Neighbour just scolded my husband for building a fence. AIBU for being angry?

[LindyMoe]

We're building a fence on our land for privacy in the garden. There is currently a hedge about waist high the neighbour has grown between gardens, but we would like privacy especially with my newborn.

He questioned my husband, demanding a reason for the fence but given it's on our land and we're sacrificing garden space to be away from his hedge, I'm quite shocked. He said we dont need one, that it's not pretty and that we haven't given him the attractive side. My husband said we're allowed to build what we want within regulation... it's a fence!

He then stormed off and said goodbye to being neighbourly.

In this time of worry and stress its making me quite anxious and I'm worried he will try and cause problems for us.

AIBU to be angry about this? I wanted to be friendly but honestly dont think we've done anything wrong.

Sigh

This exact same thing happened to me.

I love my fence it was worth any hassle to be able to sit in peace and not see his face!

@ListeningQuietly

How high is the fence?

If you are going from a 3 foot hedge to a 6 foot fence
you are cutting out half the light from his garden
and cutting off his views to the distance

how much of the boundary are you fencing?

could you do 6 foot by the house
5 foot further along
and 4 foot even further along

to give the feeling of space and yet get privacy

check out the Far side cartoon about fences

Last time i checked the light came from the sun which is up in the sky not at ground level. Therefore increasing a fence from 3ft to 6ft does not halve the light !

For the record planning rules state that you can build a 1.8 mt fence (app 6 ft) along your rear side boundary without the need for planning permission. Different rules in conservation areas.

Last time i checked the light came from the sun which is up in the sky not at ground level.
Go and look more.
The sun does this pesky thing of moving
and at 51 degrees N in winter it rarely rises much above the angle of a 6 foot fence on a normal width garden

go outside and look a LOT more

I agree with most of the posters. Go speak to him, give attractive side to him, which is usual. The biggest issue you'll have is maintaining the fence, treatment and painting, staining or varnishing it - you need the neighbour to cooperate and possibly access to his land to do it, or it could rot in time. Plus fences can blow down, block light for the hedge, etc. So the neighbour should be informed for all of these reasons/concerns. It's just neighbour etiquette. Hope it all works out.

Have R most of TFT and would just say that you can buy fences that look the same from both sides so that's a solution to one conundrum.

Not sure but i always thought you had to give the neighbours the good side

I gave myself the ‘good’ side of my fence. I paid for it and it’s on my land so there was no way I wasn’t having it.
Had no issues from neighbours

I've read half the thread. I replaced my garden fence a couple of years ago. I own it but along boundaries with 2 neighbours (so do check to see who owns boundaries). One side I see more of and asked them what they would prefer - it is convention that you give your neighbour the flat side (precisely as a pp stated so that the posts are on your land). The other neighbour has their own boundary hedgerow, planting, etc so although i advised them i was replacing the fence i did it as suited me.

I advised my neighbours for several reasons being courtesy but also in case the fencers needed to access their side (replacing posts as well).

I have lived in my house for over 20 years - no neighbour issues at all.

Up to you what you do, but why fall out with neighbours over nothing. I dont get it.

I wouldn’t give him the ‘attractive’ side.. his hedge is soon going to be covering it and besides the ‘attractive’ side will be safer for your wee one which is the whole point of the fence so keep it to your side.
I’m happy to get on very well with my neighbours but I don’t want to be looking at them in my garden..I paid to have all my fences doubled skinned so I can paint them whatever colour I want too and grow whatever I want up them

Why on earth should you give the attractive side to your neighbours when you paid for it?

I wouldn't give the attractive side but I agree that you should have told him i treat my neighbours like I want them to treat me. So if I was doubling the hight of current "fencing" hence altering view and, yes, the feel of the garden, I would tell them simply because I would like warning and some kind of discussion about the type of the fence. Let's face it, I would end up looking at it all the time too since it would be in the view now.

It's only polite

YANBU.

He's not entitled to look in your garden, and you dont need to let him know about it either. I barely speak to my neighbours, I certainly wouldn't think to run what I'm doing to my garden past them.

It would have been neighbourly to mention it before it went up.

Your property, your fence. You will soon have a toddler - of course you want a well fenced garden.

As for letting him know first - what difference does it make if you let him know on Monday, Wednesday or Friday when you inform him by putting the fence up? None at all except to narrow the window for him to think he has a chance to whine at you and try to impose his will on your fence.

On your property.
At your expense
To meet your needs
For your life.

My new NDN moved in and erected two six foot fence panels between our gardens without a word. Whilst they are absolutely entitled it was a bit of a surprise and an eyesore.

I've recovered by deciding (along with other evidence) that they are unpleasant people and the fence stops me having to acknowledge them. I'm also growing bamboo against the panels to create a pretty screen.

This is the most bonkers thread ever.

We’ve always had high fences around our garden wherever we’ve lived.
Previous house the small three foot fence blew over during a storm, we eventually put up a six foot fence. Without consulting neighbour and kept the good side facing us.

I’ve always been on good terms with all my neighbours. But I keep it to polite nodding terms only. Familiarity breeds contempt and all that.

Current house we’ve got high fences on all sides in our garden, pretty side facing our garden. And friendly with everyone.

I’ve never in my life consulted with the neighbours about putting up a fence on my property and I wouldn’t in future either.

If you talk to the neighbour regularly, it wouldn't hurt to mention in passing, but if you don't normally speak, I don't see the need to go to special effort just for a fence. There's nothing unusual about wanting privacy in your own garden.

It's not a huge, loud project that will go on for weeks, and you're paying for the fence yourself, so as long as you keep it to a legal height, it's none of their business. I'd also keep whatever side of the fence I wanted. He can put up one of his own, if he doesn't like it!

I don't understand this need for some to go immediately to hostile, "it's none of their business" attitude (unless there is history and bad blood). It's in our interests to maintain good relationship with neighbours. A brief chat could save years of grief.

You are not doing anything wrong but he is entitled to feel the way he does and if he chooses to fall out over it then you will have to live with it.

When we moved into our house NDN put up a 6ft fence replacing a really pointless picket type one. She didn't tell us and we didn't get the attractive side.

Did we care, were we offended? No because it is her garden and she is entitled to her privacy.

Oh honestly post this again in a week and you'll get a completely different set of responses. YANBU

Why do people have to be so awkward?

My ndn put a big fence up a few years back, I couldn't care less and certainly wouldn't cause a fuss.

By positioning the fence where you have you are effectively moving your legal boundary. That has the potential to cause all sorts of problems. I'd first cut the hedge back to the boundary on your side and then put up the fence. Not good for neighbourly relations, but it will cause you less hassle in the long run. You wouldn't just donate a strip of your garden to a neighbour for any other reason would you?

Sod the neighbours getting the nice side, and you can build want you want. I would make it even higher now.

Good relations with neighbours is nice, yes, but I wouldn't expect someone to be upset over a perfectly ordinary fence-- and honestly, even if they weren't happy about it, I wouldn't let it change my plans to put up a fence, so discussing it serves very little practical purpose.

Where does one draw the line? If I want to plant red roses, but my neighbour thinks red would clash with her own flowers, should I opt for yellow? Should I consult with the neighbours before choosing what style of patio furniture to purchase? After all, they have to look at it every day, too (if I haven't already put up a privacy fence).

Don't give them the "attractive " side. It's your fence you have that side.
If they want an "attractive" side they can put up there own fence.