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Help! Anyone ! The local police just called me

982 replies

Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 24/05/2020 01:53

Exactly that - my DH went out when I was washing up and have not heard from him since . That was about 830-9. Eight minutes ago a woman rang me and said that he was at the local police station , they couldn't say why and that he was fine. That he would call me in the morning . I can't speak to him he is asleep and no one is hurt and he is ok but they could not ring earlier as they have been busy . What does this even mean ??? Why would they call to say that ? Am panicked and thinking up alsorts and unlikely to sleep now . Can anyone help me ? Please xx

OP posts:
MeanMrMustardSeed · 24/05/2020 02:57

Sorry to see this. Hope you get some rest and that tomorrow brings clarity.

TenShortStories · 24/05/2020 02:57

Eek, what a nightmare for you. Try not to jump ahead and mentally start leaving him just yet. You may want to, but that's a big life decision to make when you have all the information and the storm has calmed.

You mentioned another bottle of wine - does that mean he drank nearly two tonight, plus multiple beers? And drinking every day. Has he slipped into alcoholism during lockdown? That just sounds like so much.

Good luck for the morning Brew

SailingAwayIntoSunrise · 24/05/2020 03:04

What a shock OP.

And what a stupid fucking man Angry

unknownn · 24/05/2020 03:05

Will be thinking of you and the kids opThanks

BecomingMe · 24/05/2020 03:06

Sorry to hear this. If he was driving around at night during lockdown, he could very well have been stopped by the police to ask where he was going. It does sound like drink driving would be likely.

Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 24/05/2020 03:07

Oh no AlwaysAnEmptySpace- I am very very sorry to hear that. So so sorry - I can't claim to even know a fraction of how that must feel but I am sorry . And fwiw I feel the same disgust of people who drink and drive. Including DH if thys us the case.
Tbh- I have some clear facts now after alm your help and suggestions. He had clearly driven his car (as its not where it was parked earlier) after he drunk half a bottle of wine with me after two beers. At some point also a bottle of red I found a little while ago. And he is detained at the police station-most likely under arrest . So two and two together make four. It's shut but will see what happens and will keep u updated.

OP posts:
Purpleartichoke · 24/05/2020 03:07

If you can’t sleep anyway, make a list of all your account numbers for basically everything financial. Make sure you have usernames and passwords. Take screenshots of balances of assets and debts. Basically, start getting your ducks in a row. Tomorrow you can find out what he did and then you will have a better idea of the impact on your finances and your marriage. Also find a list of virtual AA meetings. if the charge is drunk driving or fighting or in any way related to being intoxicated, I would hand him the list and tell him he needs to attend a meeting asap

Chinchinatti · 24/05/2020 03:34

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Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 24/05/2020 03:37

Am in the UK. Where I live you ring a county central switchboard and go through the options to be put through. I can't speak for anywhere else obviously. I have no reason to lie - why on earth would you think that ? X

OP posts:
AlwaysAnEmptySpace · 24/05/2020 03:38

Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme

Thank you. And sorry, I didn’t say what I said to make you feel bad, you have done absolutely nothing wrong here.
I feel very sad for you that because of his selfish decisions, you are now the one kept awake with worry and stress while he bloody sleeps on in a drunken state. And tomorrow you’ll be tired and stressed out when you will no doubt be the one looking after your children whilst feeling completely churned up with all the stress. Life is difficult enough at the moment without the person who should be your support being completely selfish and reckless. I hope you’re ok. Flowers

Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 24/05/2020 03:38

Thank you pirpleartichoke xx very prudent advice. Am on it. Keeps kind busy ! X

OP posts:
lockdownbird · 24/05/2020 03:39

Op similar feelings here. Not with drink driving thank god but I often contemplate if my life would be a lot calmer and easier without the draining and straining behaviour of my dh. Hmm

Our entire marriage has bounced from one thing to another,one obsession over something into another.
Harmful things but so bloody draining al the time.

He also started drinking a fair amount around five years ago now.
Same scenario as in he was with drinking four to five cans every single night for literally months and months to not drinking at all.

The slightest thing would stress him out and that would be it back on it.

This time it's been every single night four five or six pints and sometimes more on a weekend since lockdown began.

Uses it as another excuse.
To be honest it puts me off him
I know this sounds awful but he's so out of shape now and I'm never around him for long before he stinks of booze. Envy

He says he knows it's not good role modelling for the kids as it's unhealthy etc etc. To me it shows a massive weakness he has when it comes to things.

I deal with all home schooling at present,all the finances including juggling as wages have been down etc etc even though he's been home for 8 weeks.

It's gradually feeling like a dead weight around my neck and like you don't think I've got the energy or enough love to support him through yet another dry run which also involves change of diet to everything healthy and awkward and different expensive drinks and on it goes.

Sorry for the rant. Just you sound so like me right now.

I've had it for years and no matter what I say it doesn't go in or he agrees he can be hard work but doesn't ever do anything about it

Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 24/05/2020 03:39

Mind even !

OP posts:
MinecraftMother · 24/05/2020 03:39

You can of course get through to police stations. Why are you being so combative, @Chinchinatti? The OP's posts aren't lies.

OP, it sounds like he has a drinking problem if you've found a bottle, empty, somewhere.

I'd be pressing for him to enter treatment before I'd consider sharing his bed again.

Poor you - what a stressful night.

FairyDogMother11 · 24/05/2020 03:39

@Chinchinatti I've literally just googled my town's police station and the phone number is right there, OP isn't lying Confused sorry for your troubles OP Flowers

Ponoka7 · 24/05/2020 03:40

Chinchinatti, here in Liverpool you ring a local number, give details and they'll put you through.

Chinchinatti · 24/05/2020 03:42

Maybe different with the Met

Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 24/05/2020 03:43

Thank you AlwaysAnEmptySpace-. Thank you so much XXX
Lockdownbird- only one way to describe life really - exhausting. I can relate to every single thing you say . I am sorry for you , your kids. Me , my kids. It's certainly not what I thought I thought marriage would be. what on earth are we doing ?? It's. Rhetorical I honestly have no answers . Sad

OP posts:
Sertchgi123 · 24/05/2020 03:44

So sorry you’re going through this @Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme

💐💐💐

Chinchinatti · 24/05/2020 03:49

If things are different in other parts of the country and you can get through to a local station, then he may well be detained until court on Tuesday as I think it's a bank holiday this weekend? Depends what he has done.

Chinchinatti · 24/05/2020 03:53

I'd settle in for the long haul. If they interview him tomorrow at some stage, they might decide on No Further Action in which case he'll be released, but if they don't, he'll be held in custody until court on Tuesday.

SimplySteveRedux · 24/05/2020 03:55

He won't be in court on Tuesday, stop scaremongering. He'll be charged and released - so long as he hasn't killed anybody.

His previous drink-driving charge could be taken into account. I'm not up to date but if within the last 3/5 years then he's likely in very serious shit.

MagnoliaJustice · 24/05/2020 03:55

Do you think he has a serious drink problem? Would you want to stand by him and support him through rehab or is this the final straw?

AlwaysAnEmptySpace · 24/05/2020 03:57

Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme

I honestly feel so sad for you. You need to obviously listen to his explanation tomorrow, things may not be what they now seem although that looks unlikely.

You need to really think about what you want from your relationship, for you and for your kids. And what you want from life. Is this what you want for the rest of your life, can you even put up with this for the rest of your life? Lots of questions, now probably isn’t the time to make big decisions as long as you and your children are not in any danger. But longer term, please know that you deserve much better and that life really is too short to waste on people that are draining you and not adding anything positive for you. Life can be much better. Flowers

Chinchinatti · 24/05/2020 03:57

I'm not scaremongering. Depends on whether they want to give him police bail or not. Highly likely he could be held until courts open. Again, depending on what he has done.

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