To report neighbours to 101

[Gwillow]

Since the lockdown my next door but one neighbours have had visitors to sit in the garden. They’re currently entertaining yet more people for lunch. I haven’t seen my parents or friends for over two months despite living nearby, I work in a hospital and am seeing first hand the results of this pandemic and putting myself at risk. We and so many others are making sacrifices every day and I’m furious that they’re acting as though everything is normal. My DP thinks we should stay out of it but I’ve had enough and I want to report them. I’m not sure that anything would be done however. AIBU?

To those that called me a hypocrite, my point was that there are reasons a to break the lockdown, maybe I should have left the relation to complete his downward spiral, he was sectioned and in a mental health unit for 5 weeks, if a person is vulnerable then you can help them ffs, sitting in a garden with your mates and family having a barbecue or a meal is not the same as stopping someone from killing themselves, so no I’m not a hypocrite thanks

Instead we don't engage with them, no eye contact no hellos as we walk past, it's very obvious that we're disappointed with them.

Jesus. Do grown adults really behave like this?

I would just ignore it. People are dealing with all kinds of things and have to adapt in their own ways. We just have to try to be tolerant. I have had one walk in 9 weeks (mainly because I am lazy) and almost every day I am clearing the litter and dog poo from my verge from the hoards who walk up this quiet peaceful grass lined road and I offer it up as my Catholic mother would have said - offer it up to God, put in with things. If someone slaps you turn the other cheek. Let us make tolerance a big deal at present.

It's possible to have people in your garden and keep a reasonable distance, sanitise before and after they visit, etc. Your neighbours were probably doing just that. Don't be so nosy! Your husband is correct, you should stay out of it.

I applaud our 'heroic' key workers but if they start making a big virtue out of their 'sacrifices', they lose my sympathy. If we do things for the benefit of others, we shouldn't make a big deal out of it - ie not let our right hand know what our left is doing. It's generally our choice and doesn't give us the right to make judgements.

Why are you looking over at your neighbours' gardens anyway? I can honestly say I have not once looked at what any neighbours have been doing since lockdown, I respect their privacy and hope they respect mine.

@PinkSparklyPussyCat

So you said your dp wanted to stay out of it, but now he’s going round? How silly. Is he going to tell them off like children??

Nice post @Xenia

I couldn’t get worked up about this. A degree of non-compliance will have been build into the modelling when lockdown measure were imposed. Similarly now the lockdown has loosened a bit (in England) people will be making more decisions based on their own understanding of risk, and the risks they’re willing to take.

I think the problem is that the OP and others like her want the world to be black and white when the reality is a lot more nuanced, with many shades of grey.

Should have reported them months ago. Pointless now.

The OP may be high risk so doing the right thing for herself and others, the neighbours low risk so doing what feels right for them.

@Betty000 you don’t know who is and isn’t mentally unwell, that’s the point.
You don’t see people in the street and think, of they’ve got depression, they’ve got OCD, they experience command hallucinations.

If there are reasons you use your discretion and assume people are doing what they’ve got to do

I’m just not sure people in a few months won’t look back and be ashamed of who they became during this pandemic

I wouldn't get your hopes up, Bluntness; the sort you're probably referring to don't tend to be blessed with insight

Nor was the fool at our local Morrisons who bawled out a lady for taking her child shopping with her this week. It turned out that childcare had gone on account of her husband just having died, so that didn't end well ...

What is wrong with you, they are outdoors, it's perfectly fine and I am also a front line worker

Instead we don't engage with them, no eye contact no hellos as we walk past, it's very obvious that we're disappointed with them.

Best laugh all day. Thanks Hyacinth. Bet they are sitting at home sobbing over your displeasure 😂😂😂

Instead we don't engage with them, no eye contact no hellos as we walk past, it's very obvious that we're disappointed with them

I doubt that they give a fuck. If I had a busybody neighbour like you I'd be positively grateful that you were ignoring me.

That they.

Betty000 for all you know the couple in the garden may have just lost a family member. There could be any reason really, so it's a bit rich of you to judge.

Well this is going well...

Our neighbours one side have been having relatives to sit in their garden at a distance for weeks now. The neighbour the other side who is on her own has been talking to her friend across the road from the bottom of her path until this week and suddenly on one day she had 2 lots of people round to sit and chat to her in her back garden. DH was going mad to me about it saying it was irresponsible. I suggested to him that it may be her birthday or the anniversary of her husband's death and I couldn't care much about it if they were observign social distancing, which is what they seemed to be doing.

You don't know how fragile someone's mental state is, or the reason for the visits, so now that we are allowed to meet one other person from a different household in a park then I can't really get excited about the meet up happening in someone's garden. In fact, it's better than in the park if you ask me as it will reduce the crowds there.

You'd better get used to it, OP, as this sort of thing will happen more and more as lockdown eases, and your job will be just as risky as it is now. I would try and view it the way you would pre-covid times when treating a smoker, or an alcoholic, or someone who is obese. All these patients have failed to follow "the rules" and put their health at risk because of it. Although I admit this analogy is not quite the same as in the covid situation, as there is minimal risk to you in those circumstances. I guess an alcoholic could vomit you, or attack you physically. Moving an obese person could put your back out etc...but not much risk to health in comparison, granted. HOwever, if PPE & hygiene practices are good enough, your risk is vastly reduced. Managers of depts also need to make sure that testing on patients going for routine things like scans are done BEFORE they move to another part of the hospital or before they get physically close to other staff.

What people aren't getting is that this virus is going to be around for a long time. The vaccine will be a long time before it's available, and even then it will take a long time to actually vaccinate everyone. We are just going to have to learn to live with it and adjust our way of life. You can't expect people to isolate themselves for months and months or a year or more or however long it will be, without seeing anyone at all, all that will result in is serious mental health issues, total economic collapse and a rebellion against the rules. People just need to be sensible, see their loved ones outdoors, and be more cautious about hygiene etc. We've had people round in our garden because not seeing anyone was seriously affecting myself and my mum.
As for the clapping, it's a lovely idea, but half the people round here clapping voted tories so they can't care that much about the nhs....but that's a different matter

I feel like it is my business

People who interfere with other people for their own or the 'greater' good always do feel it's their business.

Because I realise its not people have a chat and lunch in the garden that's going to raise R.
Its the people being forced onto tubes/buses to go to work where its impossible to social distance.

But it's OK. We can blame deaths on John and Anne down the road having a visitor in the garden

I think I’d tend to ignore it if it was just once or twice, but they’re doing it repeatedly and with different people. If they have a reason for this, then they’ll be able to explain it to the police if they go out to see them.

I think the hypocrisy with some of those clapping for the NHS is astounding - from those like your neighbours right up to the PM and other ministers...... they’re all doing it for show and it makes me 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮. I haven’t once gone out to clap, but I’ve done what I think is appropriate (in my own quiet way) to help those working on the front line.

Incidentally, I have been told by various people about frontline health workers living in the same road together with other neigihbours and letting their kids mix also. So not all healthcare workers share your view.

How do you know these people you are angry at haven't had the virus already? In my area I suspect it was going round the community like wildfire at the beginning of March. For some it was a normal flu like virus but a few were affected greatly. Even though none had a test at that time, they probably consider themselves to have had the virus already and so perhaps don't see the need to separate themselves to seriously now?

@Putapeonyinyourpocket why have you decided that you’re going to treat your neighbors like naughty children.
One, it just makes you look silly.
Two, you have no right to judge or be disappointed you don’t know why they’re doing it.
Three, why do you think you’re so important that they’ll give a shit about you.

@Putapeonyinyourpocket I am cringing for you