To ask you to tell me the bad things about living in America?

[Witchofzog]

Ever since I was a child I thought I would live in America. Any visits I have made there reinforced how much I love it there (I am aware a holiday is not real life) but for various reasons it never happenned. I am now early forties with a mild heart condition and I am aware it is probably too late for me now.

I went to uni with a lovely woman who has literally got the life I wanted. She now lives in a sunny state with her husband who is handsome AND kind and has made lots of friends out there. And I am both happy for her and envious as hell. I know comparison is the thief of joy but today I have been unhealthily fixated on how her life compares to mine and I find mine sadly lacking. I will pick myself up tomorrow, re-evaluate and am already thinking of what I can do to make my own life better but still I feel sad that I never achieved my dream.

Please be kind. My uni friend is beautiful inside and out and she deserves everything she has - and she worked hard for it. But I really need to snap out of this somehow hence asking for the bad things about living stateside. I am aware my spectacles may be rose tinted so some perspective would be really helpful

I haven't read the full thread, sorry.

I'm an American. I've been living in north Wales for 14 years. I think I get a lot of jealousy and 'ooh I wish I could live there' from friends and family because of my social media pictures! All bright sunny days walking up mountains, tumbling waterfalls and amazing coastline. No pics of the muddy walks through fields during weeks of relentless rain of course!

The main thing I would hate about living in America now is lack of access to good quality healthcare which is free at the point of use, good employment protection, being able to be work part time in a professional industry, the guns, the work life balance and the extremes in weather.

Friends back home are either in awe of or very critical of the idea of the NHS. It is unthinkable for most that you could walk out of a doctor's surgery or hospital without having to pay something.

Obsessive diet culture - I'm a UK size 10, occasionally 8 and I'm one of the fattest people I know

This is very location based, I lived in the Midwest for 3 years and was always the skinniest person about at size 8/10

Great thread op. I’ve always been very much like you. I’m a descendent of the only member of a family who stayed when all the other siblings emigrated during the gold rush. I sometimes wonder if the yearning is in my blood.

I’ve come to realise for me a lot of it is the scenery,beauty, space and people. I’ve visited several times but obviously to beautiful places we want to see. I love the way Americans can get in a car and just drive to a diversity of amazingly stunning scenery. We feel so cramped and hemmed in in the U.K.

I don’t agree with many comments but the lack of job security, guns and no NHS are things I focus on. Also the expense. It’s eye wateringly expensive there now.I’m also making sure I see as much of it as I can and always start planning a return trip. One day I want to drive coast to coast. Not sure how to deal with the UK hemmed in thing.

I’m in love with Maine, would suck up any of the 3 negatives if a life there was offered but in reality what work would there be and standard of living would be shite( v low wages in an expensive area ) and how much time would you actually get to enjoy it.

Don’t share the Boston love though. It’s one place I wouldn’t rush to return.

I love the way Americans can get in a car and just drive to a diversity of amazingly stunning scenery.

I'm not sure I agree with this - it's a big country - if you're living in New Jersey, there's nice stuff to see locally, but it's not as if you can just drive off to the Grand Canyon or the California Redwoods.

You don’t need to, there is such a variety of gorgeous scenery closer. But yes there is a time issue. Who in reality has it if not retired? I love the summer toad trip culture. We’ve done them East and West coast. Everybody seems to be on the road enjoying their stunning country.

I am exactly the same and it's a relief to see someone else the same. I've had it in my head I would always move there, trying to think of ways to get there and it has never happened. It was the be all and end all for me. I'd be so jealous reading about people who managed to love there! I went on holiday with an American friend and his family when I was in my early 20s and I didn't actually enjoy it - I missed British people, I missed British culture and found myself incredibly homesick. I am interested to read the responses other people give as your post resonates with me. One or two things I have reassured myself with are that healthcare, if you get really unwell and your insurance doesn't pay out, you're stuffed.

I lived in the US for a few years. Most of these have been mentioned, just reinforcing:

Quality of life is very much tied to your income.

It's much more expensive than you'd think with health insurance and property taxes (can run into tens of thousands a year).

Health insurance is insane. People take jobs just for the insurance. I know adults with masters degrees still doing shifts at Starbucks in their 30s and 40s because they offer insurance. Imagine going to A&E with a broken arm and no insurance. That's at least $5,000 right there.

Everyone is on multiple pill prescriptions. Even young people.

Birth control pills are much harder to get and much more expensive.

Outside of major cities, it's very car-centric. You need a car to get anywhere.

The politics are ridiculous. As much as I dislike Tory policies over here, they do stillhave humanity and can be shamed into doing the right thing. I have many, many Tory friends who are lovely people. Republicans in the US are just fucking insane.

Food portions are massive. At first I was sickened, but you just keep getting served huge amounts soyou get accustomed toit. Even grabbing a 'small' bag of crisps at lunch, they are three times the size of ours! I really had to watch my weight.

Speaking of, the number of super morbidly obese is pretty sobering. I don't know anyone in the UK who could be a participant on My 600-lb Life. I saw candidates every single day in the US.

On the plus side:

Although it's gone down a lot, there is still much more social mobility in the US. More than in the UK, in my opinion.

If you do have insurance, health care is very very good.

Hawaii (the parts without people).

The guns. Everywhere. In the supermarket, on the streets, all police carry them. My local newspaper used to carry on the front page a daily tally of all the deaths from gun crime that year. Every day it went up.

The racism. I'm not saying the UK isn't racist, but America is a whole other level. It's really frightening. Also, there is much less racial diversity in most places. There's white American and African American and that's it.

The cost of healthcare. If you get cancer, do you also want to be faced with the fact you'll probably have to sell your home to pay for it? EVEN IF YOU HAVE INSURANCE.

The food. You can't get good cheese for love nor money. Bread is awful. Chocolate is inedible. Everything is stuffed with fat, sugar and salt. Indian food is very hard to find.

The climate. Obviously varies dramatically across the US but in general is much more extreme than here: tornadoes, hurricanes, huge amounts of snow, droughts leading to vast wildfires etc etc.

I lived there for 2 years and was homesick pretty much every single day. Not for people, but for the landscape, the climate, and the sense of belonging. Not everyone feels that way, obviously, but while I'm happy to go back and visit friends, I'm profoundly grateful not to live there any more.

I love the way Americans can get in a car and just drive to a diversity of amazingly stunning scenery. We feel so cramped and hemmed in in the U.K.

I promise, it is MUCH easier to do this in the UK. The US is vast. Whereas in the UK you can be on the moors or in the mountains or by the sea within a couple of hours from pretty much anywhere.

I have some much older half siblings who I only met as a teenager. Two live in America, they do have great lives but are rich. One lives in one of
The richest suburbs in the whole of the USA so he does not see any of the awful stuff that affects poorer neighbourhoods. The UK may have estates and neighbourhoods that are not so great but there really are ghettos over there.

My niece had a baby, she is in management and has a well paid job, great health insurance but still had only 12 weeks maternity. Apparently that is beyond generous and unheard of. My brother before he retired was a Vice President in a global company he only got two weeks paid annual leave a year.

My much older brothers tried to get me to move there about 25 years ago, I was in my mid twenties and they would have sponsored me but it was not for me. I have spent a lot of time on holiday with my family over almost 30 years. Spent about a year there in total, wonderful but would never live there.

I live next to the sea and moors, spent yesterday on a stunning beach. It’s not the same. I hate how close everything is. I want to be able to drive and keep on driving. There is no space in the U.K. and it drives me nuts.

Extortionate health insurance (with life limits on how much they will pay out for you)

Mass shootings

Attacks on women’s rights (I.e. rolling back access to abortion)

It’s is a much more right wing country than the U.K. - their democrats are more like the tories than labour, and the republicans are an extreme right wing group.

Entrenched, institutional racism

Enormous wealth disparity

Very low annual leave entitlements

Huge governmental corruption

I also love America (have worked there for stretches and holidayed a few times) and I think the fantasy of living there can be compelling. But the reality is it is quite a strange, often dangerous place, with extraordinary inequality and generally a much poorer quality of life.

I should add I was unwell on one trip and spent one night in hospital, I had insurance obviously. The bill for an ambulance, one night, a scan and some strong painkillers was $6000. That was ten years ago.

Also, there is much less racial diversity in most places. There's white American and African American and that's it.

Not sure about this bit. Latinos are a bigger minority group than AA.

People are overworked, don't take holidays. Drugs are constantly pushed on you. Healthcare and medicine is all about money. Have you seen what's happened with Trump? The poor are so poor, a lot of it is actually really dangerous now.

Also so much of the food is pumped with awful stuff that would never be allowed here.

Now especially I've started seeing all the downsides, sadly.

People actually avoid hospitals and drs even for minor things as the cost cripples them. Even with insurance!

(And I'm talking wealthy people!)

I am American and would honestly never go back at this point. Politics aside, things are impossibly expensive. I have many old uni friends on six figure salaries and they are barely making ends meet after paying for health insurance, cars, property taxes, university fees, etc. Not to mention their meager 2 week holiday allowance...

My DS is a senior level academic and makes about 2/3rds of what he used to make in the States, yet we are able to afford so much more here. And most importantly, we'll be able to put DS through uni without much financial stress in a few years time.

Don't assume that a glossy page on anyone's social media gives the full or true side of the story.

Also in the uk, everything is so much more cushioned and safe. In usa you are screwed in so many more circumstances! Health, education, general violence. When you hear about stabbings here people are shocked, yet that happens daily in areas of usa and no one flicks an eyebrow. The homelessness in certain areas is shocking. Worse than many third world countries I've seen. It's a place of high contrasts which I for one found hard to live with and secondly, you can't assume you'll always be on the winning side, even if you are here...

If you go to an ER complaining of abdominal pain, you will more than likely leave with a recommendation for Maalox and advice to go to a family doctor (after they have asked you if you are pregnant).

Not in my ED. You'd get a full workup. Treating it as you describe would be begging for a malpractice lawsuit.

Extortionate health insurance (with life limits on how much they will pay out for you)

Not in the last 10 years. This was disallowed under the ACA in 2010.

employee rights
maternity rights
healthcare
inequality
religious tyrants
guns
racism
the patriarchy
the rampant consumerism
imo america is another failed state(s) - how can i society be successful when so many of its citizens suffer huge injustices.

Someone start a similar thread on Australia! I'd love to be talked out of moving down under.

The usa working day is typically 8:30-5:30 unlike UK 9-5. Also we are very lucky and entitled in the UK "I'm sick, my friend did this" very dominic cummings. In the us they just dont care! Shit happens!

The whole work/lack of maternity and rights has a very big effect on people.

Also mental health is bad, almost everyone on drugs behind the scenes. My friend.(20s) offered mood altering drugs instantly as medicine = money.

Also things like schools are better in areas where people are rich. So in poor areas there is less money for schools. Total opposite here!

Also my American friends read BBC as they can't trust their own news... have you ever watched Fox? Even the less biased ones are so biased.

I think it’s a generational thing. I always had the dream to move to the states too. So I did for a few years. The bit that got me was driving everywhere.I mean it’s a massive, I do get it but I missed popping into town.

I think given your age you might be getter off buying a second home there. You can still live there and if you find a small town maybe make friends and contribute to the way of life perhaps but with the safety net of the U.K.