To feel increasingly resentful of the growing divide between those who are able to home school and those who can't

[thepeopleversuswork]

To preface this with the observation that I'm very lucky to be able to work from home in safety and I haven't lost sight of that.

But I am working about 10 hours a day in order to be able to hold onto my job. I'm a lone parent and have no support from anyone. My company expects me to be literally always on and takes no account whatsoever of the fact that I am supposed to be home schooling.

I'm constantly bombarded with people who are either on furlough or not working talking about the "pressures" of home schooling and how difficult it is to fit it in when they have whole days free and are agonising over difficult maths problems etc. Or people posting endless pictures on social media of the cool, creative things their kids have done.

I'm really lucky if I get to spend half an hour with my DD setting tasks for her and very rarely get to do any supervision, let alone teaching, as I'm holed up in the next room.

I've mentioned this to various friends and they will raise an eyebrow and say "but surely your work must understand?". No, they don't understand. It makes me feel so shit.

I get that furlough is not ideal and that we're all in various ways struggling so there's no point feeling resentful of other people for their circumstances.

But I'm increasingly concerned about how the government and schools plan to handle this if physical schooling becomes more difficult over a longer period.

A real divide is going to grow between those who are able to support their children in the home and those who aren't. I can accept my daughter's schooling taking a back seat for a few months or weeks. But what happens if she ends up losing half an academic year to this, while the children of SAHMs or those on furlough get lavished with one to one attention at home?

Does anyone else worry about the impact on our children of those who are physically unable to provide this support?

YANBU OP. Me and DH are both working full time (both NHS staff). I'm trying to spend my time when I'm not on shift doing some home-school activities but the upshot of this is that I'm getting zero downtime, and I'm feeling very stressed and a bit bitter towards everyone who keeps complaining at me that they are bored.

Can you look for a student to spend time with your daughter via Zoom to help her with her homework?

YANBU. I worry for mine too. I'm a key worker so mine goes in 3 days a week but trust me, there is no learning going on at school, just play. On my 2 days off, I try but if I'm honest, we do some spellings, reading, a little bit of maths, little bit of English and we're done by midday! That's with breaks and Joe Wicks! I'm not a teacher. We're all doing the best we can, but I'm sure mine will be very behind after all this. I only hope he can catch up.
As others say, give yourself a break, do what you can but don't beat yourself up for what you can't!

OP my DH has a job like you and he is VERY lucky that my job allows me to be a bit flexible. If he were on his own my kids would have been totally ignored from 7am - 8pm every day. It is not possible for him to 'just ignore' his work. He didn't finish last night until nearly 9pm and it is nonstop. He didn't come out of his office all day.

As it is our DD's are getting very little attention as I have conference calls that last 1.5hours at a time and they are twice a day. I also have to do the follow up work from these with certain time frames (a regulatory requirement).

I'm desperate for them to return as I feel like you that they are getting punished for our jobs.

It sucks. Your company is a bag of shit (I know you have acknowledged this, I'm just adding my voice).

You need to protect yourself from those who need constant affirmation for their home school efforts. I have muted our yr6 class chat and only have quick scroll now and again.

Find friends in the same position, or decent friends (ones that see the position you are in), or just someone/anyone you can vent to.

You are doing your best. How old is your DD?

I am also a single parent, working FT from home. Also have caring responsibilities for a elderly family member.
My work have been understanding and I am STILL really struggling.

My job needs me to respond at whatever time a ping comes in (not helped by being spread over various countries).

My kids are used to this, they know if I'm on a call they're not to disturb me (unless urgent).

In return for my complete devotion to the company, if I want to take an hour to hang out with the kids, I do. They can't expect me to both be glued to my desk 9-6, and also then available whenever they want, that is unreasonable - flexibility goes both ways, and I'm senior enough to enforce that.

Would you be able to do that? Just take 30 mins here and there?

OP I know you’re really busy but have you contacted the school? I’m sure they will reassure that they will ensure the DC will all be helped to catch up on return to school. I got in touch because we couldn’t do all the work provided. We got some useful feedback on which areas to prioritise.

The teachers are all going to have a lot to do in helping children catch up so they can meet all their Ofsted targets.

@thepeopleversuswork I think your company see you as someone who copes but they should be checking in with you - if you are too busy can someone else in your team be allocated more responsibilities. I simply can't believe your situation is unsolvable...but someone has to want to solve it - I think you need to talk to your boss and you both need to seek solutions. We only get paid when someone works for a client but when that work becomes overwhelming (and we know because I sign off their timesheets) we will redeploy resources - someone close to breaking point is not good for the company or the staff. I wish you the best, these are tough times but people still matter.

YANBU. I am freelance. I'm lucky that I have work coming in (that I hustled for after every single one of my contracts got cancelled at the beginning of the lockdown ). But if I do not work, I do not get paid, so I get your frustration with PP saying 'just set better boundaries'

I eventually approached the school re. my youngest who needs the most support in homeschooling and they have arranged some days for him to come in, even though I am not a key worker. It is childcare rather than teaching so doesn't really solve the problem, but it gives us a few hours.

I am teaching video lessons/ ringing parents/ in Teams meetings online pretty much all day from 8.15-5 and my husband is out as a key worker for 10 hours a day. It’s a nightmare and I feel like I’m neglecting my younger dc. I’m SO happy to be going back to school after half term 3 days a week so my dc can go into school and see people. I’ve come off Facebook as every time I saw photos of baking or craft activities I felt like crying. Coming on MN and seeing posters bitch about teachers doing nothing actually made me so depressed I ended up seeing my gp :-( I’ve only just ventured back into MN.
Sending lots of and

And I don’t think some posters on here realise most people can’t choose their working hours. I stick to my school timetable and senior meeting schedule and I can’t just not turn up because I’m busy at home! Sending more @thepeopleversuswork

Don't worry op, not the same issue as you but I've done hardly any of the set school work with my daughter. She has ASD and PDA, and after the first few weeks of constant epic meltdowns every time we tried to do any school work, we couldn't keep fighting over it. I feel like a complete failure as a parent but I have no strength left to deal with the violent meltdowns aimed at me and my husband, things in our home getting broken etc. The school have been understanding and they've said don't worry just do what you can when you can. They said she won't fall behind but I don't see how that's possible?

Other parents from school and neighbours are always posting on fb and in the class WhatsApp group that one mum set up. At first it was multiple posts each day when lockdown started, up until very recently it's been like getting spam with all the posts about home schooling, pics of children smiling, thumbs up, sat at the dining table with all their worksheets, books etc. I'm really worried about my daughter falling behind and I agree there is a big discrepancy between families, surely the children whose parents are able to spend time doing home schooling with them will have t

YANBU, but try and be easier on yourself. These are incredibly tough times for anyone trying to work whilst care and home school DC.

Just remember, the priority is to keep you and your DD safe, which you are doing a great job at. Any form of homeschooling you have managed to sneak in is a bonus.

Children also learn from their environment, not just formal learning, so when they’re playing, even if that is on their iPad for longer than you’d normally allow, they’re still absorbing knowledge. They’re also learning life skills when they watch you cook, clean etc.

As for those posting their perfect homeschooling experiences on social media, unfollow! It’s not good for your mental health. You are doing the best you can do in extremely tough circumstance, and that’s all that matters.

I'm increasingly feeling this way too OP. I'm self-employed, and I know I'm lucky to have work, but if I don't do the work I don't get paid. Me working not only supports us, but avoids adding me to the burden on the taxpayer. So I don't want to feel guilty and crap about working. But I am "expected" (school's word) to make sure DD hands in this that and the other on time and "keeps up" - it's a bloody nightmare. She's stressed, emotional and fights anything I try to get her to do. Yes we could manage if I were to sit and handhold her all day (even then I'd be tearing my hair out) but I can't.

And I'm sick of the silly news stories about "Oh dear, if your child falls behind their education will be forever ruined and they won't be able to go to university" - I don't believe that at all.

Sorry pressed post by mistake! Was going to say those children will be further ahead, and children like my daughter and others who can't do as much home school work will be at a disadvantage?

Same op. I’m a key worker and DH has to go in most days plus we have long commutes and early starts. DD won’t agree to go to school yet as the handful of key workers children there are much younger. So she’s on her own aged 14 day in day out. She’s a good student but it’s not fair. I was cross that they closed schools for so long and now I’m furious that they won’t reopen properly with very little evidence to support prolonged closure. Community levels of the virus now are minimal. Feels like some of us are doing all the sacrificing in this pandemic.

OP, and everyone struggling with this.

I hope things ease up for you all, soon.

Kids are resilient, adaptable and if they have shelter, food and an opportunity to play and lead their own learning, they'll do okay. Try not to worry too much. I know that's easier said than done!

Same position and absolutely sick of it, I dont work over my hours but I'm starting school work at 6PM when weve been stuck inside all day as no garden.

Who ever thought people could home school and work full time needs shooting.

I hear you too. I nearly flipped today when school emailed dc to ask them to share photos of the fun things they have been doing With parents as they have so much free time now.

I usually wfh and get the comments “well it’s no different for you” which annoys me so much!

@hope40 I have a DD with significant LD, so sympathise.

Definitely avoid the parent WhatsApp & FB posts, we all know the reality is nothing like what is posted on social media anyway!

Is there an option for your DD to return to school now, even on a part time basis, to get back some form of routine, or are they also medically vulnerable?

YANBU. This is a terrible situation. I think @Kokeshi123's suggestion of getting together with other families if restrictions are lifted far enough and sharing a tutor is a good one if you can afford it. And carrying on through the summer. I was also thinking about you possibly shifting a third of your work to the evenings a couple of days a week so that you could spend some 1:1 time in the day... But appreciate that isn't possible if you're expected to be contactable in work hours? How old is your DD?

Schools are open for children of key workers already. Could that not be extended to children of parents who are having to work from home? Optionally, of course.

YADNBU. It’s rubbish. I am on my knees. The last 2 nights I’ve averaged 3 hours sleep.

I feel the same, I am working from home and home schooling and feel like I am failing our daughter :-(
My work are brilliant and allow me time to do some work with her, but trying to get our daughter to do any work is hard. She is only just 10 and misses her family and school friends so much

Stay off social media.

Also,. I'm expecting that DD will keep doing a bit of schoolwork over the summer holidays so that she covers everything the school sends during the academic year. Frankly, it doesn't look like there will be many competing summer activities. This takes the pressure off - she may be doing less per day, but it will be over more days.