AIBU to think is incredibly rude to ask women when they are going have a baby?

[FucksBizz]

DH and I can’t have children. We have had multiple painful losses over the last three years and medical science doesn’t seem to quite stretch to solving the problem. We cannot face the trauma any more and have decided that we will never have children. I don’t think this is anyone’s business but ours, but still, I am asked this awful question with tedious regularity. I have started responding with a blunt ‘we can’t, but thanks for asking!’ but I guess this is something that I will asked again and again throughout my life.

AIBU to think that you should NEVER ask a woman when she’s going to have children?

Depending on who is asking I always go with the ‘wow, that’s a very personal question! I would never dream of asking you why you don’t leave your waste of space OH/why you don’t lose weight/why you don’t earn more money...mean but you get the gist...soon silences them!

I have always though that if you don’t already know the answer to the question, you have no business asking it. I don’t have children and it is my own choice but many friends of mine have struggled with infertility and been on the receiving end of insensitive questions and remarks.

It's ridiculous as what do they expect you to say- "yes I'm pregnant now?" I think for some it's more a talking point like "what do you think about babies?" I was always really broody in my early 20s and friends would ask me as a joke. When I got asked in my late 20s when had been married for a while, it was a bit

not the cup of the tea!

Yes, really insensitive though. I also got asked "was it planned?" A lot. Didn't know what to say to that either.

Oh and when my son was 4 weeks old, waa asked if I had thought about a second one!

‘Why are you asking me that question? The answer may be that we can’t or don’t want to have children. Where will you go from there?’

I can't stand it. We are very fortunate to have our children and it was our choice to have children as well. I have friends who have decided not to have children or who sadly are unable to who have exhausted all options. Both sets are often asked when they are having children. It's invasive and rude

Argh posted too soon then got interrupted

I will relatively easily explain to people at which point they feel awkward - well they shouldn't ask then!

I’m 47 and it’s only in the last few years people have stopped bloody asking!

2 of my mums sisters also couldn't have children and I know they too found it very painful having people asking, especially one aunt in particular as she and her husband had attempted to adopt but it fell through due to a paperwork issue. They were so devastated they couldn't face trying again.

I have several friends who’ve experienced difficulty conceiving, mc and even stillbirth and they too have had insensitive questions and comments.

It's nobody's business what a couples story is regarding having/not having dc. Even if it's their choice there are many reasons why people choose to not have dc, some are very painful to be pushed to discuss.

I was at a wedding and a TRULY awful woman who we’d met once before at a party said “come on then, it’s about time for you two, when are you going to have a baby? I know it’s not an awkward question because you have a glass of champagne there, haha!” It was a year after we’d miscarried, had been trying ever since and had just been told that the infection I’d had after the miscarriage had left me unlikely to conceive naturally again - and we didn’t qualify for NHS IVF so needed to fund it privately.

God no you are definitely not unreasonable. I didn't meet my husband until I was 35 and then we spent a few years working abroad in a situation that wasn't appropriate for having a baby - but that didn't stop the incessant questioning about when we were going to have one, comments about not leaving it too late and if we hurry we can "pop out a couple".

By the time we got back to the UK we were approaching 40 and it got even worse as we "didn't have the excuse of being in a war zone"

What no one actually ever asked - not that we wanted them to - was whether we even wanted kids. We didn't. We still don't, but as we're nearly 50 now no one bothers asking anymore - so hang on in there, people eventually get bored.

As it is my husband's sister died two years ago and our teenage niece and nephew came to live with us as their father was a deadbeat who hadn't seen them for years.

My husband has an annual work summer party - at the first one after we got married three different people asked me if we were going to have kids. Asked me. Not my husband - who was not only right there, but THEY SEE HIM EVERY DAY. Not that they should have been asking anyway. My responses got progressively frownier until the third guy who got a proper telling off.

Says more about the person asking the question that it ever will about you / your choices/ not being able to have them. And it doesn’t say anything good

Of course it’s a profoundly ignorant thing to come out with for all the reasons already stated here. Sadly you will never stop people being people

I hated this. I had 3 miscarriages before DD and it was awful to be feeling fine then be triggered because someone was nosey. Even before our losses it was awkward, because there isn't really a 'right' answer.

I realised that most people ask this becausr they want to justify their own choices to have children. I took to smiling wistfully and talking about how we enjoy living selfishly, with weekend lie ins, languid restaurant meals, amazing holidays and going to the cinema. It infuriated them, but they couldn't say a thing because they'd been intrusive enough to ask.

Oh, but sometimes I would just say "I've had three miscarriages" and let it hang there like a fart.

I am single, no kids and have been asked quite a few times whether I wanted kids, when was I going to have kids, etc. are just gobsmacking.
Yes, I may not have kids of my own, but I essentially brought up my brother as my mum was alcoholic and died when he was 15. Our dad had died a few years before that, so I had to pick up the pieces.

I had a colleague once, for home a woman was "faulty" if she didn't have kids. On my 25th Birthday she said that instead of a gift I should have got a classified ad looking for a husband so I could "finally" start a family.

As much as I would want a child, I do not have the means to support one financially on my own. And, of course, there's the little matter that I am single.

I don't ask that question as I have a few friends who could not have children or are going through fertility treatment at the moment with no success.
They have enough to deal with without insensitive and unnecessary questions. It's no one's business but their own.