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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Consent order / divorce

52 replies

Whichway15 · 24/05/2020 14:32

Hello,

Just wondering if anyone has any experience with consent orders?

Basically, i am unrepresented due to not being able to afford to see someone, and his solicitor has imformed the judge might not approve it?

So what happens if the judge doesnt approve? Can the judge change the order or what is the next step? Very confused... thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Whichway15 · 24/05/2020 14:34

Sorry just to clarify, it probably looks massively in his favour, hence why it may be rejected

OP posts:
TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 24/05/2020 14:35

I would have thought that if you both agreed to it, the judge would just approve no matter how outlandish it is?

Wishforsnow · 24/05/2020 14:35

Why is it so much in his favour and therefore may not be able to be approved?

Original poster
Whichway15 · 24/05/2020 14:38

Basically the only asset is his pension, which i know he doesnt want me to have and i dont have the money to fight for it so thought it best to let it slide. Also i believe i may have more debt than he does, i am on benefits and the children live with me. So ive been told his looks heavily in his favour

OP posts:
plunkplunkfizz · 24/05/2020 15:07

If a judge might not approve it, doesn’t that tell you something? i.e. it’s worth fighting for?

Upordown · 24/05/2020 15:11

I doubt it will get approved if it doesn't fairly cater for the needs of you and the children. There's alot you can do without a solicitor. Basically list all assets, including pension values. Then all debts. At least then you'll know what you're 'sharing'. He can't walk away with say, £200k (or whatever the value is) in pensions and you have nothing. There will need to be something in the consent order about maintenance and care of the children.

Original poster
Whichway15 · 24/05/2020 15:26

Well hes telling me thats there no way to figure out what his pension is worth so its impossible to tell. Tbh we had quite a hard marraige, to the point that i was petrified off him and i just dont have the strength to try and fight him about this. I would rather it was all done and i could get on with my life. Thank you for all your replies

OP posts:
NellyDElephant · 24/05/2020 15:31

What you want is a ‘pension sharing order’ and of course there’s a way to find out what the pension is worth. It costs on average around £4-500 to get a pension sharing order sorted so of course it sounds like he’s not going to want to stump up for one of those! I would be doing if I were you though!

HappyAsASandboy · 24/05/2020 15:33

Ha ha ha ..... if it wasn't so unfair it'd be funny. Of course you can figure out what his pension is worth - you write to the pension provider and ask them and they send you a valuation. Easy as that.

Original poster
Whichway15 · 24/05/2020 15:36

If i could figure out a way to do it i would, i have no savings and struggle as it is hence i havent been able to seek help.

What is the judge likely to do if he doesnt agree with the consent order?

OP posts:
Original poster
Whichway15 · 24/05/2020 15:37

I didnt know i was able to write to his pension provider, thank you

OP posts:
Istwowyes17262 · 24/05/2020 15:44

You need the CETV of it OP. It’s the cash equivalent transfer value. He must provide this as part of the divorce. What if his pension is worth 300k? Half of that should be yours if not more.

Istwowyes17262 · 24/05/2020 15:45

@Whichway15 can’t you apply for legal aid as you’ve said yourself that you are petrified of him.... which indicates to me DV? You are entitled to legal aid if that is the case

peperethecat · 24/05/2020 15:46

Basically the only asset is his pension, which i know he doesnt want me to have

Well, no shit, but he might have no choice in the matter if you had some proper legal advice.

Pensions can be very valuable. You should fight for your fair share.

peperethecat · 24/05/2020 15:47

Well hes telling me thats there no way to figure out what his pension is worth so its impossible to tell.

And this is total bollocks. As a PP said, you can have his pension valued. This is what actuaries do.

Original poster
Whichway15 · 24/05/2020 15:49

I dont believe i can apply for legal aid as it was years of emotional abuse, the only time it was physical was when id had a drink which of course was all in my head the next day. Theres no proof of anything and unfortunately i am up against a very clever guy. Just feeling very stuck right now

OP posts:
peperethecat · 24/05/2020 15:59

Is your local citizens advice bureau open?

I don't think you have any real interest in signing this consent order.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 24/05/2020 17:06

Don’t agree to that consent order, the judge will only sign off what you have already agreed to. I have seen it happening even when it was a more than unfair split.

You don’t need to use a solicitor, you can self represent but before you go to court you might be asked to try family mediation.

This service is lead by especially trained solicitors who help you work through the process to agree a resolution. They charge according to your income.

If you are short of money, get The Which Guide to Divorce (and read all that is relevant to you) getting the same advice this book can give you from a solicitor would cost £1000s yet the book is less than £30 and has all the general info that you need.

If the only asset to dispute is the pension, please don’t sign that consent order and much less so in the advice of his solicitor, S/he is his solicitor not yours and definitively not the judge, so please don’t feel intimidated or pressured to sign, what his solicitor tells you is just to get what your ex wants.

GabriellaMontez · 24/05/2020 17:23

I was so desperate to leave, I didn't take a portion of 'his' pension.

Now I lie awake wondering how I'll survive retirement.

How can he afford a solicitor but you cant?

Gather every last ounce of strength to deal with this now or risk regretting it forever

Stripesgalore · 24/05/2020 17:33

If you are on benefits, you should be entitled to free legal help to cover the costs of mediation. You do not need to be a dv victim to get this.

A mediator would draw up a fair summary of proposals from which a consent order could be produced.

Of course he can easily find out the pension value. That is a lie. For a consent order he has to provide you with info on all of his assets.

The starting point at mediation is 50/50. A mediator will not agree to a proposal that was so unfair a judge would later refuse it.

If mediation fails you would then have to apply for legal aid. That would require DV evidence, but you can get this through reporting the emotional and physical abuse to the police, who will then pass you on to further evidence support. They will write you a letter which will get you access to legal aid.

Lying about pensions etc is just a continuation of the abuse. The DV caseworker will have seen it all before hundreds of times.

Stripesgalore · 24/05/2020 17:35

Will also add that it is easy to apply for the free legal help. Get an appointment with a mediator and they will fill out the forms for you at the first session.

Mindblowninbrisvegas · 24/05/2020 17:54

Do you live in a university town? Lots of university law schools run free legal clinics now which may be able to give you some advice ?

You will definitely qualify for legal aid for mediation so that’s a good starting point.

A division of assets that looks unequal where the weaker party hasn’t had legal advice will almost certainly be refused by the district judge. I would expect the court either to write to you and ask if you’ve had advice or to list a brief court appointment so they can talk to you.

Good luck.

Home42 · 24/05/2020 17:57

You just write to the pension people and they tell you the value of the pension. You just need to say it’s for divorce purposes.

iloverock · 24/05/2020 20:35

The judge has the final approval. It doesn't matter if you two have agreed anything. The judge can and they often do refuse to approve them.

Please do not be bullied by him, you are entitled to a share of his pension. He needs to get his CETV of his pension.

A pension share doesn't necessarily cost much. It depends on the costs set by the pension company. Some charge a lot some don't.

Please dint agree to this.

If he has been abusive go and see your GP and tell them what's been going on. Then go and see a firm that offers legal aid.

arethereanyleftatall · 24/05/2020 20:53

Op. No, no, no. You are entitled to half his stuff, at least. He has to by law provide his cetv of his pension. These are free for divorce. Basically, everything gets put in a pot - assets, debts, the lot. He has to disclose everything, you have to disclose everything. Then, the court decides how to split it - 50/50 is the starting point but if you have the children and have sacrificed earnings to raise the family, then it starts putting a higher percentage in your pot.

Please please don't let him intimidate you at this final hurdle.

Have you had your half hour free with a solicitor?