To ask you to tell me the bad things about living in America?

[Witchofzog]

Ever since I was a child I thought I would live in America. Any visits I have made there reinforced how much I love it there (I am aware a holiday is not real life) but for various reasons it never happenned. I am now early forties with a mild heart condition and I am aware it is probably too late for me now.

I went to uni with a lovely woman who has literally got the life I wanted. She now lives in a sunny state with her husband who is handsome AND kind and has made lots of friends out there. And I am both happy for her and envious as hell. I know comparison is the thief of joy but today I have been unhealthily fixated on how her life compares to mine and I find mine sadly lacking. I will pick myself up tomorrow, re-evaluate and am already thinking of what I can do to make my own life better but still I feel sad that I never achieved my dream.

Please be kind. My uni friend is beautiful inside and out and she deserves everything she has - and she worked hard for it. But I really need to snap out of this somehow hence asking for the bad things about living stateside. I am aware my spectacles may be rose tinted so some perspective would be really helpful

I work in the US for 2 years in upstate New York Vermont boarder and North Carolina.

I found cost of living was cheap, cities are easy to navigate and scenically was beautiful.

What I found hardest to deal with was the Racism and the poverty.

I’ve never been instantly judged by the colour of my skin before but found I was constantly.
But they had a different reaction as soon as I spoke (being clearly a foreigner) and they couldn’t be more helpful or kinder.
I got fed by a black church group on the train down from NYC to Charlotte once I asked to get past to go to the loo but the 2 hours prior I was ignored completely.
(I went to church lunches about once a month when I still lived there and still keep in touch with those lovely ladies.)

To be honest the Poverty was very unexpected and crippling.

Expensive and often poor healthcare.

Guns.

Rate of murders.

Have you seen what they are allowed to do when farming? Both to meat and arable crops?

Workers lack of rights, anual leave, maternity leave etc.

If you lose your job youo also lose healthcare.

I hear you op. I’ve holidayed in the US for years and I love it. Especially California. The wilderness, climate, scenery, friendly people, general optimism. It felt so glamorous and advanced when I first visited many years ago. There are downsides (employment law, cost of healthcare, gun laws) but we have downsides in the UK too. I’d go there in a minute if I could.

I think living in the U.K. and being able to make regular visits to the US is the best of both worlds.

We usually go there twice a year (in normal times!) and feel very at home. However, as others have pointed out, to have to cope with the healthcare and scant paid leave would put me off living there.

Not sure about this bit. Latinos are a bigger minority group than AA.

Yes, that's true, sorry.

I guess I was thinking about people not from north/south America.

I thought the same as you as a child and teenager. We had multiple trips to the states, and Canada, and I thought "this is where I want to live". But I quickly realised that I was seeing a place through rose-tinted glasses. On a holiday, you only see the "nice" areas, and you're living in your little bubble of "holiday fun!" where money is there to be spent and the only aim of your days is to have fun.

Looking at the place now, it's certainly no better than here, and in many cases worse! Guns, horrible racism, extreme weather, unpleasant politics, health care. As a nation, they don't sell the perks very well!

I also have a uni friend who moved there after graduation. Married and divorced very quickly. Married again to a much older man. Lives in an apartment in one of the less interesting states (I forget which, Kansas maybe?) Works a typical office job. It certainly doesn't look any better/different to what we could do here!

I live in a non glamorous part of France. I have an American colleague. She's from California and people are always asking her incredulously why she chooses to live in France over California.

She says she wouldn't go back to the US if you paid her and that the only things she misses are her family and the beach. We live 2 hours drive from lovely beaches so she goes when she can to get her beach fix.

She says the cost of living is crazy, the poverty is terrible, gun culture is rampant, and what she calls "god bless America" culture is suffocating.

Plus it's a really long way from Europe.

If you have a relatively good life in Europe/UK, do not give it up for a foolish dream and leave it all behind to move to the USA. Europe is the best place to live in, in my opinion. Just get an ESTA and travel around the US as a tourist.
I think we all grew up on American films and it can give you a desire to experience what we see in the movies but I am afraid the reality of living there is different. As others have pointed it out it depends which state you live in, as America is vast and there are massive differences between the states.

Have really enjoyed reading this thread, thanks for starting it OP.

Certainly an eye opener but there are many issues here in the UK too.

I would love to do a road trip across America, one day maybe.

One question, why don’t properties have gardens like ours in the UK? Why are many open plan? Is that why many sit on the front porch?

I love the size of the houses over there, amazing and everything does always appear so much bigger and better. The healthcare sounds like a nightmare though, we really shouldn’t complain about our NHS.

Wow- this thread has really taken off since yesterday. This has definitely given me food for thought. There are lots of things I hadn't even considered and lots of conflicting info but that's because it's such a diverse place that each poster is probably correct. I am sure, as one poster said, that it would be incredibly difficult to obtain a visa despite having a professional qualification as I would need at least a Masters and even afterwards, I would need sponsorship which probably would not happen. So it has been good for me to hear the negatives as it has helped me to feel less sad that this lifelong dream probably will never be a reality for me.

Also wanted to ask how are you being looked after regarding furlough during this pandemic?

I love the optimism I have felt from Americans. In the UK there is a lot of cynicism and 'pride comes before a fall' attitude to success. Americans in my experience are genuinely happy for you.

I also like the assumption that Americans have that you are free to do what you want. In the UK we ask 'am I allowed to walk on the grass?' or 'can I take a boat out on the river?' whereas Americans wouldn't be so much under the thumb.

The bad thing about Americans? They don't drink anywhere near enough. In Europe we have a gloriously boozy culture, whether it's the French with their wine, the Germans with their steins, the Dutch lager, Scottish whisky, Irish stout or English gin, we really like to get stuck in.

DH was headhunted for a job in the US and was very keen and thought it would be a great opportunity for DC.
Quite quickly with a bit of research it turned out we would have to live a massive distance from his work in a tiny apartment as it was so expensive. I would not be able to work. The headhunter kept telling me I could do another degree at the nearby prestigious college (for how much money?).
The killer for me was 2 weeks holiday. I knew it would only be used to visit DHs parents every year and that’s it.
We we’re in Disney once and spoke to a woman who was there for 3 days, she had taken a 10 hour flight to get there. She could not believe that we could get enough time off to be there for 2 weeks (and I didn’t mention the 2 other holidays we had planned). She’d never heard of anyone getting that much time off work. I felt bad telling her probably all the British people we’re there for 2 weeks minimum.

what is this about alligators in back gardens?!

You'll like this, @belfasteast Sorry it's the dreaded Fox News, but the relevant bit starts at about 1min

@SweetMarmalade Was your question for me? I am not furloughed as I am a key worker

Just for anyone currently furloughed in the states atm.

Another American here! I love my home country for so many reasons, but like other posters have said : if you get seriously ill, you're pretty screwed as the insurance is expensive and doesn't cover as much as you'd like to think. I also have a tough time with the aggressive individualism and the over the top patriotism. Guns...although I never experienced them (my entire family is pretty anti gun). Services like trash removal are privatised, so you don't automatically get that if you live in a "regular" neighborhood.
The only thing that ever makes me want to go back, besides my family, is that my earning potential would be so much higher in the States than here. Oh, and houses are often larger and cheaper(depending on where you live). Not enough to make me move back though, I love living in the UK.

The living costs are far higher even before you consider healthcare, but most people are paid more (for equivalent work) so we were better off living in the USA. The healthcare however is the elephant in the room - we were fortunate that exh's work paid for us, and the state kids scheme covered the kids (we met the income threshold which was very generous in our county due to high average salaries). If we had not been covered it would have been around 1/3 of take home pay on premiums. We also had a low rent house for keyworkers, again very fortunate.

Oh and the bacon is terrible! (The bagels however are amazing, swings and roundabouts are)

Yes I’m going to plan loads of trips and comfort myself with the thought that way we may end up seeing a lot more of the country than if we lived there with shorter holidays and medical insurance bills.

I’ve never worked out why we can’t produce decent bagels.

@DerbyshireGirly

There's pubs in the USA, often run by ex pat brits, and brew pubs are common too which welcome families. Not identical but perfectly fine

If you're black forget it.

Possibly an unpopular opinion but I have lots of American friends and most of them are absolutely lovely but they seem so convinced that the USA is really the best place in the world to live. I don't mean they're arrogant just that they really can't imagine that anywhere else can maybe have a better approach to society. I'm not sure I could cope with that en masse!