Don't want to Zoom with friends

[Petals23]

6 friends are organising Zoom drinks tonight for the first time during lockdown. I really don't want to participate, it's not my thing. We've been in touch with each other via WhatsApp etc. Anyone else said no to zooming?

I find group Zoom chats stressful and try to avoid them. I’m quiet in group situations anyway and never know when to speak on Zoom unless it’s 1:1 and even then the lag means I rarely start a conversation. I’m fine doing normal phone calls and try to stick to them.

I hate zoom and refuse to use it. It isn't loaded on the laptop and anyone who suggests it (along with the usual "Well I can send you a link to download it") gets short shrift.

Some people love it, it helps them no end. Fine. But I don't want to use it, don't want to be visible when chatting to family and friends, and I have a choice not to. So do you. If you're keen just say no thank you. Extroverts won't understand why, but introverts will....

I disagree with those who say "but some people need it, it helps their mental health". I'm sure that's so but what I disagree with is being made to feel guilty about someone else's mental health just because you don't want to zoom. What about your mental health by being forced to use it?

We're all under pressure in the current situation, be gentle and kindly when turning down others as they have their reasons, but so do you and you need to follow your own choices.

The fact that people cant hear you properly also makes it awkward. I don't have a very deep voice and really hate having to shout to be heard (whether that's face to face or virtual) and just stop talking if people can't hear.

I don't like Zoom because I hate seeing myself (is that really how awful I look?) AND I think it's very difficult to get a well-balanced conversation, with everyone having time and the opportunity to chat. Yes, and the lag can be dreadful.

I think it’s a bit sad that you don’t but each to their own.

It's just a personal preference, nothing sad about it. I'm spending hours on my laptop working from home, using Zoom and Skype for work meetings, sometimes for four hours with no break.

I don't really like it and the last thing I want to do with what little down time I have is spend it on video calls. I'd prefer to just have a phone conversation with one person at a time.

I disagree with those who say "but some people need it, it helps their mental health". I'm sure that's so but what I disagree with is being made to feel guilty about someone else's mental health just because you don't want to zoom. What about your mental health by being forced to use it?

This so much!

Locked down extroverts are a pain in the arse.

This is very true.

Just don't do it OP. I've done it twice in 8 weeks and that's me finished. People I usually see once every couple of months are trying to set up weekly catch ups. I just want to put the kids to bed and have a cuppa with DH.

With the mental health I think compromise is key. I'm all zoomed out but I do care about the people involved so am still doing some zoom. I hope to still have relationships with these people at the end of this

The other thing is that there's not much to catch up on!

I hate it. Someone's mic never works or it buffers....and I feel I've run out of meaningful conversation after 10 mins. So I just drink more gin.
I have realised I'm just not interested in other people's lives especially when they are boring as fuck at the moment.

Zooming with friends is saaaaaaad

Spelling sad with more than one a is sad.

And childish.

@GrolliffetheDragon so so true. I spend most of my days in very intense video meetings so the last thing I want to do is stare at my friends on a computer. Much to my horror I found myself going into Boss mode on the last call with friends (as I usually lead the work meetings) so was getting impatient when people weren't waiting their turn to speak

Thanks all. I'm not going to do it. A couple of these people I don't see very regularly at all. The two I'm closest to we've chatted on the phone, but even then there wasn't a whole lot to talk about because no one is doing much. I am very much an introvert, and honestly would rather read my book and see them again in real life when I can

Sara perhaps you and I should be friends We could happily agree to never have to do a Zoom call.

Ha! @Foals That sounds perfect!

I think it’s a bit sad

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Why is it 'sad' not to want to partake in something?

No one should be made to feel bad because they don't want to have a Zoom call, that's ridiculous.

To make it lighthearted you can make your own video adaptation of you singing your own version of Eddy Grant's song "I don't wanna dance.." (the lockdown remix) and send it to your friends:
The lyrics would be like:

"I don't wanna Zoom
Zoom with ya babies, no more...."

Sorry probably showing my age as I remember that song being a chart hit and lockdown's making me a bit loopy.....

Have you tried to have a zoom conversation with your friends? If not, Maybe try it once before You dismiss it completely. There have been a couple of times I’ve not really felt like chatting, but have made myself and I’ve come off the call feeling much better. I know a couple of my friends have really been struggling and the calls have made them feel much better, so if me being on zoom when I don’t really want to be has helped them, I’m glad I did it.

But like anything else, it’s fine if you do t want to join in, I get why some people just aren’t comfortable being in that situation.

If you’ve never tried it and have the time you’d not risk much by trying new things, eg once or twice.

I disagree with some PPs that people have nothing going / nothing to talk about. It’s probably more that people might not want to discuss their personal situations/ thoughts/feelings in front of a group, unless everyone in the group are close.

Locked down extroverts are a pain in the arse.

I think I'm going to get this on a t-shirt to commemorate lock down.

I have two groups of friends who've tried to get me to have zoom coffee or drink dates at various times. I've never done it.

We What's app frequently etc so it's not like I'm cut off, but online stuff is awkward for me. Plus, I'm on the laptop all day for work, I don't want to be on it during downtime!

I've done a couple of family quizzes and they were fine but I know people who are doing quizzes etc two/three times a week. That's my worst nightmare.

Ultimately though, the only people I find weird or sad are the ones who can't seem to grasp that we're all different and enjoy different things.

OhCaptain - love that idea for a T shirt!

I loved this caption on a mug:

"Introverts unite! We're here, we're uncomfortable, and we want to go home".
Also -
"Introverts Unite! (But separately and in our own homes)!

OP, I am exactly the same as you. I got a few Zoom invites at the start of all this - like you I worried about how to decline - but I just messaged people individually to let them know that it makes me anxious and not to worry about including me. I’m perfectly happy not talking to anyone!! Lockdown was suited me very well (though I do appreciate its hard for some). But I do keep in touch with the odd phone call/text message.

Locked down extroverts are a pain in the arse.

Yes. Yes, they are.

Aren't you busy strimming your hair or something, OP?

To be honest I wasn't keen when one of my friends first mentioned it but actually I've quite enjoyed it.

We do every other week and that is more contact than we would have had out of lockdown. It's just great to chat openly about stuff going on and clear our heads a bit.

I would give it a go once then see how you feel....

I don't particularly look forward to zoom catch-ups with friends, although when actually on them I often enjoy them . . . not always. I do them because it conveys that I value the friendships and I want to be included in the friendship group. In one of my groups there is one person who is always the instigator of sometimes twice weekly chats - I go with it because she was also the person who delivered food to us when we were in quarantining with COVID19, came round and cut our grass and is generally such a kind and supportive friend that I want to let her know how much I appreciate her. Of course opt out of zoom if you want to .. . . . . but then don't gripe if you don't get included in stuff in RL, or you realise post-lockdown that you are more on the margins of the group, or if they make plans on the zoom call that don't suit you or they forget to invite you to later by other means of communication.

God I've had to be part of three of these groups and one work one 🙄🙄