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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Consent order / divorce

52 replies

Whichway15 · 24/05/2020 14:32

Hello,

Just wondering if anyone has any experience with consent orders?

Basically, i am unrepresented due to not being able to afford to see someone, and his solicitor has imformed the judge might not approve it?

So what happens if the judge doesnt approve? Can the judge change the order or what is the next step? Very confused... thank you

OP posts:
Muffintop101 · 24/05/2020 20:59

As above, depending on the length of marriage, your ages, etc, you should probably get a pension sharing order. If he has a final salary pension it might well be a lot more than it appears on paper. He has to provide a CETV with his Form E. Do not agree any orders without full financial disclosure from him (and yours too). If his pension is worth more than £100k, or is military or police or teachers or civil service, then you need to ask the court to order an actuarial report to tell you the fair market value of the pension. You can and should also ask the actuary to calculate equality of income (And lump sum) upon his retirement (at 55, 60 and 65 is normal). Once you have that report, you can ask for your share of it. Invariably pensions are built up because one party works and the other supports the household, so it should is a matrimonial asset available for sharing.

Techway · 24/05/2020 21:05

How long has he worked? What ages are you both? What income is he on? It would give an idea of value.

Getting a CETV is very straightforward, the pension company will provide it.

A judge CAN reject a settlement if the needs of the children are not taken into account. Please don't walk away with nothing

Solicitors might be prepared to defer payments until you get a settlement.

raspberryk · 24/05/2020 21:19

I had a consent order rejected initially as it was slightly in favour of my ex in the judges eyes.
I explained in a letter I wanted a clean break due to domestic abuse and did not want and could not afford to go to court and I didn't want to drag on anymore. What I gained in money I would have probably lost in fees. I also didn't want him to be able to claim any inheritance which looked like it might be imminent.
The ex kept the debt mainly as he wouldn't disclose, we both kept our own small pensions, his worth a lot more than mine relatively but they were small.
We split the proceeds of the sale of our house, keeping some by for the cost of the divorce (used same firm), ex share minus his half of the mortgage that I'd been paying.
My solicitor advised a clause of £1 per year spousal maintenance should my ex suddenly become better employed again.
I put forward my case that spousal maintenance would be of no benefit because benefits would be reduced but that he had regularly been paying child maintenance voluntarily.
I wasn't allowed legal aid either, due to owning a home from memory, or it was of no benefit I can't remember.
How big is the pension likely to be?

madcatladyforever · 24/05/2020 21:24

it very much depends on the individual judge. my judge approved an order very heavily in my favour and I was pretty sure it would be rejected.
Another judge would have thrown it out. Its the luck of the draw.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 24/05/2020 21:35

It is easy to value a pension. You need a CEV from the pension provider. They are produced yearly. Police, armed forces, NHS, Teachers, Civil Service pensions are all pretty “valuable”. Other occupational pensions might be worth quite a bit. Private pensions (unless he is a high earner and was putting in a lot) are much less valuable.

Whether You are entitled to a share of it will depend on the length of the marriage (and other factors).

If you are not happy with the “settlement” then tell the other side you don’t agree. And write to the Court if you don’t want it approved.

I can’t tell you whether you should agree or not. But I can tell you you do not have to agree.

Original poster
Whichway15 · 24/05/2020 21:37

Thank you for all your replies, its an armed forces pension and we were married 14 years. Ill look into everything suggested, thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Whichway15 · 24/05/2020 21:39

Also what reasons could he use to stop me getting some of it? Because i know if i were too try, he always say he will stop me being allowed

OP posts:
ellendegeneres · 24/05/2020 21:39

Utter bollocks I get statements every year! Of course it’s easy to find out for him

AnxiousElephant77 · 24/05/2020 21:40

I had a consent order drafted after mediation. I agreed to far less than I was entitled to because I was sick of the whole thing. I got no money from shares, pension or savings and the judge didn't dispute it. I also agreed to a clause in there that meant regardless of what he earned, I could never go back and ask for more money or maintenance.

I wish I hadn't signed it and had seen a solicitor.

iloverock · 24/05/2020 21:41

Well be very careful with armed forces pensions. Depending on which one he is in, his rank, his age the CETV may not be very accurate anyway.

All he needs to do is phone them and request the CETV. .

All forces people do whatever they can to protect their pensions. That's how valuable they are

A pension sharing order costs £300.

peperethecat · 24/05/2020 21:43

Also what reasons could he use to stop me getting some of it? Because i know if i were too try, he always say he will stop me being allowed

There are no valid reasons. It is a marital asset which means he needs to disclose its value and it needs to go into the communal pot for the purposes of dividing up your assets. If he won't even tell you what it's worth then how can you possibly judge whether signing the consent order is a good idea or not?

He's trying to bully you into accepting a raw deal. He won't be able to bully the court.

Original poster
Whichway15 · 24/05/2020 21:45

Yes this was his excuse for not knowing how much it was worth, because he was unable to say what rank he would be when getting out, although he has worked his way up pretty quickly so im guessing it will be a good one.

This is all so draining

OP posts:
peperethecat · 24/05/2020 21:45

I really think you should go and see a solicitor. Most of them will give you a free half hour and you can shop around and see several different people to see whether they all give you the same advice. Some of them will agree to defer payment until after everything is finalised.

welshladywhois40 · 24/05/2020 21:46

My judge rejected mine as it looked like I was giving too much to my ex. My ex wasn't working so we had agree a different split to help get him on his feet.

I resent my financial order back with a letter explaining why we were not going 50:50 and the circumstances

Original poster
Whichway15 · 24/05/2020 21:52

I will look into solicitors down there and try and travel down to speak to some. i cant use one up here as i need a dual qualified one covering both laws and the one i found wouldnt take me on because i was on benefits. Thank you everyone for all your help

OP posts:
peperethecat · 24/05/2020 22:06

Both laws?

Original poster
Whichway15 · 24/05/2020 22:10

We are situated in england and scotland. It was filed in england

OP posts:
peperethecat · 24/05/2020 22:28

Ah, then it will be subject to English law. But I would have thought there would be English qualified solicitors in Scotland. If not, how close are you to the border?

Muppetry76 · 24/05/2020 22:33

Have you exchanged Form Es?

Original poster
Whichway15 · 24/05/2020 22:36

Theres only one in my town and he has refused to see me saying it will put me in financial ruin, he said as i qualify for legal aid under scottish law but because it was filed in england that makes me excempt from legal aid hence he couldnt take me on. Next closest city is edinburgh but thats 3 hours away. I am about 6 hours above the border.

He keeps telling me that his solicitor says i need to get legal aid, but i cant because it was filed down there. Its extremely hard to trust what im being told. Thank you for your help

OP posts:
Original poster
Whichway15 · 24/05/2020 22:37

No we havent completed form Es, i believe it is form d81 which i am waiting on

OP posts:
peperethecat · 24/05/2020 22:37

Does your husband live in England?

Original poster
Whichway15 · 24/05/2020 22:38

Yes he does

OP posts:
Alwayscheerful · 24/05/2020 23:32

The first CETV will be free if you need to ask for an updated one further down the line there may be a small charge, circa £50.

Muppetry76 · 24/05/2020 23:32

You can't possibly agree to financial consent without having a full picture of the situation. Both assets and debts. He needs to provide everything, including CETV for his pension.

Try the wikivorce website/forum for advice - saved me a fortune during my divorce. They will also be able to give you an idea of what your actual situation might be.