To feel my employer are suddenly discriminating because I have a young child?

[Tayo23]

I work for a government dpt where it is not usually commonplace to be able to work from home. On 19th/20th March when the schools closed, I was asked in work if this would impact me in regards to childcare - it does, and I was offered a laptop to work from home which I gratefully took.

At this point all my colleagues (except for a minority shielding or in similar positions) remained in the office every day as there were a lack of laptops for them - it was BAU. I worked remotely from home, with colleagues in the office uploading my (and other remote workers) work. A week later my office closed (a non-critical govt dpt) however I have continued to work from home since then although my colleagues without laptops were not working at all. My partner was furloughed a week or so after my office closed so has been a great help keeping 4yo entertained.

At the end of April my office advised those without laptops must return to the office one day a week on a rota basis to upload, (to maintain social distancing). I was not asked because it was understood I was working from home. Last week they provided everyone in my office (around 80 people) with laptops. I have now been told that because everyone else now has a laptop, I am now too required to work one day a week in the office, and spend the rest of the week working from home.

My partner returns to work next week. I now am in same position as end of March before lockdown re childcare. They are allowing me to take special leave for the one day a week I can’t come into the office, for 4 weeks. After then I have to use annual leave. I have repeatedly stressed I am willing to continue working each day from home. I just simply cannot leave my child at home alone. My partner is unable to get paid leave off and we would struggle without his pay.

AIBU to feel this way, they understood initially and accommodated me which I was extremely grateful for. I have worked each day whilst my colleagues barely have done until now, but now they too have the facilities to work from home, the goalposts have been moved.

I am not happy being told when to take AL when I have not asked for any time off. Do I have a leg to stand on here if I take this higher than my own line manager (who robotically regurgitates things without much compassion or consideration for people’s individual circumstances)

And yes to an extent an employer can dictate when you take (or don't take) your annual leave.

worksmart.org.uk/work-rights/hours-and-holidays/holidays/can-my-employer-make-me-take-my-holidays-when-they-want

Your employer is accepting that you are effectively being a SAHP 4 days per week which limits your ability and capacity to Work.

I think you can compromise and come into work one day per week.

I think you should be putting effort into finding a childminder. I don’t believe that there are none in your area.

I think you will have accrued annual leave in the past 2 months. So will your husband

DPs employers aren’t great. He does not have many benefits at all. His boss never has been understanding or accommodating with anything.

I think this is the actual problem. But it's not your employer's problem to accommodate lack of flexibility from your DP's employer.

Agree it would be fair that your DP also takes some annual leave to help with the childcare one day a week but as per RedSky above, this isn't your employer's problem.

@Moondust001 it is unfair: your employees who also happen to be parents absolutely did not choose this situation. And it IS illegal where I am (which is not the UK, if you read my post). You sound very inflexible as a person, and lacking in empathy. Also, those non-parent employees will surely be mopping up MORE work once you stop all the parents from doing what they can?!

And there have been lots of times previously during my working life that I have used annual leave for things other than 'a proper break'. Appointments, weddings, childcare issues, staying in for the washing machine to be delivered or whatever.

Problem is it doesn't really matter what randoms on the web think
Your employers have asked you to do something
You either do it
Or suggest another way
If agreement cannot be reached you either do it or raise a grievance or resign and claim constructive unfair dismissal
I see someone suggesting you go sick
I hope you have more integrity

It's not fair for anyone right now, it really isn't just parents who are having a hard time. Especially not parents who still have a job, have a partner who's been furloughed and able to look after children for weeks whilst they work, getting full pay, likely will still have a job after this, has been allowed to WFH before their colleagues, has now also been given 4 weeks special leave and only has only been asked to sacrifice a few holiday days.

I swear parents with young pre-school children have been forgotten during this pandemic with regards to jobs. Everyone seems to think women are at home with the kids anyway so what does it matter? No plans for testing, no childcare available, no familial support, just quit your job and work two full time jobs at once and consider yourself lucky you have a job when you get to chose between losing wages or abandoning your child.

Could not agree more @Vampyress.

just quit your job and work two full time jobs at once and consider yourself lucky you have a job when you get to chose between losing wages or abandoning your child

Except that's not what OP is being asked to do at all.

This might be indirect discrimination. However it might be justified as a legitimate aim.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/what-are-the-different-types-of-discrimination/justifying-discrimination/

If you have got to grips fully with WFH maybe employer needs your colleagues to do the same, four days out of five rather than three (if they go in twice and you don’t go at all). If you are not able to do that then you need to take leave/find childcare.

Moondust001 Have you thought of offering parents the opportunity to catch up at other parts of the day? Or at weekends? That’s what we do. We accept the 9-5 may not be possible.

Yes, I have already done all that AND MORE. Our job is not 9-5 anyway. But what is happening with some parents is that they are doing childcare for full time hours and THEN having to work a full time job as well - and still do the majority of the cooking and housework because that's "their job". For all those who think that a site "about parents" (really - it's a long time since that was the case) should be about parents being treated better than non-parents and being paid for work that they do not do, well that's a lovely idea. Please take it up with society and the economic system. I don't control either of those things. Frankly, I am shocked at the fact that so many people think that this is the OP's problem and not her husbands - he should be taking half of the time to look after his child, not expecting that her "little job" takes all the burden, and just because it's public sector. I would have more sympathy, albeit the facts don't change, if he was taking his fair share.

As for those who have criticised me personally by attacking my work - "what is so important about your job?" - well I already explained that to anyone who read the thread. My team of 18 people support manage an anti-poverty programme in the UK. We are responsible for managing a range of interventions that support thousands (173, 684 people at the last count) in the poorest neighbourhoods, to enable them to access food, housing, financial support, education and employment. So of course making sure that thousands of people are supported all the time and not just during a crisis, is not at all fucking important. None of these thousands of people are having a hard fucking time at all, and it's definitely not getting any worse as their jobs contract even further. 13 LSOA's in our patches already numbered in the poorest areas in the UK, with unemployment higher than average, life expectancy lower than average, health inequalities massive. The areas are characterised by poor housing, whether rented or in private ownership.

So when people come to us for help in accessing employment, retraining for jobs, because they'll be evicted if they don't pay their rent or lose their house because they can't afford the mortgage, or even just can't put food on the table, I'll tell them that the reason why we can't bloody help them is because Mumsnet thinks their lives aren't as important as someone babysitting their own child instead of working.

And by the way - the only person on my team who is whinging about all this is the one member of staff who has been given a place at nursery and refuses to send them.

Your partner's work needs to take on half the burden of having an employee with children. Just because you're the woman, doesn't mean you should be the one juggling childcare all week.

It would make sense that you juggle for 2-3 days a week, and he does the same. Then you could go into the office on one of the days he has responsibility for childcare.

99ProblemsPlus1

Okay I get it - you think IABU

I am starting to hammer the same point repeatedly now, some people agree and see that I am not trying to take the piss. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place and believe that by offering to do the main part of the job that needs doing each day, every day, until my sons nursery opens or I am allowed by government say so to use family or a childminder, that I was clearly not trying to get out of working at all. As I’ve said, going into the office is a breeze and I wish I could! I am not being precious about it I just can’t leave my 4yo home alone.

But thanks for all your views you have given me some outside perspective that I was looking for.

What are your other colleagues with children doing? Surely you can't be the only one with a child? Your child is not your employer's responsibility unfortunately. You and your partner will just have to take turns looking after your child and if that means using annual leave then unfortunately that's what you'll have to do 🤷🏻‍♀️

I dont see how taking your AL helps tbh

If you need to go into the office you need to go into the office. If you take your AL you still need to go in to upload, that doesnt magically disappear

Unless of course you actually dont need to go into your office

I just cannot understand how you taking annual leave will help your employers though?

If you take leave you won't be in the office and someone else would have to go in as the work needs to be uploaded.

If you stay at home to look after your DC someone else would have to go in as the work needs to be uploaded.

Same outcome?!

Have you pointed this out really explicitly to your employer OP?

If you take leave you won't be in the office and someone else would have to go in as the work needs to be uploaded

This is the same when anyone takes leave from work. They aren't there to do the work and so someone else has to do it. It doesn't mean that people can just keep those holidays though because they wouldn't have been there anyway.

The benefit to the employer is that it means OP then doesn't have a huge annual leave entitlement at the end of the year which she's saved by everyone else going into the office on the days she should have been.

I think it's only fair that you and your colleagues should take it in turns to do the day the week in the office.

I've found as someone who doesn't have children yet, parents are getting preferential treatment to work from home whilst we aren't allowed to. I feel like I'm being discriminated against for not having children. I'm being put in danger by potentially being exposed to the virus because my colleagues can't get childcare. Just the other side of the coin for you

I actually think your DP needs to take AL one day a week (assuming hes your DS's dad)

As far as I can see hes the one with the problem tbh.

He has a child and no childcare. Hes been furloughed so this hasnt been an issue. Fortunately his DP can WFH and care for the DC 4dpw. Unfortunately one day a week they cant.

Looks like he needs to take his AL....

The other option is your DP working one of the weekend days.

Women are always going to be disadvantaged in the workplace as long as men dont take their fairshare of the burden of childcare. Until theres an equal chance that a man in his 20s/30s/40s will need to take time off to look after their dc as much as a woman, women will always be discriminated against.

I would not be happy being required to use my Annual leave in this situation because this means ultimately that you won't be able to get a proper break in due course

I have to. So have all my colleagues. We have been told that we have to use up our leave because the company won’t grant leave whenever lockdown lifts, because then there will be some actual work to do, hopefully. People do not use most of their leave for “a proper break” in the real world. They use it for childcare, getting the washing machine fixed, etc. As I said, my entire leave some years was used up in hospital visits for my child.

Just read the whole thread and your sense of entitlement is staggering.

But I do have the provisions to work from home to do the main part of this job, and am therefore not requiring time off. I
The MAIN part, not all, you say it yourself. You made it clear that by working from home, you are dependent on other people being in the office and doing what needs doing to carry your duties. Now everyone will be in the sane position but all you can think of is you.

Are you saying that in other circumstances you wouldn't have been taking any time off at all before September? Your child has not been in childcare for two months so most likely you've made quite a saving by being entitled to work from home.

You clearly haven't even bothered to look at chilminders or you would have mentioned it by now.

Yet you see yourself as being hard done by by asking to come in one day? It sounds like you want to be the one in control deciding on everything to do with your employment.

This is exactly why some employers are very reluctant to offer flexible arrangements because of their concerns to end up with employees like you who thinks that every efforts should come from the employer making it a nightmare for them.

It’s not discrimination, you’re just not getting what you want. Your employer has to be fair to everyone. As others have said it’s only 1 day a week and your options are to cover it with annual leave or unpaid between you and your partner.

Speak to the ACAS helpline or an employment lawyer. This is the very definition of sexual discrimination, if you need a lawyer PM me.

And I do wish people who don't have a clue stop spouting what is essentially a load of prejudiced discriminatory crap.