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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

paddling pool etiquette or garden play in general

528 replies

cola2019 · 30/05/2020 17:02

AIBU to ask fellow mumsnetters about paddling pool or garden etiquette in general??

Kids are 12 and 10 and I bought an 8ft pool for them at husbands pure disgust. Bought it on Tuesday and they have been it everyday. They splash and throw each other off a tyre they may shout a bit and perhaps sometimes they do "fight" over it. Usually busy doing other stuff in the mornings and I am struggling to get them out for a walk because of corona so this gets them off their devices. However hubby says the neighbours do not want to hear children shouting and screaming all day. 1. It isn't all day and 2. It is playing - maybe arguing a couple of times like kids do.

When they were little he didn't like them in the garden so i used to spend all sunny afternoons at the park where they could play to their hearts content.

We live in a street with predominantly older neighbours because the twice we lived in a close and a crescent with lots of families we had to move because hubby didn't like children playing in the street. They were literally outside for 1.5 hours!!! I thought it could end like this as he is not working today but thought I would give it a chance. He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly. Both kids are now both back inside on their devices!!!! I tried to get them out I really did.

Do neighbours mind on a sunny day kids playing outside for 2 hours?? Our neighbours are ok a little strait laced and all in the over 50's bracket but we had to choose a house somewhere where my husband would feel comfortable as the 2 other house moves were disastrous due to lots of families living close by!!! I am sure other kids are out in their pools and I seen photos on facebook. Hubby says it is ok if you live on an estate where you have chosen to be surrounded by children but we made the choice to pay more and get ourselves out of the 'kids everywhere' bubble and the neighbours will be so angry that their peace has been shattered. He has told the kids they need to put a sorry letter through the 2 next door neighbours doors - I have stuck up for the kids and said they don't need to and he is fuming that I have undermined him. Please be honest but who is right here. I think I am but the more I think about it now I am thinking maybe it isn't fair on the neighbours and I should have forced them out on their bikes or a day trip to the beach for the day.

OP posts:
AfterSchoolWorry · 31/05/2020 10:42

He is a selfish, selfish pig. How dare he try to dictate like this?

I would divorce him, there will be huge problems down the line when the children realise what a negative, selfish person he is. He's depriving them of fun and normality.

There will be bitter resentment from them, things will get very toxic.

LakieLady · 31/05/2020 10:46

I don’t like loads of noise...we bought a detached house in a quiet cul de sac because of this

Even that's no guarantee, @magicstar1. My SIL and her husband moved into a cul de sac of detached houses. Their younger two (9 & 11) are the noisiest children I've ever known. We heard them as we were driving up the close with the car windows closed, and they were in the back garden. The younger one has a screech that could make your ears bleed. Plus they built another detached house in the garden, and a summerhouse thing that the kids use for gaming, which gets very shouty.

Tbf, experiencing their noise has probably made me more sympathetic to the OP's DH's position than I otherwise might have been.

Jennyie1 · 31/05/2020 10:56

What do your children think of their Dad?

LynetteScavo · 31/05/2020 10:59

I think it depends on the type of playing. Generally shouting and laughing while playing is fine. DM has some children who live near her who constantly scream with joy and excitement. Screaming is annoying.

SkyDragon · 31/05/2020 11:25

Anyone who minds the noise of children playing is a massive knob.

copycopypaste · 31/05/2020 12:20

I feel so sad for your dc. It's Sunday before a Monday of home schooling, after a week off, glorious sunshine which, let's face it, we don't see very often in the uk, you have a perfectly useable paddling pool and your husband is being a complete wanker and not letting them use it as HE doesn't like the noise.

copycopypaste · 31/05/2020 12:21

Tbh if i was the op I'd be filling it back up today and telling my dh to fuck off if he starts. Even if you just let them play on it for 2 hrs

LucyFox · 31/05/2020 13:32

I live in a Predominantly older area but there are a couple of families with children around. I have absolutely no problem with the noise of children playing – however continual screaming is not necessary.
What I do have a problem with is one family nearby who seem to think that because they have one of these large pool things that they can have friends over to play in it - 5 or 6 kids most definitely not from the same family is not acceptable!

LucyFox · 31/05/2020 13:36

If you want placate your husband (not that I think you need to) pop a note through the neighbours doors that says something along the lines of “if the children get too loud or annoying please do let us know“

Sceptre86 · 31/05/2020 14:10

I think your dh is being daft. Unless where you live is rural there is bound to be some noise because people have to live. Yes kids screeching can be annoying but so can people getting drunk in their gardens and being very loud or those that subject us all to their musical choices at a volume that the whole street can hear. The weather in the UK is nicer than normal and people are enjoying it your kids included. A bit of give and take is necessary if you want to live in a community.

Your kids do not need to apologise, instead your dh should for being such a kill joy. I would put the paddling pool back up whilst the weather is still nice enough for them to enjoy.

Di11y · 31/05/2020 14:23

I've been WFH and trying to entertain my 3yo and 6yo. if they're happy in the garden I don't interfere. one afternoon they were particularly noisy and when I saw my neighbour (60s and normally quite dour) and apologised he said it was lovely to hear them having fun.

you're allowed to have fun. it's clear your kids need entertaining. they're allowed to make noise.

Bouncer4me · 31/05/2020 14:43

Good god he is a killjoy. I’d personally tell him to bugger off and put it up again!!

CorianderLord · 31/05/2020 14:55

I love the sounds of children playing and don't mind the occasional shriek soon as it's not constant. We were all kids once (and I don't have kids yet).

Much nicer than the man who blares reggae outside my flat from 9am-10pm.

CorianderLord · 31/05/2020 14:58

I mean you could go round to the neighbours and ask whether it was bothering them to find out but I don't really think you should have to. My mums late 50s and thinks kids playing is lovely

DoYourTitsHangLow · 31/05/2020 15:48

Your poor kids and poor you with a dad/husband like that.
I would be putting that pool back up, saying absolutely not that your children should be writing letters to your neighbours who are possibly sat in their house/garden wondering why the poor kids next door aren't making the most of this weather and their garden.
Screaming and constant arguing should not be allowed, definitely not but let the poor kids have some fun.

Charliecatpaws · 31/05/2020 15:53

I’m sitting in my garden an I can hear my neighbours children (4 & 7) splashing in their pool, some shrieks and shouts but what’s the problem? It’s great to hear children having fun

Iggi999 · 31/05/2020 16:01

When they were little he didn't like them in the garden
I can't quite believe what I am reading here. LTB. He will suck the joy out of their lives and they will resent you for it too.

Rm2018 · 31/05/2020 16:26

He is a knob

sophiasnail · 31/05/2020 16:48

Our neighbours 3 boys are in their paddling pool from about 9am to 7pm almost every day... shouting away... and we don't mind at all! It is nice to hear them enjoying themselves!

dottycat123 · 31/05/2020 16:50

I have just bought a large paddling pool for myself (aged 52)and ds2 (aged18) we have both spent time in it in the past few days as we can't get to the beach at the moment. Your dh sounds miserable. I have never objected to children playing in the garden and as an over 50 am enjoying my paddling pool in this heat.

anyoldname76 · 31/05/2020 16:55

My boys are 8 and 11 and both fought over an inflatable, even though we had 2 Hmm your DH sounds a bit of a misery tbh, yes it can be a bit annoying but that's kids for you

Therabbitandthebear · 31/05/2020 17:01

He literally talks sings shouts and dances ALL day. He is exhausting
Your dh sounds like a controlling dick but this is how describe your ds on a previous thread?

avamiah · 31/05/2020 17:27

It’s no problem at all .
My mum is 83 and she loves to hear people in the garden.

Blue92x · 31/05/2020 17:32

Well DH sounds a barrel of laughs!

Honestly if your neighbours have a problem with it I think they’d of complained.

I let my kids play out if it’s not too early and yes if they get a bit loud I’ll just ask them to lower their voices. Kids need to be kids and this whole situation is hard enough for all of us without them not even being allowed to play.

Build it back up, let them play and tell your DH to feck off. Enjoy the sunshine! Grin

Stay Safe 😘

Scarydinosaurs · 31/05/2020 17:32

How miserable.

We don’t know what noise your kids were making so impossible to say.

He doesn’t sound like much of a dad.

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