You tube influencer "rehomes" adopted son

[quizacabusi81]

Myka Stauffer a popular YouTube and Instagram influencer raised considerable funds to adopt a child from China, the child a boy she called Huxley had brain damage, non verbal autism and behavioural difficulties. Myka has 4 biological children and adopted 4 year Huxley 18 months ago.

After quite some time of not posting anything about him and after repeated questions from her "followers" she recently uploaded a video where in her words she's "rehomed him" and he was with people much more able and suited to deal with his complex needs.

The main issue people have is the money she raised for his adoption and the secrecy regarding this at one point one of her followers noticed that she had put a video up of her repainting his room and turning it into her daughters room with no mention of him.

Apparently it was like she wanted people to forgot she has ever adopted him and people are furious.

I can see both sides as it must have been a complex and difficult decision especially if they couldn't meet his needs. She had to consider her other children... one a small baby but on the other hand she wasn't very transparent about it...

Also there are allegations of her using duct tape on his hands and I have seen a video of her mocking him because of his meltdowns so hopefully he is now with people more suited to his needs.

Thoughts?

There are photos of his duct taped thumbs.

Heart breaking.

As a mother of a child with severe non verbal autism, learning difficulties, challenging behaviour, incontinent, sleep difficulties, attends a special school, the list can go on, it’s absolutely relentless. He’s my son and I love him and I cope day by day putting one foot I front of the other. Close family who come over tell me they don’t know how I cope. Some days I just burst in to tears the day is so difficult. Have you ever looked after anyone with these needs OP? I don’t feel like his mother i am like a full time carer and even getting to the corner shop isn’t possible some days. I don’t think most people can imagine what it’s like, no it’s not like having one of the quirky autism kids they show on TV (I am in no way undermining their needs either, but can’t compare to the most severe end) I think she made the best decision for herself, her family and the little boy if she couldn’t cope. I’m sure she’s grieving and it wasn’t a decision made overnight or lightly. Heartbreaking for everyone involved.

Here's a pic of his duct tapped thumb/ hand!

I have no idea who she is, think influencer is an embarrassment, but sadly this isn't the first case.

I think in Red magazine a few years ago there was a piece from a woman who had reversed the adoption of a child. She tried hard to justify her decision but there wasn't one. She came across as very defensive and wouldn't entertain she had acted in a less than pleasant way.

Yes I have very close personal experience of it.

My issue as stated isn't the adoption breaking down but the way they subsequently went about it.

Redecorating his room and changing it heir daughters room, perfect families pictures, videos about cleaning and what shed eaten that day... totally white washing him out of the family/ her world whilst still gaining financial revenue from him.

Her/ their followers rightly or wrongly were invested in their world as were expected to forget he ever existed.

Its disgusting to refer to giving her child up as "rehoming" he's a child, not a dog ffs. And very sad for him to yet again be torn away from what he knows.

However, I think it's wrong to vilify this family. Adoption breakdown isn't uncommon and they should have never taken on a child with additional needs to begin with. They are stupid and naeve but not evil.

I feel so much anger on behalf of the disabled people whose parents/carers film them and publish videos of them all over the internet.

It's such an affront to their privacy and dignity.

Redecorating his room and changing it heir daughters room, perfect families pictures, videos about cleaning and what shed eaten that day... totally white washing him out of the family/ her world whilst still gaining financial revenue from him.

Not saying this is right, but they probably want to move on, I can imagine it was very traumatic for them (I realise this would pale in comparison to the trauma faced by their adopted son). There may also be an element of not wanting to remind their follows of what happened.

She had to consider her other children...

Yes, but is she too thick to think of doing this before adopting another child? - or did the fundraising opportunity blind her to potential problems?

Poor wee soul. If they had said that they couldn’t cope and he needed to go to residential care, or that they had to get a live in nanny... how do other families cope for goodness sake?

Parents I know with children with SN both work and juggle like crazy - but then they are their bio kids and done have the attitude that they can ‘give them away’.

I hope he gets the care and love he needs.

I wouldn't vilify the family for the adoption breaking down as a safeguarding social worker I know how challenging SEN children can be. However what I will respond negatively to is:

Taping up his hands - physical abuse
Mocking his emotional deregulation/distress and filming it - Emotional abuse
Crowdfunding money for it - Immoral
Filming a video pleading for people to respect their privacy whilst discussing fine details of the child's living circumstances, medical needs and life- again, emotional abuse.

Wouldn't be wanting any children near them due to their conduct.

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

She had to consider her other children...

Yes, but is she too thick to think of doing this before adopting another child? - or did the fundraising opportunity blind her to potential problems?

She had one child before the adoption and her husband and her has since had a further two.

Sounds like insta-life didn’t pan out in real life for her. I can’t stand all these turning ‘perfect’ online families. It’s all rubbish. Wasn’t there a family I’m the US where the mum ended up having her kids taken away for cruelty because she turned their lives into a circus for online entertainment?

I’m horrified at this situation, I hope they get checked out by child services. selfish people 🤬🤬🤬

If you haven't raised a child with trauma and other special needs you have no idea. The adoption community is tight knit for these reasons.

I have friends who have to have locks on all their doors at night because their dd has threatened to stab them all in their sleep, and is extremely violent to them and the other kids. All pets were rehomed because she attacked them.

Another friend has had her nose and hand broken by her ds. She couldn't be alone with him because he would beat her up. Her dh quit took 6 months off work because it was so scary for her. Her DS was put into a care home and things got better. The help available in Canada even is miniscule, not just for trauma issues but for kids with mental health struggles.

I have a friend whose dd is not adopted but has autism and other mental health struggles and she is now in a facility and doesn't want to come home. Their ds is doing great finally because his sister is no longer attacking him, and their dd loves where she is. The parents are heartbroken though.

Another friend four biological children and the oldest has complex special needs. It's been suggested he go into a facility. She doesn't want him to but she has three other children with their own sn's who would do much better if he did.

I would not judge these people or adoption regulations by this story. Biological parents make these decisions all the time as well.

My own ds used to trash our house and attack me every day. I was covered in bruises and bite marks. My grandmothers china was shattered. It was hard. I fought so hard for proper help. It was exhausting for him and for me. But I only have one child. I can't imagine doing that with others in the home.

No she had 3 children before his adoption there was two months between Huxley and her youngest son at the time... she has since gone on to have one more child.

If a parent can give up a child so easily perhaps it truly is in the child's best interest to be with a family that sincerely wants him and can meet his needs. Whatever his disabilities I think we all know if we are loved and wanted. This is a heartbreaking story but a parent that can expose their life in such a public way is almost certainly very self-involved. My only hope is that he was placed with another more suitable family very quickly and did not fact live very long with the "Youtube family" if he has not been seen for 18 months.

But I only have one child. I can't imagine doing that with others in the home.

Doesn't that make this situation worse though as they brought him into their family knowing they had younger children and then since his arrival they have had another child.

He has only not been seen this past few months not the last 18 months he lived with them for over 2 years not 18 as stated in my original op.

Just read this:

The message, which appeared to be from Myka Stauffer, was written last year and posted to a page called China Adoption Questions.

It stated: "Our son adopted from China is very delayed but is obsessed with food.

I understand the reasoning, however even if he just ate he always stares at everyone when they eat.

"You can't eat food without him watching you eat. Even if he has food in front of him.

On his re-homing she says:

Huxley wanted this decision 100 per cent we saw that in family time with other people, he constantly chose them and signed and showed tons of emotion to show us and let us know he wanted this.

She is making a 4yo child responsible for his decisions?!

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/youtuber-myka-stauffer-complained-autistic-22101434.amp

Sorry if the quotes were shared already, I couldn’t find them.

Saying the child wanted this because he constantly chose other people over them, doesn't do them the favours they think it does because its just another signifier they were abusive or neglectful.

This is disgusting - you don’t ‘rehome’ your child. Would she have done this with one of her biological children?? Whether adopted or biological - it’s YOUR child. How absolutely vile.

The whole thing is horrendous but for the best interests of the child I'm glad hes not under her care anymore.

I agree terrible for both the little boy, who should never have been placed with such a large and young family, and for her other children.
I know someone adopted as a child, who had an adopted sibling that her parents sent back, because she was struggling with school work and slightly difficult. It was very traumatic for my friend who worried that the same might happen to her.

No she had 3 children before his adoption there was two months between Huxley and her youngest son at the time... she has since gone on to have one more child.

He should never have been placed in a household with another child in such close age to him.

The authorities involved in the adoption completely failed that child.