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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my husband he'll have to come home from work now.

156 replies

CanIScreamPlease · 25/05/2020 16:14

I have absolutely had fucking enough today.

I am minding my step children whilst DH has had to go into work (self employed but had a job on today).

The kids are being absolutely awful. They are arguing, fighting, shouting at each other. I am so fed up I feel I could literally scream. I've had to put them in seperate rooms for the afternoon. I'm about to ring my husband and tell him to come home because I really can't be fucking arsed with it any longer.

I know it sounds like a ridiculous excuse but I'm on my period and I have really bad problems with low mood when I am, so much so that I've seen the GP and been given ADs to take 10 days a month because of the low mood.

I am at my absolute wits end with them today and I am so angry. I feel like if I hear one more moan or argument I'm going to just drive them to his work and drop them off.

OP posts:
MarkBrendanawicz · 25/05/2020 17:00

if he called me to come home and deal with bad behaviour I would be most unimpressed

Really? I'd probably be highly embarrassed that my children had acted so appallingly and be nothing but apologetic that he'd had to deal with that. I'd also be mightily pissed off with my kids too.

billy1966 · 25/05/2020 17:01

OP,

You have my sympathy.

Perhaps you need to pull back on offering to look after them if it is that difficult.

They have two parents, who should be minding them.

Are you one of those step mothers that get conveniently caught for a lot of childcare?

If so, have a think!

Don't be used.

Hope you feel better soon.

billy1966 · 25/05/2020 17:03

Oh and I definitely would be calling him to come home and look after HIS children.

You are NOT their parent.

You are an unpaid babysitter doing them a favour.

RoiseCap · 25/05/2020 17:03

I think your punishments sound reasonable. If mine were physically fighting I'd definitely be taking away many of their freedoms.

If they're staying in their rooms separately then I would just wait for your husband to get home and let him know the situation then.

Original poster
CanIScreamPlease · 25/05/2020 17:03

Perhaps you need to pull back on offering to look after them if it is that difficult

To be fair, they usually aren't this difficult. But today they have just been really bad, the worst I've seen them before. They do have issues with punching and hitting but I thought we were getting somewhere as it hadn't happened for a while.

OP posts:
CrystalTipped · 25/05/2020 17:05

By all means, call him home. But then make steps to live seperately.

Got that OP? The kids are being little shits, so it's time for you to break up your family.

I was just thinking how ridiculous that would be in reality, but some men really do that...

Original poster
CanIScreamPlease · 25/05/2020 17:06

I've calmed down a little now thank you. I will speak to them soon but for now they are being quiet so I'll leave them for a little longer whilst I sort tea.

OP posts:
PissOffStayAtHomeDogMum · 25/05/2020 17:07

Flowers, OP.

My children have been known to do this. Separation is the only way, sometimes.

FWIW, the only thing that has kept me going at times is the fact that I am biologically related to my children (who are individually lovely and can be collectively foul). To be doing what you're doing without this to fall back on is a very big thing. No solutions, but I admire you very much and hope your DH appreciates you.

AlwaysAnEmptySpace · 25/05/2020 17:08

They do have issues with punching and hitting but I thought we were getting somewhere as it hadn't happened for a while.

It’s just a bad day. Lockdown and hot weather, not a great combination with children. My kids have never really had fights, but I remember me and my brother were constantly fighting when we were kids. Drove my mum crazy.

averythinline · 25/05/2020 17:09

i think splitting them up is a good idea- and taking away the screens...
absolutely they need to know there are consequences for shit behaviour....
I would get them a drink - water... as its hot and maybe one one get an apology....
although only after you have had a cup of tea and watched a bit of tv/read a book whatever to chill out for at least 45mins .....maybe cake/biscuits if that does it for you....

I would phone DH to make sure he backs you up as soon as he walk s in the door and uses the same consequences as well... you need consistency...

they can stay there all afternoon if need be - kids dont need to be entertained/minded all the time
and if they do come out would stick back again as soon as anything started...

my brother and i fought like cat n dog and my mum often did this... you need to reduce the temperature of the situation.....

Candyfloss99 · 25/05/2020 17:11

I'd tell them their behaviour is not on and it'll have consequences. I'm not sure if I'd ring him because I wouldn't want the children to think only he can tell them off.

Devlesko · 25/05/2020 17:14

Tell him and his ex to care for their own bloody kids, what would they have done if you weren't there.
Get him to come back now, or he can tell his ex to pick them up.
Not your kids, not your job.

EmeraldShamrock · 25/05/2020 17:14

They'll have calmed too if not they stay separate. Go read a book you'll hear them if they are hurt.
Lockdown is getting to everyone especially DC.

Eckhart · 25/05/2020 17:15

Glad you're feeling a bit better and they've calmed down a bit.

I just wondered - do you usually feel you get enough support/aren't relied upon too much, or could this be due to a build up of frustration for you?

endofthelinefinally · 25/05/2020 17:17

They are nearly 10!
Perfectly old enough to spend some quiet time in their rooms reflecting on their bad behaviour.
They aren't toddlers!

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 25/05/2020 17:18

You haven't done anything wrong OP. Sometimes kids are a pita all day and the best thing to do is put them in separate rooms and leave them be. They aren't being unfairly punished by not getting their screens.
Tbh, I'd muddle through today. It was an unplanned situation. Your dh will finish work soon. Just feed the kids and leave them in their room until he comes home and maybe don't offer next time unless your dh is going to be there too

minielise · 25/05/2020 17:18

@CanIScreamPlease Well done for managing until now with them! People on here tend to not like step parents for some reason, at the end of the day if he can come home and help then I say you ring him and ask him to. It may well be that they just need some time apart, I imagine they are sick of each other and things have blown up today.
Maybe once he’s home you can go for a walk with one (if you feel up to it) and he can go with the other so that you all get out of the house and have a break.

Ignore all the questions that are irrelevant about if they were yours or if he worked for someone, because they aren’t applicable for you! It’s just people trying to kick you while you are down for no reason.

DesignedForLife · 25/05/2020 17:21

Not really got any advice but just wanted to say my kids were crazy this Saturday. Just insane. They aren’t usually like this.

Lockdown is getting to them Sad

StirlingWork · 25/05/2020 17:21

That's tough OP. I would try to hold out but explain when your DH comes home that you found it difficult

Ohtherewearethen · 25/05/2020 17:22

Gosh there are some ridiculous comments on here. If you could just go back in time and unmarry your husband so you are not stepmother to his children then this could have been avoided. Silly you. Unbelievable. Some people appear to have a bit of trouble separating their issues from yours.
Their behaviour today has been atrocious and you have had to deal with that alone, whilst not feeling well. Them being put in their bedrooms without screens should be the least of their worries. This is entirely appropriate, not at all OTT as a PP has suggested. Maybe phone your husband now you are feeling a bit calmer and tell him what has happened today. When the kids come out for tea tell them that their dad knows they have been in their rooms all afternoon and that they are going to tell him exactly why when he gets home. Try to distance yourself from it in that way. Your husband absolutely must back you up on this. The very least the children need to do is apologise to you and each other, and mean it. You and their dad can then discuss any further consequences for their awful behaviour with them when he's home.
For what it's worth, it sounds like you are fond of them and have a good relationship. You are struggling today and this is the last thing you need. Tomorrow's another, and hopefully better, day. Take it easy.

isupposeitsverynice · 25/05/2020 17:22

jesus. i have, on occasion, called both of my kids dads home from work because i wasn't coping looking after my own kids, let alone someone else's. if my kid was carrying on like that to his step mum i'd have absolutely no problem with her involving his dad to sort his child out. i hope your day improves significantly op Flowers

YappityYapYap · 25/05/2020 17:24

You could phone him and go into each room with the phone and get him to tell them off and start behaving. Just leave them in the separate rooms, put the chase on and have a cup of coffee

justkeepmovingon · 25/05/2020 17:25

Just wanted to send you hugs, I have awful horrible pmt had to go in the pill to control mine and ADs so really fell your pain.

I hope you can relax later and unwind with a bath or a cuppa.

Aprilbaby2020 · 25/05/2020 17:33

You’re getting slack here just because you’re a step mum. It’s fucking hard when it’s your own children acting that way so I imagine it’s just as hard for you. You’re allowed to be frustrated and I get it OP. I’d call him. They are his children and he needs to help if it’s chaos and you’re struggling!

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 25/05/2020 17:36

Since things are cooling down leave it for today but make it very clear to them that behaviour is unacceptable.
And definitely make it clear to your husband that next time he will need to come home! He needs to understand that you are struggling and what happened today is not "all kids fight " dismissive bs.