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AIBU?

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Original poster

My twins don't like each other

71 replies

SleepingStandingUp · 22/05/2020 15:56

If I put them on the floor together, T2 tries to munch T1 or grab him, T1 cries. Or they try to roll away from each other. Only have eyes for their big brother and don't interact with each other. Everyone else's twins seem to LOVE each other (from the moment of conception it feels like)
They're so grumpy all the time as well which it's possibly making me over sensitive. Hate tummy time, being abandoned on the floor, seeing me eat without one of them being on me, me peeing, generally not being on me. They nap awful as I have a 5 yo I'm trying to educate but he's so loud, they don't like napping upstairs and it takes so long to get them both down that it's not really worth it.

I just feel like I'm not doing enough to make them happy or bonded

OP posts:
puppypuppypuppypuppy · 22/05/2020 15:57

Sounds like they're babies? In which case this is perfectly normal and I suspect other people who's twins 'love each' other are staging photos for social media

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 22/05/2020 16:16

5 months. T2 likes T1 as practise food. If they were happier babies maybe they'd like each other more

OP posts:
lyralalala · 22/05/2020 16:19

Mine went through, and are still going through, stages of being inseperable and stages of wanting nothing to do with each other.

I don't know anyone with twins whose pair have been enthralled with each other all of the time.

HGC2 · 22/05/2020 16:37

My little girl used to wriggle over till she was lying flat over her twin brothers head and mouth, she’d steal his dummy and he’d bite her! They are now 12 and either thick as thieves or sworn enemies! It’s a fierce relationship that twin one!

BarbedBloom · 22/05/2020 16:40

Not all twins like each other, I know a few sets who don't speak at all, but they are only babies at the moment.

TerrorWig · 22/05/2020 16:44

OP they’re five months old! Give them - and yourself - a huge break.

5 month olds do not ‘interact’ with others as such - just because they’re twins doesn’t mean they have different milestones. It takes till 2 or three (can’t actually remember) before children play alongside each other.

You wouldn’t worry if this was two unrelated babies put side by side. Don’t worry about your twins.

Sincerely, mother of 11 year old twins.

masonmason · 22/05/2020 16:47

Bloody hell!! 5 months!! They are babies being babies fgs. Stop trying to psycho analyse them.

ParkheadParadise · 22/05/2020 16:48

My nephew twins were like that. The only time they would get close was to steal off each other dummies, toys and food. They did have 3 older brothers to keep them amused.
Glad to say now they are all grown up all 5 are very close and all of them adore their mum.
I could hear my sister coming from a mile off because of the noise all 5 made. She always had a look about her that's would say " If I keep looking ahead I wont see the carnage my 5 boys are leaving behind me"

Sugartitss · 22/05/2020 16:49

They are five months old ffs

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 22/05/2020 16:51

I did say their general misery might be clouding my judgement lol. It's just every time T2 teacher for T1 he cries, but if their big bro goes near their all smiles. Everyone keeps insisting twins are great cos they entertain each other!

OP posts:
Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 22/05/2020 16:55

ParkheadParadise oh goodness, 5! DH and DS are very adament about no more babies lol.

Thanks for that encouraging contribution Mason and Sugar, it's that kind of kindness when people are stressed that really gets them through the night.

OP posts:
Dipi79 · 22/05/2020 16:58

My twins didn't pay each other much attention until they were a year. They mainly ignored each other as babies. You say they don't sound very happy, but tbh, you don't sound very happy. Do you have much/any support. I had PND after I had my twins, so it was s massive struggle. The first 6 months were bloody awful!

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 22/05/2020 17:00

I wrote a big message and then lost it but here goes. As a twin mum it is way too easy to pile guilt and expectations on yourself and the children. You must be run ragged with three of them and I take my hat off to you. Your two sound a lot like mine were for a long time. They don't even know what a twin is, at this stage their world is so small they don't really think past themselves. They certainly don't have any empathy or any concept of hurting each other. they play with the older brother because he is a lot more interesting and engaging than another baby the same age. Mine are 3.5 now and for about the last 6 months they have been really developing a bond which is absolutely lovely to see. Before that although they relied on each other they didn't really seem to like one another very much. There was a LOT of fighting and still is some days.

I think you are feeling the struggle of having three such young children, especially two babies. I certainly recall the claustrophobia of having them both wanting me at the same time and having to decide which one to leave crying. So bloody stressful. Having said that if you need to go to the toilet then go. They will survive. It's fine to put them down while you eat. Take a few minutes to yourself when you can. It'll help you to keep going.

if you have a pram can you bring that inside and rock them in it while you are helping the 5-year old with his schooling?

Honestly as long as everyone is fed clean and loved then you are doing amazingly. I think you might get some pretty and kind responses on this thread about your expectations but unless you have multiples you have no idea what it's like.

consideringachange · 22/05/2020 17:01

I've not had twins but 5 months is a bit of a low point in my experience, so exhausting even with just one. Even more so in lockdown! They and you will probably cheer up once you get properly into weaning / crawling etc.

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 22/05/2020 17:03

Everyone keeps insisting twins are great cos they entertain each other!

They do... Mine are really only got to that stage at about 3.

2littlledarlings · 22/05/2020 17:12

At that age my twins barely noticed each other. They are now 5 and best of friends one min and argue the next. I really wouldn’t worry at all. Mine are like chalk and cheese, one time boy and one very girly bit do enjoy to play together most of the time.

ParkheadParadise · 22/05/2020 17:13

@SleepingStandingUp
Yes, they were 5, 3, 15mths when the twins were born.
I would run away when I seen her coming they were ALL wild. They have turned out all lovely adults.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 22/05/2020 17:15

One of mine still has a scar across his cheek from his brother clawing him 28 years ago. They are best mates now.(though they both loathe their older dB)

lyralalala · 22/05/2020 17:16

Everyone keeps insisting twins are great cos they entertain each other!

That's something that is often said by people who don't have twins in my experience.

Yes, when they are 7/8/9 they have a same age playmate. However as babies they are just two babies who need double the amount of care that a singleton baby needs.

It's exhausting because that double need doesn't come with double hours, or double sleep. In fact it often comes with half sleep if they get into tag teaming you.

Be kind to yourself, you need it.

Loodally · 22/05/2020 17:29

Mine (both girls) barely noticed each other at that age.

They're 8 now and are either best friends or worst enemies. They do have a very strong bond but some days, you wouldn't know they were related. They have their own friends and their own interests and are very independent of each other.

Summercamping · 22/05/2020 17:37

Twins are great....once they are over 3 years old. Up to then, they are relentlessly hard work, especially during a global pandemic when you can't give them to somebody else to mind for a few hours

Mind yourself. Your kids sound like they're doing fine. It'll be easier in time, and these days will be a fuzzy blur in your memory.Wink

MrsStarwars · 22/05/2020 17:46

My twins were just the same. Always glued to me, loved their big brother’s fleeting attention then back to being miserable. My eldest was almost 4 and loved his bike, so to keep our sanity we would go for at least one daily walk where the twins would fall asleep, he got a little ride and we could have some time together without being interrupted.
When they got to about 3, they were happy to play together most of the time.
Now they have just turned 12 and are great friends, the bond they have is amazing.
You will get there too, each stage is a different challenge.

RednaxelasPony · 22/05/2020 17:50

They just sound like normal babies Confused

Was DC1 a particularly "easy" baby or do you have rosetinted memories perhaps?

At 5m of course they will find their older sibling more entertaining than each other. Likewise will give all their smiles to daddy and precious few for poor mummy! That's just babies for you.

Also it's normal for them to hate tummy time etc. Hang on in there Smile

totallyyesno · 22/05/2020 17:52

Sound normal to me!

ExhaustedFlamingo · 22/05/2020 17:53

Phew. Glad to read they're just 5 months old. Thought you were describing a couple of 15 year olds and was going to say you've got bigger problems than whether they like each other 😅

Don't forget that there are lots of different types of twins, far more than just identical/non-identical. Were yours in a single sac in the womb? Mine were in separate sacs and used to resolutely ignore each other, even when placed in the same playpen. My son could move around much earlier and my daughter used to scream the house down if we attempted tummy time.....but would still manoeuvre herself to lie over the top of her brother given the chance.

My twins are 10yrs old now and the best bit of advice is something that a PP alluded to above. They're not "the twins", they're not a single unit. They are two separate babies with their own personalities and milestones. I found that when they were babies everyone treated them as a single entity which was incredibly frustrating (mine were very prem and had medical issues so it was even more annoying).

As they get older they'll develop a bond, and on other days will be the fiercest of enemies. They'll be grand, don't worry about it - you've got enough on your plate as it is!