That it’s women who are still locked down?

[Sadie789]

My DH goes back to work next week and rightly so, long overdue in my opinion.

However, I can’t go back to work as with two young DC we have no childcare and it’s not possible to do my job from home.

Under normal circumstances without childcare it wouldn’t really be an issue as there would be classes and clubs and play parks and soft plays and friends to meet up with, so a full weekly schedule out and about with things to do.

I can’t take them to the supermarket or round the shops either, no grandparents allowed etc.

As it stands none of these things are available nor are likely to be for a while, so for me my situation has not changed from the initial lockdown - stay at home, go out for exercise (weather permitting).

Meanwhile my DH and the Hs of my friends are all back at work out of the house living normal days. At the weekends the golf is back on so that’s a leisure option.

Many of my friends are also trying to work from home while looking after children, some also homeschooling older ones.

Women who don’t have children are also on the back foot as many of the professions which are traditionally female - hair and beauty, retail, hospitality - remain closed and will be for some time.

Meanwhile men are back in the workplace. When furlough ends it will be those who are able to present for work and give all their attention to their job who are preferred by employers. Recruitment will be skewed by this too. It’s the traditionally male industries that are able to return earlier- outdoor and manual work.

When it does return childcare is likely to be limited in hours and more expensive- Scotland has quietly dropped the 30 free hours from
August that were going to make it financially viable for me to work. Now it’s going to be a matter of me earning a couple of hundred pounds extra per month instead of nearly £1000 that was previously the case.

I am far from a feminist, but it feels like any equality women had gained is being seriously eroded by lockdown and the exit strategy that has deftly avoided any conversation around how women, especially with younger children, are getting the raw deal.

@TheStoic made me laugh too.

Also, a woman leaves her lazy partner, he then refuses to take care of kids 50/50, so her career is either ruined or slowed down, because she can’t afford full time child care. Another reason why some women stay.

@Rowenaapp yes! 👏

Ok he earns more so you choose him to go back and you stay home. Perhaps you then choose to get some advanced qualifications in order you could share childcare. No point in moaning about the choices you've made, this is your chance to change them. FWIW I will be first back to work and he will be left home due to his career choice.

@Sadie789 what has happened with the scottish government free hours? I can't find any info on this.

It is a delay to the expanded hours
Announced on 2 April

I did have to laugh out loud at this. Surely nobody is this stupid

Laughing at people and calling them stupid. A strong way forward in any argument.

Why are some women responding to 'societal expectations' and then getting upset with the consequences? Women do not have to respond to societal expectations. Nor do men, or children, or octopuses. It's a decision, every time.

YANBU
I earn more than DH - but not by masses, but because I can work from home and he can't do his job from home at all, I'm the one trying to juggle work and homeschooling

and I'm the one who will have to keep doing this for months

prior to covid we'd had a very 50/50 distribution of responsibilities regarding childcare, but now it's all on me

@ClosedAuraOpenMind - how is that YANBU? What you're saying is that your particular circumstances have led to you doing more because you're at home. That's the same as @AmateurDad earlier, but he's a man.

Laughing at people and calling them stupid. A strong way forward in any argument.

I’m not here to argue. You might be, but I don’t see the point.

I completely agree with you, OP. As do many others, as well as the statistics. Inequality becomes even more stark in a crisis.

I agree OP. I have not read the whole thread but I feel it is wrong for people to argue that it is not inequitable for the man to go back because he earns more.

Society needs to address the reasons why most men earn more than more women e.g

• women tend to make up more of the undervalued caring roles. Should these roles be paid more?
• women tend to be on similar career trajectories as men until children arrive. I think that there should be a bigger push to improve paternity rights for men here, this will have the added benefit of employers not discriminating again women and more men enjoying time with there children. Greater acceptance of part time roles for both men and women will allow for more shared parenting as the children get older and would mean that one persons career does not take off atthe expense of the others.

That's not my experience and it's not the experience of my sisters and sisters in law. It seems a very traditional set up that I don't really recognise in my own life. However I can see that it's unfair when it happens. But it wouldn't be anyone's fault. Wouldn't mean we could change it. There's no conspiracy. Life just isn't fair sometimes. It certainly isn't for the medics of both sexes who haven't seen their families in weeks, or those families to be fair.

@TheStoic

I did have to laugh out loud at this. Surely nobody is this stupid

Laughing at people and calling them stupid. A strong way forward in any discussion.

I'm sure you got my point the first time though, and are just trying to prove that you're very clever. They're all tactics used to strengthen a weak point by belittling the person making an opposing point. That's 3 different manipulative tactics you've used now. But, as you say, no point in arguing, eh?

I'm sure you got my point the first time though, and are just trying to prove that you're very clever. They're all tactics used to strengthen a weak point by belittling the person making an opposing point. That's 3 different manipulative tactics you've used now. But, as you say, no point in arguing, eh?

Try to stick to the topic. What is your point? Do you have one? What do you think about the OP?

www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/gender/this-is-laying-the-groundwork-for-some-pretty-serious-poverty-for-women-20200522-p54vp0.html

Many women are in quite a bit of strife now. This crisis has not been the great ‘leveller’ that some are calling it. Quite the opposite.

If it were men in the firing line, you can bet this would be front page news. Not...”lifestyle”.

Try to stick to the topic. What is your point? Do you have one? What do you think about the OP

So, you get to laugh at people and call them stupid, and direct others to only comment specifically on the OP's statements? ANOTHER manipulative tactic.

You're quite the little card, aren't you?

I've made my point to OP upthread. Perhaps you'd know that if you'd bothered to read the thread, rather than making a specific point of laughing at other people's comments.

But, as you said, no point arguing, eh?

I also dread to think about the domestic violence occurring right now, that won’t truly be uncovered until this is all over. If ever. It really does feel like equality has taken a giant leap backwards.

You don't have to stick to the point of the OP yourself, then...

If my DH stayed home we would be screwed financially, nothing to do with our gender. I also know plenty of women who are back at work. I'm struggling to see how it's because they are men that they are getting a better time?? Outdoor work is safer therefore would naturally be easier to phase in return, nothing to do with being men!! If you work with hair, nails and face etc it's a bit of an issue because you are working directly with areas of the body that could carry this virus. I'm sorry OP but you seem to think that these things have changed because of gender equality....i just don't get it.

The equality issue here is not necessarily men returning to work and women being left home with the kids. It’s that in many cases men earn more than women meaning when families send the higher earned back to work first its usually the man. Not always but usually. I used to work as an assistant manager in an office for 40 works a week but got a take home pay of £900 a month when I met my husband who worked for the same company and worked the same hours but as a yard labourer and he got £1400 a month. I had relevant qualifications for my job with multiple NVQs in administration and business and customer service etc. He had no qualifications and hardly any GCSEs. Yes his was more physically demanding but mine was more mentally demanding. So why such a large pay gap? As the years progressed wages did increase but he consistently got paid more than I did so when we Got married and had kids the one giving up work to do childcare was the one being paid less which was me. Then because I’d been out of work no one wanted to hire someone who had been out of work and been a housewife for a few years. So being the higher earner at any point in the entire rest of my life now is going to be extremely unlikely.

"and rightly so" has to be my Room 101 Mumsnet phrase.

""and rightly so" has to be my Room 101 Mumsnet phrase"

Mine would have to be "non-working mother".

Silencing men the very second they open their mouths is a great step towards gender equality. Bravo.

He came in here telling the women they are wrong because he's doing ... exactly what he should be doing, and further should also be expected to be doing. He's fed up with his lot so the mothers must be wrong about ours? And shouldn't be discussing it? On a giant parenting website? I'm heartily sick of men jumping into women's conversations and shouting us down about our own reality and experiences.

Although, this man did up front identify himself as a man. So fair play, there.

I earn almost double hubbies salary, I'm wfh. We have two young kids. We were in quarantine just before lockdown as I was unwell. Hubby was back to work for about a week before being furloughed. He's now taking care of the kids while I work.

It is literally down to personal circumstance!

I am opposite. My DH furloughed doing homework schooling and childcare whilst I go to work full time.

But I am main breadwinner so he will likely need to drop his hours for a considerable while for part time schooling

Whilst I accept, and have witnessed personally that there are huge challenges with returning to work and being a parent, what I simply don't understand is why women choose a career that is clearly worse paid than another and then complain because it is decided that the reason certain jobs are lower paid is because they are gender defined.

I know plenty of women in typically (historically) 'male roles' earning the same as their male counterparts, and I also know plenty who have chosen less demanding or lower skilled careers, and obviously are paid less.

Life is about choices. If you want to be an equal earner, choose a career that pays as such and work hard to get there. Go back to work full time, wrap around care is great. Find a way instead of putting barriers in place and then try to complain that women are still getting the raw end of the deal.

Also, never be financially dependant on anyone but yourself.