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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

paddling pool etiquette or garden play in general

528 replies

cola2019 · 30/05/2020 17:02

AIBU to ask fellow mumsnetters about paddling pool or garden etiquette in general??

Kids are 12 and 10 and I bought an 8ft pool for them at husbands pure disgust. Bought it on Tuesday and they have been it everyday. They splash and throw each other off a tyre they may shout a bit and perhaps sometimes they do "fight" over it. Usually busy doing other stuff in the mornings and I am struggling to get them out for a walk because of corona so this gets them off their devices. However hubby says the neighbours do not want to hear children shouting and screaming all day. 1. It isn't all day and 2. It is playing - maybe arguing a couple of times like kids do.

When they were little he didn't like them in the garden so i used to spend all sunny afternoons at the park where they could play to their hearts content.

We live in a street with predominantly older neighbours because the twice we lived in a close and a crescent with lots of families we had to move because hubby didn't like children playing in the street. They were literally outside for 1.5 hours!!! I thought it could end like this as he is not working today but thought I would give it a chance. He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly. Both kids are now both back inside on their devices!!!! I tried to get them out I really did.

Do neighbours mind on a sunny day kids playing outside for 2 hours?? Our neighbours are ok a little strait laced and all in the over 50's bracket but we had to choose a house somewhere where my husband would feel comfortable as the 2 other house moves were disastrous due to lots of families living close by!!! I am sure other kids are out in their pools and I seen photos on facebook. Hubby says it is ok if you live on an estate where you have chosen to be surrounded by children but we made the choice to pay more and get ourselves out of the 'kids everywhere' bubble and the neighbours will be so angry that their peace has been shattered. He has told the kids they need to put a sorry letter through the 2 next door neighbours doors - I have stuck up for the kids and said they don't need to and he is fuming that I have undermined him. Please be honest but who is right here. I think I am but the more I think about it now I am thinking maybe it isn't fair on the neighbours and I should have forced them out on their bikes or a day trip to the beach for the day.

OP posts:
rubyandbumpsmum · 31/05/2020 17:33

Your husband sounds mad! Its lockdown, its boiling, kids havnt been anywhere in weeks and the weather is lovely!!
He sounds like a right arse. Dismantling it aswell!! Idiot.

monsterflake · 31/05/2020 17:37

I have four kids under the age of 8, they play outside all the time, I've told my neighbors to give me a shout if they are getting on their nerves but they have kids too so haven't minded so far

DanceItOut · 31/05/2020 17:39

I think the best way forward is to perhaps ask your neighbours. I think your husband is being very unfair. Children are allowed to be children. I occasionally have to tell mine to be a bit quieter, noise is one thing but full on screaming can get very annoying for people after a while. Kids outside playing for 1-2 hours making noise is not unreasonable at all. They don’t need to be silent. I’m gobsmacked your husband actually took the pool away and told them they have to write a letter of apology. The problem is that if they only get to go out and play rarely they don’t really learn to control the noise anyway so I’m not sure how he thinks that will help.

LadyofMisrule · 31/05/2020 17:39

I'm really uptight and in my 50s. Your husband is being an arse. FFS, let the kids play. Life is hard enough at the moment.

Alicatz66 · 31/05/2020 17:39

Do not worry one bit !! I’m 54 .. me and DH are working from home .. the neighbours kids playing and splashing and arguing is good fun !!! ... I’ve got massive paddling pool envy ! .... but bloody DH won’t let me get a pool because of his new turf !!!

Shona52 · 31/05/2020 17:39

If it is only 2-3 hours in the day this is ok. I have this at the back of me the girls do screen which is really really annoying I don’t see the need for such screening when playing but it is only for a short time. If it was all day I would have a different look on it. Just as we have to live with others playing it is also fair that the is quiet times so others can enjoy the peace of their gardens too. But your husband dose sound hard to live with as there had to be give and take especially at this time.

Pliudev · 31/05/2020 17:40

Your husband sounds a real pain. Children having fun is fine if it doesn't go on too long or too loud and if the neighbours haven't complained, what's his real problem? We have one neighbour who likes to play his music very loud and another who regularly makes DIY noise and don't get me started on the electric mowers and hedge trimmers. I don't exactly enjoy it but I don't object because they have their rights too. It seems like you have put up with quite a lot from this man. Is he really worth it?.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 31/05/2020 17:41

Wtf is wrong with your DH?

You had to move twice because you lived near other families and he won't let your children play in their own garden?!

Is he neurotypical? Is he from a non British culture different expectations?

csigeek · 31/05/2020 17:41

I’m inclined to say your DH is a dick but was he brought up in a “children should be seen but not heard” environment and it’s all he knows?

Pinkrinse · 31/05/2020 17:41

I’m 60 so responding as a neighbour, if it was a couple of hours a day and normal kids noise, laughing, occasional argument, and the odd scream etc. it wouldn’t bother me in the least. Continual shouting loudly or screaming is a different matter. To be honest I’d be much more irritated by someone in the garden with music on!

LittleMissMe99 · 31/05/2020 17:42

There is something up with your husband. That's not a normal reaction to kids (especially your own) playing in the garden. If he makes those kids put a "sorry" note through a door, I'd have his bags packed. Those poor children

Jeeperscreepers69 · 31/05/2020 17:43

Put it back together get ur cossie on and dig out his budgie smugglers. Sounds like he needs some fun. How old is he? 69?

notthemum · 31/05/2020 17:44

YADNBU to have bought your kids a pool and to let them have fun. However YHBU to have married a misery guts who hates people and then have had children with him. Poor kids. If I had a pool I'd be in it with very noisy children

CallmeBadJanet · 31/05/2020 17:44

He’s the one that doesn’t like the noise your kids are making. One of his parents was probably the same. The noise of kids playing is absolutely fine. Kids shouting really loudly or high pitched screaming is not ok. If your husband is not at work today, why isn’t he pitching in doing the chores you’re doing?

MacBlank · 31/05/2020 17:44

Sorry but as a man, your husband is a disgrace to men and father's.

He is in modern speech, a massive cockwomble!

Let him read the comments, and let him see what a disappointment he is to men kind.

Doesn't like kids playing, and God forbid they make a noise while playing.

Why you with such a man as this? Is his money really that good?

More over, why did he have 2 kids?

Tell him, fuck off and let the kids play. All the neighbours are half dead anyways and can't even hear the kids.

Sounds like he is the type where you can't win for trying. Is he a manager by any chance? 🐓✊↔️✊ 😜

Beccawte · 31/05/2020 17:45

Personally I’d be more annoyed at noise from loud music and parties in the garden with adults. Kids that are happy and playing in a pool is totally normal to me. As previous poster said, if they get too loud just tell them to tone it down a bit

2Rebecca · 31/05/2020 17:46

Non stop kid squealing is stressful to listen to especially when you aren't their parent so can't stop it. Age 10-12 shouting and arguing for hours would be horrible to listen to to. I think kids in the garden need supervising. Staying out for a few hours is fine if there's an adult in charge. Our gardens are small and close together. I wasn't allowed to shout and squeal for hours on end in or out of the house, same for our kids. We have young kids and a paddling pool next door but are neighbours are sensible and send them in if they start persistently shouting and bickering as they don't want to listen to it either.
Some squealing and shouting is normal but there should be a limit

justforthecake · 31/05/2020 17:46

You married and had children with a man who doesn't like children.

Does he interact with them in a positive way at all?
Does/did he play with them?

No people don't like to hear screaming and shouting in gardens all day but your husband is way over the top and you know this.

I have never let my children scream for play- I taught them early that screams are for hurt or real danger not play. They would be removed from play if they screamed.
But kids are noise and messy- then need to be to learn. Making a mess is important for all sorts of development.

It doesn't sound like a nice environment to bring children up in.

My DH works shifts and I would take the kids out as much as possible when he was sleeping days for his night shifts. To have to be out because your husband doesn't like children is a shit way to live.

I feel very sorry for you and your children op.

I can't believe your marriage has survived moving house because there were other children playing.

If I were you I'd seriously consider what you and your children are getting from your marriage- if it's all financial then that isn't enough.

I would demand counselling OP, couples and family because your husband is not being a partner or father.

Auckland11 · 31/05/2020 17:46

No offence but your DH sounds like a right prick. Then older people will love listening to kids having fun. If they can even hear them. My garden is in a row of at least 10 other gardens, side and back and you dont even notice the sounds from other gardens. Id tell him to get a grip and wouldnt have let him put the pool down. What did he do when he was wee sit in the corner in silence?

MancGirl · 31/05/2020 17:47

I don’t think it’s fair for other posters to be calling your DH vile and a bad parent.

Yes children should be allowed to play outside and make noise but neighbours also should be able to sit out in their gardens in peace sometimes. We are surrounded by a mixture of older households and those with young children. There’s one family in particular that spends all the sunshine hours in their garden and the noise is excessive and very irritating to the neighbours. I’m talking fights, screaming, loud music. I say that as a Mum of twin 10 year olds whose children also make noise but nowhere near that level. For me it’s about respect and having some time with the twins indoors so other neighbours can enjoy their gardens.

FoodologistGirl · 31/05/2020 17:47

Your husband is an arse. I’m in my 50s and love to hear children playing outside. Just because he’s a killjoy doesn’t mean everyone over 49 is. My aged mum in her 80s also love to hear children playing. He sounds like a controlling git and I’d worry about your and your children mental health living under such dominance.

GinWithASplashOfTonic · 31/05/2020 17:51

FWIW ltb not the paddling pool. He sounds like a controlling arse

Sylakotus1981 · 31/05/2020 17:51

Girl, ypu are totally right and I am sorry but not big fan of your hubby. 2hat do you mean paid more to not hear kids??? Mad. So sorry Hun xx hugs

SparklingIsolation · 31/05/2020 17:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

MyHeartIsInCornwall · 31/05/2020 17:52

You actually moved twice because HE didn’t want to hear other people’s kids? Why did this man even want children of his own. All I can say is, it’s him being unreasonable and your kids will look back and see a miserable excuse for a dad that just wanted to silence and control them. What an utter narcissist!

My neighbours don’t have kids, one his a high school teacher and the other older and single, his elderly mother comes around and if I apologise for the noise my three boys are making she always says she loves to hear them having fun, gall outs and all. If you’re neighbours have an issue with it they’ll likely say something.

I couldn’t personally stay married to someone that controlling. It’s abuse, plain and simple.