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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to make my 'friend' move her horse from my field?

208 replies

lonelylou09 · 23/05/2020 19:45

Hi mum's netter.. Advice appreciated please.
5 year ago I was lucky enough to take over a field near my house for my horse. I was sharing with someone and then she moved so my best friend talked me into letting her put her horse in the field too.
To cut a long story short I was reluctant as she is very lazy and very tight with money even though she is much more well off than me financially. But she promised to pay her way and pull her weight.
So for 3 years it was just as if expected, with me doing all the work with both the field and the horses and also always having to chase her for money.
So last year I sold my horse and agreed that she could use the field for a year while it was still under my name. She paid the rent to the landlord in advance and moved a mutual friends horse in.
She knew I was devastated over selling my horse and I thought she would let me help out with hers as and when like I had before. I said to her that I would like some form of payment for items is bought but couldn't sell because her horse was using them... Fencing, watering equipment, gates ect.
She said she'd discuss it with her husband and let me know.
So a year down the line and she's not spoken to me once since the day my horse was sold, her husband has badgered me everytime I've seen him to sign the contract over to them while telling me they won't give me any money for any of my things as they are worthless or they have broken them anyway. The mutual friend who moved her horse in unfriended me at the same time and hasn't spoken to me since.
So... Am I being unreasonable to give them both their marching orders?!!
I wish to buy another horse and be in my field without people there how don't speak to me, don't look after their horses and will be a pain in the arse to get the money out of...
I've got other horse friends who will pay me that are no problem so it then won't cost me anything for my horse.
She has technically one week left that she has paid for even though she still owes me money from before.
Just wondering how others view this situation and how to go about telling her to sling her horses somewhere else.
Ta

OP posts:
Dreeple · 23/05/2020 22:57

Put their animals outside your gates and forget them.

Winterlife · 23/05/2020 22:58

I’d tell them they have to be out by June 21, which gives them almost a month to sort something. Do that by letter. Cut the lock on the gate.

If they’re not out by the deadline, the gate could mysteriously have been left opened.

Original poster
lonelylou09 · 23/05/2020 22:58

@TinkerPony yes I have wondered about being honest with estate agent about situation but not sure how on my side they would be or if I would be shooting myself in the foot by saying I've inadvertently been subletting and invalidating my contract.
And I'm definitely looking for a laid back gypsy cob type! 😍😍

OP posts:
packetandtripe · 23/05/2020 23:00

They sound like headlice. Get rid of them now. Your votes could not be clearer. Tell them to get their horses off your land now. I suspect you may need some more advice from someone to make this process occur however.

Winterlife · 23/05/2020 23:03

I would not be asking them to remove the gate lock. I’d just cut it off.

Being too polite and intimidated by the husband is partly what got you into this mess. You have to demonstrate you won’t be intimidated.

LillianBland · 23/05/2020 23:24

If there’s anything you want to save, remove it before you tell them, because they sound like the sort that would take or break your stuff, out of spite. Speak to the agent and if they accuse you of subletting, explain that you didn’t realise that it would be classed as such, because it’s the same person you were sharing with and you were not making a profit from them. If the arseholes start phoning and texting you, block all calls. If he approaches you in work, tell him you don’t want to discuss it as you’ve made your decision, then walk away. If he tries to bully you, report him to management.

Singinginshower · 23/05/2020 23:25

Take back control OP. Cut off the gate lock

Elieza · 23/05/2020 23:26

I wouldn’t tell them about the subletting. If you must say anything I’d just say you took the land with a friend, you had a fall out so you now avoid said friend. You want her out so it’s just you and your horse. That’s true. (You’re just neglecting to mention you sold your horse and another girl moved in and you haven’t yet got another horse 🐎 ).

bridgetreilly · 23/05/2020 23:40

Put it in writing. Email your 'friend' and cc her husband, telling them that you need them to vacate the field by x date, and remove the lock that they have put on without permission. If the horses are not gone by that date, you will call the RSPCA, because you need the field and you obviously cannot turn the animals out on the streets. Make it very clear that this is not up for discussion, that you are the tenant and you are not able to continue the previous agreement with them. Be clear, be courteous, but do not give any kind of room for misinterpretation.

TaighNamGastaOrt · 23/05/2020 23:44

Never mind cut the lock off the gate, take your gate back. Take YOUR property from the land YOU legally rent.
Give them notice, speak to landlord. If they kick off, you kick off. Remove your property until the horses are removed. Its your fence, your gate....

SmellyBeard · 23/05/2020 23:51

It sounds like the main issue here is standing up for yourself against the husband. He knows if he badgers you, you might give in. I would send an email giving x amount of notice (what's reasonable with a horse? I have no idea) and outlining that any fences etc needs to be mended before they leave. Make it very formal. And then refuse to discuss it further. If he approaches you in work then you put it back on him - did you understand my email? Those are the terms (passive aggressive smile). Refuse to engage. Yes they will go on and on and guilt trip etc. and you will feel anxious and bad and worried they will do something (and they might try!) but everything lies in your favour so take the emotion out of it and just send the email.

SmellyBeard · 23/05/2020 23:53

What @bridgetreilly said (more succinctly than me!)

Purpleartichoke · 23/05/2020 23:54

Send a very clear letter that friend has x number of days to clear her horse and personal belongings from the property. Make a list of items that you purchased that she may not remove.

Get her out first, then you can assess damage and figure out how to proceed.

Cherrysoup · 24/05/2020 00:05

Cut off the lock, they have no legal right to keep you put. Your name is on the contract, give them notice in writing, tell them you expect them to vacate the field by next month.

There are several horse hunting threads on Horse and Hound currently in the Tack Room, go have a look. Obviously, you can’t keep a lone horse, so get your mates on there ASAP.

copperoliver · 24/05/2020 00:29

Give them notice and under no circumstances let them bully you into signing over your field. X

Original poster
lonelylou09 · 24/05/2020 00:42

@LillianBland thanks that's a great idea. I hadn't thought of it as subletting as I didn't take any money for the field myself. So the contract states no subletting and mentions using the field as a livery... For example having several horses and making money from it.
So I guess I could wing it with a reasonable explanation and it would stand in my favour that given the chance they have proven themselves to not be good at caring for the land in the past year so wouldn't make good tenants.

OP posts:
Original poster
lonelylou09 · 24/05/2020 00:44

@TaighNamGastaOrt well I could do that since they refused to pay for the gate when I asked.. But legally I think I'd be in trouble then, gate opens out on to main road and I'd be potentially endangering life

OP posts:
Original poster
lonelylou09 · 24/05/2020 00:45

@Cherrysoup ahh yes I've posted on horse and hound forums before. That's a good place to maybe get more legal type advice as I'm sure mine wouldn't be an uncommon situation. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
lonelylou09 · 24/05/2020 00:51

@SmellyBeard. Definitely intimidated. As I said they are both used to getting their own way and the situation has been made much worse by the fact that she wouldn't talk to me herself about it. So everything has gone through him and it's made it ten times worse as obviously he just wants her to have whatever she wants so he doesn't get it in the neck.

OP posts:
Original poster
lonelylou09 · 24/05/2020 00:54

And yes.. New lock on the gate since Ive told them I've paid for the next year's rent and also they have taken their fencing down and let the horses have free roam over all the field.. Even tho they have been sectioned off the whole year due to being prone to laminitis and needing to be restricted.
So they are expecting something.. Hence him telling me that we will just have to split the field costs 3 ways if I do get another horse to make sure I know they have no intention of being fair or of leaving

OP posts:
haveyoutriedgoogle · 24/05/2020 01:29

OP, you are, as the leaseholder, responsible for the state of the field; I would be very cautious of hanging my hat on that as a reasonable against the people there. Once you state it was their responsibility, you are admitting to subletting.

LittleFoxKit · 24/05/2020 01:48

But now is OP meant to care for the field of theyve replaced the lock so she cant access it... Wink

Winterlife · 24/05/2020 01:55

I wouldn't put any responsibility for their maintenance of the field either. I'd just send them a letter advising they must vacate, once I'd retrieved all my property in their possession. If they refuse to vacate, then time to have a solicitor send a follow up letter.

timeisnotaline · 24/05/2020 03:49

Christ op just get them out. You owe them nothing, quite the opposite. Give them notice immediately in writing for About 3 weeks. State there is probably room at stables x if you haven’t a long term solution yet. Add in the items to be left in good repair or replaced , including all the items you know are damaged. State communication in writing only will be accepted. Bullying and harassment are not acceptable. See a solicitor if it makes you feel better but you really must do it this week. You know they won’t pay for the items (well, that you aren’t up to chasing them for it) but it shows you are serious and helps them feel like they are one up on you.

Is there any further damage they could do in the next few weeks? That’s a high risk, they are extremely entitled. If there are any useful items you can remove for now I would do that. In 3 weeks you turn up with bolt cutters, a new lock, Cut theirs off and put the new lock on. If you can’t get in now then their lock is illegal so you do that step tomorrow.

haveyoutriedgoogle · 24/05/2020 04:34

@LittleFoxKit that’s my point, she uses that as an argument and it is basically an admission of subletting. OR - that she has so little control of the land she is leasing she has allowed guests to lock her out and trash it. Neither is a good look.
I would just be getting them out and keeping the landlord well out of it.