To ask you to tell me the bad things about living in America?

[Witchofzog]

Ever since I was a child I thought I would live in America. Any visits I have made there reinforced how much I love it there (I am aware a holiday is not real life) but for various reasons it never happenned. I am now early forties with a mild heart condition and I am aware it is probably too late for me now.

I went to uni with a lovely woman who has literally got the life I wanted. She now lives in a sunny state with her husband who is handsome AND kind and has made lots of friends out there. And I am both happy for her and envious as hell. I know comparison is the thief of joy but today I have been unhealthily fixated on how her life compares to mine and I find mine sadly lacking. I will pick myself up tomorrow, re-evaluate and am already thinking of what I can do to make my own life better but still I feel sad that I never achieved my dream.

Please be kind. My uni friend is beautiful inside and out and she deserves everything she has - and she worked hard for it. But I really need to snap out of this somehow hence asking for the bad things about living stateside. I am aware my spectacles may be rose tinted so some perspective would be really helpful

I've lived abroad before (in Australia) and am very open to doing so again, but I wouldn't move to America if someone offered me a million dollars. I think everyone has set out the disadvantages already but for me personally it would be:
Guns
Healthcare
Not much annual leave
Extreme religious views (these are more widespread there than here, and feed into the debate on politics, womens rights etc)
And a minor point, the tipping culture.

I LOVE the USA for holidays, it's vast, diverse and interesting.
Wouldn't like to live there due to the following (depending which state you chose!)
Earthquakes, seismic faults, bush fires, gators, spiders, snakes, bears, mountain lions, extreme dry heat, humidity, right to bear arms: guns and knives, expensive health insurance, 2 weeks holiday a year, homelessness and poverty not supported by the government.
Most of all, I'd miss the British sense of humour! We like to use sarcasm as wit, which doesn't always translate to my American friends who are more literal!

America is fundamentally different to Europe. It’s like another planet.

Most Europeans recognise that we have responsibility to our fellow citizens.

Most Americans do not. They’re rugged individualists. They believe they should be able to do whatever they want, in the name of freedom, no matter the consequences for other people.

That’s why we have universal healthcare and they don’t. That’s why we have gun control and they don’t.

Their entire culture terrifies me, to be honest, and I couldn’t be gladder I was born this side of the Atlantic.

Also, I’m presuming your white. You probably wouldn’t feel the same way if you weren’t.

Look up the video of Ahmaud Arbery. He was a 25 year old black guy going for a jog through a white neighbourhood, and two white men chased him down and shot him at point blank range.

Tbh, I think the US is a failed state.

I may have to make this decision in the not-too-distant future (my partner is American). I have family over there already though.

I suppose like all things it has its pros and cons. Generally you'll have a higher income for doing the same job, property prices are low, it's a beautiful and varied country with stunning scenery and almost any kind of climate you want.

Cons are that your healthcare will be through the roof, it's got more extreme depths of religious and political beliefs than are generally seen in the UK, you're very distant from other countries that aren't Canada or Mexico.

Guns don't bother me (I shoot and have owned guns in the past) but America's attitude towards guns does. You may feel differently.

Lived in Pennsylvania (approx 50 miles from Philadelphia) for 17 years, before coming back home to UK.
TV is shite sooooo many adverts. You have to have a package from a cable company in order to get channels, there's no 'Freeview' there and I think we were paying somewhere in the region of $240 per month for cable tv and internet!
Unless you like shopping at Walmart or similar, going to the cinema or eating at TGIF's or some other restaurant chain, then there's not much to do for relaxation.

We had to drive over 2.5 hours to get to the nearest beach.
A lot of socialising is church/religion based and being atheist meant it was not for us!
Huge electricity bills in summer for the air con and huge oil bills in winter for the heat (no natural gas in our area)
2 weeks annual holiday a year. Health care costs extortionate and that's assuming you have an employer who pays for some of it. If you don't, then you'd pay an arm and a leg as an individual.

You can't walk to local shops as there aren't any, they're all in big sort of retail developments or malls.
Whilst we enjoyed our life there from 1996 - 2013 we are MUCH happier back in UK.

Could you save up for a long road trip holiday instead OP? Get it out of your system that way instead?

Colleges have weird cult like environments. Tell me more? Is it that they can be quite into themselves if they are sporty, especially if they have an American football team?

It so depends on where you are in the US. I wouldn't recognise my town in the US from what some people have said here, but I live in a wildly liberal town with quite a European and very strong Anglophile sensibility, and work at a university, so definitely live in a bit of a bubble. Go, say, 10 miles out of where I live and it's Trump and guns central. But the bubble is plenty big enough. Healthcare cost is a complete scandal here and some people are weirdly scared of "socialized medicine" that will apparently kill you, though most of my friends would love an NHS-style system. I personally haven't found religion to be very oppressive, though there are an amazing number of churches. We do have a lot of bears (and poisonous snakes) and some are in residential areas, which is on the whole more cool than alarming - urban bears don't tend to maul people. But it is really hard to get a green card these days - I was very lucky to get in when I did.

Health insurance is insane. The banking system is a nightmare. If by sunny state you mean California rent is outrageous. Phone contracts are crazy too, £40 here is $100 min there. The television is awful.
I lived there for 2 years and thought I knew what it would be like from movies, but I had a hell of a culture shock.

I know what you mean. The US looks like a fantastic place. And it is when you are on holiday, I just loved NYC and would like to live there but only if I was incredibly rich as everything is so expensive.

If you really want to be put off living in the states, just watch the Tiger King on Netflix. It really put me off!

Virtually no legal employment rights. No legal right to paid holiday or sick leave. No legal right to maternity or paternity leave.

Unless you like shopping at Walmart or similar, going to the cinema or eating at TGIF's or some other restaurant chain, then there's not much to do for relaxation.

I think that may possibly have been a factor of where you lived than "America". I've lived here for 25 years and have never been in a Walmart or eaten at TGIFs.

Ps I’m sure other places in the US are wonderful to live in but I get the impression from friends who live there that things aren’t great unless you are earning loads and loads of money to afford things like health insurance etc.

Trump.

Guns.

Reproductive Rights.

The cost of healthcare.

The treatment of the poor.

Racism.

That a black person is in more danger from a police officer just for existing than a white mass murderer is after they've killed 20 people.

That it took a fucking pandemic for there not to be a school shooting.

Work life balance - amount of annual leave, sick pay, public holiday are all significantly lower than the UK.

Medical insurance. I know someone who emigrated to the US and had her child out there. She’s only just finished paying her medical expenses for her the birth of her child and he’s 18 now. With a pre-existing heart condition, you may not get insurance, or your premiums will likely be very high. You will also have to continue working to get health insurance. Which is something to think about as you age and your condition is likely to worsen.

Guns. Widespread automatic rifles. Guns that can be bought as you do your shopping in Walmart. More specifically the bat shit crazy reasons Americans come up with to keep their guns. Or use any opportunity to protest that they need more guns.

Litigation culture. If someone gets hurt in your property, they could sue you.

More specifically relating to your situation - your DS is an adult but you have an existing heart condition. It is likely you will be unwell with your condition at some point. If you move and become unwell the onerous is on your DS to visit you. My FIL emigrated before he had a heart condition and has since had a heart attack and we’ve had to try and get out to see him. It’s a really stressful situation. Can your DS afford flights to the US to see you when you’re sick? How would you feel if your DS isn’t able to visit when you’re unwell?

Pallisers which state do you live in? I often felt where we lived was not backward as such, but there was sooo little to do. Whenever we had folk from UK over to visit, I was almost embarrassed at how little there was to do or show them.

I was absolutely shocked at the state of the homeless people. I came home talking about it. I live in a big U.K. city, have travelled through a lot of European cities, and have seen plenty homeless junkies and drunks and never really thought there was some kind of standard in street people - but the ones in America were like a zombie apocalypse. And there were so many of them! I was horrified.
And yes to the lack of ability to walk anywhere and the weird food! It’s either vegan and artisan and health food but insanely expensive, or it’s a massive artificial greaseball with extra corn syrup and cheeze. That was in Portland, which is meant to be a foodie haven.

When I lived there I struggled with food. Everything was hickory smoked or maple flavoured and the cheese was all orange. Chocolate is tricky too if your not keen on peanuts. I found the tv shows odd but maybe that’s because I would mistake an hour long advert for a cookery programme and wonder why they kept chopping things and not actually cooking anything.
My experience with the INS was enough to give you bad dreams for years but that’s a whole other story.
I worked in a very rough area in NY in a cafe and the week before I started they were robbed at gunpoint and everyone tied up in the office. And everyone called me Casper the ghost because I’m pale. Oh and 2 weeks annual leave? That was my breaking point.
I only ever lived on the east coast (about 7 yrs) but if I ever move back it will probably be somewhere like Oregon.

Ah well if you have a reluctant partner and a grown-up child in the U.K. then that does put a different spin on things.

For me, that would be too much to leave behind. Perhaps you'll be able to satisfy the itch with long holidays! Could you both afford to take a long period of unpaid leave or take a sabbatical?

OP. Some of these posters are being way over dramatic about the US as well! Where I'm from I literally never worried about:

Guns
Natural disasters
Traffic
Cults!?
Elitist education
Violence
"Nothing to do"
Rude people...?
Etc

@VeryQuaintIrene When I arrived to the city the college was in, every lamppost in the entire city had banners attached with the school logo. Every curb had their logo, every street name was a reference to the school. I thought it was just a football weekend, but it was every day, all year. They had their own songs, and you had to stand for the duration of sports games if you were an unfortunate undergrad or you’d get jeered at. I remember one girl in a disabled bay at a baseball game getting screamed at for being “a two percenter” until the steward told them she was in a wheelchair. They thought they were at the best university in the world, and were very much not. I did my course at the law school (it was a year doing a course load specific to oil), and got the hell back to my liberal bubble on the east coast. As a graduate student, I got a lot of shit for not being "involved" enough. I try to avoid telling people I studied there for a while.

Massachusetts, TheCatsBlanket. Boston area. There is so much to do here it is lovely - sports, museums, art, theatre, community stuff etc. Boston is a lovely city with very old parts and a lot of history. I wouldn't particularly want to live in western Massachusetts myself but even then there is (or rather was before CV19 :() Tanglewood, The Shakespeare Festival etc every summer.

I also think it's worth saying that my American friends (nice people, and of course nice people do exist) were really shocked at how rude and complacent people were when I ran into problems. I think there is better treatment reserved for Americans, and in Texas - well, you better be Texan. I'm white, so can only imagine how much worse it would have been for someone who wasn't.

I've always felt the same OP. As a child I always felt like life would be better if we lived in the states. I just loved it. Not the idea of the glitz and glam. I just ached to be there.
And we go often. We spend quite a lot of time in Florida. Not always Orlando btw.
I love it there. DH says I come alive. I'm certain it's the sun, I just love it.

Weve seriously looked into putting down roots there. The plan was that we would maybe try to when DD was old enough to know what career she wanted and decide from there...there are often opportunities that come up in FL applicable to us.

But I've come to realise a few things,

Racism seems rife.
Poverty is a massive issue. We stay quite far out from touristy spots a lot of the time, and a few people have assumed I've lived in the area a while, when I reply with an, oh I wish! People often tell me how rubbish their lives are. A fair amount of people are trained to do very good jobs, but end up working minimum wage service level jobs. I'll never forget, one lady said to me she was in her 50s, was a registered nurse but there were no jobs, she was working at a fast food restaurant and living with her Mom in a trailer. The rent on that trailer is more than I pay here in the home counties for a townhouse in an ok area. She just kept saying to me, sweetheart you really wouldnt want to live here, if I could get out of here I would. Please listen to me. That broke my heart.

HOA fees are extortionate.

At least in FL if the home insurance etc doesn't kill your wallet, the upkeep on a property will.

Traffic can be insane.

The medical Bills are huge.

Workers rights are bad.

For the reasons above, I never could live there. Maybe work there for a year?
But long term. No.

DH was offered a secondment and we spent 2 years living there. We took the opportunity to travel a lot and loved it but honestly 2 years was enough. It’s all been mentioned already - healthcare, guns, work life balance, reliance on cars. I wouldn’t have wanted to raise children there.

Aside from the above, it’s not the easiest place to just move too. The visa process is expensive and strict. Despite having a visa and supporting paperwork, I was grilled on my intentions every time I arrived in the country.... DH never was though

Finally, moving abroad is stressful! Don’t underestimate that. We’ve moved again since. Both times we’ve had a full relocation package from DH’s company but it’s still a lot of work restarting your life elsewhere.