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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My twins don't like each other

71 replies

SleepingStandingUp · 22/05/2020 15:56

If I put them on the floor together, T2 tries to munch T1 or grab him, T1 cries. Or they try to roll away from each other. Only have eyes for their big brother and don't interact with each other. Everyone else's twins seem to LOVE each other (from the moment of conception it feels like)
They're so grumpy all the time as well which it's possibly making me over sensitive. Hate tummy time, being abandoned on the floor, seeing me eat without one of them being on me, me peeing, generally not being on me. They nap awful as I have a 5 yo I'm trying to educate but he's so loud, they don't like napping upstairs and it takes so long to get them both down that it's not really worth it.

I just feel like I'm not doing enough to make them happy or bonded

OP posts:

bookmum08 · 22/05/2020 17:59

When my daughter was born she spent a bit of time in the SCBU at hospital. There was a set of twins that had been born 3 months early so they were little tiny things. Oh one was a crier. He was always crying. The other was a bit more laid back. One day the mum was trying to sort out one of the little cots and was shushing Mr Crier while trying to hold the other. The nurse said instead of trying to hold him put him in the cot with his brother as they were tiny and would fit and it would only be a couple of minutes. Oh Mr Crier did NOT like this. He howled and howled. Which set Mr Laid Back off. The Ward Sister came walking down to the cot, stared at them and said in such a serious voice "You two are meant to still sharing space in your mummy's womb so you can share a cot for a few minutes without moaning" (or words to that effect).
I bumped into them a few years later. Little best buddies.

Original poster

SleepingStandingUp · 22/05/2020 18:06

Thank you for the reassurance that they're just typical babies. DS, now nearly 5, never was. We spent all this time in and out of hospital and it massively affected his interpersonal skills up until school, really still a bit, so I have no idea what typical babies are like around other babies.

It's not pnd, it's just lockdown, we're shielding Re the older one, the house is kinda small for 3 kids in it all day every day, trying to school big one whose school is v proactive in setting work, and he's quite needy and his behaviour is escalating because his world has been turned upside down plus cuddle two fat babies. If it was 1 I think I'd be OK cos I'd just hold him in one arm and sort DS with other.
Hate leaving them to scream, I can't relax and it pushes my anxiety up so easier to struggle on, except for wees. I do go to the loo

OP posts:

mumwon · 22/05/2020 18:07

twins are still siblings & siblings fight with each other or on the behalf of each other & can be friends - I cm a twins about 18months at that time - I remember it well ! I never believe parents who tell you how perfect their dc are - or how they do everything early. You are doing fine op

Original poster

SleepingStandingUp · 22/05/2020 18:09

@bookmum08 love that story

OP posts:

StatementKnickers · 22/05/2020 18:12

Twins are such hard work in the baby stage! Give yourself a break. I thought this was going to be a sad post from a parent of grown-up twins who had fallen out with each other! They are likely to entertain each other when they are 5 years old, but not at 5 months. 5-month-old babies are not capable of providing entertainment other than to their adoring parents and grandparents!

Do they have/like bouncy chairs? If they do, you could try putting them in the chairs facing each other, but don't be disappointed if they ignore each other - some twins I've known enjoyed this as babies and others weren't interested. Similarly, when they are a bit older you can face them towards each other in high chairs. They will start to interact more but they won't really play together until they're about 3. Normal toddler rules apply (whatever those are...)

lowlandLucky · 22/05/2020 18:28

Crikey,i thought we were talking about 15 year old twins when i saw the heading. OP life will get better

LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE · 22/05/2020 18:31

My 6 month old quite likes a munch of my 4.5 year old. Or my face/knee/fingers. Those gums are hard! Doubt it's personal OP, and as PP have said, 5 months is a wretched age.

masonmason · 22/05/2020 18:36

Thanks for that encouraging contribution Mason and Sugar, it's that kind of kindness when people are stressed that really gets them through the night.

I know. Imagine telling someone their 5 month old twins are acting like babies

Original poster

SleepingStandingUp · 22/05/2020 18:44

StatementKnickers I do that but only cos then lovely twin bounces lazy twin.

LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE currently being eaten by t1

OP posts:

Jilljams · 22/05/2020 18:46

Sounds totally normal. Mine showed absolutely no interest in each other until they turned two. Now they say they are best friends (in between squabbling and fighting).

Coquohvan · 22/05/2020 18:50

When our identical twin girls were born, we were advised to have them sleep in the same cot, top and tail, twin pram same.
At 5 moths they would roll towards each other on the floor and steal a toy dummy Etc and set the other off who lost.
When the started crawling and walking they were a tag team of naughtness. They do entertain each other from them on, we’ve many a video of them in their playpen chatting away in a weird language laughing and pointing at things in it, hilarious to watch.
Now grown they are amazing friends. Don't dare anyone say anything about the other twin at any age growing up, they are guardians of each other. Friends for life.
Some do say twice the work we prefer to say twice the love.
Good luck op they are a wonderful blessing.

Original poster

SleepingStandingUp · 22/05/2020 18:59

We managed them sleeping together for a little while but they're too fat to fit. They only have compact cots and they're forgot to be small and cute for long 😂😂
T2 has a massive disadvantage, he can't roll!

OP posts:

Icantrememebrtheartist · 22/05/2020 19:09

They’re still tiny!

I have friends who are twins, female, in their 40”S, they are very close but have horrendous fall outs too.

My grandad was a twin, he and his brother were very close, they spent a lot of time together and would go to the pub together. They would also have rows that ended up with them hitting each other and being pulled apart!

Both sets of twins have/had very close relationships with their other twins but very volatile too.

NaviSprite · 22/05/2020 19:13

If it helps my twins (boy and girl) are only just starting to tolerate each other and they’re 2.5yo - one of DD’s first phrases was “go away” to her brother when he was trying to interrupt her playing (complete with pushing him by his head ) - don’t worry too much about it, at 5mo they barely have an idea that you are a separate person to them let alone tolerate another baby who gets attention too.

As a PP said, it can be difficult to separate yourself from the guilt when one twin always seems to cry if you’re sorting the other one, my DD was a right little mischief as a baby, she would refuse bottle (we did scheduled feeds to begin with) and happily play in her Moses basket until the moment I picked DS up for his!

m0therofdragons · 22/05/2020 19:14

Dd1 and dtd2 were always really close and closer than with her twin but as they’ve got older they’ve got closer. At 8 and with covid meaning they’re home they’ve become really close. I’ve always had them in separate classes due to competitiveness but now I worry about splitting them for year 5 (when school eventually goes back). Twin dynamics vary and the stuck together image is a myth.

NaviSprite · 22/05/2020 19:16

Oh and mine are currently in competitive cuddle mode, meaning if they seek a cuddle from me they must turn and give the other twin the most smug little smile I’ve ever seen

Original poster

SleepingStandingUp · 22/05/2020 19:22

Omg T1 has perfected the snug I have Dadddy look already, I swear

OP posts:

EKGEMS · 22/05/2020 19:27

I have an identical twin and we are so close but as babies my parents had to buy us separate cots as we were constantly fighting (pictures show bruising from our battles)

Coquohvan · 22/05/2020 19:34

@SleepingStandingUp
We had a full size cot downstairs and one in our room. Mine were 5&5.5lbs slept together till around weaning 6 moths then separate cots in their room for naps and nighttime.

Gunpowder · 22/05/2020 19:44

My twins are 2.5 like Navi’s and like hers they have only just started playing together. Up until now they both wanted their big sisters or me. I think for the first year or so they were too busy competing over me to be friends. I suppose it makes sense from a survival of the fittest point of view.

Having twins is so tough. Particularly when they are babies, and there is a pandemic! Promise it gets easier. Go easy on yourself.

Ninkanink · 22/05/2020 19:46

Most babies aren’t interested in other babies at all.

Yours will love each other soon enough. For now just let them be babies and don’t worry or stress too much. 🌻

Ispywithmycynicaleye · 22/05/2020 19:49

I dont have twins, but 2 baby girls 12 months apart. I thought I'd provide DD1 with a best friend. Instead I gave birth to her arch nemesis. It's hard isnt it!! But just like yours they are still babies and will grow out of it

sallysparrow157 · 22/05/2020 20:03

At 5 months my twins had not really been aware of each other long and basically kicked each other in the head or ignored each other. Now they’re 7 1/2 months they generally claw each other in the face - sometimes they appear to be doing so fondly (or so I tell myself!) and are very aware when one has been given food before the other! They are also very high maintenance, cry a lot, tag team their wake ups at night so I get no bloody sleep, only nap when being held (twin 1 has a tantrum about falling asleep every single time too!) or in their pram so they are walked between 5 and 10 miles a day most days.
It’s better now than when they were 5 months as they are happier, able to play a bit more and we have invested in 2 jumperoos that take up the whole house! However they are now teething so pissed off about that!
It’s so bloody hard and I don’t have an older child I’m trying to educate - it’s just relentless at the moment and lockdown means we have lost all the nice stuff - no baby classes, no meeting friends for a coffee, no grandparent visits... you’re doing bloody brilliantly to be coping with 5 month twins plus older child!

Gwenhwyfar · 22/05/2020 20:06

"That's something that is often said by people who don't have twins in my experience."

My mum says it and she had twins :)
I remember my brothers playing together still in nappies, but they were already walking then, can't remember what they were like as small babies.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 22/05/2020 20:10

I've known two sets of identical twins that never got on as children and have nothing to do with each other as adults. I think there was huge pressure to dress them alike and make them share everything when they were younger. They are actually really similar even though they try to be as different as possible. They are so competitive over everything.

There are twins toddler groups which may be useful if you can find one nearby.

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