My twins don't like each other

[SleepingStandingUp]

If I put them on the floor together, T2 tries to munch T1 or grab him, T1 cries. Or they try to roll away from each other. Only have eyes for their big brother and don't interact with each other. Everyone else's twins seem to LOVE each other (from the moment of conception it feels like)
They're so grumpy all the time as well which it's possibly making me over sensitive. Hate tummy time, being abandoned on the floor, seeing me eat without one of them being on me, me peeing, generally not being on me. They nap awful as I have a 5 yo I'm trying to educate but he's so loud, they don't like napping upstairs and it takes so long to get them both down that it's not really worth it.

I just feel like I'm not doing enough to make them happy or bonded

@myshinywhiteteeth how helpful! Just what the op wants to hear I’m sure

Also how is it helpful to suggest toddler groups during a lockdown?!

My twins didn’t notice each other much until they were over 1. They loved their older sister, but wouldn’t interact much with each other, aside from pulling hair and biting when they were 7/8 months old. When they were toddlers, they would also get jealous if I spent time with one. They’re 5 and best friends now but still have times where they need space away from each other. Sometimes, one will hang with his dsis and the other will do his own thing and the next day they swap

@Coquohvan yeah your living room is bigger than mine, I guarantee you. At 5 months they're 20+lbs, in 6-9 clothes and about to go up to 9-12 I don't even know how well they'd share a big one atm 😂. If we don't move soon, we'll be finding out...

@sallysparrow157 Its hard isn't it. With DS I'd have chucked him in the buggy and made him take me out for coffee. We spent a LOT of time in Starbucks. A couple of staff might now him by name... Now a walk requires double getting ready, and the big one, and then he wants to stop every 5 minutes for some "PJ Masks emergency" (his favourite superhero show) and I can't let him go ahead etc because he's on o2 so he's literally attached to me / the pram. One big field and they locked the big gate so takes me 5 minutes to get through the stupid gate

A fellow choir singer has a relation with 3x twins in the one family. One girl the rest are boys. All under 9 years old.

I get you OP. Won’t always be this mad.
Our twins were our first perhaps that’s why they were more into each other for company. took 3 yrs and the twins in nursery before we decided to try for another, luckily she was a dream baby and so much easier to care for than twin babies for us.

My neighbour just a minute ago sent me a video of my twins roughly 18months with ds chucking dd out the way to get on the rocking horse he had brought them round, made me question my own memory, I'm sure we was the one to always tackle him to the ground.

My two absolutely adore each other, the excitement when they see each other in the mornin g/end of the school is ducking heart melting.

I know plenty twins, our 8k town has 27 sets at last count, plenty of them don't like their twin, as is typical for any siblings.

But they're 5 months old?!

Mine are teeny - both still in 3-6 month clothes at 7 1/2 months - and we still had to have them in separate cots from 5 months as they were so wriggly they’d disturb each other even in a full sized cot!
Before lockdown I found it interesting meeting up with friends with babies the same age - although it felt like ours didn’t interact much, they seemed much more aware of other babies than the singleton babies were.

They sound very typical for 5 month olds. They love their big brother because he is a smiley and loud presence in their lives. Babies love older children and love the sound of their voices.

Once they are toddlers and beyond, look forward to a lot of wrestling . And also playing together. But they are too young for all of that still.

Don't bother with tummy time if they don't like it. It is vastly overrated. I'll be shot for this no doubt.

Do they sit up yet?

Do you have two high chairs? If they're sitting, and since they're very big, they could sit in their high chairs and have a little very finely cut up soft fruit, overboiled carrots, butternut squash. Are they half way between 5 months and the magic 6 months?
Again, shoot me.

Generally speaking, babies that age can go at max 4 hours before they need to nap, with shorter intervals most likely. If you try establishing a routine for naps that takes a 3 hour interval as their requirement you may find that they go down peacefully twice a day. Sometimes babies take a while to settle because they are over tired by the time they are put down.

I would invest the time in putting them down for naps at 3-4 hour intervals. Not napping can result in a vicious circle of over-tiredness/not sleeping (including at night) that makes life unbearable.

Do you have a white noise machine? They can be very helpful in drowning out noise and hearing the buzz can be a cue that it's time to sleep.

5 months is a really crappy age. But it's not too late to sort out problems if you can invest the time to do so.

Jumparoos and bouncy seats are great if you can lay your hands on a pair of each.

@SleepingStandingUp getting organised to get out of the door for walks is a military affair (though I have a dog rather than a 5 yr old!!) and you’ve always got a mental list of where you can/can’t fit the pushchair, or at the moment where I can take it that I can ensure social distancing- we can’t do our usual walk along the river any more as we’d fall in trying to keep 2m away from other people!

@HermioneKipper

It's probably not helpful but having twins is really hard work, exhausting and can be very lonely. The lockdown won't go on forever. The twins toddler groups help a lot of parents.

I think expecting them to get on from birth just because they are identical is not the right mindset. There is research that suggests to be more emotionally healthy twins should be taught not to expect to have to share everything.

I agree with everything @mathanxiety says! I think the 2 biggest things that have made life easier the past month or so are weaning and the jumperoos - when they are munching on a breadstick or bouncing they are not screaming or kicking each other and are actually content enough that we can have a few minutes to ourselves here and there!
We didn’t do much tummy time either as both hated it (and twin 2 was in a pavlik harness for a month at 4 months of age so couldn’t really do it anyway) - they’re both now perfectly happy on their tummies, can roll and twin 1 is commando crawling

I have twins, I'd agree the entertaining each other kicks in about 3. I know one set of twins who hated each other and were sent to separate primary schools for reception year!

My twins are 10 and they cant stand each other. It's a constant stream of mum she's broke my lego or mum he's just farted in my face. Im not a mum, I'm a referee. My eldest ds was only 2 when they were born and i swear to god it was easier when they were all babies than it is now.

@SleepingStandingUp sending big hugs. It’s so so hard. I too have 6 month old twins and a 3 year old and this is the hardest time of my life. Not enjoying it at all. Twins is unbelievably hard work. Mine don’t sleep well either so everyday is like scenes from the walking dead here!

To make you feel better mine like clawing eachothers faces on the playmat too and kicking eachother

Really upsets me when I’m in the thick of awful times and people tell me the next stage is even harder. Is there any need?!

My twins are 22 months and they fight so much, have done since they were old enough to focus on each other. I can only see this getting more intense as they grow.

I used to get panicked and mention it to the health visitor, expecting her to start screaming and saying she would report me to social services for child neglect or something. In actual fact every professional I mention it to laughs and shrugs their shoulders and says 'yeah, that's normal'.

Scratch marks, bite marks. Any toy that DD is playing with DS suddenly NEEDS or his world will collapse. It's adorable once you get past the fear and cut their nails and muzzle them.

@HermioneKipper yes that 'advice' gets on my last nerve. And so far has proven to be completely untrue. Perhaps it is parents of one baby at a time thinking back to the palaver of terrible twos, etc., and of course they mean well, but I have found that the older and more independent they get, the easier it is as they can play with each other. Of course they also scheme and create ingenious ways to climb things together but that's half the fun

Mine liked each other but now they are teenagers, they wind each other up and fight all the time. Don't worry OP, it will be a stage and there will be many.

Mine aren't twins but I was amazed at their seeming inability to even acknowledge each other when they were little. Now they're thick as thieves and would kill for each other!

they seemed much more aware of other babies than the singleton babies were."oh that's interesting, I'll see if we ever meet people again.

Do they sit up yet? god no, nowhere near. Always had good head control bit I think their fat bellies get in the way
Imagine a baby seal trying to sit upright 😂😂
Do you have two high chairs? hopefully from tomorrow, one more cushioned laid back one and one IKEA hardcore plastic thing, so will try them in both and see how we get on but they're crap in the bumbo and slide sideways.

Are they half way between 5 months and the magic 6 months? they're 5 months and 10 days but they were 4 weeks early so 4 1/2 adjusted

Re naps, I feel like they're constantly catnapping and I need to get better at getting them up to cot to try and keep them asleep longer but the.n the other oen starts and DS presses the god dn YouTube button then gets whiney cos he can't do the next bit and the 2nd one poos and doesn't get up and aagghhhh. You're right though
Maybe next week when it's half term as I retry toilet training. Oh shoot me now 😂.

Do you have a white noise machine? our monitor plays classical music actually cos we're very refined 😂😂😂

To their credit thry sleep thorough apart from waking for milk, so far
I know it won't last. DS was a shocking sleeper from 18 months omwards

Don't think we have room for jumperoos but they're in bouncy chairs, one of the first things we brought out but I think they spend that sodding long in th that's why their heads are flat!! Poor fat flat baby seals.

Thanks for the mostly lovely and helpful comments, less so the tales of how many twins hate each other...

As for treating them as individuals, they came out of me with very different attitudes and altho I can trek them apart facially most of the time, we've always been able to do it by attitude. One roles, one raspberries. Ones generally chill, one is rarely chill. One sucks everything, one reaches for everything. There's no way they'll let us treat them as a single entity altho poor DS has resorted to calling them both "Hey baby". 😂

Just because they are twins doesn't mean they get along. Same goes with any sibling. But they are only 5 months. Way too early to know anything.