To ask you to tell me the bad things about living in America?

[Witchofzog]

Ever since I was a child I thought I would live in America. Any visits I have made there reinforced how much I love it there (I am aware a holiday is not real life) but for various reasons it never happenned. I am now early forties with a mild heart condition and I am aware it is probably too late for me now.

I went to uni with a lovely woman who has literally got the life I wanted. She now lives in a sunny state with her husband who is handsome AND kind and has made lots of friends out there. And I am both happy for her and envious as hell. I know comparison is the thief of joy but today I have been unhealthily fixated on how her life compares to mine and I find mine sadly lacking. I will pick myself up tomorrow, re-evaluate and am already thinking of what I can do to make my own life better but still I feel sad that I never achieved my dream.

Please be kind. My uni friend is beautiful inside and out and she deserves everything she has - and she worked hard for it. But I really need to snap out of this somehow hence asking for the bad things about living stateside. I am aware my spectacles may be rose tinted so some perspective would be really helpful

Trump. Guns. Healthcare.

My sentiments exactly.

If you are truly poor you can get free health care. You can get food stamps. There is assistance for help paying utilities, day care vouchers if you can't afford it, pell.grants to help pay for higher education and training ... Depending on where live you can even get subsidized housing (section 8) If you are just trying to abuse the system that's where you run into problems. Our government expects you to try before receiving public assistance. Nothing wrong with that. If you seem out the help it's there

Don't spoil it, @leannb - as you see from some of the Brits on here, it's supposed to be a deeply uncaring society where folk are just abandoned to die and you're ruining the image

(BTW you left out the generous employee support during Covid and the huge number of community initiatives to help the disadvantaged)

We stayed with relatives in the US. It was great. But I'm aware that it was not like real life for many there. My relatives run their own successful business and are very comfortable financially so they have a nice house in a good area, own swimming pool, lots of meals out, holidays etc. They have access to good health insurance and being self employed are not subject to poor employment rights or difficult bosses. I imagine for someone on minimum wage in a factory or supermarket it's very different. I would go back for a visit but not to live.

I've not read the thread and am sure it's been covered but I worked in America very briefly, it really is an awful place to work, extremely competitive and unpleasant working environment. Probably due to the fact that if you are unemployed there isn't that much in the way of a safety net.

Also the 10 days annual leave is horrendous. You only get that if you are lucky too and it isn't statutory, companies have no obligation to offer any and it is even frowned upon to take that leave. There's no sick pay either and maternity is two weeks before you are expected to go back to work. 'At-will' employment means no working rights whatsoever so you can be employed at a company for 20 years and be fired with nothing but a two weeks notice period payout.

Always said that America is a great place to go on holiday but to live and work there is modern day slavery.

The grass is always greener OP and please don't fall into the trap of thinking that somewhere you love to go on holiday is necessarily a great place to live. I lived in the US for six years (in NJ actually - one of the states you profess to want to live), and I voluntarily moved back to the UK. We have so much here that I just took for granted before I lived in the US! It's all been detailed by others already, so I won't repeat about the health insurance, the lack of out of work benefits, the paltry maternity leave, the way people often work two or three jobs in order to make ends meet, the poverty, the inequality (which is getting worse), the racism - all of which shocked and depressed me. Continue to enjoy your holidays in the USA - IMO it's one of the best countries to visit as a tourist, because you get all the good stuff and none of the bad - but chuck your rose-tinted specs about life there in the bin. It's not utopia. It really isn't.

Okay, @Witchofzog, as promised I dug out a few of my links specific to your son's visit ... I'm assuming, first of all, that as a student he's got accommodation sorted out (?) but if not do say

Transport: Unlike some US cities, Boston has a brilliant integrated sytem of buses, trains and subway a and ferries called the "T". It covers the entire area and works so well that some don't even bother with a car www.mbta.com/

Cultural scene: Worth going there for this alone - the choice is vast, and being such a huge student city there are endless choices to appeal to younger folk www.boston.com/section/culture

Eating and drinking: See above re the younger crowd Boston attracts. It certainly has some very expensive venues, but bargain choices are all over the place - doubtless his peers will advise on the current best ones

Weather: The charm of Boston is that it gets proper seasons; generally it's tempered by its maritime position, though winters can be snowy and very cold. Even then the sun shines, however, and the snow sports are a lot of fun

Safety: Useful link here specific to campus safety (though I don't think you said where he's studying?): www.bu.edu/articles/2019/safety-101/

Further handy link for all things "student": www.collegexpress.com/articles-and-advice/student-life/articles/college-student-city-guides/college-student-city-guide-boston/

@puzzledandpissedoff I am the op. It was another poster who asked about their son. It would be a shame for all this useful info to be wasted

The yearly cost of the university I went to, tuition, room & board etc is currently $78,654. Now multiple that by four.

You went to a private uni. State uni's are about a third of that cost and many are excellent. And very few students pay the full rate. DS applied to 9 universities. All of them offered him scholarship grants that offset 30-50% of the cost. If you paid full price they weren't keen to have you.

Also the 10 days annual leave is horrendous. You only get that if you are lucky too and it isn't statutory, companies have no obligation to offer any and it is even frowned upon to take that leave. There's no sick pay either and maternity is two weeks before you are expected to go back to work.

Where on earth did you work @richdeniro? I get 20 days annual leave plus 12 holidays and unlimited paid sick time. I also 6 weeks mat leave, as did DH. And HR gets on my case if I don't take all of my annual leave, as they are required to carry over any days I don't take to the next year.

Companies compete for workers. If they didn't offer competitive time off people would either work elsewhere or leave as soon as they had an opportunity.

I lived on the east coast for 10 years. Have to say I absolutely loved it. The weather, the friendliness, the generosity and the opportunities were all fantastic. I had so much fun. The political climate was different back then, of course. And I never gave a moment’s thought to guns.

But I was a lot younger then which makes it difficult to compare like with like, and I think I made a good decision to come home, especially as I get older. At the time I didn’t care about the lack of holiday or maternity leave - I was young and single - but that kind of thing does make life seriously difficult in many ways. There is quite a focused, determined, even controlling attitude to every aspect of life - including leisure time because you get so bloody little of it.

This is an easier country to live in, if you don’t have a job that pays very well. There’s more of a state safety net, there’s a more European attitude to leisure time and enjoying life. And while you certainly CAN get medical / dental help and food stamps over there if you need it, but it’s a pretty uncomfortable way to live.

It is a great county though, and you should continue to explore it. Bur I think in the U.K. we have a great combination of US and European influences which makes it a very good place to live. Believe me OP some of my US friends would give their right arm to swap places with you.

If you paid full price they weren't keen to have you.

Strangely unnecessary, wondering why you felt you had to add that. Feel better now?

Re: the whole two weeks of holiday thing - if you work for the same company for a while, particularly in a professional job, you will usually have 20 days vacation plus bank holidays as standard and most companies want you to take your vacation. What is different is that a lot of Americans don't take big chunks of holiday at once and a week out of the office is considered a lot. I worked with a guy in his 30s who got married and took his first EVER two-week holiday for his honeymoon. When I worked for a financial institution in NYC I had colleagues who only ever took long weekends, so they were never out of the office for an entire week. Being a workaholic was far more common there than it is here. I always felt like a real slacker tbh

Strangely unnecessary, wondering why you felt you had to add that.

Did you actually pay full tuition and fees? It's almost unheard of, like paying full price for a new car. It's a starting point for the negotiation.

Duuuhhh - thanks for pointing that out, but how stupid of me, @Witchofzog !!

I'll PM the other poster with the info in case it's of any use ...

Being a workaholic was far more common there than it is here. I always felt like a real slacker tbh

This sums it up very well. I remember feeling exactly the same way!

It's a starting point for the negotiation.

That’s interesting. How does that work - presumably it depends on the college? If they’re willing to negotiate on price there must be lack of demand, at least in some colleges.

One thing I really liked about the US university system was the flexibility of delivery and the fact that you don’t have to immediately choose only one subject to study as you do here.

Trump

I had a friend who worked in New York for a year. She said it was very clear that her colleagues would not socialise with her, it just wasn’t a done thing. It took away from the focus of working. She was fairly lonely and took a while to make friends with anyone (luckily she was a church goer and met some people there).

Are the only ways of living over there being with your job? Do both partners have to have this?

@SnagAndChips Eh? I never said your friend worked in a hospital. I was talking about her boss visiting her in hospital.

It's a starting point for the negotiation.

Really?

My kids were lucky enough to be admitted to one of the best state universities in the country. I'd like to see trying to negotiate with them, or many, US universities on what you're prepared to pay. Don't close the door on your way out, is probably what you'd get back from them. Credit hours are a fixed cost.

The university both of mine went to only give aid based on income levels and scholarships for some sports. They do throw a tiny credit onto your first year bill if you get exceptional ACT/SAT scores, but that was it. Out of state and international students are paying as much as an Ivy League school for tuition if they don't qualify for need based financial aid.

I’m British but went to university in the US. The fear of gun violence was enough to stop me from wanting to live there permanently and raise a family there. I used to worry about where I would hide if a gunman attacked on campus and would never want that fear to be a “normal” part of my kids’ lives though out their education.

There’s seems to be so many collleges in the uk that if you can pay, you can go, surely ? That said, you could say the same about Uni’s in the UK.

I have USA pay as you go SIMS- $50 a
month unlimited calls, texts and data.😝

Which you can get for £20 in the U.K., around half the price!

Food shopping is SO EXPENSIVE! I couldn’t believe it. Although I think Aldi is starting to take off in the US, but it’s by no means available everywhere.

Are the only ways of living over there being with your job? Do both partners have to have this?

No - I married an American - that's how I ended up there. But if you aren't married to an American then you would normally be sponsored by a US company who would help you sort out your work visa. The trailing spouse could then get a visa too, but I don't think it they'd be allowed to work unless they were also sponsored. There are family reunion visas too, so a brother or a parent can sponsor (i.e. taken on financial responsibility for), their relative in order to get them into the country, and there is the green card lottery, but this isn't available for UK citizens. Other nationalities can enter this though - Irish, Australian, etc.