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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

paddling pool etiquette or garden play in general

528 replies

cola2019 · 30/05/2020 17:02

AIBU to ask fellow mumsnetters about paddling pool or garden etiquette in general??

Kids are 12 and 10 and I bought an 8ft pool for them at husbands pure disgust. Bought it on Tuesday and they have been it everyday. They splash and throw each other off a tyre they may shout a bit and perhaps sometimes they do "fight" over it. Usually busy doing other stuff in the mornings and I am struggling to get them out for a walk because of corona so this gets them off their devices. However hubby says the neighbours do not want to hear children shouting and screaming all day. 1. It isn't all day and 2. It is playing - maybe arguing a couple of times like kids do.

When they were little he didn't like them in the garden so i used to spend all sunny afternoons at the park where they could play to their hearts content.

We live in a street with predominantly older neighbours because the twice we lived in a close and a crescent with lots of families we had to move because hubby didn't like children playing in the street. They were literally outside for 1.5 hours!!! I thought it could end like this as he is not working today but thought I would give it a chance. He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly. Both kids are now both back inside on their devices!!!! I tried to get them out I really did.

Do neighbours mind on a sunny day kids playing outside for 2 hours?? Our neighbours are ok a little strait laced and all in the over 50's bracket but we had to choose a house somewhere where my husband would feel comfortable as the 2 other house moves were disastrous due to lots of families living close by!!! I am sure other kids are out in their pools and I seen photos on facebook. Hubby says it is ok if you live on an estate where you have chosen to be surrounded by children but we made the choice to pay more and get ourselves out of the 'kids everywhere' bubble and the neighbours will be so angry that their peace has been shattered. He has told the kids they need to put a sorry letter through the 2 next door neighbours doors - I have stuck up for the kids and said they don't need to and he is fuming that I have undermined him. Please be honest but who is right here. I think I am but the more I think about it now I am thinking maybe it isn't fair on the neighbours and I should have forced them out on their bikes or a day trip to the beach for the day.

OP posts:
Coolteddybears · 31/05/2020 18:45

I'm with the DH. Kids are too loud and its inconsiderate to the neighbours. Nothing worse than hearing screaming kids in the garden. We are all entitled to enjoy our outside space. If children can't play outside without screaming loudly they should be made to go inside. Parents have a duty to instill good behaviour & manners in their children. Too many feral kids allowed to rule the roost. Damn annoying. You are being totally unreasonable by allowing the kids to behave in such an unruly manner.

puddleduckmummy · 31/05/2020 18:45

You had to move because he didn’t like it? He sounds like an absolutely vile person. You are not being unreasonable but you are being unreasonable to stay with him and put his unpleasant behaviour above your kids. They’re kids they should play. What does he expect them to do? Does he help get them out or have any kind interaction with them?

littlemeitslyn · 31/05/2020 18:47

Miserable old sod 😲

Wonkydonkey44 · 31/05/2020 18:48

As long as they weren’t screaming non stop I wouldnt mind . Our neighbours kids scream and fight non stop it’s awful .

Iggi999 · 31/05/2020 18:48

Coolteddybears if you're single you could get together with the OP's H and not spoil any children's lives. This story is not about stopping children making excessive noise.

deandra · 31/05/2020 18:49

It sounds to me that the issue isn't with your kids playing in the garden, but that your husband seems to have a problem with kids playing in general. Did he actually want kids?

Coolteddybears · 31/05/2020 18:50

I live next door to a screaming 5 year old. Parents are absolutely useless. You can hear them asking her if she wants to to this or that. The child definitely has no boundaries. Why should we have to put up with the incessant screaming. Some people are just so common you can't expect anything better. Until you live next door to it you can't appreciate how f... annoying it is.

Coolteddybears · 31/05/2020 18:52

Iggy999, you are obviously missing the whole point!

NHRN · 31/05/2020 18:56

My kids are grown up. I have kids either side with big pools. I l oi ve hearing them splash and bicker and play. Get rid of the husband. Not the pool!

Mummyofsquidge · 31/05/2020 18:57

Did your husband have an awful childhood? He needs to get some serious help. Anyone who resents children having fun and making noise during day in their own garden needs help.
I would suggest he writes a letter of apology to the children for being a controlling arse!

RoseGoldEagle · 31/05/2020 18:57

hubby says we made the choice to pay more and get ourselves out of the 'kids everywhere' bubble and the neighbours will be so angry that their peace has been shattered

I don’t think paying more guarantees you won’t be near families with kids, many families can afford to pay more too, so I don’t think your neighbours will be thinking it’s outrageous there are kids living next door and shattering the peace they thought they’d ‘bought’.

There is a spectrum I think of kids playing, laughing, being a bit noisy, and at the other end really shouting/screaming for hours on end. But yours sound more at the general kids have fun end, which is fine!

indeed · 31/05/2020 19:02

What are your in-laws like? Sounds like DH may have been made to feel guilty about playing when he was a child. Poor thing.

Thewordgame · 31/05/2020 19:05

Does your husband suffer from undiagnosed high blood pressure, my husband could not tolerate any noise and then we realised the blood pressure was causing this, after he started on medication he is absolutely fine with it

Joodleoodle · 31/05/2020 19:06

I feel sorry for your DH. What sort of childhood did he have? 😪 . Kids should be allowed to be kids. My parents lived in a family street. The street I grew up in. People moved and families moved in so it was normal to hear children playing. My parents have moved to an area that is predominantly older, and my mum misses the kids playing.

As for writing a note, sorry, he is being a knob,
Why should you have to send the children out for the day to play? That is their home they have just as much right to be there and do what they want to without being judged by their own father.

Harls1969 · 31/05/2020 19:07

Wow. Your DH is a bundle of laughs. I have no issues with kids playing outside, it's nice to hear them having fun.

FoodologistGirl · 31/05/2020 19:08

One of the joys of summer is hearing kids playing in the back gardens. It’s such a lovely sound.

Marcipex · 31/05/2020 19:09

I like quiet until say 9 ish.
I think any children’s racket after that is normal and nice.

ilovenewpyjamas · 31/05/2020 19:11

This is an interesting one because when I first read this I thought lots of negative things about your husband...controlling, killjoy...then I thought “this sounds just like my friend x who bought a swimming pool for her kids...” I worked out it couldn’t be her but it has made me see the possibility of another perspective. My friend x has two kids - when the were roughly the same age, they couldn’t communicate in the garden without screaming. Every time I was there, I would cringe with Embarrassment for the neighbours. If I said “please keep it down” etc, she wouldn’t like it.. It is what I would call screaming - x would say “darlings keep the noise down” and say their voices are slightly loud. Her perspective was so different - she was almost oblivious to the volume. She had a very soft approach in terms of discipline and setting boundaries and the kids would run wild. I was tempted to knock and apologise to neighbours after I visited and often found myself thinking about how they must have regretted moving in next door. X has told me that the kids only play outside for 3 hours a day but they didnt- it was on and off all day as their bedrooms Were on the downstairs floor and they would run in and out. X wouldn’t be unaware and often no focussed. It was her nature to be quite daydreamy and distracted. She put the kids well above her husband and he had no influence in the chaos as x would join in at times too. He fitted the description but he was long suffering with x who was often “away with the fairies”. If you knew him and her it would be understandable for him to put the swimming pool away without consulting her. He is low
Level autistic but was completely ignored by family and has no influence - he was very tolerant of the noise they made. If you knew her and the children, You would understand a desperate measure to dismantle it. He wouldn’t be able to make the decision with her because she would always do what the kids wanted and never listen.ive been there before where’s she and the kids have had a wild time running around the house playing chase and he’s stood there exasperated trying to get them ready for bed. Behaviour is nuanced and perspectives differ So much.

SandwhichGenerationGal · 31/05/2020 19:11

I actually felt utter rage with your husband when I read this. How can you stand living with such an utterly miserable person.

ClaudiasWinkleMan · 31/05/2020 19:12

Did your husband actually want kids? Is he much older then you? Just really bizarre behaviour.

Therabbitandthebear · 31/05/2020 19:12

@cola2019
He just isn't cut out to be a dad and he admits this. He refuses any type of marriage counselling - he says the kids have destroyed us and our home
I think this is my first ever ltb. Reading some of your other threads is very sad. I know I quoted already from one of them but you need to get out. You and your kids deserve more.Flowers

Carol44 · 31/05/2020 19:13

Sorry but I agree with dh. Teach the children to turn the volume down and respect the neighbours right to enjoy their garden too.

isitspringyet · 31/05/2020 19:14

If you lot don’t mind living next to screaming children you’re more than welcome to buy my house. I think it’s the total lack of consideration shown. I’d happily live on the top of a mountain now for some peace and quiet

GrannyBags · 31/05/2020 19:16

My son has been out in his pool all week. He makes a fair bit of noise out there on his own, splashing around and I would hope that if he was too noisy the neighbours would mention it. Maybe because I get on ok with neighbours on both sides? Mind you, one side is having her own party this evening - just found out she is going to be a granny and is celebrating with a bottle of fizz and a bit of Buble. I wouldn’t dream of complaining about the fact I can hear her.

nessa263 · 31/05/2020 19:16

I think if your elderly neighbours had a choice between the normal noise of children enjoying themselves on a lovely day or knowing that two children were having their souls crushed by a controlling father, they'd side with the majority of us here on MN.

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