To feel increasingly resentful of the growing divide between those who are able to home school and those who can't

[thepeopleversuswork]

To preface this with the observation that I'm very lucky to be able to work from home in safety and I haven't lost sight of that.

But I am working about 10 hours a day in order to be able to hold onto my job. I'm a lone parent and have no support from anyone. My company expects me to be literally always on and takes no account whatsoever of the fact that I am supposed to be home schooling.

I'm constantly bombarded with people who are either on furlough or not working talking about the "pressures" of home schooling and how difficult it is to fit it in when they have whole days free and are agonising over difficult maths problems etc. Or people posting endless pictures on social media of the cool, creative things their kids have done.

I'm really lucky if I get to spend half an hour with my DD setting tasks for her and very rarely get to do any supervision, let alone teaching, as I'm holed up in the next room.

I've mentioned this to various friends and they will raise an eyebrow and say "but surely your work must understand?". No, they don't understand. It makes me feel so shit.

I get that furlough is not ideal and that we're all in various ways struggling so there's no point feeling resentful of other people for their circumstances.

But I'm increasingly concerned about how the government and schools plan to handle this if physical schooling becomes more difficult over a longer period.

A real divide is going to grow between those who are able to support their children in the home and those who aren't. I can accept my daughter's schooling taking a back seat for a few months or weeks. But what happens if she ends up losing half an academic year to this, while the children of SAHMs or those on furlough get lavished with one to one attention at home?

Does anyone else worry about the impact on our children of those who are physically unable to provide this support?

Have you opted out of Working Hours Directive?

Surely everyone in a professional role of any type is opted out on joining the company ?

@thepeopleversuswork this period of time will have no impact on your 9 year olds GCSE results. If she was unwell and missed school during normal times and did no work even then it’s highly unlikely to have an impact.
Your dd is not being disadvantaged educationally at all.

Well firstly,I think you are doing well ATM .You are holding down a F/T job and looking after your DC .To be expected to manage to home school her on top of that ,is unrealistic! Its all very well PP telling you you need to get a better boss but thats not likely to happen ATM is it?I rarely use SM ,as it seems full of people showing off and little Poppy/Charlie is doing sooo well at home ,that they may teach them at home forever.As if! Maybe you could set aside a few hours on a Saturday morning, just to run through her workload with her.Also surely you get a lunch break ,can you not sit with her for 1/2 an hour to supervise her while eating your sandwich? If you are struggling, then dont worry and do your best, thats all you can do .No doubt there are plenty of parents in the same boat as you right now .No 2 children ever get the same opportunities really anyway .Some DC have Teachers/Professionals for DP some come from unemployed /low wage homes .That is reality Im afraid .Most DC come somewhere mid way as your DD will no doubt.

There is also the blindingly obvious fact that all 9 year olds are not the same.

My (married, male) boss has a 9 year old DD and assures me that she does all her school work completely independently (the implication being that I'm coddling my own 9 year old or he's defective, because he only works if I constantly chivvy and explain and redirect). Whilst it might be true that his child works well completely unsupervised for extended periods (as all children are different and she might be exceptionally mature and self disciplined) I'd like to hear whether his wife is of the same opinion - I suspect that the fact he is neglecting her education doesn't mean her mother is!

I'm personally not bothering with homeschooling. I don't work but I'm a carer for my disabled child. I am just one woman and sanity takes precedence. In any case, it doesn't matter what your reasons are, homeschooling is not mandatory. I do feel inadequate sometimes when I see stuff on facebook but that's my issue and I don't spend too much time thinking about it. They will all catch up.

OP I am not in your situation - as I have DH helping - but we are finding it hard to try and do our paid work and home school. I just feel horribly squeezed and guilty as I feel I do nothing well at the moment. DS tends to be the one who gets left in front of crap telly while we try to work.

And I am trying not to be resentful of those families who have furloughed parents (sometimes both) with time to home school, or have always had one SAHP, or have told their work they are home schooling and can't do all their work, or my colleagues who haven't got young families and are doing the bare minimum while I have got a huge amount to do.

So many hugs to you, and anyone else struggling. I am sure you are doing your absolute best. Maybe you could catch up over holidays - I have already told DS we are continuing to learn over summer to try to catch up

OP I totally feel for you.

We are being told that businesses can’t make allowances.

At the same time schools aren’t opening up.

In the chasm that’s this creates in the middle, you are having to pick up all the slack of these and you don’t have superpowers, so there’s only so much you can do. This situation is incredibly tough on single, working parents. Unacceptably so.

Lots of children are missing out because of this and sadly, that fact doesn’t seem high on anyone’s agenda.

So sorry OP, I hear you. It's fucking hard.

Doesn't help when people try to be helpful by advising you to take your breaks and set better boundaries etc. For some jobs this isn't possible.

All I can suggest is not to engage with the people you describe about what they're doing. They're in a different position to you so it's an unfair comparison.

Look after yourself, hope the pressure eases.

I feel for you. I am struggling to work and deal with DD. My work is very understanding but they can't help that we're busy.

I can get tasks done but I am finding it impossible to get my head down and concentrate as there's just too many distractions and I don't have a desk. I think this will get easier over time but I don't feel very useful or productive.

I am trying to not resent all of DD's friends' parents who are refusing to send their kids back as I feel I really need to and if school is open she will be there.

YANBU I feel like a lot of things have been considered but this issue has not. I get (irrationally perhaps) annoyed when people say the schools shouldn’t go back - how does that work for people who need to work and don’t have someone to look after the children full time at home. We’re about to enter the worst recession of all time and I do think some people are oblivious to how bad it is going to be.

@Xenia I agree I think there is a need for a group action to force the govt to make sure all children are getting an education as this one of their fundamental rights (UN convention of Human Rights and the HRA both include a child's right to an education)

How does your company treat annual leave? Do they respect you're on leave if an e-mail comes in?

Wondering if you could spread a day's leave across the week by taking 1-2 hours per day, and use that for your child's schooling?

Also, have you tried discussing with your female boss? I think in one of your posts you said that she was able to carve out some uninterrupted time with her child each day - could she support you to do the same?

@thepeopleversuswork Shit about WFD. I would find out definitely if you are in it or out of it (if you are out, and in an industry covered by it you have to literally sign a document saying you are opting out of it).

With unions, I am in a similar boat, but I have one that is quite broad. Happy to PM it if you want?

It sounds really shit.

OP, I agree. My work schedule is meaning that I am neglecting my DC and it is really, really unfair on her. She will be much further behind than her peers BECAUSE I have to work whilst others don’t.

how does that work for people who need to work and don’t have someone to look after the children full time at home.

And then you get people telling you that if you can’t work all your hours as a working parent, you should be docked pay, because you’re not fulfilling your contract. The subject of a charming thread this week.

What’s being asked of working parents is too much. Unfortunately this group is not organised or unionised and has no clout whatsoever with government.

Never, the problem with a legal action is we might lose so would need insurance against the legal costs. The nation is certainly sacrificing the young (needlessly in my view) for the old.

Bindmans solicitors were able to force the state to change advice on those with aspergers going outside - ie they could go out more so I do think the state does respond to litigation in this crisis. There is probably a fundamental issue that education law agrees to provide an education but not a childcare element so you would have to show the large number of children in poverty who don't even have a mobile phone between the whole family never mind a tablet and are not being sent work sheets are the ones losing out.

I hear you OP! My work has been busier than ever, I have been doing 10/11 hour days with hardly time to go to loo and give DS food. I tend to print out all work school sends for DS to do a night before, give it to him in the morning and let him get on with it. It’s shit, as he is only 7, but l just don’t have time to sit with him . I would then see all the amazing creations SAHMs and furloughed parents have done with their DCs in the school newsletter and feel even more shit. I did consider getting a nanny/ sitter for a few hours but it’s just not feasible from time and logistics perspective. I don’t know what the solution is, l am bracing myself for summer where there will be no clubs/ activities/ nothing for kids to do..

we may need some parents to bring a group action to sue the state to make schools be fully open as parents are losing huge sums by the failure to provide school

what a lot of fucking nonsense!

Also if the Schools do reopen on 1st June /whenever ,I bet at least half of these would be home education parents will send DC in! Usually the case .Not the same I know ,but at 11 plus my DD friends DM said no way were they "putting DDs friend through that!" Guess what DDs friend and DM were there in all their glory on 11 plus morning!

Can't see if anyone else has linked to it but if she has access to a device have you used the Oak Academy? It's 3 video lessons daily led by a teacher. All they need is paper and pencil and it's designed so that they don't need extra adult intervention. My year 2 and Year 5 DDs have been doing the English every day. I would start at week 1 as the English for some year groups follows the same text over several weeks. I've found it very usable.

www.thenational.academy/online-classroom

LaurieMarlow

"What’s being asked of working parents is too much. Unfortunately this group is not organised or unionised and has no clout whatsoever with government."

This is spot on. And it falls broadly under a broader umbrella of ways in which female disadvantage is being amplified by coronavirus because, like so many other female "jobs", childcare and home schooling are not valued in a financial way and are assumed by the powers that be to be things that just get done with the tacit assumption that they are done by women who don't have to work.

Not to say this is the worst example of women being disadvantaged, and not to say there aren't male lone parents who are struggling or indeed families with two parents who are struggling.

But I can't help noticing that the current government appears to consider the right to play golf to be more important than the right of working parents to have some sort of support with home education. No accident that they are almost all wealthy, privately educated men with wives and/or home help who are there to pick up all the slack on this front.

Sorry to get all political about this but I can't help wondering if a government with more women involved might have prioritised this a bit more.

we are back to the usual divide, SAH parents are time rich, we are not, but we won't be cash poor.

I must spend 1 hour each night to schedule the work day with what is sent from school, and relevant videos found on internet. And they do a lot of extra-curriculum activities.

Mine for example spent a week on Africa, kenya and Tanzania roughly, researching geography, animals, habitats and so on. Obviously they watched the Lion King mid-week as "research".
There's a huge pile of "craft" things if they want to invent something more or less related.
They are learning Spanish - or a few words of it, with bitesize.

No need to stress about it, it's only a few weeks! Do you honestly believe their entire future is in tatters because they have a longer summer holiday? I sure don't.

I am more interested in them keeping on social media to chat with their friends and play, have lots of exercise and play.

Secondary is easier in a way because they are more independent, they just have to sit down and work as they are told, but a very different schedule than the school day works better here.

DippyAvocado thanks for that. Will give it a whirl.

YANBU.

You can’t change your job NOW.

But how about you think about it this way? If Covid never happened, and your work had (magically!) given you a year of unpaid leave... and you were about to go travelling with your 9yo for that year... I bet you’d think, “this is more important than formal school, she’ll catch up - or I’ll get a tutor next year.”

And that would be if EVERYONE else was moving forward a year. They’re really not.

All those Facebook posts of dens and baking and crafts? It’s not maths and English and science. Some will be doing that too, and I’m not disparaging the crafts! But a lot of what you see is highlights and not balanced.

• some are NAILING it, all subjects, and will be a year ahead in a term. And fair play to them.
• some will have time, but reluctant kids
• some will have time, but SEN kids
• some will have time but are overwhelmed or unable to ‘school’, whatever they’d like to do
• some parents sadly won’t give a fuck, and no nothing
• some will take a deliberate decision to do nothing as it works for the family
• some will have no time and use tutors
• some will have schools that are very prescriptive in the set work and good at contact
• etc!!!

So yes, you’re right there will be a lot of different experiences. But I don’t think that’s going to be a polar divide. There will be SO many different experiences, and levels of learning.

It is frustrating, and upsetting - but please believe me, your child will be OK. By September, she’ll be hack in school or school’s will be better with their home provision / support.