To not open the door

[hoolahoola22]

My dad just turned up at my house, I didn't know he was coming, wasn't expecting a delivery so when the door went i ignored it, he kept knocking and ringing the doorbell so I had a look to see who it was (he didn't see me) then started ringing my phone, my dd was down for a nap but wasn't asleep yet so she started screaming and crying, he knew I was in obviously, I didn't open the door as I knew he would force his way in and I have been following the rules, he text me again saying he was in the area and wanted to see us, and that he's left some sweets on he doorstep, now I feel bad.my youngest dd is 2 she doesn't understand social distancing so I couldn't have sat with him in the garden, I think I made the right decision not opening the door, wibu

[hoolahoola22]

I genuinely am going to work soon so dh is under strict instructions not to let him in if he does come back

[FleecyMoo]

You both sound like very odd characters! The apple doesn't fall far from the tree ...

[Jaxhog]

I think it’s read sad that people wouldn’t speak to a close family member who turned up, even if it is unannounced. How unwanted he must feel.

I just don't get this. Not everyone likes uninvited guests just turning up and stopping you from doing what you may already be doing. I hate it, as do a lot of people. Unfortunately, many people think their right to interrupt you overrides your right to be uninterrupted. If they know you don't like it, yet still do it, it is disrespectful and rude.

[Tadghthepup]

I would be devastated if my DS refused to open the door to me.
When I call round, I ring the doorbell and stand well back from the door as does he when he calls around. We probably do this about once a week and chat and catch up for 5 or 10 minutes.

[LolaSmiles]

I'd have just spoken to him through the window and said DC is napping and we're not mixing households.

[Passthebubbly]

You are getting a hard time here that is not deserved. Some people in normal times don’t mind people just appearing. Others do. It’s bloody rude just to assume people will drop everything they are doing to facilitate you popping in unannounced. I bet anything this goes on outwith lockdown for op and she is at end of tether with it

[FleecyMoo]

Do you 'non door answerers' lie on the floor behind your sofa and turn off all the lights when the doorbell rings? I am genuinely puzzled that so many of you are either a) too precious to bother with what may after all be mere riff raff on your doorstep b) a stranger!!! c) a hated family member, of whom some of you seem to have a surfeit

[PoetaDeLosSandwiches]

All you people who don't understand why OP did not want to speak to her father should count yourselves lucky to have no experience of self-centred, disrespectful or manipulative family members.

[Passthebubbly]

I have a friend who has twice during lockdown appeared at my house despite me asking her not to. Past 2 christmas she has turned up at 10am on Boxing Day as she is bored with her family and doesn’t want to clear up house. Appeared at 9.45pm on a Saturday night with a random in tow and stayed for 2 hours whilst we were sat on the couch in our jammies.
Walked into our house unannounced on several occasions. Popped round for a cup of tea and didn’t leave for 9 hours. Doesn’t give a shit if it’s convenient for me and has no idea how anxious she makes me. The friendship is about to end

[derxa]

Why don't you arrange to meet him outside? You're allowed to do that.
This lockdown is perfect for people like you OP.

[KatherineJaneway]

Only on MN do people not answer a knock on their doors! Bloody weird behaviour!

Why open the door if you are not expecting anyone / anything? It's only ever someone tyring to flog you something or get you to donate to their cause.

[SpilltheTea]

You could have just answered your phone and told him he wasn't coming in instead of ignoring him.

[Neron]

All you people who don't understand why OP did not want to speak to her father should count yourselves lucky to have no experience of self-centred, disrespectful or manipulative family members.

Actually I do, and I still think it's bonkers people behave like the OP and not open doors and want prior notice of a visit.

[Passthebubbly]

Her behaviour is not bonkers that is just rude. Different people have different needs and some need to feel when they are at home that’s them door closed outside world out. It’s important to some people’s mental health that doesn’t make them bonkers

[Iwalkinmyclothing]

Yanbu op. Your house, your child, your rules. If you didn't feel OK opening the door to him then you were fine not to.

[Lovemusic33]

My dad is the same, last week he just walked into my house (door wasn’t locked), he obviously thinks there are different rules for him 😡

[Neron]

My opinion is that It is indeed bonkers to repeatedly ignore the door or phone especially to family, then coming on to the internet for justification.

[happypoobum]

YANBU at all OP

Those who think it's so easy to say no to a father like yours probably haven't had to deal with such a specimen.

Talking out the window would have been enough for the drama and pressure to start and OP would have been left feeling she was in the wrong. It sounds like you are fairly low contact with him. Do what you need to do to protect your boundaries, for your sake and your DC.

[Bleepbloopblarp]

There’s obviously more to this - it doesn’t sound like a normal father/daughter relationship but that you are intimidated by him. Sounds like you’ve grown up with him getting his own way and making people around him uncomfortable if he doesn’t.

If it was my DF I’d have opened the window and shouted “I’m not answering the door - I’m sticking to the rules and so should you!” But not everyone has that kind of relationship. Maybe now you are an adult though you should get more of a backbone when it comes to your father.

[NeutrinoWrangler]

Don't feel guilty. You don't have to do what he wants just because he wants it-- especially when it would be potentially exposing you and your children because he can't be bothered to keep the recommended distance.

And for the people who are perpetually baffled by people not opening their doors: Why do you care?! What difference does it make to you?!

Maybe you're only hearing about it on MN, but clearly there are plenty of people who don't feel obligated (or safe, or comfortable, or whatever) to open their door to everyone who knocks. Why do you feel the need to comment on it?

(I'm sure there's something you do that certain other people would think is odd, too, btw. Want someone to come along and tell you how unimaginably weird and pathetic you are?)

[FleecyMoo]

Makes no difference to me but I do wonder how you survive in the real world out there? I own a shop and I'd be scuppered if I refused to open the door to strangers, let alone my own relatives . Do some of you have the full moat, drawbridge and boiling oil combinations ready to foil unwanted visitors, well that's all visitors isn't it?

If your family are so bloody awful why not either a) tell them they are not allowed to visit you at all or b) institute some sort of appointment system like we used to have at hairdressers before the pandemic stopped all that sort of thing? I'm sure you can buy appointment books online. HTH

[picklemewalnuts]

I hope your DH can stand up to him.


Some Mumsnetters don't seem to realise that when you've been raised by a boundary trampling bully, it's really hard to stand up to pushy people.

[T0tallyFuckedUpFamily]

Some Mumsnetters don't seem to realise that when you've been raised by a boundary trampling bully,

Oh let’s face it, some of these poster probably are boundary trampling bullies and that’s why they’re being so dismissive of the OP, in the middle of a bloody pandemic.

[Wannabegreenfingers]

Only in the world of mumsnet do people not answer the door. Weird!

[moresugarpls]

@PoetaDeLosSandwiches
I have parents who are very much like this and i still find this bizarre.

Op your dad might be arse but you dealt with him in a rude and cowardly manner. I think you need to work on your assertiveness.