How long before I'm allowed to worry??

[butterflyroses]

Ds 15 went out to meet some friends at 2pm (I KNOW!)

He's not back and his phones dead. He's not usually out this long. He's not sleeping at the moment and he has no money on him to get food/drink.

How long can I leave it before I really worry??

Yes I know he shouldn't be out, I've had that argument plenty of times with him.

First of all before the trolls all come out and jump on this I do have to ask one question and that is how on Earth do you not know any of his friends parents at that age? That is a basic parenting 101 you don't need to get to know them all but you need to know at least a handful of them and be able to contact them to situations exactly like this. I get that it's not 1980 or 1990 anymore but I just cannot get over how things have changed since we were kids. And as parents it's our job to get that information it's not the child's job to give us it.
As everyone else is suggested a 15 year old being the subject of lockdown for all these weeks going out and meeting a friend or Friends it is probably just the case that he has lost track of time. And will most likely be home with no worries if he's not home by 8 p.m. then I'd give the police a call. But to be honest as he don't know where he's gone or he's gone with or how to contact any of the parents of the people that you might be with I don't see what much use the police would be initially. If you can get onto his computer or his laptop whatever he has and get into his Facebook it might be an idea to go and have a look at his friends I really hope he does turn up safe and sound and that you get this information so that this doesn't happen to you again in.

My son went missing for almost half a day at a similar age which was a few years back now now and it was horrifying and that was with all the information of other parents and things. we had the police out the police helicopter out most of the neighbours interrupted their day to go and help look. And eventually we found him somewhere we were told he wasn't so I do understand what you're thinking and feeling.

Wow he is 15 not a child give him a break

So relieved for you OP, I know that feeling only too well!

I’m glad everything turned out ok. Just a suggestion as my mum has this with my younger brothers a lot. Could you have an “out” board. Like a little white board or chalk board or something where he scribbles Out with X, Y and Z probably going to A back around B. So you have names of who he is meeting and a time to expect him home and possibly a rough idea where he would be without him feeling like he’s “asking permission” he’s just writing a note to let you know on his way out.

Am I the only one thinking of what I was like when I was 15?

Because I was not going out with my friends for a few hours and back by 8. Maybe when I was 12?

I really wasn't a delinquent or anything. Mind you that was 30years ago so maybe times change. Or is it just because of lockdown.

Anyway, OP glad he got back OK and now you both know to tell exactly who he's going out with and phone charged etc.

A few years before DD gets to this age. I'll have her chipped.

Joke! Or I think it is....

Because I was not going out with my friends for a few hours and back by 8. Maybe when I was 12?

I think I was at least telling my parents a vague plan (true or not might be a different matter) and a rough home time though. Different if OP’s son hadn’t said when he’d be back and his phone was dead.

Hi. Hope you have managed to locate your son, regardless of whether he should be out or not, I hope you have, and that he is safe and well and that you've read him the riot act 😊...for all the worry.

Glad your son is safe and sound OP.
I think the reaction to this varies depending on where you live, transport, gangs etc.
We live in a rural area and our local town is safe as houses regarding people. However, the main risks would be the sea/beach. When my kids were 15 they would have to call me to get a lift home so I always knew approx what time they would be back.
If I lived in a big city, I guess they would make their own way back home and the risks would be different.

Glad he's back ok. My 15 year old is expected back for dinner (or at least to tell me he's out for dinner).

Because I was not going out with my friends for a few hours and back by 8. Maybe when I was 12?

I was 15 in about 2003-2004 and I certainly wasn't out all hours of the night. On school nights I was home for tea unless I had pre-arranged plans to be elsewhere (like clubs or similar). Weekends I couldn't just stay out late unless I had plans (cinema, for example) and the latest I'd be allowed out was probably 10pm.

All my friends were the same so I don't think it's that unusual.

So glad to hear he turned up ok. Hate to say it but you will probably get very used to that see-saw between obsessive anxiety and the warm glow of relief over the next few years. I believe they can be trained to some extent to keep you posted - but phone batteries never seem too last as long for the young. Solidarity.

Right, I've decided - I'm skipping the teenage years. Not happening. My eldest is 12- I've got six months to work out the practicalities.

!

Let me know your plan, I'm on this too (and my Dds are 1 & 2 !l)

Glad he's home safe Op (I just read the first page and had to skip to the last to see all okay! )

Frantically scrolling through the thread to find the green comments to see if he showed up eventually. Glad to see he turned up safe and sound!

I had the same with my son at that age. He either kept to his side of the bargain like picking up when I called him and coming home on time or I called and messaged all his friends. He hated it but he soon realised picking up the phone so I knew he was ok and who he was with was the best thing to do.

'Yes. I'd be phoning the police.'

FFS. He's 15 not 5. He went out for 6-7 hours, at 15 years old. I can't imagine calling the police over that or that they'd be in the least bit interested unless he was vulnerable for some reason.

FFS. He's 15 not 5. He went out for 6-7 hours, at 15 years old.

And? Do you think people have to be missing for a certain amount of time before they're in any kind of danger?

Plenty of parents have had children go missing and it turns out they came to harm within 30 minutes or so of them leaving the house. If something's out of character for your child (no matter how old) it's perfectly natural to be worried.

The police recommend you ring if you are worried about a missing person. It's not an overreaction to do so.

"To do this, you can contact your local police station in person or by phone. You can report to your own local police station even if the missing person lives in another part of the UK. You can make a report to the police immediately – you do NOT have to wait until 24 hours after a disappearance. In an emergency you can contact 999."

www.missingpeople.org.uk/how-we-can-help/families-and-friends/reporting-a-missing-person/879-what-will-the-police-do.html

I'm glad your sons home safe X

Teens are scary things, and so different- 1 son would disappear and may/may not vaguely inform me of his whereabouts and plans from 15 onwards, but is very savvy, if other 15 year old son disappeared for more than an hour I would be phoning the police. It really is knowing your child and what they do.

Glad he’s home safely.

how on Earth do you not know any of his friends parents at that age?

He’s 15, not 5.

I don’t know any of my sons friends parents that he’s at secondary school with. I know the ones that he went to primary with but they’re not really his close friends. There’s not really any opportunity to meet them that wouldn’t be forced. I think it’s pretty normal to not want your parents involved with your friends parents when you’re a teen. My parents didn’t know my friends parents when I was that age either, I barely let them meet my friends. 🤣

My advice is to ensure he has his phone fully charged, send him out with a portable charger and ensure he responds to any messages. I have dealt with teenagers and they wont feel your anxiety and in truth wont care. You know your child and as much as I was part of the group being a little shocked at calling the police at 7pm I get it , if this is not normal for your DC. This is a time where he needs to communicate clearly his plans or you will be in touch with his friends - they can be little shites

So glad he's home

Put your mind at rest make sure he has money and a charged phone when he goes out. Get all his mates numbers. I have a tracking app on my phone so I can see where my teen is ( he knows as he has to have the app also). To fair though when I was a teen I would go out for hours and mum didn't worry a jot. I think we do worry more nowadays.

@LagunaBubbles

I'm glad he's safe. I'm in Scotland and and this still isn't allowed, my kids havent seen their friends since March.

I didn’t think it was allowed in England yet. I thought you could meet 1 person in an outdoor public place. I keep seeing large groups of teens much less than 2 meters apart - unless they all live in the same very large house? Or teenagers are now exempt from the rule?

Wow you’d think people on a parenting forum would understand that every child is different. Me or my sister as a 15 year old not home by dinner - nobody would bat an eye. My brother not home by dinner at 15 - extremely out of character, especially if it was on top of some other uncharacteristic behaviour.

I’m glad he’s home OP, the more time went on the more worried you would have been.