You tube influencer "rehomes" adopted son

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Myka Stauffer a popular YouTube and Instagram influencer raised considerable funds to adopt a child from China, the child a boy she called Huxley had brain damage, non verbal autism and behavioural difficulties. Myka has 4 biological children and adopted 4 year Huxley 18 months ago.

After quite some time of not posting anything about him and after repeated questions from her "followers" she recently uploaded a video where in her words she's "rehomed him" and he was with people much more able and suited to deal with his complex needs.

The main issue people have is the money she raised for his adoption and the secrecy regarding this at one point one of her followers noticed that she had put a video up of her repainting his room and turning it into her daughters room with no mention of him.

Apparently it was like she wanted people to forgot she has ever adopted him and people are furious.

I can see both sides as it must have been a complex and difficult decision especially if they couldn't meet his needs. She had to consider her other children... one a small baby but on the other hand she wasn't very transparent about it...

Also there are allegations of her using duct tape on his hands and I have seen a video of her mocking him because of his meltdowns so hopefully he is now with people more suited to his needs.

Thoughts?

The word "re-home" makes me want to scream.

That said... As the mother of a child who has mental health issues which often manifest violently toward me and sometimes his siblings... I can say if you haven't lived it.... You have no idea how difficult it can be. People we to think that admitting you're overwhelmed means you don't love your kid... Or "if" you loved your kid you'd "never give up" but it's not so black and white. Love doesn't solve everything. And if they couldn't cope... Then it's likely best for him to be somewhere else.

@Ireolu in the US you can literally "rehome" a child through a Facebook group.

Should say "people like to think"

Totally disgusting, who could do such a thing to a child. He must be so confused & distressed his problems will just multiply, I hope for him his new parents will devote the time to support him and make him feel secure, valued & loved. Poor little soul.

Makes me laugh when people call youtubers "brilliant mums" or "'fantastic parents" how do they really know this? They post the "best" bits of their lives showing them in a perfect light. Unless you know what goes on behind the scenes you can't possibly know if they are fantastic parents.

All the more reason not to follow any of these fake, attention-seeking 'influencers' and YouTubers who are all con artists. Stop being a mark for these greedy gits who don't want to get a real job.

I dont know, its easy to judge but to experience it is something else. My neighbour has two autistic children. One is moderate and the other is severe. The one who's severe is displaying violent behaviour and screams with melt downs. Some days are okay, others not so good. I feel sorry for the parents, because I think that it would break me. May she she couldn't cope so placed him in a place suitable for him. Better that, then to lose her temper and do something she may regret.

This is why it frustrates me when people complain that you have to "jump through too many hoops" before you can adopt a child. The restrictions are there to minimise outcomes like this.

I wouldn't pay attention to the duct tape rumours, there are people who want to make a difficult situation seem worse by horrible insinuations and with no proof, are not worth considering. As for her mocking her child, maybe it seemed that way to an outsider but she could have been trying to make lighter of it all. I realise I am giving the woman the benefit of the doubt.

It sounds as though the mother bit off more than she could chew and who could have anticipated that. 'Re-home' is a horrible word but if a better place was found for him, he may thrive. Poor kid.

It's not that many years ago that disabled children were regularly institutionalised and it was considered to be better for them! That seems so harsh now.

She must feel quite wretched about the whole thing. It' a great pity it was all so public and I wonder how she and her family will now ever get back to normal. She probably started out with the best of intentions.

There was a case in Ireland a few years where a couple adopted a child from overseas, their only child. They went to great lengths to find him and bring him home with them. After a while the child was re-adopted because the mother couldn't cope, then they split up. That was terribly sad.

We have to walk in someone else's shoes to understand.

I'm speaking as an adopted child, seventy years ago, who was 'put away' as a teenager because I was too difficult.

Some of you who are judging so harshly need to read @SimonJT s excellent post.

I’m guessing that the posters calling her “ despicable “ haven’t adopted a child with SN themselves ?

Yes @zoecm i'm so glad that we don't have this system in the UK.

Not sure if this is true but apparently there is a hierarchy of adoptions in the states. The white babies being most expensive etc.

Just disgusting really.

I found this about them, apologies if it has already been posted:

news.sky.com/story/myka-stauffer-youtuber-addresses-hurtful-comments-after-revealing-adopted-son-from-china-has-gone-to-a-new-home-11996068

There's a picture on this very thread of his duct taped hands so it's hardly a rumour.

Also, in one of the articles posted she claims that her non-verbal son WANTED to move into a new family and that's why he was "rehomed". I wonder how he let her know.

She may well have struggled to deal with his autism and complex needs. Perhaps these were less obvious when he was younger. However, any responsible person would fully investigate what issues they were taking on and try to gain experience dealing with them. This child was a whim purchase. Rehoming is an awful word. Just ghastly.

I haven't based the duct tape on rumours she posted a video and you can see it in the background.

I appreciate its very very easy to judge I have a lot of personal experience of children with autism and it can be exhausting, frustrating and a constant battle to get any help and support... of course adoptions fail and I would rather her relinquish her rights than hurt him in any way.

However the way she went about this.. white washing him out of her "perfect family life" is what has upset me. She should have taken time away from blogging about her perfect existence and given herself and her children time to heal.

I agree step away from social media was a better option but she/they she does have a husband decided that sponsorship and " likes" and fakery was much more important than addressing the truth.

Adoption breakdown is incredibly common when children are adopted from within their own country of origin. When this happens, people judge, because they think adoption is something it isn't.

I watched the video - I didn't hear her say "rehome", although maybe I missed it. It sounded like the boy had medical needs beyond those that they could cope with. They kept it vague, because they wanted to respect his privacy, which I actually think is a really good thing. Stuff on the internet stays there. They also said that the delay in letting people know was due to legal issues - which also seems pretty believable. I imagine that there weren't allowed to talk about potential adoptive parents whilst things were being resolved. I feel like this thread is pretty harsh reading for those who have had adoptions break down. We don't know what happened, so it's not fair to judge.

However, I also agree that there are significant issues with the adoption having taken place at all.

How many times can they implore people to "respect our privacy"??? We all know they mean "please don't call us out on our abhorrent behaviour".

Adoption breakdown is quite common, but media don't usually cover it and prefer to focus on the positive outcomes (you will normally get rosy views of adoption in the news), and people who return their adopted children tend to remain anonymous for obvious reasons.
I don't know this woman, but I don't think she's a monster; I have seen first hand the struggles of a couple I know who adopted siblings from South America and discovered afterwards that both girls had special needs they weren't told before during the adoption process, in addition to the fact that bio mother was an alcoholic and drug user (again, they found out later).
The sister of one of my childhood friends has been in a special institution (not sure about the translation in English) since I can remember, so she must have been about 7 or 8. Her parents arr not monsters, nobody can understand how difficult it.

The things mentioned PP - veganism, homeschool, asd, adoption etc are all popular searches. Gaining extra hashtags increases visibility on search engines. This extra child will have been a way to gain followers in many different sub-groups.

This is why porn films are now called 'MILF babes schoolgirl choking slut orgy" when 20 years ago the tape would have been 'Naughty St Titians" or some other crap.

I think these parasitic 'influencers' are racking up hashtags for search engine optimisation in the exact same way.

I have now seen the picture of the duct tape on one hand. I originally got the impression she'd taped him up to immobilise him in some way.

All I hope is the little boy is happier in his new home, his needs met and that the family can move on from this very tragic situation. I don't know much about China but it's possible a child with special needs has a better future in the USA.

It's so wrong that the full picture wasn't given to the prospective parents before the adoption but maybe it wasn't known.

This is a shameful story, not because a family couldn’t cope with a small child with extremely complex needs, but because the whole adoption process was obviously done with publicity in mind. Of course she couldn’t cope with the reality of her child because that wasn’t in the forefront of her mind during the adoption process, she was just in it as another angle to get her more attention. With her lifestyle and ‘career’ the adoption should never have been allowed. I would applaud YouTube if she was taken off their channel and lost her sponsorship.

I think there's also a certain mentality that adopters, especially when they cannot have children if their own, must blissfully accept every issue the adopted child has with a smile plastered on their face. I actually heard a family member saying that if they really wanted kids they wouldn't look at how healthy they are.

But that's wrong, it's okay to admit that you are struggling. Post adoption depression is almost never mentioned.

I have no idea who this woman / family are but the whole thing is sickening from start to finish. buying a child & passing him on when he no longer suits you. As for using the word ‘rehome’ in relation to him shows complete & utter contempt. Poor wee boy I hope he is with lovely people who will do their very best for him 😢

I don't know much about China but it's possible a child with special needs has a better future in the USA. I agree with this.