is 15yo dd eating too much?

[nuttyveg]

i've posted on teenagers, but i haven't gotten many responses, so i thought i'd post here for traffic.
15yo dd has been eating more recently and i don't know if it's too much or not, she's a healthy weight, not like a beanpole but not fat.
today she's had
2 slices of vegan cheese on seedy toast and a milky coffee made with oat milk and stevia for breakfast
about 5 wedges, 4 mini falafels, 3 oreos and a small handful of salt and vinegar crisps for lunch
4 more oreos as a snack
and will be having chickpea and roasted vegetable soup for dinner with a slice or two of seedy bread
and homemade apple cake with custard for pudding
and she usually has a bowl of cereal with oat milk before bed, so i imagine she will tonight too.
thank you for any responses

Or even better, stop with the food-based conversations altogether.

Op, I haven't once seen you address the damage you'll do if you keep on obsessing like this. Hundreds of posts rightfully concerned about your DD, and you are still monitoring her! I ate double that at her age, couldn't self regulate at all, loads of junk as well as the good stuff. It's what teenagers often do, and the quantities you describe are to me verging on disordered. 5 wedges? My ten year old would think she was being punished and she is built like a pipe cleaner.

My flat mate throughout my twenties has a mum like this. She hit 5 stone when we were about 23, and finally got some help. There were plenty of other factors but her mums massive obsession with food played a huge part. Thankfully she mostly recovered, but in all honesty it's like being an alcoholic - she will have to be aware of the consequences of getting obsessed for life. She was lucky really but plenty of girls are not so lucky. Please, please stop watching her and let her be.

i'm actually dd

i'm trying to self recover from anorexia and i used to binge when i was younger so i don't know how much i'm meant to eat so i wanted to ask here if it's normal

She's lacking in protein, so seems to be snacking.. as a growing teen you may need to add some more veggies & veggie proteins.

Doesn't sound like a lot for a teenager

My much younger kids eat about that in a day so I wouldn't worry

My 15 year old DSS eats more than that and is quite slim. He's a vegetarian. I wouldn't say that was a lot really.

@nuttyveg you need way more protein in your diet, have a look at the vegan society for good sources and aim to get two sources of protein into every meal. The amount you are eating is fine, but the nutrition is lacking

Eg for breakfast, have peanut butter on seeded toast with a strawberry smoothie made with almond milk and added protein powder (you can get plant based protein powder)

Snack on nuts or beans - I like Graze protein pouches - rather than biscuits

At 15, @nuttyveg, some help would do you a lot of good. EDs are horrible things and often need a fair amount of counselling to overcome for good. Very glad you are looking for self help but have you confided in your family or GP? Do you have any way of accessing help if you don't feel able to? I think your diet is a reasonable start for a self recovering anorexic but you need more protein and more fruit and veg.

@LimpLettice no my parents and camhs don't know but my parents have commented on my eating before so they suspected it but i always denied it. i'm seeing camhs for other things but they don't know about it.

Oh love. Can you talk to your mum?

@LimpLettice i don't really want to because she won't know how to help me and i don't want to upset her and right now because of coronavirus i'm not able to see camhs so she won't be able to bring it up there to help me and i'm scared what she would say

Gosh I haven’t read everyone’s comments but that’s nothing! She’s a growing teenager. If you have any worry about weight which it doesn’t sound like you do is encourage exercise. I eat a lot more than that, I’m fairly active but not growing and I’m very slim.

She would be upset because she loves you, I expect. I'd be upset too but I'd be heartbroken if my daughter couldn't tell me this for fear of upsetting me. You don't have to, of course, but if they've suspected, could you just say (or write it down) you're struggling with getting your nutrition right and feel you need some guidance as to what's normal? So maybe you could have a tel appt with the GP together? Then she can advocate for you and ask what they advise. You don't have to say the actual words if that feels too big for you.

I know at 15 it seems like something else entirely but my friend was very close to ruining her general health and her fertility with how she was living, and honestly if she'd gone untreated, I don't know how it would've ended. She certainly lost friends and opportunities.

huh? why can't she drink coffee with sugar/sugar alternative?

I don't know whether the previous contributor had this in mind, but coffee inhibits the absorption of non-heme iron by about 40%.

@LimpLettice we're not very close and we don't talk about these kinds of things very much. and she also has no clue of what normal portions and nutrition are as she will eat excessive amounts and then restrict her food to nothing the next day and then go back round in a cycle. my boyfriend was helping me but we've broken up and although we're still talking i don't want to put that burden on him again because i think that's what broke him last time and made him break up with me. so i don't have anyone to really speak to about it so i'm trying it on my own. i haven't been diagnosed with anorexia and i'm still a normal weight but i was very overweight before it started and i've been in cycles of this and binging since i was about 11 years old with years of pure binging before and my parents fed into that and didn't get me help because i think that was their normal. but this last round of it has been by far the worst excepting the very first which happened as i joined secondary school and was bullied for being obese. this last round i was restricting myself to 500 calories and i would breakdown if i went over it by 20 calories and my period stopped. i'm sorry for ranting but i really have no one to talk to and other than my boyfriend and a very close friend who i no longer have no one knows about it

The amount of food you’re eating sounds fine. If you like Oreos why not have some? I would. A few biscuits will not do you a fraction of the harm that worrying about weight and food will.

You’ve clearly had a difficult time with food so try to feel proud of yourself that you’ve addressed it yourself and are aware of your own issues. If you enjoy your food and eat a sensible diet then try not to worry. And in due course you might be able to talk about it with your family.

Just be aware that mumsnet is not the most representative forum for food questions... for every person who tells you that two apples a day is an excess of sugar, there’s one saying that 2 litres of cherryade is a good breakfast.

Take it easy.

@Commonwasher thank you so much. the problem is when i have things like oreos i then fall back into binging and eat the whole packet like i have today. i will try to remember that if i enjoy them i can have them but in sensible portions.

She should try to eat a bit more fruit and veg but in terms of amount it's not excessive for a healthy girl of that age, as long as she isn't overweight and has a reasonable amount of movement - even if it's just around the house. She probably just has a good appetite. I could easily eat that much and more and not put weight on.

I'm sorry, anorexia is so hard to battle, especially alone. Sending you all the strength in the world. For what it's worth, my psychiatrist doesn't give a shit about what I'm eating so long as I'm eating - the advice is three meals a day and two snacks.
You are doing brilliantly. I hope you enjoyed the Oreos; bingeing is rubbish but it's also an entirely normal part of recovery. It's your body's way of telling you that it still needs nourishment and kindness.

You can’t self recover from anorexia.
Your best bet is to speak to your gp on Monday about getting some support. Your food issues will affect your daughter as well.

@mynameiscalypso thank you so much. i hope you are doing okay too with your recovery. i do try to eat more fruit and vegetables but sometimes i really don't want them and i'm trying to eat what my body wants but sometimes i overdo it like today. i binged bad today, more than what i had written but i'm trying to stop thinking about it.

Above all, please seek some help. I understand not wanting to speak to your mum about it but so you have an understanding GP you can confide in? Are CAMHS still doing any phone/online appointments?

Don't be sorry, you clearly need to get it out. I understand and if it's too hard to talk, that might make you feel worse. As pp says, the odd pack of biscuits is not an issue at all really. At your age I used to eat entire family sized cakes out of the cupboard and drive my mum bonkers. Not every day, but teenagers are growing and using energy like mad, the odd blip won't hurt you.

The 500 calorie scenario on the other hand is extremely serious, and I don't want you to think it's a cycle you can't break, you can. You just may need some help to do it. Boyfriends and friends aside, who not really equipped to help, there are helplines depending on where you are geographically and some do email chat, where you can just let some of the feelings out so no one at home needs to hear you talking. They won't force you into anything but are usually very experienced in this. I know this because I used a helpline when my bestie was ill, because I couldn't figure out how to support her and they gave me some excellent help and advice.