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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to tell me the bad things about living in America?

412 replies

Witchofzog · 25/05/2020 20:18

Ever since I was a child I thought I would live in America. Any visits I have made there reinforced how much I love it there (I am aware a holiday is not real life) but for various reasons it never happenned. I am now early forties with a mild heart condition and I am aware it is probably too late for me now.

I went to uni with a lovely woman who has literally got the life I wanted. She now lives in a sunny state with her husband who is handsome AND kind and has made lots of friends out there. And I am both happy for her and envious as hell. I know comparison is the thief of joy but today I have been unhealthily fixated on how her life compares to mine and I find mine sadly lacking. I will pick myself up tomorrow, re-evaluate and am already thinking of what I can do to make my own life better but still I feel sad that I never achieved my dream.

Please be kind. My uni friend is beautiful inside and out and she deserves everything she has - and she worked hard for it. But I really need to snap out of this somehow hence asking for the bad things about living stateside. I am aware my spectacles may be rose tinted so some perspective would be really helpful

OP posts:
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 27/05/2020 12:03

I've lived in the east. Maine on the face of it was idyllic, albeit the winters were long and freezing. Crime was so low that no one bothered to lock their doors at night. The worst they had to worry about was 'Massholes' (bad drivers from Boston). Beautiful coastline and woods. Fall was out of this world. I felt safe. But now that I have DC, another set of problems would crop up. There's no work for the younger populous, so they end up going to precisely those areas of the country you'd originally wanted to avoid because of gun crime, social problems, ridiculous property prices, etc. But there was much to miss in the New England region. I'm very in tune with nature and wildlife, and what I miss most of all is the sound of loons wailing on the lakes at dusk, a great horned owl hooting in the woods, cute chipmonks, endless stunning coastlines etc. I loved the style of the properties there, too.

On the plus side, having returned to the UK I can her tawny owls again and walk in woods without the fear of getting permanently lost, meeting a moose or a bear, or encountering a skunk. They're cute, but they've earned their reputation. They STINK.

Talking of stinks, I loved New England a lot more than the south. Florida is unbearably humid, swampy and the place reeks of rotting vegetation. Hurricane season was - interesting. Never saw a gator but had nightmares about them. Key Largo was a shit tip. Miami was intimidatingly violent: I felt on edge the whole time. It's a death penalty state that revels in being a death penalty state. There were some attitudes openly expressed there in Britain would quite rightly render you persona non grata. I suspect I'm one of the few British citizens ever to enter Florida who has been nowhere near either Orlando or a theme park. But the rest of it - with the exception of some of the lower keys - isn't all that.

Despite its downsides I loved my time in the states, which had its pros and cons just as Britain does. I was there with an American ex. If I were a newly qualified PhD right now, without ties and looking for work as a lecturer, I'd consider going back (or perhaps to Canada). Now that I'm settled in the UK with a family I find Britain safer for a variety of reasons. If I could go back knowing it would only be for a maximum of five years, I would (but only to the North East coast).

In sum, middle American can be a lovely, comfortable place to live, but as far as I can see all you need to do is get sick to change all that. I was happy there but from what I can see, the American Dream is just that. A dream.

RuffleCrow · 27/05/2020 12:18

@lydia7986 sadly many black men have been murdered by British police officers too. I believe some may have been caught on camera. Sad

FeelingTheBurn · 27/05/2020 12:35

RuffleCrow can you post some sources/news? I'm googling and can't find any, apart from a list of people who were shot in what sounds like fairly reasonably circumstances (mostly arms-related). It also doesn't give the race of the people shot.

lydia7986 · 27/05/2020 13:00

@RuffleCrow

Are you going to give any examples?

Nope, thought not. Because it isn’t true.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 27/05/2020 13:03

I imagine there must be lovely bakeries selling nice bread?

There are - the real problem's with the longlife plastic wrapped stuff, but even the supermarket in-store bakery bread can be very good if you pick well

And surely lemons, water and sugar is lemonade?? At least it was, until so many started with the horrible fizzy stuff ...

allfurcoatnoknickers · 27/05/2020 14:21

You can get nice bread at Trader Joe's! And Whole Foods and lots of places. The crap bread is very widely available but it's not the only bread Hmm.

QuestionableMouse · 27/05/2020 14:57

I love Whole Foods and the huge range of nuts and seeds and such they have in dispensers. Wish we had the same in the UK. Expensive though!

Trader Joe's does some amazing stuff too.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 27/05/2020 15:27

@QuestionableMouse Whole Foods own brand stuff is really reasonable, but everything else is absurd. It's not a place to do your whole shop, that's for sure.

QuestionableMouse · 27/05/2020 15:36

Oh I totally agree. Nice to have the option over standard supermarket type shops though. We don't have anything that really compares in the UK.

Hingeandbracket · 27/05/2020 15:46

@FeelingTheBurn
@lydia7986
How about this?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Christopher_Alder

HannaYeah · 27/05/2020 16:00

[quote Hingeandbracket]@FeelingTheBurn
@lydia7986
How about this?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Christopher_Alder[/quote]
The section in this entitled “Deaths in police custody” is shocking. I thought this was a uniquely American problem.

EmpressoftheMundane · 27/05/2020 16:06

Heat, humidity, bugs, snakes, guns, ridiculous higher ed costs, need to drive everywhere, bread tastes sweet, ham tastes sweet, sugar in everything.

HannaYeah · 27/05/2020 17:21

You can eat as well or as poorly as you like in the US.

This image is typical for the packaged bread aisle at the stores where I live. Infinite choices and it’s not all sweet, I promise:
capl.washjeff.edu/2/l/5360.jpg

There’s also a fresh bakery in every grocery near me, and a lovely Italian one on the corner near my house.

The deli at the stores where I shop most all have at least 5 kinds of ham, probably more like 10. I tend to order it from Tennessee for special occasions though.

I also have two different covered markets and several outdoor ones, nearby with gorgeous, inexpensive produce grown locally.

I’ve had 3 different French guests over the years who told me the cheese I served was delicious. I didn’t ask, of course, and argued that it cannot be true. One was from the area where Camembert is made. She ate most of the Camembert at my little party! Grin

pallisers · 27/05/2020 17:41

I don't get the bread thing. Yeah, the cheapest mass-produced sliced pan is awful - but it usually is, although I agree the cheapest sliced pan is sweeter in the US. But every supermarket (not just whole foods) has its own bakery where the bread is perfectly fine and there is huge variety. and there are loads of independent bakeries too.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 27/05/2020 18:13

If ever you become despondent about your lost dream OP, remember we're all living in America ...

FeelingTheBurn · 27/05/2020 18:33

Hingeandbracket, That sounds far more like gross neglect on the part of the hospital. Why did they discharge without properly assessing his condition? Of course, what happened in the police station isn't excusable either, but the hospital is also severely at fault.
Thanks for the link. It led me to this (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Deaths_in_police_custody_in_the_United_Kingdom) and I'm just reading through now.

GabsAlot · 27/05/2020 22:44

the bacon-stop crisoing it to within an inch of its life

sausages wtf is that off taste

chlorinated chicken

trump who today wants to shut down sm because twitter doesnt agree with him

guns

i do love holidaying there its such fun and never had problems but id never live there

pallisers · 28/05/2020 00:54

the bacon-stop crisoing it to within an inch of its life

Well no they won't stop crisping it because that is how americans like their bacon - imagine that - different to you! Amazing isn't it?

I'm sure there are many americans who go to the UK and get the usual rashers and think "what the fuck is this flabby thing???" If they said that people would be all over them

Newsflash! Things taste different in different places. Mind-blowing concept.

mathanxiety · 28/05/2020 00:56

@begoniapot, there is no crossing out in knitnerd90's post on my PC.

Sometimes punctuation that is completely benign if you type it on a PC or other device causes unintended effects on the app, and vice versa.

The app/ desktop lack of synchronisation is the problem, not knitnerd90's punctuation.

mathanxiety · 28/05/2020 00:58

Bacon is different too - it's streaky, never back bacon, and it would be gummy and horrible if you didn't cook it until crisp.

KingSheathBelle · 28/05/2020 02:42

Ignore @Leaannb !

The bacon is awful and I've tried them ALL!

Canadian bacon is more like back bacon, America bacon is like very fatty streaky bacon/

KingSheathBelle · 28/05/2020 02:51

Oh, but the pancakes and maple syrup in a pile... I will give you those. I want my 55th in NY and aim to have them every morning.

mathanxiety · 28/05/2020 04:02

zafferana, you needed 'hard cider'.

mathanxiety · 28/05/2020 04:30

@Puzzledandpissedoff
...the generous employee support during Covid
That would explain the almost 40 million people signing on for time-limited unemployment benefits.

You have to be almost starving to qualify for (time-limited, means tested) food stamps and other welfare in the US. However, companies are allowed to pay their workers less than a living wage and those workers can then get food stamps, effectively subsidising the companies. Walmart is a huge offender but there are thousands of companies doing this. Donald Trump changed the food stamp rule as of late last year, just in time for covid-19 to destroy the economy. The change would have taken food stamps from 688,000 adults because of a new 20 hours per week of work requirement - a departure which would again benefit employers.

The idea that poor people are poor because there is something wrong with them that shouldn't be pandered to is a huge problem for America's hundreds of millions of poor people.

And food stamps don't buy anything but food or seeds to grow food, or food plants like tomato seedlings, btw. You can't buy soap or tampons or deodorant or make up that you might need in order to present yourself for a job interview, you cannot buy alcohol either, because that would just encourage you to keep on choosing to be not only poor but a drinker of alcohol.

knitnerd90 · 28/05/2020 05:50

I'm chuckling at hating the US because of the heat and humidity. You do realise it has about every climate there is? If you like cold dry weather move to the Mountain West. If you like mild and damp, the Pacific Northwest (quite similar to England but with drier, slightly warmer summers).

There are things I don't like about the Statesthe lack of maternity leave is absolute shit, the cost of childcare is high (though last I saw the UK was quite close in average cost), the right wing nuts. But things like the food being different, or the weatherwell, that's just how it is being in another country!