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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help! Anyone ! The local police just called me

982 replies

Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 24/05/2020 01:53

Exactly that - my DH went out when I was washing up and have not heard from him since . That was about 830-9. Eight minutes ago a woman rang me and said that he was at the local police station , they couldn't say why and that he was fine. That he would call me in the morning . I can't speak to him he is asleep and no one is hurt and he is ok but they could not ring earlier as they have been busy . What does this even mean ??? Why would they call to say that ? Am panicked and thinking up alsorts and unlikely to sleep now . Can anyone help me ? Please xx

OP posts:
AlwaysAnEmptySpace · 24/05/2020 04:30

*done anything wrong herself.

Namechangex10000 · 24/05/2020 04:30

I meant sometimes mistakes happen with police. My other half did something wrong but it was a genuine mistake. They raided our house and his parents house acting like he was a major crime lord unril I found the paperwork and showed them what happened and he was released without charge, I apologise, I hadn’t read the full thread and I am not saying drunk driving is a mistake!!! I was responding to the original post

user1471565182 · 24/05/2020 04:30

You have no idea what has gone on.

Chinchinatti · 24/05/2020 04:30

And Saturns, I'm trying to prepare her for the possibility that he may be remanded until a court hearing.

ShirleyPhallus · 24/05/2020 04:31

Hope it all works out ok OP Flowers

Chinchinatti · 24/05/2020 04:32

It utterly depends on what he was done for.

Saturns · 24/05/2020 04:32

@chinchinatti (I now can't tag you for some reason) because from what the IP has said he's drunk. He can't be spoken to about any offences until he's sober (ie the morning). If it's an offence be needs interviewing for it will be done then. Then a decision will be made about how to proceed. If it's an absolute offence he will be straight charged.

Ponoka7 · 24/05/2020 04:32

In all fairness to Chinchinatti, the OP said that her DH was an 'arrogant prick' when drunk, which wouldn't give someone the inclination to deal with him quickly and would inconvenience him as much as possible.

Chinchinatti · 24/05/2020 04:34

Saturns - I know all that.

Chinchinatti · 24/05/2020 04:37

Saturns, you think it's that easy to get a duty solicitor and a cop to interview him first thing in the morning? Hell no.

3cats · 24/05/2020 04:40

I think further speculation probably isn't helpful.

It sounds like he had a lot to drink and the car is missing, so it does seem likely that he was done for drinking and driving, but beyond that, it's probably better just to take a deep breath and wait and see what happens in the morning.

It also does sound like he has a drinking problem. Half a bottle of wine, 2 beers, maybe another full bottle of wine, plus gone to the shop for more wine. That's a hell of a lot of booze for one evening. If it was a special occasion, then maybe I could understand, but whatever happens with the police, I think he needs to take a long hard look at his alcohol consumption and seek help to cut down or quit.

I hope you could get some sleep somehow, OP.

Chinchinatti · 24/05/2020 04:40

The earliest he will be let out will be late afternoon. Also possible that he could be held in custody until Tuesday's court.

Saturns · 24/05/2020 04:41

@chinchinatti as I've said he may not need to be interviewed. It depends on the offence.
I'm also will aware of the custody procedure as this is where my professional life is spent.

3cats · 24/05/2020 04:42

I just mean, that if the OP is inner-city London or small village in the Cotswolds, you can't really speculate on what the police will or won't do. There are too many variables.

lockdownbird · 24/05/2020 04:43

Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme

Yes exhausting is perfect way to describe it.

I'm realising after 18 years how bloody selfish and spoilt he can be Hmm

I know deep down it won't be forever for me because I'm sure one day something inside will click.

It's not finances stopping me because although he earns nearly a third more than me we both financially put 50 50 into the house bills etc every month.

He's getting tighter than he was with money and I am starting to begrudge him a lot. One way or another I always end up losing out financially and to be quite honest in most ways.

Il be fine for ages and then something will start pissing me off,like the expensive alcohol habit that costs him a fair whack every month yet when a bill comes in to pay he looks pissed off that he has to pay half.

He recently got a parking fine and complained about it,even though he took the risk and didn't buy a ticket.
It's his thought process of never his fault Hmm

His dads a narcissist prick I can't stand to be near to be honest and his mums a wet rag who's never made him accountable for his behaviour as a kid or young adult.

Sorry ranting again Hmm

Chinchinatti · 24/05/2020 04:43

Well then don't be getting her hopes up that he'll arrive home with his tail between his legs first thing in the morning. Because he won't!

It totally depends on why he was arrested.

3cats · 24/05/2020 04:43

Well, I mean obviously you can speculate, but I don't think the speculating is really helpful. No one can know for sure what the police will or won't do in the morning, so surely it's better to just wait and see?

quietheart · 24/05/2020 04:44

Not what you want to hear but I would leave him there and be well rid.

Whataloadofshite · 24/05/2020 04:44

I wouldn't be letting him back in.

Chocolatefixeseverything · 24/05/2020 04:46

Try and get some sleep the likelihood is he will return in the morning with his tail between his legs and alot of explaining to do if it's a straightforward DUI. If it's more complicated in most cases the duty solicitor will call you with information providing your Dh gives his permission. You cant do anything for now at least you know he's safe, try and get some rest you'll need it you have a long few days ahead x

BeyOnceBeyTwice · 24/05/2020 04:53

@chinchinatti it's not different for the met. When my dad died they called me on private number to ask me some questions. They didn't want to tell me what was going on over the phone. I called them after that initial call maybe 3 times, and got through directly to the station easily each time. So I don't know where that's come from that you can't call a police station directly

Lipz · 24/05/2020 05:03

Oh gosh it does sound like drunk driving.

He drinks an awful lot... I'd be very concerned about that, does he know he has a drink problem?

If you are finding it normal for him disappearing out of the house for hours and getting drunk and going to pubs all the time, I think it's time you reevaluated your relationship, because this is far from normal.

This is going to affect you the most, if he gets banned the driving is on you. you've lost a night's sleep worrying, you will have to deal with children while he's in a cell, he can't help you out because he's not there and when he comes home he'll be too hungover.

What an awful relationship you have, I don't envy you at all. I do hope you seriously consider that there is a better life out there for you without him. We only get one chance at this, this isn't a practice run.

RiverCrossing · 24/05/2020 05:07

@Chinchinatti If you’re going to be so awfully inflammatory on a thread where the OP is so distressed at least perhaps try and get your facts right to stop further upset with incorrect information. It is easy to access police station numbers and if anyone calls 101 then they can request to be put through to the custody suite. Secondly, pace (police and crime evidence) courts run on bank holidays so your suggestion of being shut on Monday is also wrong. I am not saying the OP’s husband will be in that court, we don’t know - but hypothetically if arrested last night then a person could appear on bank holiday Monday.

Inkpaperstars · 24/05/2020 05:10

Don't let him drag you into being supportive and painting himself as a victim OP, and don't let him blame you. This is not your fault.

Just remember that when someone drives drunk and no one is hurt, the mindset and actions of the driver are the same as if someone was hurt or killed. The only difference is chance or luck, nothing that he did. He did everything necessary for someone to be killed or severely injured this morning. The only thing that prevented that is sheer chance. And he has form for this? Be strong OP. I hope you managed some sleep and wish you the best bearing up to this. Do not tolerate him being self pitying or blaming anyone but himself. He sounds an idiot at the best of times if you don't mind me saying, you can do better.

WinterAndRoughWeather · 24/05/2020 05:13

Oh man, I’ve just had a quick spin around a couple of your other threads OP - this man doesn’t deserve another ounce of your patience.