Neighbour just scolded my husband for building a fence. AIBU for being angry?

[LindyMoe]

We're building a fence on our land for privacy in the garden. There is currently a hedge about waist high the neighbour has grown between gardens, but we would like privacy especially with my newborn.

He questioned my husband, demanding a reason for the fence but given it's on our land and we're sacrificing garden space to be away from his hedge, I'm quite shocked. He said we dont need one, that it's not pretty and that we haven't given him the attractive side. My husband said we're allowed to build what we want within regulation... it's a fence!

He then stormed off and said goodbye to being neighbourly.

In this time of worry and stress its making me quite anxious and I'm worried he will try and cause problems for us.

AIBU to be angry about this? I wanted to be friendly but honestly dont think we've done anything wrong.

Sigh

Familiarity breeds contempt and all that.

It also brings help. So because I am actually polite to neighbours and have a short chats with them, I have, unlike large portion of MN going by the threads here, someone to look after my house and plants if we go away, a help only a scream away, safer feeling because I know that if something were to happen I have number of doors to knock on and so on. All that is much faster and more convenient than calling a friend from other side of the town.
People forgot how is community and knowing each other even just a bit important...

Just build your fence how you want it. Ignore the NDN who is acting like an oversized baby.

I prefer the 'bad' side facing into my garden... easier to attach grids/wires/trellises for plants, hang bird feeders...

Yes agreed, what's done is done and I cannot tell him how to feel. I will let them know next time.

A fence shouldn't stop you being neighbourly, as on the other side they are lovely with their 6ft fence and we regularly chat.

I can only apply this learned etiquette to the next situation .

YANBU about putting up a fence.
But YAB a bit U for not mentioning it to them and definitely for not facing the attractive side to them. That is standard fence etiquette to face it attractive side to the neighbour.

Only a doormat would give the attractive side to their neighbour. Carry on. In fact, chop back their hedge to the boundary and put the fence where it should be, on the boundary.

We recently put a new fence up in our garden. The company suggested telling our neighbour what we were doing and advised that it is usual to offer to give the neighbour the 'better' side. We let our neighbour know and offered the 'good' side but they were not bothered about it. Good luck in resolving this, once your neighbour has calmed down just apologise and say you are sorry he is upset. It might be worth just trying to smooth things over ...

@LindyMoe

So interesting reading all these responses. I went back out and the houses either side and further down all have the 'ugly' side facing the neighbours. So its etiquette but none of them have done it... I'm scratching my head lol.

Honestly though thanks for responding

But how do you know which neighbour/side put the fence up ?

They may all be uber polite but you won't know unless you saw then putting all the fences up.

I'm just chiming in to say Do not give him the nice side

Yanbu

I know it's your land and you can do as you please (within legal limits!), but I really get why it didn't even occur to you to let your neighbour know. It wouldn't occur to me not to.

This whole thread is giving me a hilarious "candlelit suppers" vibe - so middle class.

Do people really tell their neighbour before they do something in their own garden which is perfectly legal and a normal thing to do?

It just wouldn’t occur to me that it was any of my neighbours business. Just put your fence, have which ever side facing you that you wish and ignore them. If they don’t like it they are free to put up their own fence or grown their hedges higher.

@TerrapinStation very true! I only saw 1 neighbour fixing their fence after the storms. They've built it attractive side in but my neighbour (the one I talk to) doesnt care. Will reassess in the morning, everything is a bit clearer after sleep

@NeutrinoWrangler

Good relations with neighbours is nice, yes, but I wouldn't expect someone to be upset over a perfectly ordinary fence-- and honestly, even if they weren't happy about it, I wouldn't let it change my plans to put up a fence, so discussing it serves very little practical purpose.

Where does one draw the line? If I want to plant red roses, but my neighbour thinks red would clash with her own flowers, should I opt for yellow? Should I consult with the neighbours before choosing what style of patio furniture to purchase? After all, they have to look at it every day, too (if I haven't already put up a privacy fence).

I'm someone who wants privacy and would appreciate the fence, but I don't think it's an equivalent to patio furniture or plants. I am not saying you need to ask permission, but a polite heads up doesn't seem a big deal to me.

I can’t believe it’s customary to give your neighbours the good side of a fence.

We paid £1000 last year to replace a very long boundary fence. Buggered if I was looking at the back of it. Neighbours didn’t contribute.

Don't give the nicer side though!

Of course people tell their neighbours about something that will affect them too! It’s just common courtesy. Why wouldn’t you. It’s not asking permission, it’s giving them the heads up.
It will probably affect their light, any therefore planting or garden furniture positioning.
My neighbours are a delight and therefore I tolerate the maximum height fence which meant I suddenly got no light after 5pm. And they tolerate the planting which grows through the fence onto their side.
Just part of being heighbourly.

If you want 6 foot walls around your garden
PLEASE
buy a house that already has them

do not assume you will be welcome to break community bonds
clap for carers type bonds

Insularity is unhealthy

I bet those community bonds would take a flying leap if you had a waist high fence and then grandpa decided to sit on his patio in his y fronts.

you should have consulted/informed - to be polite.

not sure about the convention of "good" side of fence or not but if they've already a hedge their they can let it grow, surely

Insularity is unhealthy

Perhaps for you it is, for many of us, privacy is absolutely crucial for our well-being.

FFS stop with the etiquette crap. The only etiquette is that you own the fence to the left side of your garden and therefore the neighbour on the right owns that side.

OP, don't be bullied into putting up a smaller fence, or turning the panels to face a different way. After all, they've got a hedge to disguise it!
The only thing I would have done different is to have told them about it beforehand. In fact, I've been just told my neighbour that we're putting in a new front fence. No way would I have asked her!

Who gets the good side....

www.trentwoodfencingoxfordshire.co.uk/news/garden-fence-etiquette-who-gets-the-good-side.htm

Honestly, don't take any Mumsnet-acquired etiquette into the real world, you'll be walked all over.

Give a rude neighbour the nice side of the fence? Bugger that,

The only etiquette is that you own the fence to the left side of your garden and therefore the neighbour on the right owns that side.

Not always. I own right side.