Help! Anyone ! The local police just called me

[Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme]

Exactly that - my DH went out when I was washing up and have not heard from him since . That was about 830-9. Eight minutes ago a woman rang me and said that he was at the local police station , they couldn't say why and that he was fine. That he would call me in the morning . I can't speak to him he is asleep and no one is hurt and he is ok but they could not ring earlier as they have been busy . What does this even mean ??? Why would they call to say that ? Am panicked and thinking up alsorts and unlikely to sleep now . Can anyone help me ? Please xx

Sorry to hear your update. Try to get some sleep and I hope that you get some answers in the morning.

Is nobody else thinking he has potentially met up with another woman & they have fabricated this between them in order to excuse him not coming back home? Hopefully this is not the case, but I would definitely call the station to rule this one out.

Op says she's called the police station.

Op they won’t tell you what he has been arrested for as he is an adult. I don’t know what force area you are in but many have police staff who do not always have collar numbers. Unfortunately unless he tells you, you may not know how severe the issue is. If car gone have you confirmed where it is? Just thinking if he did not drive may need to report car stolen?

I know it’ll be impossible for you to relax OP, but at least you know (from what you said you were told in the first call) that no-one is hurt. Seems most likely he was pulled over and detained for drink driving. Not great by any means, but it could have been so much worse.

Try to get back to sleep. You don't know what tomorrow (today) will bring, or the circumstances of his arrest. It isn't worth worrying wider family until the morning. The car might need to be picked up etc. Hopefully its been a routine stop and not an accident.

If his drinking has extended to drink driving, personally it would be deal breaker time, if it doesn't stop at once.

But today is going to be draining.

Bloody hell - assuming this is a drink driving that is the bloody lowest . And yes he does have form before for disappearing for house with his pub friends. He is a pub regular and all the mugging me off that entails so no I was not initially concerned as I know he can be a dickhead when drunk. I know I should rest but I am less panicked now angry . I am shaking and worrying . If it is drink. Driving it absolutely does serve him. Right as a pp said. The first thing I asked is if he had hurt anyone and then if he was ok and she said he was fine and noone was hurt . But right now I am so angry and panicked I cannot tell you . Thank you so much everyone for your voices of calm .

Bugger all chance of sleep . The dog thinks I have gone mad as I am downstairs with a cup of tea in the middle of the night. !! Will he definitely lose his driving licence ?

Nothing is definite, depends if he goes to court and on judge

No expert here but I would assume he would lose his licence yes.

It's very rare I read anywhere that people are only given a fine for it.

Do you live near shops etc etc so not too far out in the sticks?donyou drive?

Does he have an alcohol issue?

Honestly op I'd be packing his bags.

If it is drink driving then it is fairly likely to be a driving ban.

If it is drink driving it will depend on whether he was seen by police driving or if it was witnessed by someone else. If police saw him driving, stopped him and he was over the limit it will be a straight charge in the morning rather than an interview.

On why they won't tell you why he's there, it's information personal to him and he has to agree for you to be informed of the offence. He's an adult so can make his choice there. He will be offered the duty solicitor scheme.

I’m so sorry op it must be so stressful for you

@Toomuchtrouble4me obviously I hadn't. As you would have known if you'd read my post immediately following that one.

Thank you merrymumoftwo x we would be ok - as in live in a town , I drive etc but he drives for a bloody living but currently on furlough. Yes he drinks every day at the moment as he is treating it like he is on holiday. I have found a bottle of red from Christmas he has drunk in it's entirety this evening and put in recycling. So he would have been well well over limit. Bloody idiot. Stupid stupid idiot. That's his job lost then. He only had it 3 months befor lockdown. Before that was out of work for months and months. Great. This may be the straw that broke the camel's back . I am not sure I can weather this storm with him. I am not sure I can do this.

www.drinkdriving.org/drink-driving-penalty-calculate.php#penalty

Handy calculator that estimates the likely penalty when you know what his test results are, if he was drink driving. Sorry I can't link with this phone.
He is a fool. A dangerous fool.

Wow, the phone knows how to link!

God, OP, this is desperate. I'm very sorry.

Tonight, just try and rest, even if no sleep. Wrap up on the couch, and keep having your cups of tea. Remember you've tomorrow & 3 DC to deal with.

Now isn't really the time, but your description of his usual behaviour, taking off to the pub, long silences sound very problematic. It's very concerning that it was even vaguely normal to you for him to disappear without a word, for many hours, while you washed up, and that this was so normal for you, that you just tried texting before going to bed.

I agree. Am livid. Before I met him he lost his licence for drink driving when he was 20 . So they bloody well should ban him for a long time if that is what he has been caught doing. With bells on . Thank you for the factual stuff Saturns. And that link tavannach. X

It might not be drink driving - I'd try not to worry - I know that's much easier said than done as I've been in a similar position except 2 police officers turned up at my door in the early hours of the morning (not drink driving related). I absolutely feel your pain tonight but there is nothing you can do until he's released tomorrow. Try and get some sleep tonight and worry tomorrow. Sending hugs xx

@Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme

I am not sure I can weather this storm with him. I am not sure I can do this.

This makes complete sense. But take it one step at a time, for yourself.

Get through tonight & see what the morning brings. When you have the facts, you can start to make decisions.

Remember you'll have to be up with the DC in the morning, so do what you can to distract yourself and get even a little rest. 💐

Earringsandlipstick- that is our normal. I know it's not right x we are the of the 'nipplegate' thread and the 'turning down very well paid job ' thread a while back that gave me such reassurance and the validation I needed then. Hand on heart god only knows what is going to happen now. So I am going to take the good advice to try and stay calm , drink tea , cuddle the dog and see what morning brings. Only 5 hours or so to wait :(

Thank you also pink Sunday . Sorry am not very tech savvy to thank you all personally but thank you all so so much . Love Mumsnet . Off to boil the kettle and rest x will update post tomorrow when I can I promise xx

I hope you get some sleep

Will he definitely lose his driving licence ?

He should and I hope that he does. A relative of mine was killed a few years ago by a drunk driver. That driver destroyed more than one life that night. I think anyone that does it should be banned for life.

But I am sorry for you going through this. He sounds like a loser and you and your children deserve much, much better.