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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help! Anyone ! The local police just called me

982 replies

Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 24/05/2020 01:53

Exactly that - my DH went out when I was washing up and have not heard from him since . That was about 830-9. Eight minutes ago a woman rang me and said that he was at the local police station , they couldn't say why and that he was fine. That he would call me in the morning . I can't speak to him he is asleep and no one is hurt and he is ok but they could not ring earlier as they have been busy . What does this even mean ??? Why would they call to say that ? Am panicked and thinking up alsorts and unlikely to sleep now . Can anyone help me ? Please xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 21/06/2020 09:34

Sicaro thank you - sounds familiar x hope you are very happy now xx ❤️ glad you got out xx skiddy skids thank you too - feeling so overwhelmed this morning with the covert organising - it's making me feel sick . But thank you for the practical small step advice. I will do the small practical things over next few days if I can xx leaving the house with stuff is hard as he is always there when I leave . I can't Smiggle stuff out easily but I can organise stuff to make it easier to chuck in to bin bags if necessary. Thank you Flowers

OP posts:
Sicario · 21/06/2020 10:36

It took me a long time to engineer bringing my marriage to an end. He was a nightmare, and with hindsight I now understand that he was (and remains) a deeply damaged narcissist. Nothing was ever his fault. And there was an excuse for everything.

He had no idea what I was planning, and was deeply shocked when it happened. Then he went through all the classic stages - begging forgiveness, promising to change (I'd heard that so many times), then being angry and threatening, using intimidation tactics and of course never paid one single penny in child support. I learned that there is nothing you can do to make an absent father pay up.

The price was worth it just to get rid of him. Alcoholics ruin lives. They are empty people inside and always looking for someone to fill their emptiness.

I am filled with admiration for your determinedness and the speed at which you have put a plan into place. I only wish that I had done it a lot earlier. He nearly destroyed me.

MamaFirst · 21/06/2020 23:09

Hi eyebrows, just read your thread hoping to read some positive progress for your life, and just wanted to say you're an inspiration and a brave, strong woman. What a journey you've had so far. Keep posting, we're all behind you x

clearedfortakeoff · 22/06/2020 00:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jeremyironsnothing · 22/06/2020 09:08

You are truly brave and amazing.

The fact that he's already saying he'll have a drink one day, proves that it's only a matter of time.

forrestgreen · 22/06/2020 17:01

But tbh if he never has a drink again OP doesn't have to stay. Fundamentally she's unhappy and this has been the straw that broke the camels back.

MulticolourMophead · 22/06/2020 17:20

It took me a long time to engineer bringing my marriage to an end. He was a nightmare, and with hindsight I now understand that he was (and remains) a deeply damaged narcissist. Nothing was ever his fault. And there was an excuse for everything.

He had no idea what I was planning, and was deeply shocked when it happened. Then he went through all the classic stages - begging forgiveness, promising to change (I'd heard that so many times), then being angry and threatening, using intimidation tactics and of course never paid one single penny in child support. I learned that there is nothing you can do to make an absent father pay up.

I could have written this almost word for word. Not alcoholism in my case (but who knows, now I'm not there), but his abusive behaviour.

He did admit to being impressed by the ruthless way I'd gone about it, and this was probably the most honest thing I ever heard from him. It's been a few years now, and DC and I are doing well.

SionnachGlic · 25/06/2020 07:07

Hi @Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme.

How are your plans going? Have you thought of the best way to deal with the move on the 8/9th..? I hope you are picturing a new better life because that is where you are headed.

Tini17 · 25/06/2020 10:16

Good luck OP, you are just amazing!
How’s the prep going?

And this thread has been amazing too, lots of practical advice, wish I had that when I was leaving many many moons back.

Sicario · 25/06/2020 18:24

@MulticolourMophead - solidarity, sister. I wish you well.

MulticolourMophead · 25/06/2020 18:27

[quote Sicario]@MulticolourMophead - solidarity, sister. I wish you well.[/quote]
Same to you. We all deserve better x

tracyon · 26/06/2020 21:30

Hi mydog.. you okay?

Holothane · 26/06/2020 23:49

How are you and hang in there only about 10 days to go.💐💐💐💐

Original poster
Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 27/06/2020 13:16

Hi everyone ! I am ok thabk you so much for checking in ! DH is still not drinking - making a very big thing about it , very happy with himself) I still feel the same - move planning is going ahead as planned. I keep wobbling but then I read this thread and my others to remind myself that others have walked this path and it's absolutely the right thing. Irrespective of what he appears to be doing , I still know it's the right things he is doing everything 'for me' and I don't want that responsibility any more. So I am ok , stressed of course , but have great support around me including all of you xx so my sister had an idea to send DH to his mum's on the 9th in the afternoon so we can all descend and get everything out . I have squirreled away paperwork and odd but s , the local refuge people have been amazing and have a fridge freezer, sofa , a couple of beds and a washing machine they are going to deliver and so should have everything we need. Feel such a cow bit the only thing I can do at home not is , as you all say , sit tight , and go into acting along. Thank you all ❤️💗😊😊

OP posts:
cjcghana · 27/06/2020 14:48

You go girl. Your new life is just around the corner

Nearlyshitmypantsthere · 27/06/2020 15:56

Not long now @Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme hang in there. That's great news regarding the refuge people. Super proud of you 👌❤💐 x

SpiderStan · 27/06/2020 15:58

What did he go out for?? Seems really odd. He's sleeping?? In a cell?

SpiderStan · 27/06/2020 15:59

@SpiderStan

What did he go out for?? Seems really odd. He's sleeping?? In a cell?
Ignore me, I obviously opened up this thread a while ago and didn't see the updates Blush
Happynow001 · 27/06/2020 16:29

Keeping everything crossed for you OP. When you feel a wobble take a look at your children's faces and think how much happier they'll be. Take a look at how you started just on this thread and then how far you've come. You CAN do this. You ARE doing this. Deep breaths. Next thing on the list? 🌹

AcrossthePond55 · 27/06/2020 17:14

Won't be long now!

You're really doing a super job of getting your ducks in a row!

QuietlyWilting · 27/06/2020 17:39

Wow so close, you will be in control of your life, it wil be marvellous.

Waffles80 · 27/06/2020 17:51

You’re doing absolutely brilliantly OP.

bakedcrisps · 27/06/2020 18:23

When are you planning to tell the children that they are moving home? Thy are going to need a lot of emotional support...

Original poster
Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 27/06/2020 19:11

Happynow - trying to work out what else I can do as I go along ! It's genuinely trying to work out what is just stuff or things and what is what we really need. I will have one van load to take and after that I don't know. So trying to work out what is essential. Bakedcrisps- I have thought long and hard about that. I am still not entirely sure , but when I pick them up after school I thought I would take them somewhere just the three of us (eldest ds will be at work and I will tell him when he finishes) and talk to them . I am hoping they will be okay - I have four days off work to help them and support them as much as I can , just us initially- I am not planning on stopping DH from seeing them at all- but it does depend somewhat on him . I am aware the pubs are open and it is very possible he won't be able to stop himself going there all weekend . With regards to the DC s - my heart is breaking for them and it is not a nice thing to have surprised on them but am hoping to keep telling them how loved they are ❤️

OP posts:
Original poster
Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 27/06/2020 19:14

I should add that eldest Ds is DH stepson , and is 17 so I am hoping to talk to him more on a level. I think he will have an idea why anyway and will be ok - they have never ever seen eye to eye Sad

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