for hours and I know the neighbours don't mind because they are not killjoys (and yes i have spoken to them although at least 2 of the neighbours also have kids and are generally in the pool with mine as well!). Most of our neighbours are retired though.

TwistyHair · 30/05/2020 19:43

What I don’t get, is if he hates the sound of kids playing, why didn’t he leave the house to get some peace. Why did he expect the three of you to leave? And as for now, it’s summer. Kids play in paddling pools. It’s totally normal. It’s just what life is like if you live near other people.

carly2803 · 30/05/2020 19:45

your husband is a knob.

my kids have been outside today playing, laughing and having a ball, yes they aare brought in at regular intervals for a break but they are...yes..KIDS!!!

your husband needs to chill. your kids will hate him if he does not

carly2803 · 30/05/2020 19:45

your husband is a knob.

my kids have been outside today playing, laughing and having a ball, yes they aare brought in at regular intervals for a break but they are...yes..KIDS!!!

your husband needs to chill. your kids will hate him if he does not

McCanne · 30/05/2020 19:48

Your kids are allowed to enjoy their garden. Your KIDS are allowed to ENJOY their GARDEN.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 30/05/2020 19:50

Your husbands a twat!

My kids are generally out between 10 and 12 then in for lunch and back out again 1- 3pm when we all come in to do dinner, bath and bed. They make a noise playing but if they start screaming or screeching they are bought in. Im sure its very annoying for my neighbours who are trying to sunbathe and read a book just as its annoying for me when their older children decide to use their gardens at 6pm and are out there splashing in the pool and shouting whilst im trying to get my much younger children to bed, but none of us complain because we realise thats what life with neighbours is.

McCanne · 30/05/2020 19:51

Also please don’t make them put a letter through the neighbours doors. I’d find that a hundred times worse than the sound of children playing in the pool in their own garden

thecognoscenti · 30/05/2020 19:53

To be honest the noise would irritate me. They're old enough to understand that not everyone wants to hear them screaming for hours every day. It's basic manners.

MissCharleyP · 30/05/2020 19:54

I live on an estate that is popular with families; the noise does annoy me sometimes especially if I have to get up for an early shift the following day. The kids nearest to us were screaming in the garden till after 9:30 a couple of nights ago. I bought noise cancelling headphones, problem solved. I also remind myself that there is much, much worse anti-social behaviour that goes on and I’m lucky that I don’t have any of that to deal with.

It did annoy me when a few kids decided to play footy on the corner of our front garden and kept running across the grass and thumping the walls/windows with the ball. They didn’t live on our street so I told them to go and play in their own garden/on their own street (we all have gardens here).

Starcup · 30/05/2020 19:54

Well my neighbours must hate me as my two (a bit younger than yours) are constantly in and out on the trampoline.

I do say please don’t be too load but at the end of the day they are kids. We’re in Lockdown as you say so hearing kids in the garden is part of life.

Different if it was music blaring at 11pm or 6am but kids giggling and laughing- it’s part and parcel of living in an estate. If they want silence then need to buy a house in the middle of nowhere!

MamaGee09 · 30/05/2020 19:55

A little noise is fine, constant noise isn’t!

However you’re dh is overreacting. Children make noise.

Savingshoes · 30/05/2020 19:56

Tbh, repetitive noises of any kind are annoying.
Children playing for a few hours is fine.

If they were bouncing a ball constantly or screaming/arguing without being told off is also very irritating but so are people who do DIY.

ilovesooty · 30/05/2020 19:56

Are you married to Captain Von Trapp?

BackforGood · 30/05/2020 19:56

Your husband is being utterly ridiculous.

I feel very sorry for your poor dc.
You, and your dc shouldn't have to put up with his ludicrous demands.

If it helps, I am over 50, and I love hearing dc play out in other gardens.

TheSmelliestHouse · 30/05/2020 19:57

Your husband is an absolute arse. Your poor kids. Summer is for children and pools!!!

MintyMabel · 30/05/2020 19:57

it’s not all day

But it’s not for ten minutes either, yes?

Small Kids playing fair enough, but at 12 and 10 they should know better than to be shouting and arguing which will piss your neighbours off.

It doesn’t have to be all day for it to be really annoying.

billy1966 · 30/05/2020 19:59

So sorry OP, sounds like you have to protect the children from him.

What a stressful life ye all must have.

Flowers
TheSmelliestHouse · 30/05/2020 19:59

He's completely bullying the children, if he carries on like this they will grow to hate him as they get older and work out for themselves how unreasonable and selfish he is.

MrsHSW · 30/05/2020 20:00

I think hearing happy kids at home, playing is a lovely sound. Much better than lawn movers and hedge trimmers surely? If you want total privacy make sure you dont have any near neighbours at all?

Having said that I know some people are actually pretty sensitive to noice (your DH?), but its likely the neighbours don't share the same sensitivity. If they did they would let you know?

Nevertouchakoala · 30/05/2020 20:01

It’s your husband who doesn’t like
Children’s noise. Which is strange as the ha re his children.

Anydreamwilldo12 · 30/05/2020 20:01

I would leave him, your poor children are having the most miserable childhood. Why did he even bother having kids if he has such a dislike for them. Things will never get better, he is a miserable controlling bastard.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/05/2020 20:06

I am in the over 50s bracket and have no objection whatsoever to the sound of kids playing outside! As long as you are keeping an ear out, and quietening them down if they get too loud for too long, I can’t see why any reasonable person would object.