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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don't want to Zoom with friends

137 replies

Petals23 · 22/05/2020 07:50

6 friends are organising Zoom drinks tonight for the first time during lockdown. I really don't want to participate, it's not my thing. We've been in touch with each other via WhatsApp etc. Anyone else said no to zooming?

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 22/05/2020 09:10

I do a virtual coffee morning via HouseParty three times a week (we would normally be meeting up at the cafe after school drop off and before work normally). It has been vital. I'm a widow so I don't have another adult to talk to at home. We all have kids in y12 and some in Y10 so a lot of focus is on that and exams etc.
However I think an evening thing might be a bit forced so I wouldn't be so keen on that unless it had some structure (a friend did a wine tasting thing which required some organisation but went well, better as more bottles opened on no doubt)!

LilyE1234 · 22/05/2020 09:11

The thing with zoom is it just makes me feel like I have no differentiation between my work and social life. I spend all day on work zoom calls, to then do the same to socialise. I’ve stopped going to as many as outside of work as it makes it hard for me to switch off.

ITonyah · 22/05/2020 09:12

I didn't think I would like it for a minute but I gave it a go. Now I really look forward to it.

MooseBreath · 22/05/2020 09:14

I don't like video calls. I'm not dressed, super pregnant, and no angle is even remotely flattering, so I look like complete shit. Happy to participate over voice though, so that's what I've been doing!

Bleepbloopblarp · 22/05/2020 09:15

I do make an effort to go to zoom events

Isn’t that an oxymoron?

I wouldn’t want to either Op - I’d probably come up with an excuse. Can’t wait to see my friends in RL again but have no desire to see them over zoom - I don’t miss them THAT much!!

Vinosaurus · 22/05/2020 09:18

ODFO Packamack - it's a lifeline to some, and admittedly one of the 7 circles of hell for others - whatever gets you through the day.

I was jumping on every one going during the first few weeks of lockdown but have pared it right back recently to about once a week (usually a birthday celebration or such alike).

Kittenlicker · 22/05/2020 09:25

We had a zoom catch-up night that I suggested and organised with friends. A couple in the group bowed out, just said that it wasn’t their thing. No drama. One if them has to use zoom day in day out for their job so I assume has had enough of doing it. Just say no thank you.

thecatsthecats · 22/05/2020 09:27

What's weird is that some groups click with Zoom, and some don't.

I have a weekly catch up with one group that is very fun. An occasional catch up with another that's very stimulating (I think perhaps because they're all conducting work via Zoom also).

And one that I've done twice that is just... so... dull.

Don't know why. It contains one of my best friends. We just can't seem to click as a group online.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 22/05/2020 09:30

Yanbu. What sort of weirdo would think you were BU? If it's not your thing, it's not your thing.

Cheeseandwin5 · 22/05/2020 09:32

I totally understand what you mean.
I go into Zoom and within 15 minutes I am bored.
That's not their fault but realistic no one has anything interesting to say.
I would still go on if I was you but maybe start with the fact that you have something to do (family call, DC needs etc etc ) so you can leave early.

Sally872 · 22/05/2020 09:32

Zoom is not my thing, I thought it would be awful. Was actually pleasantly surprised and it was almost as good as meeting up.

ErickBroch · 22/05/2020 09:34

I get you. If I have to work all day, I often want to chill out in the evening and do my own thing. Why is that wrong??

ShirleyB25 · 22/05/2020 09:35

It's become a way for people to brag about their homes or amount of books etc in my view

Maybe with your friends or acquaintances. (!)

I meet on Zoom maybe once a fortnight with our book club group, and have a good chat and catch up. We have known each other for a very long time and don't really feel the need to show off.

Maybe give it a try for half an hour OP - you might like it.

Cheeseandwin5 · 22/05/2020 09:35

One other thing, some of your friends may be in need of the catch up and whilst it may not do anything for you it may help them

Foals · 22/05/2020 09:41

Packamack "Locked down extroverts are a pain in the arse." This is SO TRUE! Grin

Always trying to organise/Zoom/connect/bend the social distancing rules ever so slightly to suit their agenda and desperate need to "do" and "see" and "connect". (These are not lonely people either, extroverts usually aren't). Use this time to connect with yourself and make peace with your own company!

Zoom meet ups are hell, I find them really intense and can't stand the stop-start flow of conversation.

redcarbluecar · 22/05/2020 09:42

If it's not your thing, don't do it. It certainly isn't the be and end all of friendship. I usually enjoy it more than I expect to, but sometimes it's a bit tiring. I'm declining an invite to a Zoom quiz night in a few days because I know (from experience) that it'll go on forever and take over the whole evening. I feel bad about declining though, even though logic tells me it's not a problem.

TheVanguardSix · 22/05/2020 09:43

I'm a non-Zoomer. I am totally for Zooming, if that's how you roll. I'm rather shy on the phone and with Zoom. I've explained to my friends that I'm a shy oddball and can't do Zoom. It's just out of my comfort zone. You're not unusual at all, OP. Some of us just socialise differently and on our own terms. I think if you're a bit of a shy person, Zooming hits an uncomfortable nerve. We are who we are.

CoronaMoaner · 22/05/2020 09:46

I’ve opted out of the nursery zoom call.
Many reasons. Primarily because I think it’ll confuse my son who is 2 and doesn’t understand why he’s not at nursery.
Secondary considerations: I can’t be arsed to brush my hair, put make up on, change out of my slob clothes, make sure house is reasonably tidy, make sure said child is presentable, engaging (would never be more then one minute of his attention anyway) and pretend to coo over everyone else’s child and fake interest in what they’ve been up to “wow Josephine your daily walk sounds so amazing....”
Nah.

SnuggyBuggy · 22/05/2020 09:48

I've cut back, I just make excuses when I don't feel up to it. I'm used to video calling family but we have so little to talk about now that every day feels the same.

SnuggyBuggy · 22/05/2020 09:48

I also agree some groups work better than others

Janaih · 22/05/2020 09:50

We've been doing this weekly with friends. I was not looking forward to the first one but made the effort for friends who live alone and/or are struggling. It's quite fun and I look forward to it now, breaks up the week.

Give up half an hour of your time to support your friends

Macncheeseballs · 22/05/2020 09:51

Don't be such a curmudgeon

Seaweed42 · 22/05/2020 09:52

Some people in my group never go on the zoom. They just don't like it. Say the microphone is gone on your laptop and no one can hear you. Its very tricky to use on the phone I find.

TheVanguardSix · 22/05/2020 09:56

Don't be such a curmudgeon

It's so ridiculous sounding this word, it doesn't sound like the insult it's meant to be. Grin

PafLeChien · 22/05/2020 09:59

Just ... don't if you don't want to.

I think Zoom is great, I 've seen more or friends on it than I see them in real life! Everybody is normally out and busy every weekend, the lockdown has forced everyone to be available at the same time and we can have a weekly catch-up.

But each to their own, nothing wrong is zoom not being your thing.