To ask you to tell me the bad things about living in America?

[Witchofzog]

Ever since I was a child I thought I would live in America. Any visits I have made there reinforced how much I love it there (I am aware a holiday is not real life) but for various reasons it never happenned. I am now early forties with a mild heart condition and I am aware it is probably too late for me now.

I went to uni with a lovely woman who has literally got the life I wanted. She now lives in a sunny state with her husband who is handsome AND kind and has made lots of friends out there. And I am both happy for her and envious as hell. I know comparison is the thief of joy but today I have been unhealthily fixated on how her life compares to mine and I find mine sadly lacking. I will pick myself up tomorrow, re-evaluate and am already thinking of what I can do to make my own life better but still I feel sad that I never achieved my dream.

Please be kind. My uni friend is beautiful inside and out and she deserves everything she has - and she worked hard for it. But I really need to snap out of this somehow hence asking for the bad things about living stateside. I am aware my spectacles may be rose tinted so some perspective would be really helpful

There are masses of other kinds of visa too: travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/us-visas/visa-information-resources/all-visa-categories.html

recipes in cups measurements

In fairness, this makes a lot more sense than grams. It’s a lot easier once you get your head round it!

That’s interesting. How does that work - presumably it depends on the college? If they’re willing to negotiate on price there must be lack of demand, at least in some colleges.

@Jillyhilly - this is primarily for private universities, not state uni's, who have much less flexibility to offer scholarships.

All universities in the US are ranked by a number of publications and organizations and those rankings are hugely influential in attracting students. Here's an example:

www.usnews.com/best-colleges

Note that universities are generally referred to as colleges here. The single biggest factor in determining the ranking of a college is the average SAT or ACT (two standardized college admissions tests) scores of last class admitted. Thus they offer scholarship money in incentivize applicants with high scores who will raise their averages and thus their rankings. They are effectively buying better rankings with scholarship money. This is separate from aid that is given based on financial need.

The absolute top tier schools don't have to do this, so most of their aid is need based. And there can be other reasons for discounting tuition to attract a particular student, like athletic ability or really needing a French horn player for the school orchestra.

My DS got a merit aid grant from his first choice college. We were able to negotiate it up because his second choice offered more merit aid. My DD, who is starting uni this fall, got a sizable merit aid grant based on her scores and the fact that she rows crew. Her grant will cover about 30% of the cost. Other less selective colleges offered her more aid but they weren't her first choice.

@WotnoPasta I'm surprised at that. DH and I both live and work in NY and there's tons of socializing, happy hours etc. in both our industries. We even have digital happy hours now. Socializing with your colleagues is a big thing. Especially if you want to get ahead.

Guns, racism, policing standards, trump voters, excessive patriotism

The worst thing about living in America would be that you were living in America.

Makes me laugh when (usually white, privileged Americans) say stuff "you can achieve anything as long as you work hard"

Apart from the many issues highlighted above Americans get very little holiday. I went to university there and many of my friends only got 2 weeks leave when they started out in work and that persisted for many years. They have a long hours culture and a very cut throat approach to business - hiring and firing easily. There is very little employment protection or much welfare protection.

I had a similar fascination with the US when I was in my late teens and early twenties and was keen to move there. Almost made it happen too, had an American ex who I was very serious about. But looking back that so much of what appealed about the US was a result of movies and television which sell this grand concept of freedom, the American dream, the promise of open roads and open hearts. These images aren't entirely false. If you are wealthy, you can have a wonderful life there, albeit with a lot less annual leave for the most part! There is a lot of heart in the US, but it is a grossly unequal society where racism and poverty are rife. The concept of freedom, a noble ideal to begin with, has become distorted to the point where any kind of decent social welfare is a pipe dream. I will always have a soft spot for the country and have enjoyed my holidays there, but never again would I aspire to live there.

Can I ask (rather naively) as a fan of ER, do hospitals exist where you can go in and get treatment even if you don't have insurance??
I remember a lot of homeless / single parents / drug addicts etc being treated or is that just TV.

OP I love the US too and always thought I'd like to live there, but just the cost alone would put me off, I'm a nurse (educated to masters level) but still think it would be a drama that I just can't be arsed with

Please tell me about gardens. Why are they not fenced in like ours are? At least the ones I’ve seen on tv documentaries etc, except for the Beverley Hills Mansions etc.

I've always wanted to live in the US I've never even been on holiday! Growing up in the 70's and 80's the tv shows like Dallas lol made it seem so great. And when m&m's came out here we were so excited lol.

Can I ask (rather naively) as a fan of ER, do hospitals exist where you can go in and get treatment even if you don't have insurance??

Hospitals by law cannot deny emergency treatment based on ability to pay or insurance status. I've worked in several ED's here and we treated lots of indigent patients. The government ultimately reimburses most of the cost.

@MozzchopsThirty - nurses make excellent salaries here as they are set by supply and demand and you have many employers competing to hire them.

www.glassdoor.com/Salaries/new-york-city-registered-nurse-salary-SRCH_IL.0,13_IM615_KO14,30.htm

Please tell me about gardens. Why are they not fenced in like ours are? At least the ones I’ve seen on tv documentaries etc, except for the Beverley Hills Mansions etc.

No real need to I guess. My garden certainly isn't but I can't see my nearest neighbor and the fence would have to be huge to keep the deer out.

@MissConductUS so basically a bit like the nhs where you can turn up for emergency treatment?

Why the big drama about having insurance then?
(Genuinely interested)

I've looked at nursing in the US, but I would have to do the NCLEX and then get registered in a state of my choice
I'm nearly 45, too much hassle lol

@MozzchopsThirty emergency treatment is just that. They won't treat chronic conditions and you can't turn up for vaccinations or to see an orthopedist about having a hip replaced. And they'll press you pretty hard for payment even in the ED. If you can be safely discharged from the ED that's what they'll do.

That said, hospitals have social workers who can help the indigent apply for government medical coverage and that's often how they get the emergency treatment paid for.

The first thing to say is that America is so huge that your experience would vary enormously depending where you went - the big coastal cities like NY, Boston, LA are totally different from middle America or the South.

Good things:
General positivity, optimism and friendliness (latter more prevalent outside the big coastal cities), and a culture that celebrates effort and success. The UK seemed a really gloomy, bitter and envious place in contrast.
Huge opportunities for travel within the country - it has mountains, beaches, desert, swamps, forests, you never run out of things to visit, and petrol is very very cheap.
Spacious housing (most places). Outside the v expensive cities (NY, SF), you can rent a very roomy house with a garden and maybe even access to a pool for fraction of the price of a one bed London flat. There’s just more space to build.

Possibly good/bad things depending on your POV/circs:
Healthcare is excellent if you have good insurance. I will never forget my GP in the US - the first time I saw him he actually gave me a business card and told me to call him anytime. They were incredibly thorough, thoughtful and professional and had great health outcomes - for me the experience was 100X better than my experiences with the NHS. BUT - it’s true - if you don’t have insurance you are totally screwed.

Religion - if you are squeamish about God then much of America is not for you. There is a lot of God - you will definitely be expected to hold hands with strangers at Thanksgiving dinners and thank God for your blessings.

Bad things
Processed food. Supermarkets are FULL of coloured cheese, and sponge cakes with radioactive looking icing, and “whipped topping” that looks like cream but is in fact made of polymer and corn syrup. If you want to cook from scratch in a vaguely European way and/or don’t want to worry about the chemicals you are consuming you need to live near a farmers market, with a Whole Foods as back up.

Racism/legacy of segregation. Every country has issues with racism and discriminatory treatment of minorities, but it seems on a different scale in the US. In some places it feels like desegregation never happened. There are some really shocking inequalities and attitudes, even now. It is a huge issue which I think overshadows American society.

this is fascinating, and i don't even want to live there ! thanks to all PP.
i am just interested in how people live in different places.
perhaps we could have similar threads on other countries, or even parts of the uk, or different jobs, lifestyles etc.
i guess it might be under AMA.
by the way, i am very interested in the use of english. anyone from NYC, i have noticed in older films from/set there, the word flat for apartment, also sweets for candy. so maybe the language has drifted over time, or influenced by ?hollywood etc speech patterns.

@alexdgr8 I did an AMA on living in NYC, I think there's an LA thread too.

This thread is very entertaining as someone living in the US.

You get fined for every traffic violation possible - not sure why this is a bad thing, you should get fined for not stopping at a stop sign or going 60 in a school area!

Working in offices with no A/C - I have no idea where this is but the opposite is almost always true!

No good shops - dreadful fashion sense and very little choice outside larger cities. We have exactly the same shops as the UK and the rest of the world. Zara & H&M are everywhere!

It's just so big... no sense of 'being together'. Completely false IME, I have more sense of community where I live now (CA) than I ever did in the UK. Everyone has rallied around our small businesses during the pandemic and gone out of their way to help each other.

I know the US isn't perfect but some of the stereotypes people throw out in these US-bashing threads are just too much.

A friend of mine lived there for a number of years and disliked the fact that where she lived was a very car based society, to the extent that it was actually very difficult to walk to lots of places. The healthcare situation was also permanently stressful, even with insurance.

A friend of mine lived there for a number of years and disliked the fact that where she lived was a very car based society, to the extent that it was actually very difficult to walk to lots of places.

Then she chose the wrong place to live. Hardly anyone in NYC owns a car. I'm sure there are many places to live in the UK where it's difficult to walk to everything.

Healthcare is stressful everywhere. People on MN moan all of the time about having to wait months to see a consultant or get an MRI.

by the way, i am very interested in the use of english. anyone from NYC, i have noticed in older films from/set there, the word flat for apartment, also sweets for candy. so maybe the language has drifted over time, or influenced by ?hollywood etc speech patterns.

I think that's mostly Hollywood trying to sound cosmopolitan back in the day, but it's possible those terms were more commonly used 70 years ago and have just gone out of fashion. The classically NYC accent is Dutch in origin and traces back to when the city was New Amsterdam.

furcoat, I remember your AMA. Post the link, I think people would enjoy it. You can use the "threads I've started" link at the top to find it.

@MissConductUS makes sense, re garden boundaries, although I imagine there are properties closer to where you can see your neighbours, are these the same type of set up?

There are issues with the type of fence designs here in the UK affecting wildlife, hedgehogs being one type of species hugely in decline. They travel miles each evening and can’t access gardens due to cement bases for fence panels.

Sorry to go off on a tangent