Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to make my 'friend' move her horse from my field?

208 replies

lonelylou09 · 23/05/2020 19:45

Hi mum's netter.. Advice appreciated please.
5 year ago I was lucky enough to take over a field near my house for my horse. I was sharing with someone and then she moved so my best friend talked me into letting her put her horse in the field too.
To cut a long story short I was reluctant as she is very lazy and very tight with money even though she is much more well off than me financially. But she promised to pay her way and pull her weight.
So for 3 years it was just as if expected, with me doing all the work with both the field and the horses and also always having to chase her for money.
So last year I sold my horse and agreed that she could use the field for a year while it was still under my name. She paid the rent to the landlord in advance and moved a mutual friends horse in.
She knew I was devastated over selling my horse and I thought she would let me help out with hers as and when like I had before. I said to her that I would like some form of payment for items is bought but couldn't sell because her horse was using them... Fencing, watering equipment, gates ect.
She said she'd discuss it with her husband and let me know.
So a year down the line and she's not spoken to me once since the day my horse was sold, her husband has badgered me everytime I've seen him to sign the contract over to them while telling me they won't give me any money for any of my things as they are worthless or they have broken them anyway. The mutual friend who moved her horse in unfriended me at the same time and hasn't spoken to me since.
So... Am I being unreasonable to give them both their marching orders?!!
I wish to buy another horse and be in my field without people there how don't speak to me, don't look after their horses and will be a pain in the arse to get the money out of...
I've got other horse friends who will pay me that are no problem so it then won't cost me anything for my horse.
She has technically one week left that she has paid for even though she still owes me money from before.
Just wondering how others view this situation and how to go about telling her to sling her horses somewhere else.
Ta

OP posts:
Mascaramademehappy · 01/06/2020 01:49

Dear ExFriend,
I give you 7 days notice from today to remove your horses from the field, remove the lock on my gate and return the field to the condition it was in xx months ago when you became sole user.

As there is no possible extension to this date I have checked out XX stables who have space and can take the horses with immediate effect.

As a reminder, items in the field belonging to me are XY & Z and should be left in good clean condition.

Yours,

BurMaMa2 · 01/06/2020 06:36

Sling them out. I've been had over in the past, lending stuff like really expensive saddles, and had the stuff stolen when they did a moonlight flit. Out of county. Perhaps have a word with the land agent about the cuckoo in your nest.

lonelylou09 · 02/06/2020 00:21

Sorry mumsnetters.. Ashamed to say I haven't yet given notice as I don't know how to word it without unintentionally giving them ammunition to use against me as I know first thing the friends husband will do is call my estate agents.
I have however contacted estate agents and they have said the landlord would be more than happy to agree with another 5 year contract, paper work to be sent out in due course... So I'm scared to rock the boat now, until that's been sent and signed.
I did say to estate agent that I intended on asking my sharer to remove her horse so the field could rest while I'm Inbetween horses so I have covered myself partially.
It's massively stressing me out.. I guess I've delayed as I know that will be the end of what I previously thought was a very good friendship. Also anxious abott repercussions.
Sorry ladies... I'll hopefully get back to you with a more active post soon

OP posts:
SionnachGlic · 02/06/2020 00:29

Renew your Lease as fast as you can..folliw up with agent, ask to send docs by email for signing etc. As soon as you have that sorted, give them notice.

You should really see a solicitor just to be confident as to where you stand. It would be money well spent in my mind. You could tell him/her, you will give notice in the first instance & if they go not leave you will need him to send a prompt letter. You'll need a lease to prove your rights & entitlement. It would be a mistake to sit on this. Push on OP

FrenchBoule · 02/06/2020 00:30

Somebody once said on MN “if you remove fear what your decision would be”
And somebody in RL said “ Sometimes you need to capsize the boat, nevermind not rocking it”

OP,you might not be a confrontational person, you might not want to upset somebody, but the person you described is not a friend of yours, they are C(heeky) F(ucker) who have no qualms about taking advantage of you.
Wishing you strength and good luck in making the decision 💐

redskittleorangeskittle · 02/06/2020 16:12

Surely the estate agent can’t discuss your contract with another party?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 02/06/2020 16:31

If you are anxious about repercussions then it isn’t a good friendship.
Get the new lease signed.
Arrange for fencing or other contractors.
Tell CF that horse has to move out on x date for contractors.
Put a new lock on the gate.
When CF asks for a key to move the horse back tell them the field needs to rest.

TorkTorkBam · 02/06/2020 17:03

So what if he calls the estate agent? The EA already knows I thought?

Do you think the landlord would rent to them instead of you?

Why does the notice need to reveal anything? "Dear CF, you must vacate by Sat 10am. Regards lou"

She knows what you mean. You don't need to mention fields or horses or anything. Plausible deniability is your friend.

BumbleBeee69 · 02/06/2020 20:47

OP.. you are doing the right thing.. get your own lease sorted FIRST... Flowers

AGirlCalledJohnny · 02/06/2020 20:49

You should really see a solicitor just to be confident as to where you stand. It would be money well spent in my mind. You could tell him/her, you will give notice in the first instance & if they go not leave you will need him to send a prompt letter. You'll need a lease to prove your rights & entitlement. It would be a mistake to sit on this. Push on OP

All of this, will be worth every penny. It’s pretty obvious they won’t go quietly and in actual fact, see the land as theirs. They see you as nothing more than a nuisance and to use an apt metaphor, will ride rough shod all over you unless you show them you won’t be messed with. Good luck!

SionnachGlic · 02/06/2020 21:21

Estate Agent shd not discuss OP's present terms but that would not prevent him/her taking an offer to the Landlord (LL) should the CF 'friend' contact directly & say, for example, we want to offer £X more per annum than current rent. EA would be obliged to notify LL of offers as it is not for EA to decline/accept. Or CF 'friend' could contact LL directly if she has or can find out details.

In my experience LL's often put profit ahead of other matters as to enforce would require tenant to issue proceedings ,& engage in litigation which tenant may be reluctant to do without absolute certainty of success.

OP needs to get that Lease Renewal nailed down asap. And then ussue a Termination Notice immed to the CF 'friend'.

'Dear

I hereby give you notice that I require vacate possession of field at XX on or before [date] . For avoidance of doubt, please ensure that all of your property is removed on the termination date. Any of your property that is not removed by the termination date will be stored for a period of 7 days, the costs for which you shall be liable, and shall thereafter be disposed of by me at my discretion.

OP'.

OP, if you feel it might assist you...give them the info abt available livery locally also.

Elieza · 03/06/2020 09:21

Quite right op.
Once the lease is signed you can then consider your options.

baileys6904 · 06/06/2020 10:24

Any news op

lonelylou09 · 09/06/2020 11:26

Thanks all you lovely mumsnetters.
Thought I owed you all an update.
Lease has been extended for another 5 years. I'd wrote out emails to both of my old friends telling them they had 2 weeks notice but didn't send them as wanted to check on field condition further before doing so.
So up I went and who should drive past and stop but friend and her husband. First time we've seen each other for a year!
We ended up having a huge row! My old friend and I were shouting at each other and the husband trying to calm things down.
My friend said she was upset I'd not spoken to her, I was upset she had just been sending her husband to sort things out and making it worse.

To cut a very long argument short.. We were both crying and upset as well as angry. I didn't realise I hadn't been there for me when she needed me as I had so much going on. Husband was like 'sort it out - you've obviously both got the wrong end of the stick and miss each other'.

They agreed to everything I'd said about issues with the horses and me doing everything but said I'd only had to ask.

The other friend sold her horse the next day so that was one less thing to have to sort.
So we've agreed they can stay, I've sorted out another friend to put her horse in as company for old friends horse and they have said while I'm looking for a horse for myself I can use theirs if I so wish or in time take her over myself.
As I already know the horse really well and have missed her too this is a good solution as their daughter is meant to be going to university this year.

They have said they will replace what they took or broke and sort out the field however I want it.

So maybe if one of us hadn't off been so stubborn or I'd of been a bit stronger in our friendship it wouldn't of got so bad. I think they just didn't realise how much I was having to do and thought I was happy to do it. And I suppose I do have to admit to being a slight control freak and wanting everything done my way..

So it's a strange outcome perhaps.. But I've got my field back, I have a horse I can hang out with and ride that I already know and love and hopefully now I feel able to stand up for myself more when I'm treated wrongly. My friend and I can now start rebuilding our friendship on more equal terms.
They get to keep their horse where they wanted it and they know if they do decide to rehome or sell it I would give it a good home.
There were tears and appologies all round and I've finally been able to relax about the whole thing.

I hate drama and conflict which is why perhaps I tend to let people walk all over me.. But I've leant it's better to speak up and get it sorted at the time rather than let every thing thing fester.
So a happy outcome all round I think.
Much love and thanks to all of you who commented xx

OP posts:
RandomMess · 09/06/2020 12:31

Sounds horrible but very very glad it is ultimately resolved properly!

I hope you and your friend move forwards with a new improved friendship Flowers

TorkTorkBam · 09/06/2020 13:36

You know what they say Good fences make good neighbours

This is also true in friendships. Good boundaries keep the friendship strong. Being clear and open about your boundaries does not drive conflict, it defuses conflict. You had a big marshland of a boundary instead of a clear one and it caused a lot of trouble.

Glad it all had a happy ending.

Binglebong · 09/06/2020 13:52

I'm glad it has worked. please make sure you do some paperwork this time so you are very clear where you stand - and that you have the right to kick them out if they are nasty. They seem to he the kind of people who are only lovely when they want to be.

Hopefully I'm wrong but it does no harm to be fully prepared.

StormTreader · 09/06/2020 14:03

Hmm so they're suddenly keen to sort out the field and replace all the many, many broken items now its gotten to the final week of your old contract and you were face-to-face?
Or are they saying that because they know that you'll probably just do it for them now and they'll get to stay?

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 09/06/2020 17:51

That is not what I expected, but it is a good update. Nice resolution.

MargotMoon · 09/06/2020 21:12

This is such a lovely outcome!

Andylion · 09/06/2020 21:37

Is it a happy outcome? Huge apologies if I am wrong, but was this not the thread where the friend's husband was showing up at the OP's work and most communication with the OP was from him and not the friend? And the OP has said she was feeling bullied? If someone got the wrong end of the stick I suspect that man is somewhat responsible. It seems the friend got exactly what she wanted.

To cut a very long argument short.. We were both crying and upset as well as angry. I didn't realise I hadn't been there for me when she needed me as I had so much going on. Husband was like 'sort it out - you've obviously both got the wrong end of the stick and miss each other'.

SionnachGlic · 10/06/2020 08:13

OP,

Thanks for coming back & giving your update.

I am glad to hear you haven't lost your field at least. Altho I am not sure that friend's husband's bullying & friend behaving as she has over past 1 or 2 yrs could all be explained away as easily to me as they seen to have done. But if you are happy, that's great. I hope it stays that way for next 5 yrs & that this time the friendship isn't all one way, with you giving & her taking. Speak up if old patterns creep in.

Best of luck

NinkiNonkiNikau · 10/06/2020 08:51

Hmmm I’d get that agreement in writing and maybe look back over the events of the year. It sounds like a great outcome - for your friend.

PrayingandHoping · 10/06/2020 10:06

I'm a cynic but I live and work in the equine industry

These people absolutely knew that if they didn't u turn and decide to be nice to you they were going to be given their marching orders.

Sorry OP. But I highly doubt over their behaviour over the time that they've changed for no reason

Viviennemary · 10/06/2020 10:27

Sorry I wouldn't trust her an inch from what you've said. They needed the field so about turn. Don't fall for it.