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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

paddling pool etiquette or garden play in general

528 replies

cola2019 · 30/05/2020 17:02

AIBU to ask fellow mumsnetters about paddling pool or garden etiquette in general??

Kids are 12 and 10 and I bought an 8ft pool for them at husbands pure disgust. Bought it on Tuesday and they have been it everyday. They splash and throw each other off a tyre they may shout a bit and perhaps sometimes they do "fight" over it. Usually busy doing other stuff in the mornings and I am struggling to get them out for a walk because of corona so this gets them off their devices. However hubby says the neighbours do not want to hear children shouting and screaming all day. 1. It isn't all day and 2. It is playing - maybe arguing a couple of times like kids do.

When they were little he didn't like them in the garden so i used to spend all sunny afternoons at the park where they could play to their hearts content.

We live in a street with predominantly older neighbours because the twice we lived in a close and a crescent with lots of families we had to move because hubby didn't like children playing in the street. They were literally outside for 1.5 hours!!! I thought it could end like this as he is not working today but thought I would give it a chance. He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly. Both kids are now both back inside on their devices!!!! I tried to get them out I really did.

Do neighbours mind on a sunny day kids playing outside for 2 hours?? Our neighbours are ok a little strait laced and all in the over 50's bracket but we had to choose a house somewhere where my husband would feel comfortable as the 2 other house moves were disastrous due to lots of families living close by!!! I am sure other kids are out in their pools and I seen photos on facebook. Hubby says it is ok if you live on an estate where you have chosen to be surrounded by children but we made the choice to pay more and get ourselves out of the 'kids everywhere' bubble and the neighbours will be so angry that their peace has been shattered. He has told the kids they need to put a sorry letter through the 2 next door neighbours doors - I have stuck up for the kids and said they don't need to and he is fuming that I have undermined him. Please be honest but who is right here. I think I am but the more I think about it now I am thinking maybe it isn't fair on the neighbours and I should have forced them out on their bikes or a day trip to the beach for the day.

OP posts:
recklessruby · 30/05/2020 23:05

I am 52 so in your "over 50s" age range and have adult dc.
There are several young children around here who play in their gardens, splashing and squealing and laughing. Doesn't bother me at all. My own used to make a bit of noise too in the summer. It s just kids.
Actually love listening to the little boy 2 doors down and his questions "Mummy why cant we eat ants?" Was todays Grin.
Your husband is being unreasonable. Didn't he ever play out and make a noise as a kid?
I remember lots of lovely long hot summers when we were out all the time when I was young.

User8008135 · 30/05/2020 23:09

Your husband needs therapy for his issues. Living with his demands will affect your dc greatly. Resemble the pool and if he has issues he can leave. He has already controlled enough of their lives.

Incrediblytired · 30/05/2020 23:14

It’s about balance, it’s completely fine for your kids to play in the garden-otherwise you might as well get a flat with no garden. It’s also important to be considerate of your neighbours. If they were screeching dawn TIL dusk then that would be too much but just playing is fine.

Why not have a chat with the neighbours as say “just wondering if our noise bothers you? Please let us know if it does”

My elderly neighbour is widowed and says she loves hearing us playing as a family as she’s alone and it’s nice to hear happiness. We chat to her aswell but she buys my daughter toys so I don’t think she is just being polite. I also don’t mind the hubbub of summery noises as long as it’s not antisocial.

Tbh it does sound like DH is being a dick

GreyishDays · 31/05/2020 08:03

I’m really sad for you that you’ve spent their childhood trying to keep them away from him.
What does he contribute to your family? It sounds like everyone is probably on edge most of the time.

Sassenach85 · 31/05/2020 08:46

He sounds like a terrible father...

AnotherEmma · 31/05/2020 08:52

He's an arsehole, he should never have had children given that he hates them so much.

You should leave him, for your children's sake if not your own. And meanwhile, let them play in your garden, and also go out with them - it is permitted and will do you all good.

"I am struggling to get them out for a walk because of corona"
You can't get coronavirus from going out for a walk, not unless you're planning on going for a walk with someone who has it and giving them a snog.

Fishfingersandwichplease · 31/05/2020 09:00

I usually think parents need to back each other up even if they don't always agree, just so kids don't think they can manipulate you if that makes sense. BUT in this situation absolutely not...my gosh l would be telling DH to go fuck himself if he thinks a letter needs to be written to apologise for kids being outside. Does he honestly think they are better inside on screens than enjoying the lovely weather? Sounds like a complete prick. Please tell us you have put the pool back up?

Oblomov20 · 31/05/2020 09:02

Your husband is an absolute miser! But a 10 and a 12 year old are very loud. So yes, being respectful is good.

superram · 31/05/2020 09:05

They don’t need to write the letter but they do need a hard line of, if you are too noisy they have to come in.

nuitdesetoiles · 31/05/2020 09:06

I feel really sorry for your kids. Playing outside making a bit of noise is far preferable to being inside on screens....you can hear loads of kids playing and splashing round our estate at mo, it's a happy sound and its intermittently...not morning until night.

I do object to garden power tools from 8am each day though currently but that's another thread!

zscaler · 31/05/2020 09:08

He is definitely overreacting.

I live in an area with loads of kids and I don’t mind hearing them play. I have one set of neighbours where the kids are a pain because they scream at each other constantly and are out literally all the time. But if it’s mostly the sound of playing with the odd shout or scream then it’s fine, especially if it’s only a couple of hours at a time.

Giespeace · 31/05/2020 09:11

“Hubby” is an insufferable twat and it’s such a shame for your kids that he is their father.

jackstini · 31/05/2020 09:26

I actually feel very angry on your kids' behalf

He made you move from places that would have made their childhood so much better Sad

They are only young once and as a family you should do what suits the majority, not walk on eggshells around the one who is completely unrealistic about kids

Maybe show him this thread...

Then fill that pool back up and let them crack on

icansmellburningleaves · 31/05/2020 09:32

The last thing I’d want to listen to would be teenagers screaming and playing in a pool. I’m being honest. But if it was only for a couple of hours a day I would just go and take myself into house doing something else and come back into garden when it was quieter. I think wherever we live, kids exist, we were kids once and we played out all day. We were probably just as annoying. So as much as it may annoy me, it’s just a fact of life.
If I were you I’d be congratulating myself that I’d found something that got them outside and off their devices.
I think to make the kids apologise is actually putting into your neighbour’s heads that the kids shouldn’t make a sound.
If however the kids are making a racket all day long then this isn’t ok.

Imapotato · 31/05/2020 09:36

Wow, how have you stayed married to such an old bore!

To have to move twice due to kids in the area, when you have kids yourself, is really odd. Your poor children.

You are right and he is wrong. We live in an area with lots of little kids (mine are teens) and you can hear the all day long splashing and laughing in their pools. Mine will still get ours out on sunny days and make noise themselves! There is one little girl opposite that screams pretty much non stop and that can be fairly annoying, but she’s only little, so you can’t really get angry at her.

I’d put the pool back up, team up with the kids and push hubby in!

JRUIN · 31/05/2020 09:37

I can't believe the title of this thread. Your controlling husband must have done a right number on you OP if you think he may be right with his horribly uptight intolerance of children playing and making a bit of noise. Your husband sounds mentally unbalanced to me and I feel so sorry for your kids for not being allowed to enjoy the last couple of years of their childhood. Does he get to dictate every other aspect of your lives OP?

LannieDuck · 31/05/2020 09:47

How long are they on their devices during the day? Does your husband agree that they need a break or a bit of variety?

In which case, I think he's just made it his job to think up something for him to do with them today to get them off the devices for a while...

wonderstuff · 31/05/2020 09:51

Children playing in their own garden is absolutely fine. Your dh sounds very very uptight. Let them play.

Twillow · 31/05/2020 09:54

This sounds very difficult for you. Are the children very resentful of him - I would have been at their age and they will probably grow up will remembering this - both that you tried to give them something fun to do and that he stopped it.
There is a difference between consideration for your neighbours and being a fun-sucking arsehole.

GreyishDays · 31/05/2020 09:57

I just had another thought. It’s more important to your husband that your neighbours approve of him/you all than your children have a normal childhood.

NinkiNonkiNikau · 31/05/2020 10:08

You have a dh problem - he is being really selfish!

OldEvilOwl · 31/05/2020 10:22

Get the pool back out! He's a miserable bastard. I can't believe you usually take them to the park to let them be noisy. You can't live next door to people and expect silence!

Mummyshark2019 · 31/05/2020 10:26

On the contrary. I love to hear kids playing and laughing on a nice day. It is a lovely sound amongst all the misery we live in today. Crack on and tell your husband to wind his neck in.

Pleasenodont · 31/05/2020 10:28

Your DH sounds absolutely miserable. Your DC are young and having fun which is great especially given current circumstances. The neighbours haven’t complained so your DH is just assuming other people are as miserly as he is.

LakieLady · 31/05/2020 10:30

Do neighbours mind on a sunny day kids playing outside for 2 hours?

Not generally, but when next door's kids were young, the screaming, screeching and shouting when they were in the paddling pool was such a godawful racket that I used to have to go out, or shut all the windows and doors and put music on loud-ish. My other neighbour on the other side hated it too, she's a really keen gardener and got really fed up with having to retreat indoors leaving jobs half-done.

Shouting and fighting isn't nice to hear, and at 12 and 10 they're probably pretty loud. (I'd also have thought they're a bit big for paddling pools at that age, tbh).

Are your neighbours WFH atm? We are, and trying to have meetings, represent at tribunals (now done over the phone) or complex calls phone calls with loud kids in the background would be very challenging, not just for me, but for clients, too. It can sometimes take 2 hours to go through a PIP form with a client, and I wouldn't be able to do it with all that noise going on. If they're WFH, I would ask if there are specific times when they need the noise kept down a bit.

A couple of hours now and again would be reasonable, but not every day. I think somewhere between your position and your DH's position would be reaosnable.