paddling pool etiquette or garden play in general

[cola2019]

AIBU to ask fellow mumsnetters about paddling pool or garden etiquette in general??

Kids are 12 and 10 and I bought an 8ft pool for them at husbands pure disgust. Bought it on Tuesday and they have been it everyday. They splash and throw each other off a tyre they may shout a bit and perhaps sometimes they do "fight" over it. Usually busy doing other stuff in the mornings and I am struggling to get them out for a walk because of corona so this gets them off their devices. However hubby says the neighbours do not want to hear children shouting and screaming all day. 1. It isn't all day and 2. It is playing - maybe arguing a couple of times like kids do.

When they were little he didn't like them in the garden so i used to spend all sunny afternoons at the park where they could play to their hearts content.

We live in a street with predominantly older neighbours because the twice we lived in a close and a crescent with lots of families we had to move because hubby didn't like children playing in the street. They were literally outside for 1.5 hours!!! I thought it could end like this as he is not working today but thought I would give it a chance. He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly. Both kids are now both back inside on their devices!!!! I tried to get them out I really did.

Do neighbours mind on a sunny day kids playing outside for 2 hours?? Our neighbours are ok a little strait laced and all in the over 50's bracket but we had to choose a house somewhere where my husband would feel comfortable as the 2 other house moves were disastrous due to lots of families living close by!!! I am sure other kids are out in their pools and I seen photos on facebook. Hubby says it is ok if you live on an estate where you have chosen to be surrounded by children but we made the choice to pay more and get ourselves out of the 'kids everywhere' bubble and the neighbours will be so angry that their peace has been shattered. He has told the kids they need to put a sorry letter through the 2 next door neighbours doors - I have stuck up for the kids and said they don't need to and he is fuming that I have undermined him. Please be honest but who is right here. I think I am but the more I think about it now I am thinking maybe it isn't fair on the neighbours and I should have forced them out on their bikes or a day trip to the beach for the day.

Kids should be allowed to be kids!! YADNBU. DH is not coming across well here

Oh your husband would just hate us then. We are all youth leaders and spent the last few days running a camp at home event for kids all over the local area.
Campfire songs, silly tower building, tents in the garden, lots and lots of giggles and fun.

Taking the pool down is just obnoxious and controlling. And really quite spiteful.

If your neighbours don't like it I am quite sure they are grown up enough to ask you to keep it down a bit. From experience though lots of elderly people take great pleasure in hearing kids play especially in the current crisis when they may not be able to see their own family.

Much better the kids blow off some steam in the sunshine than turn into reclusive screen gremlins.

Constant screaming =no!! General laughing/talking = your DH is being a nob

Yep your husband is indeed a massive knob!!
Mum of 6 here and we've had a large pool for 13 years. I would have gone mad without it!! Couple with older kids one dude (although those kids used out pool when younger) and couple with baby the other side. I do tell the kids to quieten it down if they get overly boisterous. We've hosted pool parties annually with the pool in use till quite late (always warn and invite neighbours to join us!). I ply my neighbours frequently with my home bakes so we have a good relationship.
It's kids doing what kids do

Some people are just so common you can't expect anything better. Until you live next door to it you can't appreciate how f... annoying it is
wow some people really are up their own arses!

Nothing wrong with your kids, lots wrong with your husband.

Keep the pool, ditch the husband.

Controlling bastard

Your poor kids. Your miserable twat of a husband is a useless dad.
I wouldn’t put up with his misery and mardiness.

Your hubby sounds like a complete fun sponge 🧽

As long as they aren't shouting and swearing I don't think it's a problem. Especially the way things are just now.

My neighbours kids are really noisy and when it used to annoy me I would just stick my headphones on. No big deal. I would never have gone over to complain.

Your husband is really unreasonable here. Keep sticking up for your kids.

My ex was like this. He hated the kids making noise. Eventually it migrated indoors as well, kids were constantly yelled at for making any sort of noise and I couldnt have people over because a normal level of conversation annoyed him. Having 3 under 8, it was nigh on impossible to have silence. My anxiety went through the roof trying to keep them quiet and worrying about what might trigger him. It was one of the major points for divorcing him. Kids dont deserve to live on eggshells.

I wouldn't worry, personally i like hearing kids play, i dont think playing in a paddling pool is anti social behaviour and its great they are outside enjoying themselves, weather might not last so make the most of it!

Perspective from an older person here. There are children who live in the house behind my mother's house and they play in a paddling pool in the garden. It's a lovely sound to hear children playing.

Children playing and having fun is not an issue for me. Adults shouting at them and destroying their self esteem is an huge issue. The only person being annoyed is your control freak of a husband, you have had to move because he can't bear to hear children having fun and now he's complaining about your own children playing. What will he suggest next that you "rehome" your children? I wouldn't want to have this person around my children, he's destroying their childhood and probably their future lives too.

I must be really annoying then as I just put up a 12ft one for my three. I don't let them out before 10am and I make sure they are not out all the time. If I hear screaming/fighting. But who really minds the sound of children having fun?

We live next to a public footpath (high fence no one can see us, edge of a town so not really busy) in a quiet cul de sac, we are the only family with children, the rest are all retired. Mine are 9 and 11, and play noisily in the pool as well. I think a certain level of noise is acceptable, especially when they are having fun and doing what kids do. Our next door neighbour actually said she likes to hear it. I did go out yesterday as they were shrieking loudly and kicking off with each other. I think it's fair enough to say, play nicely together or not at all.

But, your husband sounds like a bit of a misery, my partner can be like that. Stand your ground, you've been a mum for a good few years now and sound like you have the common sense to know how your children should be behaving.

Your DH sounds like a total arse, I’m amazed you have children together tbh because it sounds like he hates kids

Your husband needs to get real! Our neighbours across the way Chuck their 3 kids aged 2-5 years outside EVERY EFFING MORNING 7 DAYS A WEEK at 6am!!!! The little buggers scream for hours! Not fun play noises but literally SCREAMING and no one stops them!! I reckon the parents go back to bed! Cheers lovely neighbours! 🤬

Your husband is a miserable, controlling c*womble.

Sorry to be blunt but your husband is a miserable bastard. How do you tolerate living with a victor Meldrew type? My neighbour is one and that's bad enough. Why have children if you don't like the noises of them.

I think it's your husband that has the problem not you or your neighbours. It's 2 hours on a sunny day. Kids laughter is a wonderful noise and yes everyone expects the odd argument. Most older people have been there and wore the t shirt.

Sorry but your husband sounds awful. We are 60 with grown up children but get great joy from listening to neighbouring children play.

My next door have Tony kids and they are out all the time and argue and whine but that’s what kids do.

I’m concerned about his underlying control and snobbery here. Are you also forced to shop in Waitrose instead of Aldi “in case the neighbours see you”.

I'd be more worried about what your neighbours are thinking about the controlling dad situation. Totally feel for you and your kids, I had a very controlling dad, he too didn't like noise and we either roamed the streets or played in silence in our rooms. The odd few times we did play outside in the garden we were shouted at, we grew up thinking our neighbours hated kids till I spoke to one after leaving home and was told actually neighbours had reported their concerns to social services numerous times and all they wanted was to see us playing outside like normal kids. My dad always made us think social services were involved because we were bad kids, now we realise that the neighbours did care and wanted us to play. I'd be more concerned what this looks like from their point if view, expecially if they recieved controlling letters of apology. We were always marched along to apologise. Your best bet is to see if a neighbour you trust can casually comment to him that it was lovely to see the kids play outside the other day. If he mentions the noise let them be the ones saying they dont mind, he will never believe you. It's always best to hear it from someone else. Before their are reports of controlling behaviour made to social services.