"Yes he is a bit of an arse, he would have stepped forward as if to come in if I'd have opened the door, if I would have said you can't come in he wouldve acted all hurt and made me feel bad, would've asked me to get the kids to the door, the youngest wouldn't have understood why she can't go near him, he probably would have also said he needed the loo, no way would he have said ok I totally understand I can't come in let's chat at a distance"
To my mind, the big problem with your dad is that you struggle to maintain boundaries with him. You struggle to remain an adult. You revert to being the child being told to do what the adult tells you to do even though you know the adult is wrong. It's tricky. He's been manipulating you your whole life, he knows the buttons to press - hell, he manufactured the buttons! That's what makes you feel bad - him pressing your buttons. Recognise that and it'll be harder for him to press.
The scenario you've set out there - look at it again. He's playing a game. He makes a move, you block. He makes another move, you block again. You need to change tactics. You need to stop being his dutiful daughter, and instead become - someone who doesn't let herself be pushed around. Tiger mother, Amazon, Black Widow - play a part. Fake it 'til you make it, as the saying goes.
Do not wait for him to make the first move. A good counter to today's pushiness might have been:
Open upper-floor window, hang out, look cross and say brusquely 'Dad! What are you doing here? You can't come in!' That would be YOU making the first move, not him. He's now got to block, and you've not given him any wiggle room.
He wants to come in - 'No, you could be infected, I'm not risking our health because you're bored.'
He wants to see your children at the door - 'No, it'll upset them, go away.'
I need the loo - 'You're not coming in, you'll have to go to then, won't you.'
You're being very harsh with me, really rude! - 'Well you don't listen when I'm nice.'
Basically, you are going to have to learn to manipulate him.