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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not open the door

116 replies

hoolahoola22 · 21/05/2020 14:34

My dad just turned up at my house, I didn't know he was coming, wasn't expecting a delivery so when the door went i ignored it, he kept knocking and ringing the doorbell so I had a look to see who it was (he didn't see me) then started ringing my phone, my dd was down for a nap but wasn't asleep yet so she started screaming and crying, he knew I was in obviously, I didn't open the door as I knew he would force his way in and I have been following the rules, he text me again saying he was in the area and wanted to see us, and that he's left some sweets on he doorstep, now I feel bad.my youngest dd is 2 she doesn't understand social distancing so I couldn't have sat with him in the garden, I think I made the right decision not opening the door, wibu

OP posts:
PowerStruggle · 21/05/2020 14:59

This virus seems to have addled people’s brains. Is no one capable of a grown up conversation anymore 🤦🏻‍♀️ Neighbours being too noisy, family trying to break lockdown rules, friends being upset by each other at every drop of the hat. Grow up FFS. I don’t know how people function in day to day life

LEELULUMPKIN · 21/05/2020 15:04

Presumably you are still going out with your DC whilst social distancing so are quite happy to be within the vicinity of strangers.

Totally bonkers not to open the door or even a window to your own Dad if you are that worried, especially as he is not local.

YWBVVU

WanderingMilly · 21/05/2020 15:10

I regularly don't open the door to people, you are perfectly OK to decide that, whatever anyone else says. In this instance, you were right not to if he would have just pushed his way in.

It's your place, your rules. If you want advance notice of family callers, you let them know that and don't respond if they ignore this. Text to explain you are following the rules and weren't in a position to deal with him, and next time don't call without giving warning. Don't feel bad, it's perfectly fine.

Original poster
hoolahoola22 · 21/05/2020 15:11

Pass the bubbly Yes he always turns up without asking which I don't like, he doesn't care if we are about to go to work or get dd down for a nap or if we have other people over or plans just does what he wants to do, highly annoying

OP posts:
FreakStar · 21/05/2020 15:13

Only on MN do people not answer a knock on their doors! Bloody weird behaviour!

FizzyGreenWater · 21/05/2020 15:13

No, you did the right thing.

People on here are always quick to say - if someone won't listen to you, grey rock them, do what YOU want to do and don't be bullied. Be firm.

OP knows exactly what her dad is like so she took the action which would be most effective in reducing fuckwittery and manipulation. She grey rocked him out of town (literally).

Result.

Come on we ALL know someone like this. You would literally have to shout NO FUCK OFF LISTEN TO WHAT I AM SAYING at them... and even then they'd be round the back trying the door. And then YOU look like the bad guy.

Far better to totally ignore. Oh sorry! I didn't hear you (smile). Even better if they know you DID hear them, because they won't try that shit again.

OP's dad purposely came round and didn't get in touch beforehand because he intended to guilt his way in if she disagreed.

Well done op.

Nicknacky · 21/05/2020 15:14

I think it’s read sad that people wouldn’t speak to a close family member who turned up, even if it is unannounced. How unwanted he must feel.

Original poster
hoolahoola22 · 21/05/2020 15:14

Leelulu I have been to work and shops without dc, we take dc out but not in the vicinity of strangers

OP posts:
twilightermummy · 21/05/2020 15:14

I lost my dad in 2016 and often wouldn't answer the phone to him because I couldn't be bothered to have a conversation and similar things. Please open the door next time.

Cherrysoup · 21/05/2020 15:16

Weird, I’d have answered the phone and told him he wasn’t coming in. Sounds like he needs some boundaries putting in place.

quarantinevibes · 21/05/2020 15:16

YANBU I’ve also had family coming to the door Sad wish dh would stop bloody answering it. I’d rather not answer it then tell people they’re not coming in cos we’re social distancing. It should be obvious. Also had one say but they need the toilet now they’ve traveled here, awful situation to turn them away but they really shouldn’t be coming anyway. Wish people would just stick to the rules.

Hoppinggreen · 21/05/2020 15:16

Sounds like your Dad is an inconsiderate bully so no YANBU to ignore him
However, I am concerned that you don’t feel able to say no to him or ask him to maintain your boundaries.

3cats · 21/05/2020 15:18

I agree with setting boundaries. You don't have to let him do whatever he wants. Your feelings are important too.

shookbelves · 21/05/2020 15:20

Your dad's a bit of an arse isn't he? Sorry OP.

pussycatinboots · 21/05/2020 15:21

OP you did the right thing.
You said he'd push his way in and he hasn't been following the rules.
Don't feel guilty.
He should have phoned you if he wanted a chat.

WatchingFromTheWings · 21/05/2020 15:25

My mother used to do shit like this. Turn up as and when she wanted to. She'd use our house as if it was a public convince. Turn up, hammer the door, walk right in, use the loo then head off into town. She'd park in my street to save paying the 50p for parking. Didn't like the toilets in town.

One morning she turned up at 10am. I'd worked till 5am and was in the bath getting ready to go back in. She battered on my door and screamed through the letter box until I heard her. I answered the door to her and my step father whilst dripping wet in a towel. I was then berated for not being up and dressed earlier!

Totally get why you didn't answer the door op! After years of shit behaviour (most of it far worse than that!) I'm totally nc with her.

Original poster
hoolahoola22 · 21/05/2020 15:29

I've just text him to say thanks for the sweets sorry I didn't answer but I was in the bath (I know I'm a wimp) and he's replied saying he's at his friends (who lives near me) I'll be back soon, so I replied no don't as I'm going to work soon but this just shows he is breaking the rules

OP posts:
rosydreams · 21/05/2020 15:30

my other half parents visited us they stayed at the end of the front garden and we stayed by the front door.We kept well away from each other but were able to chat .Just ring him and arrange something you could just chat bye a open window if you like

disorganisedsecretsquirrel · 21/05/2020 15:30

No OP .. You are a MN user therefore should NEVER EVER EVER OPEN THE DOOR TO SOMEONE WITHOUT PRIOR WRITTEN NOTIFICATION....ESPECIALLY A PARENT !!! What are you thinking to even doubt yourself. ?

Then you compound this reckless thinking by telling us you have young children !!! Do you not know that you cannot POSSIBLY have young children AND a conversation with another adult human parent at the same time as having charge of a minor... even considering such a move is tantamount to wilful neglect. Give your head a wobble ....

TheOrigBrave · 21/05/2020 15:30

Have you actually confronted him about him just turning up?

StayinginSummer · 21/05/2020 15:31

You did fine. Don’t feel guilty. He’s been cheeky by just turning up.

FizzyGreenWater · 21/05/2020 15:32

Don't answer, once again.

'Oh sorry Dad no I didn't hear. I wasn't expecting you to come though because I said not to, I assumed you'd respect what I'd said, you would have known I wouldn't let you in.'

JasonPollack · 21/05/2020 15:34

What @FizzyGreenWater said.

He sounds pushy and overbearing. Good for you for enforcing your boundaries.

Original poster
hoolahoola22 · 21/05/2020 15:35

Yes he is a bit of an arse, he would have stepped forward as if to come in if I'd have opened the door, if I would have said you can't come in he wouldve acted all hurt and made me feel bad, would've asked me to get the kids to the door, the youngest wouldn't have understood why she can't go near him, he probably would have also said he needed the loo, no way would he have said ok I totally understand I can't come in let's chat at a distance

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 21/05/2020 15:35

You did the right thing. Just because he has no respect for the rules is no reason for you to break them. Arriving uninvited, when he knows you don't like it, is disrespectful. Whoever you are. I'd tell him straight that if he arrives uninvited in future you will NOT let him in.

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