paddling pool etiquette or garden play in general

[cola2019]

AIBU to ask fellow mumsnetters about paddling pool or garden etiquette in general??

Kids are 12 and 10 and I bought an 8ft pool for them at husbands pure disgust. Bought it on Tuesday and they have been it everyday. They splash and throw each other off a tyre they may shout a bit and perhaps sometimes they do "fight" over it. Usually busy doing other stuff in the mornings and I am struggling to get them out for a walk because of corona so this gets them off their devices. However hubby says the neighbours do not want to hear children shouting and screaming all day. 1. It isn't all day and 2. It is playing - maybe arguing a couple of times like kids do.

When they were little he didn't like them in the garden so i used to spend all sunny afternoons at the park where they could play to their hearts content.

We live in a street with predominantly older neighbours because the twice we lived in a close and a crescent with lots of families we had to move because hubby didn't like children playing in the street. They were literally outside for 1.5 hours!!! I thought it could end like this as he is not working today but thought I would give it a chance. He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly. Both kids are now both back inside on their devices!!!! I tried to get them out I really did.

Do neighbours mind on a sunny day kids playing outside for 2 hours?? Our neighbours are ok a little strait laced and all in the over 50's bracket but we had to choose a house somewhere where my husband would feel comfortable as the 2 other house moves were disastrous due to lots of families living close by!!! I am sure other kids are out in their pools and I seen photos on facebook. Hubby says it is ok if you live on an estate where you have chosen to be surrounded by children but we made the choice to pay more and get ourselves out of the 'kids everywhere' bubble and the neighbours will be so angry that their peace has been shattered. He has told the kids they need to put a sorry letter through the 2 next door neighbours doors - I have stuck up for the kids and said they don't need to and he is fuming that I have undermined him. Please be honest but who is right here. I think I am but the more I think about it now I am thinking maybe it isn't fair on the neighbours and I should have forced them out on their bikes or a day trip to the beach for the day.

*fall outs 😆

I think your husband needs to understand the benefits of playing outside v being in front of the screen! If children were out there all day every day shouting and screaming really loudly that wouldn’t be on and would be inconsiderate. But a few hours splashing in the pool is fine!
My 6 and 8 year old play outside everyday in the afternoon and we have the pool on weekends. If they get loud I ask them to quieten down. But normal noise levels are fine. Children need to play! Put their needs first :-)

My neighbours are worse than the kids. I’d rather have kids. They have had friends into their Garden, no social distance and in jacuzzi ,drinking and swearing very loud. One of them must be a comedian as I have never heard such raucous laugher in my life. Spoils sitting in garden,

It’s sunny, kids been in lockdown for 2 months, let them have fun! My two anc husband had a huge very loud water fight yesterday was brilliant fun and no complaints from neighbours

I would much rather hear kids playing and squabbling than the god awful hardcore music my new neighbour thinks the whole estate want to hear!

We've just brought a 8ft pool. Again very noisy kids. It's stopped at a reasonable time.
My DF has a 24ft pool. Prior to lockdown my dsis would have 20 friends round at times.. Most days. Music and noise. No complaints. Altho tbf 99 % of the neighbours use it too lol

Ps the suggestion of a sorry letter is ridiculous! He is suggesting they need to apologise for being kids! What’s more important- your child happiness or neighbours?

Wouldnt bother me Kids need to get fresh air and exercise

It's totally dependent on the kids I think. We are surrounded by kids who are out all day (mine included). The children who live at the back of us are out from first thing in the morning till about 6pm, there's 3 of them aged 2, 4 and 6. I can hear them playing with intermittent shouting and the occasional scream, non of that bothers me and it's lovely to hear them playing. The kids next door but one to us is another matter, they are 6 and 8 and tend to be in the garden for 2-3 hours but they spend the whole time screaming, crying, shouting and fighting until the mother eventually comes out screaming and they all go in. I dread their play out times. My 2 play out alot, age 5 and 12. They are generally quite good, can get a bit giddy, occasional argue with each other but if they start screaming/shouting they get sent inside to calm down, I agree that 'the neighbours don't want to hear that '.

Kids playing is a nice noise. Kids screaming all day is not.

I'd probably be inclined to ensure the DCs were not playing in paddling pool in the evening when people are maybe eating on their gardens, and definitely ensure not constant squealing.

My view may be coloured by my neighbours' screaming children...

I'm sorry but I think your husband is being very unreasonable and is obviously sensitive to noise. Your neighbours are not the ones complaining, your husband is... I live on a housing estate where the houses are close together and we have children next door. Sometimes the children play outside. That is what kids do especially when the weather is lovely.
I fully appreciate that the kids are letting off steam. I understand that some people may get fed up with the shouting and screaming but tough titties! These are unprecedented times and kids are not allow to play in parks so they can only play in the garden. I would be knocking on the door and asking if I could join in the pool! 😊 Only joking, I'm sorry your husband does not agree, that must be very difficult. I would be saying to the husband if he doesn't like it maybe he needs to be the one going for a walk as he sounds very controlling and completely over the top. Take care sweetie. Get those kids outside in the garden....

My elderly neighbours tells me it’s a joy to hear my children playing. They miss the sound from their own children and it cheers them up.

We moved in to our house five years ago. We were childless at that point and our neighbours were and still are much older than us.
My niece and nephew came to stay and they played outdoors in the garden. Our neighbours (60+) shouted over the fence immediately to us and said ‘Ahhh, it’s so lovely to finally hear some fun and laughter at last’.
It’s always stayed with me and I hope it answers your question.
Pool sounds awesome - a summer to remember! Welldone Mum!

I think it's ok for kids to play out in the garden or in the pool and make a bit of noise but maybe not every day or for hours at a time because maybe your neighbours would like to spend an hour or two in the garden without a load of noise. If they in their 50s they may still be working in the day? ...so won't hear the noise. I think there needs to be a happy medium. Also double glazing stops a lot of noise so unless they have windows open they probably can't hear much. I think your husband has overreacted but maybe that's just the way he behaves. If he is worried the neighbours are upset he should apologise not your two boys.

Your husband is being absurd - what kind of miserable person doesn't even like the sound of his OWN children's laughter. I would knock on the neighbours' doors on either side and ask them if your kids are bothering them. I bet they will both say it's fine, let them play, they need to blow off steam, etc. Fighting over a tire in a paddling pool sounds like a perfect afternoon for a 10 and 12 year old boy to me.

Ask the neighbours. If they haven't complained yet they are probably good sorts who will say they don't mind. And your husband won't have a leg to stand on. And if he falls back on saying they are bothering HIM then he can go to the park himself.

How are kids meant to play quietly? Haha
What a tool your husband is I would have divorced him years ago or better yet not married. That’s like asking kids to social distance it’s never going to work
Kids are kids I would rather hear kids running around and screaming have fun than them being glued to phones all day it drives me insane seriously 😒

Your DH was unfair to insist you move to a quiet neighbourhood, but I do agree that if you're surrounded by non-families then shrieking kids is antisocial.

I feel sorry for you and the children. Why did your husband agree to have kids if he obviously can't tolerate them. I'm an older neighbour, in a cul de sac and kids playing and having fun doesn't bother me at all. You have done nothing wrong and neither have your kids. All kids play and argue and play some more, it's part of growing up. Tell him to go and apologise to the neighbours for being such a miserable controlling dick head.

We are an "older" couple (in our 60s) and we live next door to a lady with innumerable grandkids. I don't object to noise from the kids playing in the garden. I do object to
a) the kids ringing the bell every 5 or 10 minutes to ask for their ball back
b) the kids throwing stuff over the fence, eg empty drinks cartons, broken toys and once, a cricket bat which nearly hit me on the head
c) the kids running round the house screaming and shouting after midnight
Noise from kids playing would be acceptable. Occasional arguments are to be expected, but maybe not so acceptable if prolonged.

My parents were like this, I now have massive anxiety issues around noise. It's shit. I live in a busy london borough where there is constant noise, I hate the fact I'm so sensitive to it and I can't relax, I blame my parents. Don't make that your children's future.

My father was like your husband , my mother had a terrible life and all 4 of us left home as soon as we could. Afterwards we would invite Mum on her own to our homes. All of us hated him , why men like that ever have children is beyond me , he destroyed our childhoods.
Think carefully about how you and your children are living and what you need to do to stop being abused.

I honestly think it depends on the volume and if it’s play or squabbling. I have children myself but my next door neighbour’s kids drive us all up the wall including my eldest child as they scream and shout all day without adult supervision. The elder child name calls and tell the younger one they’re stupid constantly and they repeat the same 5 songs on Alexa as loud as it’ll play meaning we can’t just relax in our garden due to the noise. I don’t mind children playing and I actually like hearing them having fun but when it’s excessively loud or squabbling it can stop others being able to relax in their gardens especially older people

Your husband sounds a barrel of laughs

It's also nice you have a husband who is considerate of others. I think the lady who suggested a nice note from the kids to the neighbours thanking them for their patience and understanding would be great. Also include your email details so they know to communicate with you if needed.

Find this absolutely bizarre, why did he have kids if he doesn't like the sound of kids playing/screaming whatever.
Like I know how kids can be, (he definitely would hate to live near us )sometimes it gets too loud they need to be reminded to quiet down a bit but come on if it's not too excessive then let them have fun FFS, they're kids. I'm pretty sure he was like that at one point. And what's the point in having a garden if they can't use it.

I'd go myself to the neighbours and ask if they have a problem with the noise. If they haven't complained yet then they are probably ok with it.
Let your kids crack on using the garden. Let him deal with the neighbours if he's so worried about annoying them