To not let an abusive man have control over my child

[dublingirl653]

So we are due at court very soon

I moved to London for him
We got pregnant and literally from day 7 of pregnancy the abuse started
Got so bad
Left many times

Now he wants access - 50/50
After the most horrendous abouse against the kids and I

Aibu to say no right away
Or negotiate??

Please do. I think this won't be as bad as you're worried about in terms of getting support. He's got previous for it so how anyone can say it's not happening is beyond me. You may need to remind them of that though, and not assume they know (meaning the police).

Yes so true

Have a detailed account and hope that this is done fairly

We are petrified of this monster

But there is no guarantee I can get a screen put up in the court room
Depends on the judge and their mood that day ?? 😢😢😢

You make the request before the day. You contact the court asking for a different entrance, waiting area and screen for reasons of DV. The security staff arrange it.
Email so you have proof and confirm in a phone call so you know the instructions clearly.

Ah ok !!

WA said they could also try to call ahead

Ughhh the thought of being near the creep

At least we can socially distance

To all the women going through this please stay strong !! We can do this

Yes, my relative had a separate entrance, a private room to wait in with her barrister and a screen in the court room. This has happened on every occasion that they went to court.

The ex's barrister complained about the screen because of how it "looked", but he didn't get his way and the screen stayed.

Ok thank you

No doubt he will say I put on a show

He told the paramedics I was pretending after the first attack

Always my fault

When he sprained my arm - all my fault

Good luck, OP. Rooting for you

Thank you lovely people

My solicitor is going to ask for a stay in proceedings as we are not sure if the criminal case will go ahead

Is it with the police or CPS?

In the case I mentioned the family court judge didn't decide anything until the CPS had made their decision. They were very cautious.

Oh that’s good that you’ve got a solicitor now.

With the met and they are aiming for it to be with cps soon

Few witness enquiries from when he attacked me on the street they are waiting to speak to them

Just waiting to hear back from cps

Why does it take so long 😢😢😢😢😢😢

In our case it took 14 months from reporting to police to getting a decision from CPS. It was with CPS for about a year. The case was quite complex though and probably not straightforward from their point of view.

My case has 6 witnesses and around 5 different agencies

My gosh this could take forever

Reported the demon in 2018 😢😢😢

Keep pushing. Phone them loads. Always polite always calm always concerned for your safety and the safety of your children. A lot of women won't press charges and that's incredibly frustrating for the police so be clear that this isnt revenge and you are not going to back down.

Be the person they want to throw the resource at. Be a safe pair of hands for them - someone calm, brave, stable and determined. Repeat those words every time you pick up the phone. Emphasis that if this doesn't go through your children's lives are at risk (if he gets any kind of custody).

The world is (apparently) full of mother's lying about DV to stop their exes getting any custody. But that's not you and once you show them that 100% and they trust you're not getting back with him, dropping charges, or too scared to go to court they will back you.

Be very polite but very persistent and don't wait for them. Tell them you appreciate how overworked they are currently (they are) but explain leaving it is not an option. Talk about previous violence to the children. You can do it

The world is (apparently) full of mother's lying about DV to stop their exes getting any custody.

According to who? I'm not getting at you obviously, but I think the ones making it up are definitely in a minority.

My relative was helped by the fact that she is middle class, well presented with no skeletons in her closet. None of those should matter, but it seems they can. The ex was probably helped for the same reasons unfortunately, although he definitely had skeletons, just not ones that had been found out or dealt with properly. I do think that the veneer of middle class respectability probably saved him. This time at least. The police believed her, but I think it wasn't quite enough for the CPS to waste a court case on.

6 witnesses are good op. It sounds like you have a much better chance of them seeing it through to court.

I’m so so sorry this happened to you. I believe you. I’ve supported women in court in criminal cases although not family court. My best advice is to be as clear as you can and when challenged don’t back down but don’t shout. It’s not always the women with the most evidence who see the perpetrators found guilty.
He sounds horrific and at the very least you will know and be able to tell the kids that you have fought tooth and nail.
Can social services help?

I have helped women change their name and children’s names by deed poll ..

Thank you I hope I can stay strong

Gosh in my silly mind I thought cps could be a day or two !!

I wish

I think having a lot of witnesses
Medical reports
Police call outs
Body cam footage may be enough

Who knows though :(

Oh wow
Yes would consider this

S s have been involved police contacted them

Worryingly after the bastard tried to kill me SS were very quick to close the case 😢😢😢

@knittingaddict According to who? I'm not getting at you obviously, but I think the ones making it up are definitely in a minority.

According to some utter fuckwit on here the other day saying she went into family law because of it. I strongly suspect she is a he. I've seen similar comments on the telegraph online - 'I'm a female working in the family law system and just as many men are dv victims as women'. Puhlease.

A large proportion of men believe this shit too.

It makes me absolutely furious. It's just typical fathers 4 justice misogynist propaganda - but knowing it exists means knowing how to prevent it from tripping you up.

It really all is about how you behave and handle it. I was very measured in court (business psycho) and he acted like a nutter. I refused to rise to his barristers bait. She kept asking me the same thing and because my answer actually was 'yes, but' I said 'no, that's not the case'. Every. Single. Time. I was scrupulously honest, did not interrupt or raise my voice, and refused to admit to something that wasn't a simple yes/no. Because you say 'yes but ', they interrupt and you've just admitted something you didn't do.

Be persistent and reasonable. Be proactive. Ring them don't wait! Keep ringing!

Keep ringing the police?

When I email they just say still waiting to hear back

I believe you OP. My sister went through the same thing. Judge started it of with a contact centre then did all the safety checks (is it CAFCASS? Unsure what its called, should gave been done first but wasn't). After their reports came in it changed to no contact atall. He can send a bday card and xmas card but never has. Good luck OP