Help! Anyone ! The local police just called me

[Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme]

Exactly that - my DH went out when I was washing up and have not heard from him since . That was about 830-9. Eight minutes ago a woman rang me and said that he was at the local police station , they couldn't say why and that he was fine. That he would call me in the morning . I can't speak to him he is asleep and no one is hurt and he is ok but they could not ring earlier as they have been busy . What does this even mean ??? Why would they call to say that ? Am panicked and thinking up alsorts and unlikely to sleep now . Can anyone help me ? Please xx

When I ran away, I collected the DC and said we went going home, we wouldn't see daddy for a while and we were going to stay with x. They replied "oh cool" and happily went along with it!

*weren't

Can you tell eldest DS now? He may be able to help you get things out of the house and by the sounds of it, he's not likely to want to give the game away.

I think you need to rehearse what to say, don't lay blame, talk about how you've been feeling and how it's ok to be worried but we're going to build a new happy home and once dad has got used to the idea you can see him as much as you all want. (Presuming you're close by)

My mum was in an unhappy relationship, I'm not sure what went on but they were both very unhappy. I told her in the end to stop moaning at me. She was quite shocked but I said to her if the situation was reversed she'd have made me leave. She decided she couldn't tell him, there was usually bug arguments or big sulks. So we planned everything in secret. She did have a load of stuff, so she bagged up loads and put it in the loft. She told him the afternoon before and we set to, packing properly. I think he was in shock, but it was the best thing all round that it ended.
Just remember, "I wasn't happy living with your dad anymore, so I've found us a lovely new place. I couldn't tell dad because I didn't want an arguement, so he's got to get used to it. But we'll have toys/internet/garden/near park/near grandparents or friends. And we'll have a happy home together. Dad will get used to it and you'll see him soon.

Well done, op, you've come such a long way.

Those DCs are going to be delighted.
Wishing you all the best for the next few days, and onwards.

It's genuinely trying to work out what is just stuff or things and what is what we really need.

When we helped BFF do a 'midday flit', as she went through the house she kept muttering under her breath "That is just 'stuff', I can always get more 'stuff!'". She said later that she left behind about 50% of what she originally thought she 'needed desperately' and really only regretted one or two things she left behind.

Now keep in there you’ve done brilliantly up to now, just think another day done. 💐💐💐💐💐💐

destinasia- how old were your dcs and do they remember much of it ? X littlemissnaice- I have thought about that but I don't want him to be conflicted with dh at all- until I actually go - and then I suspect he would be fine. He is pretty wellchilled anyway xforrestgreen - that is a great idea. I was not sure if it was too superficial to say - look we have a bigger garden , still have your toys and playstation etc but of course those things are important to them so I wanted to reassure them ! But the way you have put it is great . Will probably pinch that ! I do want to be as honest as I can- appropriately of course - because I feel I will be judged later on , possibly sooner by other family members.

AcrossthePond55- exactly that . I mean , for example , I love my book collection as they all have memories through my life but they are heavy and difficult to move. I hope eventually DH will be reasonable and we can divvy stuff up , but o am not counting on it unfortunately.
The younger DC's do love their dad very much and I expect it will take time to adapt. I plan to be more fun - at the moment o work long hours and have been a bit grumpy lately - obviously. I would like to really give them my time and love full on so they are in no doubt how loved they are x

And holothane- been meaning to ask - why the name ? Is it from halothane the anaesthetic liquid ?? Xx and every one else - thank you all - I always feel supported - nothing but love ! ❤️❤️❤️ U are all keeping me sane ! Xx

You're doing brilliantly. It does feel enormous but remember how you felt when you secured the new place. That's what freedom feels like. I remember thinking 'there's no going back now' and being excited rather than full of dread.

Thanks itsnotagame- I am so excited - it's my overall feeling. My dread comes from not knowing what to expect from him- but ultimately , he can't change my mind and he won't know where I am initially so that is the difference to times before. X thank you ! Xx

You do sound excited.

Fingers crossed it all goes smoothly

Mydog - I've just caught up with the thread and wanted to wish you all the very best. I think you're doing amazingly well!

I had a thought about your packing, as I know it's really difficult. I'm on one of the clutter clearing threads here and have managed to cut a load of my possessions through that. At the same time, much of what I have is boxed up in some way, or organised to a point that it could be easily packed up. I'm just thinking that you might be able to do things like that; so, packing, but without seeming to be packing, if that makes sense?

One example could be to make up a box for bedding for each bed and add 2/3 towels to each box. Put them under each relevant bed. They'll be hidden away and will be very easy to take when you're packing up. You won't even have to think about whether you've got enough for everyone - it'll all just be there ready.

Another idea could be to sort out a load of clothes and toys (or whatever) 'for charity' but then get a friend to collect them and store them for you. You could leave them outside the house on the pretence that the charity is going to collect them.

If you've got a load of people to help you move on the day, but you're going to be on the clock, it might help to tell them in advance what they need to grab. You could even give them each a list. (I'm a list person too.)

If you need help with any more ideas for this, please ask.

Another idea: let the washing build up and then take it to the launderette, say, the day before you're due to leave. You'll know that you've got all the clothes, bedding, towels, tea towels etc that you all need and can collect it all when it suits you. So, if something happens and you can't go home or your packing gets cut short, you'll know that you've still got all that ready for you to use.

The first thing I did in my new space was to put in an Earth Wind & Fire cd, pour a massive wine, and dance my arse off! Anyone looking through the windows must have thought I was nuts.

I haven't stopped dancing since.

Morning all XX thanks so much for that practical advice ! SandAndSea- that's brilliant - esp stashing stuff under the beds, and putting an actual list together as I have two people coming to help and it's likely we will be very short on time. Great shout as well about the 'charity bags' . The main difficulty I have is that because he is furloughed he is at home all the time . Will have to engineer a 'collection' for when he is on afternoon school run I think ....ok will try and get these things in place for this week.
DH and I have just had a sort of row because he is cross that I am not enthusiastic about all the jobs around the house he is doing. Point being that he has gone 5 weeks without a drink , has been really busy getting stuff done around the house . Surely this shows how omitted he is ? And he feels upset and hurt that I am not 100% committed to our new future. The thing is , I am neither a cruel woman or a very good liar and I said to be honest I am struggling to come with him on that vision ... And now he is downstairs upset and I am feeling guilty. I wish it was this week we could leave . I simply cannot see how I can hang on much longer, living a double life. When I think about what you have just posted sicaro I am so looking forward to doing exactly that - sounds amazing and very liberating ! Good for you ! I feel like there is so much to do beyween now and then it feels like a mountain. But am hanging on ....xx thanks all for reading through my blather.

Perhaps you could imagine yourself playing the oscar-winning "role of a lifetime" between now and your move-out date. You are Meryl Streep, and your performance will be sublime.

Really good practical advice from @SandAndSea

And sod feeling guilty. Like he deserves a fucking medal or something. He's just wallowing in self-pity because you're not heaping him with praise and applause for the "new improved him". Take no notice and don't enter into any goady conversations about why you're not doing what he wants you to do.

You've totally got this.

You’re doing amazing @Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme. Don’t let him guilt you now. Him putting guilt on you that should be his alone us yet another confirmation that you’re doing the right thing.

Also you might want to start a other thread soon and link it here so we can keep cheering you on

Good for you....keep going!!

Been dropping in a few times since mid May. @Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme , I wonder if you could capitalise on his DIY love by joining in with some much needed decluttering. I am sure under this guise you could both sort and Squirrel various things. Boxing up and sorting toys And putting them under the bed , separating and packing winter and summer clothes, sorting all that junk and your favourite toiletries in the bathroom. You will know how much you could do if this , appearing to go along with the DIY mania.
Just a thought.

You're absolutely amazing. Almost there now. Keep going

Well him saying that is him not understanding how much of an impact his behaviour has had on you over the years. Like a few weeks of not drinking and some diy is enough to make up for everything he’s put you through