paddling pool etiquette or garden play in general

[cola2019]

AIBU to ask fellow mumsnetters about paddling pool or garden etiquette in general??

Kids are 12 and 10 and I bought an 8ft pool for them at husbands pure disgust. Bought it on Tuesday and they have been it everyday. They splash and throw each other off a tyre they may shout a bit and perhaps sometimes they do "fight" over it. Usually busy doing other stuff in the mornings and I am struggling to get them out for a walk because of corona so this gets them off their devices. However hubby says the neighbours do not want to hear children shouting and screaming all day. 1. It isn't all day and 2. It is playing - maybe arguing a couple of times like kids do.

When they were little he didn't like them in the garden so i used to spend all sunny afternoons at the park where they could play to their hearts content.

We live in a street with predominantly older neighbours because the twice we lived in a close and a crescent with lots of families we had to move because hubby didn't like children playing in the street. They were literally outside for 1.5 hours!!! I thought it could end like this as he is not working today but thought I would give it a chance. He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly. Both kids are now both back inside on their devices!!!! I tried to get them out I really did.

Do neighbours mind on a sunny day kids playing outside for 2 hours?? Our neighbours are ok a little strait laced and all in the over 50's bracket but we had to choose a house somewhere where my husband would feel comfortable as the 2 other house moves were disastrous due to lots of families living close by!!! I am sure other kids are out in their pools and I seen photos on facebook. Hubby says it is ok if you live on an estate where you have chosen to be surrounded by children but we made the choice to pay more and get ourselves out of the 'kids everywhere' bubble and the neighbours will be so angry that their peace has been shattered. He has told the kids they need to put a sorry letter through the 2 next door neighbours doors - I have stuck up for the kids and said they don't need to and he is fuming that I have undermined him. Please be honest but who is right here. I think I am but the more I think about it now I am thinking maybe it isn't fair on the neighbours and I should have forced them out on their bikes or a day trip to the beach for the day.

Get your miserable arse of a husband some noise cancelling headphones and nail them to his head

Then put the pool back up.

Then think about the damage he is doing to his children.

Your husband sounds like a bellend. He doesn't like the sound of children playing; he should fuck off.

@cola2019 I would tell your husband that you expect him to write an apology letter to your children to apologise for dismantling the pool and also for being a total kill joy during one of the hottest summers we have had. And the get him to put the pool back up for them because hes being a horrible boring twat and needs to bloody grow up and be thankful that 1) he has kids 2) there happy to be outside and not inside on there screens and and please op give him this from me ...maybe he could use it as a ring in the pool if he ever gets a sense of humour the miserable sod.

Put the pool back up @cola2019, don't let him always have his own way yours and the kids needs especially the kids trump his.

This has made me so sad. How utterly horrible for you and your children OP. Your H is nothing but a bully.
I've never actually said this before but you should take your children and go. Let them enjoy the last few years of childhood with some happy memories, rather than living in fear of upsetting their father just by being normal children.
You don't live in a family, you live in a dictatorship.

I think it all depends on what time they are out. If it's 10pm then yes yabu, but if it's during the day and it's play and they aren't swearing then I don't see an issue.

If you are concerned about the neighbours why don't you pop round and ask them if your dc playing in the pool the last few days are annoying them, what 'quiet' times they'd like etc. I think it's your dh that has the problem with the noise and not your neighbours tbh

Seriously? We're in a near- lockdown (after weeks of lockdown) - no schools, cant see friends, cant play out, no activities, no swimming etc etc. And your husband wants to stop one of the few things the can do?

When I sat out this afternoon all I could hear was the sound of hedge trimmers and lawn mowers. That's noise made by adults and no one complains about that. Let your children play!

How are you feeling reading all these responses, @cola2019?

Holy shit, sorry letters.

You sure he wanted kids?

My kids have been in their pool all day today, they've got a bit over excited at times but when asked to quieten down they do. I love hearing kids (not just mine) playing, laughing and enjoying themselves. Better than the sound of my gobshite neighbour screaming an swearing at hers all afternoon 😖

Your husband sounds like a nightmare trying to keep others happy before his own children! Would he complain about other kids making noise if here was some nearby?

It’s hot, pools are fun, kids aren’t quiet, you aren’t sending them all day hours on end - even if you were who cares. Kids have been off school for 10 weeks here so keep the pool. Tell your husband to stop being an ass.

I think your dh sounds very thoughtful towards the neighbours, however there needs to be a balance.
My neighbours either side have grown up children, unfortunately all their families descend on them in the nice weather...even through lock down. All day shrieking children, bouncy castles, trampolines, swimming pools.
I had to wear earplugs in the garden today, or else stay in. A bit of thought would not go amiss but never once have I heard either side ask the children to stop making so much noise.

This has got fuck all to do with the neighbours. This is all about him and the fact he doesn't like the noise. I have never said this on here before but I feel very very sorry for your children. What a shit 'dad' they have and they are being set up for some real MH problems. Why the fuck did this idiot agree to have children? What did he think they were going to do in life? Sit quietly in the corner without making any noise or mess?

@cola2019 I just have one question, what would he do/say if you just blow it back up?

Can you? Or do you feel you wouldn’t be allowed?

If its for hours everyday, then I can see it would get annoying if the kids are screaming and shouting the whole time. Like other posters Id warn mine to be quieter

OP’s husband seems to have Hyacinth Bucket tendencies. Seriously, if you eventually have grandchildren what will he be like with them - assuming he has any kind of relationship with them by then.

I think so long as it's not all day on a gorgeous day and they are not screamers then it's quite nice to hear. However, all day screaming is awful and means sitting in your own garden becomes torture. Parents need to teach their kids to reduce the volume a bit sometimes.

I’m not a spring chicken and I don’t worry about the sound of kids playing in fact I like to hear them playing.

I have had 4 hours today of screaming children, the neighbours had a gathering of 9 people for a bbq and water fight. So today my response is YABU. Probably any other day, I would be indifferent to the noise of children. But my experience today of children has been extremely noisy, and unrelenting.

As long as they are not out in the pool before 9 am or after 6 pm, I wouldn't mind hearing them for 2 or 3 hours a day. Even every day. As long as they don't play music outdoors. This I cannot tolerate at all.

Writing a letter of apology is out of order, especially that nobody actually complained.

Make sure you let your kids choose the twats care home then.
What an utter waste of space that he can't 'cope'. What's he made of? Icing sugar?

Well, DH and I are 'older', we live in a village, not an estate setting , and the houses are very varied.
DH loves to hear children playing outside.
Even I, grouch that I am, quite like it. Sometimes they're quite noisy but it's not for long and it's not annoying even when the whingey one starts up, i just feel sympathy for the parents. 😆 and quite happy that my parenting days are over. I can enjoy the laughter and I don't have to deal with the tears
I think the mums and dads around here are doing their best, as you are, OP, to keep the kids playing outside as much as possible while this glorious weather lasts.
Your DH sounds horrible.

We don’t have kids and live next door to a young family, their kids are quite loud and play in the garden and pool all day, doesn’t bother us at all, they’re just kids being kids, it’s nice to hear them having fun together. I think your husband is a kill joy.

Your husband is not mature, he is miserable. I would be putting that pool straight back up. The children have one childhood. This is lockdown in hot weather - it (hopefully) won't happen again. Let them be kids, let them have fun and tell him to get over himself. If the thought of the neighbours hearing children play bothers him that much, I would suggest he looks at some counselling as this is really not normal.

I am over 50 and quite strait laced and I have no problem with the noise of children playing. I quite like to hear the noise of gardens being used, kids playing, lawns mowed, strimmers strimming- it is all the sound of life going on around us. Much better than deathly silence as everyone is inside on computers.

Christ, what have I just read, what’s wrong with your husband? What a horribly selfish little man.

And to make his kids write letters of apology to the neighbours, at least one good thing would come of it, they’d all know at least one of the parents was a major problem, sadly for you they’d not know which one.

Your poor kids.