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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be mad with the Estate Agent?

68 replies

Aquiliga · 27/05/2020 13:28

We have just accepted an offer on our jointly owned property. I have single handedly dealt with all the meetings with the Estate Agent and the follow up paperwork. AIBU to be incandescent that when we received a letter from the Estate Agent this morning addressed only to my DH? It's not like they even know him (other than when he briefly called into the office for them to take a copy of his passport).

OP posts:
Wigglegiggle0520 · 27/05/2020 13:31

Complain
#everydaysexism

SerendipityJane · 27/05/2020 13:33

YANBU, but how far to go ?

Personally I would simply cancel my contract with them and find another - even if it hurt me too. Otherwise "lessons will be learned" etc etc and fuck all will happen.

That said, there are probably GDPR implications that might work to your advantage here. Certainly with starting a dialogue about the reduction in fees to offset their mistake and taking it from there.

PowerslidePanda · 27/05/2020 13:34

YANBU. We had exactly the same with our estate agent - I was the person dealing with them, I was the one who signed the contract, DH was nothing more than a secondary contact. Yet the online account was set up in his name, letters came addressed to him rather than me...

LindainLockdown · 27/05/2020 13:37

YANBU to be angry (not mad) but totally agree, sexist wankery.

Original poster
Aquiliga · 27/05/2020 13:43

I have emailed to complain and they have apologised for their mistake and promised to update their records. Still mad though.

OP posts:
cantarina · 27/05/2020 13:55

Had this with our solicitors. After the initial set up, all organised by me, never DH, and all correspondence pointing back to me as the contact, they rang DH. He laughed at them asking why they were contacting him as he had not been involved in any previous conversations. Give me strength!

SerendipityJane · 27/05/2020 14:03

I have emailed to complain and they have apologised for their mistake and promised to update their records. Still mad though.

And reported the GDPR breach and offered compensation ?

User202004 · 27/05/2020 14:03

Complain. I had this with our mortgage broker and bank last year, they upheld the complaint. We are buying a new build atm and I was very pleased to see Mrs X and Mr X as I've dealt with everything. Everyday sexism like this won't go away until we keep chipping away at it, don't let them get away with it, even though they won't have meant harm, hopefully it means they'll stop doing it to the hundreds of customers in the future and that brings change.

User202004 · 27/05/2020 14:04

If they are both the property owners this wouldnt be a GDPR breach.

fartyface · 27/05/2020 14:04

oh has happened to me twice in the last week. I have made my views known to both. DH is pretty annoyed too.

I dont know where to start.

Bumpinthenight · 27/05/2020 14:23

YANBU.

When we moved I set up the electricity account in my name, using my email address. The bill comes addressed to my DH.

larrythelizard · 27/05/2020 14:26

YANBU

When we moved 2 years ago the estate agent would pretty much only deal with DH despite it being jointly owned. It was year end at work so I was flat out busy...he's lucky I was otherwise I would have been asking for a meeting with his manager to discuss his employee's sexist attitude...I just didn't have the mental space or time to do it....!

honeylulu · 27/05/2020 14:28

So annoying! This happened with our sols when we bought our current house. I arranged everything, dealt with all the communications. Most of the purchase funds were in cash and most of this from me personally. They knew this as I had to make a series of transactions from various isas and savings accounts.

A couple of weeks after the purchase they sent a letter, addressed only to my husband, enclosing a cheque, payable only to my husband to refund a surplus sum on their client account WHICH I HAD BLOODY PAID IN THE FIRST PLACE! I sent a scathing email saying how appalled I was, which they ignored! I was also appalled by that as I am a solicitor myself and we have to open a complaint file for every single complaint we get, properly acknowledge and deal with it. I gave up pursuing it because the stress of renovating the new house and working full time. I regret that now.

Also last year, booked thomas cook flights, paid with my own personal credit card, listed myself as lead passenger, gave my email address as contact. 48 hours before boarding passes emailed to my email but with the greeting "dear Mr [Husband]" and to add insult to injury he was now lead passenger! I did snigger when they went bust five weeks after the holiday. though we actually missed the flight anyway

Oh, one more! Had new windows put in the old house. Salesman said he'd be back with samples to make our final choice. Didn't return. I rang him to follow up and he said the windows were already ordered. (I think he made a mistake and panicked but no excuse for the next bit ...) He then told me "oh I spoke to your husband and that's what he wanted". Turned out to be a blatant lie obviously but I'm amazed that he thought that would fly! Gaaaaahhhh!

ZaraW · 27/05/2020 14:33

Personally I would simply cancel my contract with them and find another - even if it hurt me too. Otherwise "lessons will be learned" etc etc and fuck all will happen.

The EA are totally out of order YADNBU. However, the advice to cancel the contract is ridiculous in the current situation especially now you have an offer which hopefully will complete.

SerendipityJane · 27/05/2020 14:41

The EA are totally out of order YADNBU. However, the advice to cancel the contract is ridiculous in the current situation especially now you have an offer which hopefully will complete.

Which is why I began my sentence "Personally" and ended noting it would not be a zero sum decision.

You can only overturn oppression when you show you're willing to accept it will hurt you. If you don't you just perpetuate it. And #everydaysexism is oppression by any definition of the word - one part of society treated less favourably than another on the basis of their sex.

(My DM was fearsome when she was engaged.)

madcatladyforever · 27/05/2020 14:41

What I tend to do on occasions like this is to go in and shame them publicly.
I'd go into the estate agents and ask why the letter is addressed to your husband when they have been dealing with you. I am polite but firm.
They never know where to look and it teaches them a sharp lesson.
The last ones were absolute gems, they addressed all their letters to Mr Madcatlady and I'm not even married, nor do I have a partner.
I went in to ask if they could provide me with a husband given they addressed all my letters to one.
There were red faces all round.

RenegadeMrs · 27/05/2020 14:43

YANBU. I have worked in a number of male dominiated work places before working with an Estate Agent firm, and working with an EA was the first time I felt like I was time travelling back to how I imagined the 70's/80's to be.

Totally white male dominated. The racist and sexist things I heard staggered me (not directed at me, just offhand observations that I couldn't believe were uttered in 2019).

I was in a meeting and they were gossiping about a vendor who had had an affair and one of the EA's apologised for using the word 'shagging' in front of me. I grew up in a squaddie military town, so found this very mild language and totally bemusing that of all the stuff that had been said, that was the one they though was unacceptable!

You can complain, it might make a difference. It wouldn't with the lot I worked with, but doesn't mean you can't try.

Floatyboat · 27/05/2020 14:50

Who signed the contract initially?

SerendipityJane · 27/05/2020 14:51

They never know where to look and it teaches them a sharp lesson.

How many sharp lessons before society changes ? 40 years ? 50 years ?

Original poster
Aquiliga · 27/05/2020 15:04

I don't think there has been any GDPR breach as both myself and DH are joint clients (despite the fact that DH has been the silent partner).
Can't bring myself to walk away from the sale to make a point but was sorely tempted!

OP posts:
DontTouchTheMoustache · 27/05/2020 15:09

Urgh I hate everyday sexism! I recently bought a new build and my ex (ds dad) was helping me move in, site manager giving me a walk through and addressed every comment to my ex despite my repeated comments that he wasnt moving in and the house belonged to me and me alone. Fucks me right off Angry

Original poster
Aquiliga · 27/05/2020 15:10

Floatyboat Who signed the contract initially?
I signed the paperwork for the estate agent as DH was not present when the EA came out.

OP posts:
mrsBtheparker · 27/05/2020 15:10

Everydaysexism can be great fun though, OH was an utter technology dimwit but in places like PC World , Currys and Phone shops they always addressed him, I walked away and left them to it, good luck to them. It got to the stage that PC World staff would disappear if he walked in the door.
I know it's a far more serious matter generally but I did used to enjoy listening to them trying to talk to him.

Original poster
Aquiliga · 27/05/2020 15:14

I didn't intend to put voting on, but somewhat surprised to find that 10 percent believe IABU to object to this sexist nonsense!

OP posts:
EssexGurl · 27/05/2020 16:02

When we set up our joint account over 20 years ago, I was permanently employed and DH was a contractor. I had to be the first name on the account and to this day it is still Mrs X and Mr Y on all bank statements and contact. It makes me smile every time I see it. As it should be and the bank insisted on it. As I say - last century!!!

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