paddling pool etiquette or garden play in general

[cola2019]

AIBU to ask fellow mumsnetters about paddling pool or garden etiquette in general??

Kids are 12 and 10 and I bought an 8ft pool for them at husbands pure disgust. Bought it on Tuesday and they have been it everyday. They splash and throw each other off a tyre they may shout a bit and perhaps sometimes they do "fight" over it. Usually busy doing other stuff in the mornings and I am struggling to get them out for a walk because of corona so this gets them off their devices. However hubby says the neighbours do not want to hear children shouting and screaming all day. 1. It isn't all day and 2. It is playing - maybe arguing a couple of times like kids do.

When they were little he didn't like them in the garden so i used to spend all sunny afternoons at the park where they could play to their hearts content.

We live in a street with predominantly older neighbours because the twice we lived in a close and a crescent with lots of families we had to move because hubby didn't like children playing in the street. They were literally outside for 1.5 hours!!! I thought it could end like this as he is not working today but thought I would give it a chance. He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly. Both kids are now both back inside on their devices!!!! I tried to get them out I really did.

Do neighbours mind on a sunny day kids playing outside for 2 hours?? Our neighbours are ok a little strait laced and all in the over 50's bracket but we had to choose a house somewhere where my husband would feel comfortable as the 2 other house moves were disastrous due to lots of families living close by!!! I am sure other kids are out in their pools and I seen photos on facebook. Hubby says it is ok if you live on an estate where you have chosen to be surrounded by children but we made the choice to pay more and get ourselves out of the 'kids everywhere' bubble and the neighbours will be so angry that their peace has been shattered. He has told the kids they need to put a sorry letter through the 2 next door neighbours doors - I have stuck up for the kids and said they don't need to and he is fuming that I have undermined him. Please be honest but who is right here. I think I am but the more I think about it now I am thinking maybe it isn't fair on the neighbours and I should have forced them out on their bikes or a day trip to the beach for the day.

Hubby says it is ok if you live on an estate where you have chosen to be surrounded by children

No one can choose who there neighbours are! You could move in somewhere and your neighbours either side could both sell! If you don't want to hear your neighbours then buy somewhere isolated?!

DH, myself and DS (14 months) were all in the paddling pool today

I mean as long as it's not excessive noise and not all day I wouldn't be bothered at all.

It irritates me that people think children should be seen and not heard

@mbosnz I know I was shocked!

My neighbors children have really loud episodes where they scream, shout splash each other etc. it only ever goes on for an hour or so and then they seem to play quietly for a bit. I presume our neighbors enforce this out of consideration for us and we are v v grateful, I could not put up with loud play for hours on end.

You have a DH problem, not a neighbour problem.

As long as they weren't screaming all day, every day, I wouldn't care at all.

But rather than guess your neighbours' opinions, maybe you could knock on their doors and ask them nicely if they are OK with the DC playing for a couple of hours in the afternoon? Then you could explain to your killjoy husband that none of the neighbours mind at all, and it is only him who wants to suck all the fun out of childhood.

More diplomatic ways of putting this are of course available...

I'm late 60s, neighbour had GC round in the garden (yes I know couple of days early) little ones running round squealing and yelling. I put my head out the window, she looked a bit like she was expecting trouble and I said, "Just opening the window wide, hope you don't mind but it's lovely listening to them having fun." It was, all oldies round here and so quiet for the last 3 months so hearing kids having fun was brilliant.

Your husband is the one with the problem.

I’m in the over 50s bracket - my children are now young adults. The neighbours at the bottom of our garden have two young boys and they are out in the garden all day. Play fights, paddling pools, bouncy castles, nerf guns, we hear it all and half of the stuff comes into our garden.

I love hearing it and I don’t care what stuff we have to throw back. It reminds me of when my girls were young. Children should be allowed to have fun. My neighbour at the bottom has obviously had worries over their noise as she’s asked me before if they disturb me. I’ve reassured her they absolutely don’t. All around us are much older neighbours than us - 70s and 80s - and many of them have said to me how much they enjoy hearing the children playing. They used to say the same to us when ours were little and I understand it now! I’d be very surprised if the majority of your neighbours mind.

Don’t let your DH ruin all the fun for your children. That isn’t fair. They only get one childhood.

He sounds fucking horrible. They will remember that you never stuck up for them you know. You are the other adult here it is your job to protect them and advocate for them.

i have 3 kids, ages 3-14, they have a pool, we have elderly bungalows behind and the house nearby has two kids ... the couple next door scream at their kids constantly, its awful to hear. The kids in front on our estate, play, squabble, laugh...like kids do! our elderly neighbours mow the lawn at 7am and - peep over the fence to gossip... its all part of living within earshot of others!
tolerance and being reasonable are key
our older neighbours say they love hearing the kids play. i dont enjoy their bonfires but we all muddle along giving /taking and all like each other.
Get the kids pool out, these are hard times for us all and kids MUST play /// and frankly you need time off too and hubby.... he can always take a long walk if it doesnt suit !!

They splash and throw each other off a tyre they may shout a bit and perhaps sometimes they do "fight" over it.

I don't think we can know what the actual noise level is like if we're not there.
The dh might be controlling etc otoh it might be that the dc are very noisy.
When dd was in her teens she had a lovely friend, who was normally very quiet, but used to shriek on the trampoline continuously. I used to try and restrict the trampoline usage when she was here as much as possible.
I commented on it to her mum one time, who generally was fairly strict and fairly aware to her children's faults, and she hadn't noticed it at all despite us all sitting in the (small) garden while it was happening.
You do get immune to your own dc's noise, and the fact neighbours haven't complained doesn't mean they aren't finding it too noisy. It seems to be that most people will put up with almost any level of noise before complaining, and a few won't put up with any noise at all.

He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly
If he'd warned them that they were being too noisy or to stop arguing, and they continued, then that is not an unnatural consequence. Personally I wouldn't, because I wouldn't want the hassle of putting it up again and refilling it, so it would be more of a consequence for me. But I'm sure most of us have removed a toy at some point because the children weren't playing nicely with it. I've just removed the mirror from the budgies because two of them have been shrieking and arguing over it for the last 20 minutes. (They're now sitting on the curtain rail and eating coriander so not too distressed)

Your poor children. 😢 How come he gets to decide? He’s totally undermined you and is not allowing your children to be children. How terribly sad. He sounds controlling and a shit father.

Screaming, yes, I’d go round, did go round to the family who let the older girl torment the younger one and made her scream constantly. Current children, 10 and 12, utterly gorgeous to listen to, sweet, lovely boys. It’s normal to let kids play in their own garden. Get him headphones and tell him to stop being such a twat.

But rather than guess your neighbours' opinions, maybe you could knock on their doors and ask them nicely if they are OK with the DC playing for a couple of hours in the afternoon? Then you could explain to your killjoy husband that none of the neighbours mind at all, and it is only him who wants to suck all the fun out of childhood.

Exactly. Then tell him to fuck off.

Our neighbours are extremely noisy. They play loud music in the garden, they have dogs who yap and growl and they shout at the dogs and each other. The only pleasant sound from their garden is when their son is in the paddling pool as he laughs and giggles.

Your

Sorry! Your husband's an idiot!

Get that pool back up, and tell you husband to do one, miserable moaning twat!

Me and hubby are both over 60. We live in a quiet area with only a few families. One of which back onto our garden. They’re out playing every day. Paddling pool, trampoline, etc. They get really excited and there’s plenty of arguments. Although we’re “old” we still remember when our 30+ kids were little. It makes us chuckle. It’s lovely to hear kids being kids. We enjoy it. No need to apologise. Let them be kids. Your DH needs to lighten up.

I think it depends on the neighbour's. Those with kids don't mind and understand. Those without probably mind

Im childless and I really dont mind children playing. Its what childhood is for

I live in a house in the centre of a city, its a relatively quiet cul de sac but theres still probably 20 houses or so within listening distance. How selfish am i on a hot day to expect all those houses to be silent?

I dont think i have the right to peace and quiet tbh. I have a lot of neighbours its to be expected there will be noise of people living their day to day lives. If I want peace and quiet Ill take a walk out to somewhere peaceful and quiet. Plus nothing can ever be as loud as the bloody pigeons at 4am

We live in a street with predominantly older neighbours because the twice we lived in a close and a crescent with lots of families we had to move because hubby didn't like children playing in the street.
What !!
*
He has told the kids they need to put a sorry letter through the 2 next door neighbours doors*
Wtf !!
I'm sorry is your husband from the 1900s children should be seen but not heard .
Has he even been a child himself? He's got huge issues and is controlling.
Why did he have children he has no idea , so he expects them to sit quietly.
This is the first time I've ever been critical of someone's dh but he is a miserable twat !!

Given this is a parent forum you're likely to get feedback from other parents who generally won't mind. If you ask on a forum frequented by people closer to your neighbours demographic you might get a different rey

I think your husband is horrible and makes me realise that maybe my dh isn’t as controlling as I thought!
I used to hate my neighbours letting their kids out at 7.30/ 8am but kids playing mid morning to mid afternoon is fine. Round here, Most people wear headphones in the garden anyway. The sound of kids playing (when not your own) is actually ok as background noise. Lastly if your neighbours are that old, they’ve got hearing aids so it’s fine. And I’m sure your neighbours sometimes make noise and live and let live!

*reply

Seriously mumsnet we need an edit function

Leave the bastard!

Just seen the bit about the letter that's a bit much

My garden is currently a constant cacophany of the neighbour's, next-door-but-one's and my DCs playing out at any given moment. Plus barking dogs. Plus over the back's adult children playing music or exercising or their table tennis.
That is what hardens are for. Especially when there's fuck all else to do other than a park/ walk or queuing for a shop.

Half of children have no access to school on their horixon. No playgrounds. No organised sport (fishing, and golf aren't really their demographic) and even the latest version of permitted socialising is not child friendly as multiple family units can easily exceed 6 people and children don't naturally play in a socially distanced way. They want to share toys swap cards, tackle for balls etc, not sit 2m away.
90% of normal childhood activity is not encouraged, has not been for 2 months and no sign of it returning to normal.

And this fucking bastard empties and dismantles the paddling pool???

He is a nasty, selfish, inconsiderate bastard who doesn't give a fuck about his children's needs.

What is his behaviour like when you don't kowtow to his ridiculous demands? Do you tread on eggshells to avoid finding out? This is teetering close to abuse (coercive control) Why do I get a suspicion that he's a miserable sulker until he gets his own way?