To tell my husband he'll have to come home from work now.

[CanIScreamPlease]

I have absolutely had fucking enough today.

I am minding my step children whilst DH has had to go into work (self employed but had a job on today).

The kids are being absolutely awful. They are arguing, fighting, shouting at each other. I am so fed up I feel I could literally scream. I've had to put them in seperate rooms for the afternoon. I'm about to ring my husband and tell him to come home because I really can't be fucking arsed with it any longer.

I know it sounds like a ridiculous excuse but I'm on my period and I have really bad problems with low mood when I am, so much so that I've seen the GP and been given ADs to take 10 days a month because of the low mood.

I am at my absolute wits end with them today and I am so angry. I feel like if I hear one more moan or argument I'm going to just drive them to his work and drop them off.

I'd leave them in their rooms and tell them you're going to give dad a full breakdown of their behaviour when he gets home.

Being in their rooms for 3 hours + would be punishment enough in my book, but he should know how they have been and give a punishment he sees fit if he thinks more is needed, plus back you up with them being in their rooms until he is home.

Stepmum or not you shouldn't have to tolerate that behaviour.

I've taken their screens out of their rooms too as I just feel like it's not really a punishment if they get to sit in their room playing Xbox. I'm just going to leave them to calm down in there until DH comes back. (They have other stuff they can do in their rooms).

Maybe it's fuelled by them being able to tell you don't want to look after them?

Maybe my response is predictable. I'm basing it on how my own step mother despised looking after me, and what I would expect from my own DH who is step father to my eldest. If he called me to deal with the behaviour of my eldest child as and when they were being difficult I wouldn't have had biological children with him or chosen to live with him. It's acceptable to say from the beginning of a relationship you don't want to be inolvolved with any parenting. But this isn't a new relationship as you are married. If you chose to marry and live with him you should be able to handle a one off day of difficult step parenting.

Just make it easy on yourself. If screens stop them kicking off, just give them screens. Let their dad deal with the behaviour later on.

I wouldn't just leave them until after 7 OP that's a long time, either call do or go and have a word with each one if them individually and explain to them how rubbish you are feeling and that you would appreciate them being nice to each other for the rest of the evening etc

**call DH

Won’t they need dinner before 7pm?

Maybe it's fuelled by them being able to tell you don't want to look after them?

What on earth are you talking about? I have absolutely no objection to looking after them hence why I offered, I care about them a lot and we have a good relationship usually.

But no, you're right in that I don't enjoy dealing with physical fights, arguments and screaming all day. Like anyone I imagine?

Oh I'll give them tea obviously.

Also surely they will need to wash up and have dinner before then?

Sorry op cross post there

So you just pick and choose the nice bits of parenting when it suits? Shutting them in their rooms for hours AND removing all screens is way OTT. If you need a break from them, let them on their screens. You need space, not revenge for them pushing your buttons when your tolerance is low.

I’d give them their screens back soon once they’ve calmed down, just to make sure they are occupied and then you won’t have to deal with them when you’re feeling ill. Any thing for an easy life at times. Then let their dad have a word when he gets home, no point their dad having to come home now if they’re quiet.

Hope you’re feeling better soon.

Could you take to your bed, with any snacks or drinks you might enjoy and leave your door open so that you can supervise the lockdown in the house?
Then contact DH, tell him how it’s been and how it is, ask that he comes home ASAP.

I'll give them their screens back shortly. I took them away initially as they were back chatting and shouting when I'd put them in their rooms but you're right, I'll speak to them individually and give their screens back shortly. I still don't think it's a good idea that they be in the same room for now though until later on.

I absolutely know how kids can get you, however 3 of my children are DPs step children and if he called me to come home and deal with bad behaviour I would be most unimpressed

Not necessarily today but perhaps a family meeting to agree acceptable behaviour and the consequences of not sticking to the rules.

If Xbox is the most coveted thing perhaps time playing on them is earned by acceptable behaviour and lost by unacceptable behaviour!

not revenge for them pushing your buttons when your tolerance is low

It's not about revenge. It's was a punishment for literally smacking and fighting each other despite being told to come away, stop that, don't etc... Multiple times and for backchatting me when I told them to get to their rooms and screaming and shouting.

OP, my children (my own, not stepchildren) have been like this today (12 and 9) and I have completely lost the plot at them. Everybody has shit days. Let them stew a bit in their bedrooms and have a cup of tea and some chocolate if you haven't already.

I think it is fine to leave them in their rooms and give them food in there.
How are they going to learn to behave if there are no consequences.
TBH, I would have put them in their rooms for time out at the first fight.
How else do children learn how to behave?

Maybe their df being inconvenienced by having to come home may make him be a better df... Leaving them to you to often is a cop out.

Sorry but who the hell thinks removing screens and sending kids to their room is a completely OTT punishment for behaving this way? I would have done the same without a second thought.

They were physically hurting each other and shouting and screaming toward their SM and they've been doing it all day. Mine wouldn't have screens for the rest of the day maybe even tomorrow too.

So you just pick and choose the nice bits of parenting when it suits?

Erm well yeah... She's their step parent. Not their parent. She can do as much or as little parenting as she likes.

I still don't think it's a good idea that they be in the same room for now though until later on.

It won’t hurt them to split them up for a few hours. You’re not well, the kids are safe, it’s fine. And they’ll probably be more ready to take on board what they’re dad says to them when he gets home as they will have had some down time.
I have awful periods and also struggle with low mood with them. Have a cup of tea and sit down.

I would. Don’t be a martyr. Paid child care would probably call the parent if they couldn’t stop the kids physically fighting.

Then get a nice bath with wine 🍷

You ARE doing him a favour by watching them, especially if they are not well behaved.